Did the midwife just let slip my babies sex?!

[backacheandleakyboobs]

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry!!!

I’m close to 31 weeks pregnant with my first baby and I haven’t found out the babies sex as we wanted to keep it a surprise.

I had an appointment today at the antenatal clinic for a consultation following my growth scan I had on Tuesday. Whilst the midwife was finding babies heartbeat with the Doppler she said “and you’re having a little boy aren’t you”. I said “I don’t know we were waiting for a surprise” and she kind of stalled and said “ah well it doesn’t matter what you’re having as long as they are healthy”.

On a phone call last week the midwife referred baby as “he”.

So I called my husband and told him I think
I know what we are having and he said if I know - however I said I will tell him face to face when he gets home from work tonight instead of on the phone and I might do a little gender reveal 😂

When I got home I called the antenatal clinic as thought I’m here now I might as well confirm and the receptionist said “oh I’m so sorry that happened, you are taking it surprisingly well” then put me on hold and a midwife told me it would have been a figure of speech as babies sex is never recorded and unless a sonographer me, they wouldn’t have a clue and the midwives always will use “he” or “she”. I said she specifically said that I’m having a little boy but I felt like she was playing it down.

I don’t know what to think now!!! What does everyone else think? Does anyone know if it’s true that nothing about the gender is recorded?

At the end of the day all I care about is that my baby is healthy and I don’t mind what we have, girl or boy, but this is just not the way I wanted to find out if so 😭

I work for maternity services (and am also pregnant!) and the gender isn't recorded anywhere. They may have mixed you up with another service-user or mis-remembered a previous appointment. My midwife talked about 'he' loads during my last pregnancy and I had a girl!

Throughout my last pregnancy multiple midwifes and health care professionals referred to my baby as a he. Mainly it seemed because they were a monkey (never in right place for scans, couldn’t find heart beat once etc etc). She was a girl.

We didn’t find out either but at 28 weeks I was telling the sonographer I thought it was a boy and then a few minutes later she referred to him as he. I’m still not sure if she said that because of what I said or if she just forgot I didn’t know but he was a boy

What an infuriating thread. You seem determined to be outraged. But honestly, there's no way the midwife would know. She has clearly mixed you up with someone else and was just making conversation.

I've had the same thing happen when I knew the sex of my baby and a midwife casually remarked "it's a boy, isn't it?". Nope, girl. Even when sonographers tell you the sex at the 20 week scan it's always heavily caveated, as sometimes they get it wrong. The only time I've seen sex written down was after I had the harmony test with my third baby, as chromosomes are definitive. And that was only in the letter from the clinic, not in my main notes.

When I was a student and had placements with the sonographers doing baby scans, they only ever bothered with the sex of the baby if the parents asked for it.

It makes no difference to them if the baby is a girl or boy. That's not what they're looking for.

There is no way the midwife could know.

I wouldn't C&P the same post and then post over multiple sites. You end up outing yourself

Like we've all said elsewhere. Slip of the tongue. There's no way she could know!

Your midwife doesn’t know anything more than you regarding baby’s sex. I’m a midwife and often refer to baby as he or she

I don't believe the sex is recorded from the 20 weeks scan so it's likely your midwife just mixed you up with someone else and saying "he" or "she" is just a slip of the tongue if you don't know.

At a late scan the consultant was saying "the baby" before the scan and afterwards "he". I said we don't actually know the sex and the consultant said oops sorry!

I was so upset as I didn't want a boy (I had pre-natal depression so wasn't thinking straight), and this "confirmed" my suspicion that it was a boy.

My mum spoke to a midwife at the hospital and she assured me it was a girl as she was breech and the heartbeat.

When my dd was born I asked what it was and the anaesthetist said girl and I shouted to him you're lying to me! He burst out laughing and said it's definitely a girl.

This reminds me of my first pregnancy. I was 2 weeks overdue, didn’t know the sex, and going in for my third sweep. The midwife doing it said “must be a lazy little boy in there”. I cried so much! Not only was she telling me the sex but she was insulting him! Obvs it was just a guess but he did turn out to be a boy. The surprise was lovely 😊

Midwife here... I always explain to my patients that 'if you don't know, then I don't know!' which is the gods honest truth because we have no way of accessing scan reports, and I'm pretty sure my trust doesn't actually write the sex down anywhere.

I've worked in consultant clinics before, that poor MW has probably seen 20 women before you, many women have weekly/ monthly recurring consultant appointments, you probably just looked very similar to a lady she's seen recently who is indeed aware she is having a boy.

I can 100% guarantee that she has no way of finding out if you don't know, and is probably trying to save face because she's chatting away like she's met you before.

No harm done, the sex of your baby is still firmly a secret!

The exact same thing happened to me 6 years ago. I was going for my 21 week scan and the midwife said « your having a little girl aren’t you. « I didn’t know as I had wanted a surprise. I told her this and she changed the subject. I was convinced like you she knew though my midwife friend assured me she couldn’t have known. I ended up with a little boy. So please carry on as normal. You will have a surprise.
Good luck.

@FluffMagnet

My DH looked very shifty at our last scan (38 weeks) and muttered that he'd seen something on the scan and knew the sex. I was surprised, as the sonographers had always been so good at telling us to look away when they got even close to a revealing shot. He said no, it was written at the top of the screen. I had to gently point out that it was all MY details written at the top of the screen ...

That's hilarious bless your husband!

Willing to bet she was doing that old wives tale thing about being able to tell the sex from the heartbeat, and thought she’d make herself look clever. These days most people find out the sex so it would be “ooh, how did you know”, or not, but 50% of the time she’d get it right 😂

My sonographer actually did let it slip and said “there’s her leg”, then quickly corrected herself to “a leg”. I caught it, Dh didn’t. Did take the edge off the suprise a little but we still didn’t know for sure..

The midwife doing it said “must be a lazy little boy in there”

And people say babies aren’t forced into gender roles

With my second set of twins a nurse was looking at my chart and said "you have all boys at home, right?" I said "yes". She then said "OOOHHHH... you're going to be happy!". I assumed that meant that at least one of the babies was a girl. Nope. Two more boys! LOL

Only if she saw on the scan. It's not recorded anywhere.

Some people think they know by the shape of the bump. Sticking out is a boy and more rounded to the sides , body fat, a girl. Maybe she gets a kick out of guessing and was hoping you'd confirm by saying yes I am !

I saw mine written on the sonagrapherwritten that a midwife had on her desk.
It was the symbol for female.

You're putting way too much thought and energy in to this, you don't know if she was right or wrong so just put it out of your mind. This would honestly have been a non issue for me.

It sound like the most likely thing is she mixed you up with someone else and then felt embarrassed. So you are really non the wiser OP it could be either a boy or a girl.

I’m a midwife and I always accidentally say he. I promise we have absolutely no idea what you are having! It’s just habit! I do usually warn the women though and say ‘if i say he or she- I promise it’s just habit- we haven’t read anything!’

I had a girl. I knew I was having a girl. The midwife still referred to the baby as he and boy. Plus that at one scan when she put the thingy on my belly the first image was a massive big and clear vulva, ao if I hadn't known before I would have known then. Let it go, you might still have a girl.

Plus having the baby is enough surprise. Will it be healthy? Have hair? Whose nose et cetera. The sex isn't the big reveal at the birth, promiss.

Exactly the same thing happened to me with my baby (born 10 weeks ago) - didn’t find out the sex. Midwife said ‘she’ and ‘you’re having a girl aren’t you?’ at different appointments, and I was also certain the sonographer said ‘she’ during a scan (this was during telling me there was a potential issue so I couldn’t be sure as I was all over the place)... in the end I had a boy so similar to what others have said I think some midwives just choose a sex and roll with it as opposed to saying ‘it’ which is extremely impersonal. You’ll know for sure in a short while!