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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Really fearful about pushing/ actual delivery stage of labour...

94 replies

dellarossa · 27/04/2021 19:35

Hi everyone, FTM here with baby due in May.

I’m starting to really panic about the pushing/ actual delivery stage of labour and feel I won’t cope very well with the pain.

For some reason I feel fine about the surges and believe I will cope fine, but the idea of the ‘ring of fire’ and stretching makes me want to cry! I have just started using Aniball to try and get used to the sensation and stretch my vagina a bit but it’s actually made me more nervous because it stings even at a relatively small size.

Does anyone who’s given birth before have any advice about this particular stage? I also wonder what pain relief people used - I haven’t decided yet whether or not I’d like an epidural, but my understanding is that I can’t have an epidural just for the pushing stage as it’ll be too late. Any advice or experiences welcome!

OP posts:
Chelyanne · 27/04/2021 19:47

I had epidural with 1st so there was no pain at pushing stage, only 5 mins with vontouse due to fetal distress.
2nd I was off my head on G&A, I vaguely remember being moved from a small room to a bigger room due to possibility of complications (polyhydramnios & meconium in waters) and loads of people in the room. Pain was a bit of a blur tbh with 14 minutes of pushing as his shoulders got a bit stuck.
3rd, I was very reserved with the G&A and once they broke my waters I ditched it as the contraction intensity change was crazy. I felt the urge to push so did and once she was crowning the pain just stopped, I found it so weird. 2 more pushes and she was out, I did get a bad tear but they numbed it all to stitch me up so a slight scratch then no pain there for a while.

Bancha · 27/04/2021 19:50

Personally I found the pushing part was the least painful bit! I had gas and air and lots of it.

User27aw · 27/04/2021 19:50

Ive had 2 deliveries using gas and and air and I don't remember the ring of fire. The pain when pushing wasn't any different to the pain when having contractions.

Luckystar1 · 27/04/2021 19:54

I have had 3 children and I was always petrified of this bit. My eldest 2 were born in water, the youngest on ‘dry land’. I’d say that the water helped. With my ‘dry’ birth, the midwife used cold, wet clothes to help.

That being said, it’s a sensation that passes very, very quickly in the grand scheme of things, and, I would urge you, when you feel that tingling (sorry I’m trying to make it sound... better!) to focus, focus, focus. Pant, don’t push. Let things go slowly. If you can resist the urge to push, your outcomes for not tearing are increased.

I have never torn (my actual biggest fear) nor been cut nor needed any stitches.

I’ve never used pain relief either.

You can do it! Good luck!

swishswashswoosh · 27/04/2021 19:55

It's painful but it's pretty short lived and weirdly satisfying because you know the end is so so close. Three babies here, I tried using the aniball before my first but found it way too painful so stopped as I was scaring myself. Thankfully I didn't tear with any of them so no harm done not using it either!

TokyoSushi · 27/04/2021 19:58

That's the exciting bit! You'll have kind of got used to it by then and it won't feel as bad as you think it's going to feel now. You'll be nearly there to meet you're baby! It's going to be just fine.

Aozora13 · 27/04/2021 19:59

There’s nothing wrong with having an epidural or whatever pain management works best for you.

I actually found transition the hardest part - that was the point at which I actually thought I couldn’t do it. Pushing weirdly felt like a relief. DC2 came out in 5 pushes though, gave the student midwife quite a surprise!

SummerHouse · 27/04/2021 20:01

Read Birth Skills By JuJu Sundin. For what it's worth I never felt the ring of fire and my two births were the best days of my life. Sure it was painful but I also felt a natural high like nothing else. You can do this OP.

Oatsamazing · 27/04/2021 20:01

I only had gas and air and found this bit no more painful than the earlier contractions. If anything knowing i was nearer to being done made it more bearable. I had an episiotomy, the stitches afterwards were just annoying, not painful, as I just wanted to be left alone with my baby.

Megan2018 · 27/04/2021 20:04

Leave your poor vag alone-it doesn’t need fucking about with now!

I found the contractions horrific but the pushing was lovely, it’s involuntary really. No ring of fire, no conscious stretching.

I wanted an epidural but couldn’t have one (too busy/too quick) so just gas and air (and an early shot of Pethidine as I had a bit of a panic because of the speed and intensity and needed calming down to sort my breathing out).

The surges idea is a crock of shit though, I went straight to almost continuous contractions in my back that felt like my spine was being ripped out and I wanted to die.

It’s different for everyone, it’s normal to worry as you can’t imagine it.

KFleming · 27/04/2021 20:07

I found the switch from “just” contractions to actual pushing was a big, positive change in my labour. It felt so much better mentally to actually be doing something - obviously I know the contractions are doing something, but with the pushing I could feel like things were actually progressing and I felt more, I don’t know, like an active part of it, rather than labour just happening to me if that makes sense? It hurt, I can’t sugar coat that, but it felt so much better to feel like I was coming to the end. And actually I don’t remember it hurting more than the labour before I was pushing.
I had gas and air, and a birthing pool, and I did tear (second degree, almost third).

Doublechocolatetiffin · 27/04/2021 20:08

I'd definitely recommend doing lots of perineal massage, it really helped with my 3rd. It was the only time I actually did it and the only baby where I didn't tear. No ring of fire when she was born either and no pain relief, it was a brilliant birth.

Have you had a look at the positive birthing company course? It's absolutely brilliant for giving confidence.

SillyBry · 27/04/2021 20:08

I'll be honest, the pushing does sting and you do feel stretched... but you have this amazing adrenaline going through you that you just know you're near the end... by that point, you've been through quite a lot of pain and there is quite a lot of relief to know that soon you can just collapse on the bed and it all be over!! :-)

ShutUpAlex · 27/04/2021 20:09

I had an epidural it was lovely. I had a little nap, watched some Netflix then pushed her out in 6 minutes.

I’m going to be doing it again with this one!

SeaTurtles92 · 27/04/2021 20:10

The ring of fire just feels like a Chinese burns and tbh your body just pushes through it. Once I stopped pushing the burning sensation stopped.

becca3210 · 27/04/2021 20:12

Also a big advocate of an epidural. Pushing stage nice and calm. No pain so could focus on breathing. Did need assistance at the end but hard to know if would have happened anyway if hadn't had epidural as was a big baby in awkward position. You will get through it and the reward of the baby at the end keeps you going.

Toastfiendish · 27/04/2021 20:15

Like others, it was a relief to be getting on and "doing" something with the pain. Mine went on for ages and DS was eventually born with venteuse. I had an episiotomy but stitches healed fine and within a month everything felt vaguely normal.

I had gas an air and then (I think, I've sort of blanked it out), a local anaesthetic due to the episiotomy. I think labour is such a personal experience. I was kind of floored by the pain as I just thought I was pretty tough and I think underestimated the whole thing. Your body just takes over though and you just have to have faith in that. Good luck

stormelf · 27/04/2021 20:16

The "ring of fire" does hurt but it is over so quickly and shortly after you have your baby. I experienced the ring of fire with my first but not with my second as it was such a quick birth. I did tear with both of them though

emi93 · 27/04/2021 20:16

Have an epidural. You won't feel a thing. I found pushing the easiest because of it.

However the contractions/surges before the epidural, I underestimated. Do not underestimate them.

CustardyCreams · 27/04/2021 20:21

Giving birth is very painful. Have an epidural if you are worried. It isn’t a failure. Yes you are quite right you can’t decide to have an epidural when you are ready to push it is far too late!

I did one birth with epidural, one with gas and air. Preferred the birth with G&A but yes the pushing stage really hurt, and the ring of fire was just that - I’ve never felt anything like it but as soon as it was over the sensation stopped and was replaced by normal pain. Honestly though the worst pain was being stitched up, I felt like I had torn upwards and thought my clitoris was destroyed (felt like the needle was going right into my clit, so so so painful and frightening). Everything healed up fine though it did take a while.

MeadowHay · 27/04/2021 20:21

Well I only pushed for about 30 mins and it was mostly involuntary to be honest. I didn't find that painful, earlier on in labour around transition I found much more painful and I didn't have pain relief at either of those times so it was a proper comparison. But then my daughter went into distress and they were already worried she would be small for gestational age so they wanted her out asap, and they did a ventouse delivery. I had to push during that as well which was very forced but it wasn't painful. Fitting the instrument was absolutely horrific pain, I felt like I could just see red and orange behind my eyes it was actually horrific. But the delivery itself was somewhat painful but again I'd say significantly less painful than contractions around transition and I had no pain relief for both. I did have an episiotomy and they gave me a local for that and I guess it must have worked as I don't remember feeling it but DH says I did flinch and react when they did the cut so perhaps ice just blocked that out my memory...I didn't have any natural tearing. I did do perineal massage a few times a week for the last few weeks of pregnancy so that may have helped me not to tear but who knows. Im not sure about the aniball - it's really not natural to stretch your vagina like that over and over again over a prolonged period of time, we don't know what the long term effects of doing that could be.

fellrunner85 · 27/04/2021 20:22

Don't underestimate the contractions. I tore badly both times, and never even felt it as the contractions had been so awful by comparison. I didn't think it would be possible to tear and not feel it, but there you go. Pain relief is good.

theluckiest · 27/04/2021 20:25

Completely agree with previous posts.

You just have to ride the contractions. You can't fight them and they're bloody painful. Although the pushing bit is painful, you are actually doing something so psychologically, it's much better when you're being proactive!!

I tore slightly and didn't notice. The pushing bit, while not pleasant, was fine. You know you're nearly there.

TangBloodyFastic · 27/04/2021 20:25

@SeaTurtles92

The ring of fire just feels like a Chinese burns and tbh your body just pushes through it. Once I stopped pushing the burning sensation stopped.
This 👌🏻

And also @Aozora13 transition was the toughest part for me too.

I remember asking my midwife when will I know I'm at the point of transition and she replied you'll say one of three things
"I want my mum"
"I want a csection/epidural"
"I can't do this"

She was right.... at the point of transition I wanted an epidural 😂😂 20 minutes later she was born

OP - it's not as bad as you think. I imagined every worst case scenario and could not stand the thought of tearing 🤮 in reality it was way better than I thought, yeah it's painful but it's bearable and it wouldn't definitely not stop me having another ☺️

Good luck!!!!!!!

HelenHywater · 27/04/2021 20:27

Oh, the pushing bit is alot less painful than the contractions! I had very fast pushing stages with my babies, but didn't tear and enjoyed it (relatively) because you know you're about to meet your baby. Also was off my tits on gas and air by that stage.

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