Did the midwife just let slip my babies sex?!

[backacheandleakyboobs]

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry!!!

I’m close to 31 weeks pregnant with my first baby and I haven’t found out the babies sex as we wanted to keep it a surprise.

I had an appointment today at the antenatal clinic for a consultation following my growth scan I had on Tuesday. Whilst the midwife was finding babies heartbeat with the Doppler she said “and you’re having a little boy aren’t you”. I said “I don’t know we were waiting for a surprise” and she kind of stalled and said “ah well it doesn’t matter what you’re having as long as they are healthy”.

On a phone call last week the midwife referred baby as “he”.

So I called my husband and told him I think
I know what we are having and he said if I know - however I said I will tell him face to face when he gets home from work tonight instead of on the phone and I might do a little gender reveal 😂

When I got home I called the antenatal clinic as thought I’m here now I might as well confirm and the receptionist said “oh I’m so sorry that happened, you are taking it surprisingly well” then put me on hold and a midwife told me it would have been a figure of speech as babies sex is never recorded and unless a sonographer me, they wouldn’t have a clue and the midwives always will use “he” or “she”. I said she specifically said that I’m having a little boy but I felt like she was playing it down.

I don’t know what to think now!!! What does everyone else think? Does anyone know if it’s true that nothing about the gender is recorded?

At the end of the day all I care about is that my baby is healthy and I don’t mind what we have, girl or boy, but this is just not the way I wanted to find out if so 😭

Honestly I think she's mixed you up with someone else and then tried to style it out. If you'd never seen her before, she hadn't even got the Doppler on you and only had your notes to go on (and even if the phonecall midwife lied and the sex was in your notes, surely you'd have seen yourself?) then it seems highly unlikely that she's psychic and just "knew".

It's not on the notes. I asked incase I was tempted to look. She's maybe just having conversation etc.
My midwife guessed from the shape of my bump and the sound of the heartbeat I was having a boy...I had a girl

@backacheandleakyboobs That’s very odd her saying you’re having a boy as if she knew, or was she making conversation thinking you’re somebody else?

Anyway you have two options now - get the gender confirmed or leave it as is and wait for the big day x

@TheCraicDealer

Honestly I think she's mixed you up with someone else and then tried to style it out. If you'd never seen her before, she hadn't even got the Doppler on you and only had your notes to go on (and even if the phonecall midwife lied and the sex was in your notes, surely you'd have seen yourself?) then it seems highly unlikely that she's psychic and just "knew".

I was just going to say this. Sounds to me like she's mistaken you for someone who has found out and didn't want to admit to the mix up.

I found out with both of mine but it was never recorded anywhere. I did end up being handed over to a midwife part way through my delivery, who I had seen for some monitoring weeks before. She remembered we were expecting a DD (and the name we'd picked out) which I thought was lovely, but could've been a bit confusing if she'd misremembered.

Sounds like she had you confused with someone else. Don’t read too much into it!

My sister's midwife told her her baby's gender a few minutes before he was born. She seemed to get a kick out of ruining the surprise and even giggled as she said it and when my sister cried. (She said 'He'll be here with you soon, your little boy') She was in scotland though- not sure if they record differently there or whether everyone at the birth knew?

My mw suggested I was having a girl, which he turned out to be a boy. They go between the 2.

I didn't find out with mine. On all scan reports it just said that genitals were observed. They never wrote down the sex on anything.

I remember one midwife telling me she bet baby was a girl because baby was being a 'diva' with the heartbeat trace. I was soooooo upset that I thought she'd ruined the surprise for me. It was just her guess though and she was wrong.

I suspect she'd just got you confused with another patient. Maybe has a similar name to you that she's treated before.

Do you not have a copy of your notes? If it is written in there then you would be able to see yourself. I didn't find out the sex for either of mine and was told it wasn't written down either as was not relevant to your or your baby's health

As others have said, the sex isn't recorded in your notes. They tell you that as an added bonus if you want to know and they can see what you're having but it's irrelevant, the only things that go in the notes are about the baby's health etc so she would have had absolutely no way of knowing, especially as you've said she hadn't even started listening to the heartbeat yet. It would be impossible for her to know.

It's much more likely that the woman she had in before you said she was having a boy and she's just got mixed up and thought it was you.

Either way, I wouldn't have a gender reveal or tell people you're sure it's a boy as it is highly unlikely she knows

It definitely is recorded in notes - mine is!

I think she's mistaken you for someone else. I'm not a midwife bit a nurse and I've got patients confused between now, even ones I've never met before. If its not in your noyes and she hadnt even started the dipper than she has no way to know. I think you're reading too much in to it to be honest.

I don't think they record sex on the notes, but there is a 50% chance she's right I guess. People do mix up notes too, it could have been that the next patient she was seeing knew their baby's sex. When I went for my 20 week scan the sonographer started with "so I know last time we talked about the possibility of multiples, but I can only see one this time".
There was definitely always one and she had mixed me up with another patient 😅

They just pick either he or she, instead of referring to "baby" all the time.

@Tiredmum100 I wouldn't say I'm reading too much in to it - the fact it was said loud and clear "you're having a little boy aren't you" when I've gone 31 weeks without finding out, decorated a neutrally decorated nursery and so on and if I was going to find out would rather my husband be there too. It's quite disappointing that after the amount of scans and consultations I've had (I have GD) that this is how I've found out. I'm sure you'd feel a bit disappointed too (to add, not disappointed in the gender, I'm happy either way).

She will be guessing based on heart beat. As boys and girls are apparently different

From what you have said, there's no way she knows. It really isn't written anywhere, (occasionally in cases where the baby has some kind of abnormality and sex is important (such as a cyst which could be ovarian if female for example), or if they're a multiple of different sexes to help with differentiating between them). Even then, it would be discussed with the patient first to make sure they want to know. She didn't know, I'm guessing she thought you were someone else and was just making conversation. Now it's been put in your head though, You'll probably only believe it though if the baby pops out and is a girl! Congratulations on your baby

Totally confusing you with someone else. She had no other way of knowing.

I've got copies of my notes for my pregnancies and none of them mention the sex. Presumably it may occasionally be clinically relevant? Dunno.

I was told in labour with my first that I must definitely be having a boy because of the heartbeat, not long before my girl was born.

Since she's never met you before I'd go with mixing you up with someone else.

I would have asked the midwife that said I was having a boy, ‘what made you say that?’

I think she is making conversation. If you are having your care through the NHS they won’t even guarantee you are having a particular sex when the baby’s legs are open and they have full and obvious vision; they definitely don’t log it on your records. They won’t even allow you to find out the sex through the NHS non invasive tests for chromosome abnormalities (unless there is a genetic reason to do so).

Many HCP refer to the pregnant mother as “she” and the baby as “he” to avoid confusion and they do this amongst themselves. That’s probably why the woman on the phone was confused as she might have assumed you were having a boy as a result (as you have).

I lost count of how many references there were to my boy when pregnant with DD1, DD2 and DD3. There really isn’t anything on your records and they don’t know.

Your records don’t show it because you are entitled to see them at anytime and unfortunately some people will abort because of the sex of their baby.

[quote backacheandleakyboobs]@Tiredmum100 I wouldn't say I'm reading too much in to it - the fact it was said loud and clear "you're having a little boy aren't you" when I've gone 31 weeks without finding out, decorated a neutrally decorated nursery and so on and if I was going to find out would rather my husband be there too. It's quite disappointing that after the amount of scans and consultations I've had (I have GD) that this is how I've found out. I'm sure you'd feel a bit disappointed too (to add, not disappointed in the gender, I'm happy either way). [/quote]
I found out early with both my dc what I was having as had problems with my pregnancies (growth scans every 4 weeks, premature baby, I had a mini stroke etc) so no I wasn't disappointed at knowing what I was having, truthfully that was the least of my worries. I can appreciate not everyone wants to know but I honestly don't understand how she would know of its not written down and hadn't even heard your babies heart beat. They see hundreds of women I think she's mistaken you for someone else.

@Howshouldibehave I know. I just went a bit shy and awkward after she said that and didn't say anymore when I really wish I did ask the question x

I had the same comment from a midwife once she'd got the heartbeat (are you in the Midlands, maybe the same one 😂) and had a little girl. They all had a guess, usually after hearing the heartbeat, and about 50% of them were right!

If she said you're having a boy aren't you rather than he I'd take it that your having a son.