Really fearful about pushing/ actual delivery stage of labour...

[dellarossa]

Hi everyone, FTM here with baby due in May.

I’m starting to really panic about the pushing/ actual delivery stage of labour and feel I won’t cope very well with the pain.

For some reason I feel fine about the surges and believe I will cope fine, but the idea of the ‘ring of fire’ and stretching makes me want to cry! I have just started using Aniball to try and get used to the sensation and stretch my vagina a bit but it’s actually made me more nervous because it stings even at a relatively small size.

Does anyone who’s given birth before have any advice about this particular stage? I also wonder what pain relief people used - I haven’t decided yet whether or not I’d like an epidural, but my understanding is that I can’t have an epidural just for the pushing stage as it’ll be too late. Any advice or experiences welcome!

I found the “ring of fire” bit similar to when you do a big, painful poo. It stings a lot as it’s coming out, but it’s only for a few seconds and then as soon as it’s out the pain disappears and you just feel relief! Imagine that times 100 and it’s pretty close.

So yes painful, but only for a second or two and then it disappears and the relief is immense.

It's is painful, but it's a pretty short lived part of the labour usually. I'd imagine most women are so in the zone that the pain almost doesn't register? I know it didn't for me anyway, I was just on another level. And by the stage that you're pushing you're actively doing something and know the end is in sight so you and your body will just get on with it!

You've got this OP, just like all the other incredible women before you! ❤️ Best of luck x

@LittleLionMan23 definitely had enough practice then considering the waves of constipation I've had... So painful

DD1 - 19 hours of labour. I can honestly say the last 2 hours were the easiest. Hours 15-17 the hardest. The pushing part was easy.

DD2 - total labour was less than 4 hours. I pretty sure I only pushed twice. Again, that part was easy. This labour was very intense.

In both I found once it got unbearable, the point I wanted to ask for an epidural, that was the point of transitioning and I found the pain different from then. I no longer felt the need for anything more than gas and air.

Oh, the "ring of fire"! It feels nothing like burning or fire or prickling, and you can't feel it stretching. I mean, I could see where the metaphor came from, but it didn't feel like a very good one.

Pushing to me felt like some alien force has taken over and is swelling and rising inside. You have waves like the ocean. If you can, detach (gas and air helps) and "observe" how you're feeling. It's like nothing else. I felt very connected with nature and being an animal because there was a to and fro between me and my body - me doing things, and it just doing things itself too.

I was exactly the same whilst in labour with my first DC. My midwife said she was going for her break, and when she got back it was time for me to push. I almost had a panic attack and freaked out the entire 30 minutes- which honestly felt like a lifetime. But, in all honesty, pushing was the easiest part for me. The fact you are concentrating on really bearing down and focusing on that, it really helps to take your mind off what's actually going on.

Good luck OP, you will be great

My second birth was mostly unmedicated, a little bit of gas and air right at the end but nothing else. Honestly the pushing bit was the easiest for me, the contractions felt way less painful once I started pushing and I never had anything remotely like a "ring of fire". I didnt tear either despite having a large episiotomy scar from my first. It was a weird sensation I won't deny, and the contractions definitely hurt, but I'd choose my unmedicated birth a hundred times over the epidural experience I had with my first.

So another question! During the contraction phase, was it better to walk around, stay upright and lean on something OR better to curl up in a fetal position like it was the worse period pain of your life... Or a mixture because you just couldn't get comfortable?

I had an episiotomy and ventouse and didn’t even notice either happening. I didn’t experience a crowning sensation at all.

Labour is a rich tapestry of pain. Contractions, for me, were literal torture. Nothing compared.

Don’t hesitate to get an epidural if you’re hurting too much. I missed my opportunity and regretted it

I don't know anything about the 'ring of fire' but I do know when I started pushing, my body just did it. I did nothing to prepare for it - nobody told me you were supposed to! It just happened naturally; I couldn't have stopped it even had I wanted to - which I didn't of course.

It's the last lap, you know you are getting somewhere. I found it tiring more than anything but it didn't last that long either time.

@Nesski

So another question! During the contraction phase, was it better to walk around, stay upright and lean on something OR better to curl up in a fetal position like it was the worse period pain of your life... Or a mixture because you just couldn't get comfortable?

I walked around a lot during labour, sometimes crouched for a minute. I think it is a good idea to stay on your feet and move about for as long as possible.

[quote Nesski]@LittleLionMan23 definitely had enough practice then considering the waves of constipation I've had... So painful[/quote]
Me too. I was always constipated when young so I felt I'd been in labour many times already :-).

@Nesski

So another question! During the contraction phase, was it better to walk around, stay upright and lean on something OR better to curl up in a fetal position like it was the worse period pain of your life... Or a mixture because you just couldn't get comfortable?

My midwife told me when she had people in labour they'd take walks up into the countryside etc and I thought it sounded blissfull. Keep active as long as possible she said. For me, walking to the toilet was so painful, anytime I walked anywhere I got a very strong contraction and they were so sore I became fearful of walking anywhere. I had intended for a home birth so Initially I was sitting in sofas and doing small walks around the house and then descended into the mattress we had prepped in the living room. I ran out of gas and air and when one midwife went to get more from the next town over, I basically sort of went into myself, became very very quiet and didn't move at all. I may have fallen asleep at one point. It was very strange. Then as soon as the midwife came back and the canister of gas and air didn't work I couldn't take the pain anymore again... There's definitely something psychological to it. I had coped ok on no drugs but maybe it was because I knew I just had to get on and see through the contractions and was so desperate for the midwife to return that when she did, and the gas and air didn't work, I lost it completly and to get an ambulance to hospital and requested an epidural as soon as I arrived.

I’ve had 3 children and I would say that the finback ‘ring of fire’ moment in many ways is the best bit (if I can really say that), the adrenaline and knowing you’re moments away from it being over after however long of contractions and pushing. It’s an insane moment but it really is only a moment (or two) and then you’re passed your hot slimey baby - which is actually the best bit!

The pain of the “ring of fire” was welcome as it was a different, less intense pain than the contractions

I begged for an epidural but there was no time - at that point I started freaking the fuck out but I guess that was transition as DD was born 10 minutes later

Pushing was far preferable to the contractions and I would always, always, always advocate for having whatever pain relief you want as early as possible if you feel particularly anxious about it. It’s almost 2 weeks since I gave birth and I’m that I managed to do it on G&A - the other two times have been epidurals. No tears any of the 3 times and recovery has been the same if that helps.

When I was about to get the ‘ring of fire’ with my forceps delivery the doctor warned me that it was coming and I can remember thinking, are you on crack? Anyone remember what’s been going on for the last 14 hours?! And I was right - it barely registered. Like other people, nothing compared to the contractions I had around the 5cm dilated point (when I got diamorphine to tide me over til my partner and the epidural arrived, in reverse order of importance - probably giving the midwives a good chuckle at the ‘No opiates’ in my birth plan.) My baby was in some ridiculous position that meant I couldn’t do any of the stuff that’s meant to help, like staying upright.

I honestly don't remember transition. Diamorphine is a hell of a drug. I vaguely remember some contractions, but not much more than that. I know at some point they got me off the bed, onto a commode, to see if I could pee. I couldn't, but I was moaning that I needed a poo, but nothing was coming.

Pushing was weird. I was coming down from the diamorphine, the drip was off (or very low), and the gas + air had been taken away from me. I was told I was 10cm, and did I have any urge to push? I did not, so they told me to push with each contraction. There were no contractions, so the drip was cranked up again.

Oddly, it didn't hurt. It was uncomfortable, but nothing more than that. There was no ring of fire, and I had no idea I'd torn (second degree) until afterwards. Time from being told I was ready to push, to baby was only about 45 minutes. A small amount of time compared to the rest of labour. You got this!

I also thought I'd cope with contractions but i did not and had a low dose epidural at 5cm.
For me contractions were so strong it was exhausting and i was scared to pass out from the excruciating pain.

With the low dose epidural i felt the surges but more like a muscle cramp not painful.
So pushing was actually my favourite part of labor. Each time i would feel a contraction coming i would take a deep breathe in and push and do that 3 times for each surge. Baby was out in 20min i think. First baby (3.5kg) and only minor labia tearing. I did do perineal massage during pregnancy...
The crowning (ring of fire) for me felt like a very stretched stinging sensation it was painful but again nothing like contractions. And i also had some epidural left so was numbed a bit!
Once baby is out best feeling ever! Biggest relief and happy tears 🙂🙂

I was like you super scared but honestly it felt amazing to push the baby out! Very empowering. I would do it again any day!!! And i was someone who initially asked for c section because labor and giving birth were so scary.

How big is this ball thing that it'll make a difference when a whole head is coming out?!

Gas and air is awesome. Pushing was awesome. Yes, it hurt, but it was intensely satisfying and way better than contractions. My midwife was like "OK, baby's head is coming, stop pushing, just breathe, let it come out" and I was like "ARE YOU KIDDING?! I'm pushing it out right fucking now and I couldn't stop even if I wanted to".

That said, in my first birth I was surprised by how complicated pushing was. I didn't get any feedback from down there until baby's head crowned. The midwife said baby was progressing down and I thought she was lying and then he was suddenly there. Second time I could feel when I was pushing effectively - probably because she was moving much more with each push.