Really fearful about pushing/ actual delivery stage of labour...

[dellarossa]

Hi everyone, FTM here with baby due in May.

I’m starting to really panic about the pushing/ actual delivery stage of labour and feel I won’t cope very well with the pain.

For some reason I feel fine about the surges and believe I will cope fine, but the idea of the ‘ring of fire’ and stretching makes me want to cry! I have just started using Aniball to try and get used to the sensation and stretch my vagina a bit but it’s actually made me more nervous because it stings even at a relatively small size.

Does anyone who’s given birth before have any advice about this particular stage? I also wonder what pain relief people used - I haven’t decided yet whether or not I’d like an epidural, but my understanding is that I can’t have an epidural just for the pushing stage as it’ll be too late. Any advice or experiences welcome!

@OnGoldenPond

Honestly, giving birth is the easy bit ....

That's not really helpful.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

With DS2, the epidural numbed me from nipple to lower abdomen. Felt the bloody rest! 😂

When I had my first, I was so afraid of the unknown pain of the baby crowning that it actually slowed my labour. At one point, the midwives mentioned "getting the doctor in" as baby was starting to seem distressed. At that point, I was more afraid of an episiotomy than I was afraid of tearing, and he was out on the next push. I found it stung a bit, but it wasn't as bad as I thought- maybe because he descended quite slowly so my bits had time to stretch. He had a big round head too! I did tear but only a bit of skin, enough that they offered me just 1 stitch, but I refused that because I only wanted stitching if muscles tore. Subsequent births didn't sting much at all because one was of a small baby with an aerodynamic head who shot out (that was frankly comical), and the other was a nice and slow descent. Fear of the unknown is horrible though- there are loads of pain relief options for you! I was scared of pain relief....I'm a little strange in that sense- if I am numb I don't know what's going on and that's more scary to me than pain is. I do have a high threshold for abdominal pain though to be fair. If I didn't I'd probably take anything they offer.

Ladies, a lot of you have mentioned the transition phase being most painful, was it obvious that it was moving from contractions to having to push? Was it like a switch being turned off and then the other turned on? Or was it more gradual?

For me it was quite sudden. The contractions get stronger and stronger, then there's a sudden shift. Horrendous contractions that felt like my insides were being squeezed out and literally brought me to my knees, lots of pressure, legs went to jelly, cold sweat, vomiting...but it was only for a few contractions, then it passed and I could feel baby coming down and pushing then starts

I found the pushing bit really positive, I felt more in control and you are suddenly doing something, the end is in sight. It is painful but oddly a more positive pain. Remember take any pain relief you want, my second ds I did with no pain relief as I got to the pushing stage very fast, I remember pushing and demanding gas and air at the same time!!

I found the final stage (pushing) the easiest bit OP, the contractions I found really really difficult at first as I was tense and fighting against them almost instead of trying to relax and go with them. I had strong contractions for 36 hours and the pain was making me vomit and feel ridiculously weak and tired; however the relief of knowing I was near the end meant that I honestly felt hardly any pain pushing and delivering my DS.
There are always pain relief options if you feel like your not coping, don’t be afraid/ashamed of asking for pain relief, and be pushy if you feel you need it.
You will be absolutely fine, our bodies are strong and know what they are doing- even if our brain doesn’t!

Pushing was the best bit for me as I knew was close to the baby being born. It's also almost involuntary, your body just knows what to do. I pushed for over two hours with my daughter but my son was under 10 minutes.

I felt the ring of fire both times but it wasn't as bad as it sounds. I found the contractions up until 10cm worse.

The pushing part was the least distressing part for me - finally I could grit my teeth and actually do something instead of just having to try to passively wait it out. DH said I was like a Viking (I may have been a teeeeny bit vocal about the effort I was putting in ).

Don’t remember feeling any stretching or anything, just how primal the need to push was and how I put everything into it. I remember pushing so hard to get the head out and then the absolute magical feeling of DS just falling out - I thought I still had loads of pushing to go, but he came out all in one go when his noggin was out! That was the strangest feeling but not painful. It really did feel like magic - suddenly there was an extra person in the room, just like that.

I tore too. Didn’t feel a damn thing. Endorphins are one hell of a thing.

Pushing is ok really because your body wants to do it SO much. Pushing is the only thing that helps.
What is hard is the before when you half want to push but you’re not there yet and you just have to wait. Plus by the time you’re pushing it’s nearly over and you’re so desperate for it to be over!

Oh and transition - yep, the contractions were so strong at that point. Then the need to push was absolutely overwhelming. I couldn’t not have pushed for anything. I’ve never felt such a strong physical urge to do anything. I remember crying and saying I couldn’t do it for much longer and then I got that urge to push and that was it, absolute focus on that. It was the biggest relief.

I had gas and air (all the gas and air) and a shot of pethedine just before I went into transition - I think that’s all I had anyway. Five years down the line it’s a bit of a blur.

Pushing hurt much less than transition/contractions. It’s really not as painful (for me), you’ll be fine

Another one who found the pushing stage the least painful bit. It's like the pain finally has a purpose and I honestly can't remember feeling any pain once I was able to push. Didn't have any pain relief either.

IME the pushing part, both times, was 100 times easier than the other stages of labour, it was such a relief to have something to push against. Obviously depends on your own situation but it was also over relatively quickly compared to the 48 hours of contractions that had preceded it. I felt overcome by an urge similar to needed to sneeze and genuinely didn't need/have time to think about pushing or not pushing. I found it almost euphoric.

I've heard someone describe it as the feeling of wanting to vomit out of your bum, which is pretty accurate. X

The pushing bit feels like doing the biggest most constipated poo you've ever done!

I've done 2 now with just gas and air. Honestly though that bit was ok. It also felt the same when I got a 3 rd degree tear and when I didn't tear at all

I really struggled with the “pushing” stage as I just never really got the urge to push at all. I was in the water (which I found great, really helped me feel more comfortable, that plus lots of G&A every contraction!) and the midwife got me out a couple of times to check how far I’d dilated.

The second time she said I was at 10 cm, I got back in the water but I just carried over as I was before pretty much. Stayed there for a while then the midwife said I’d need to get out and push on the bed as nothing was happening, and they need you to get the baby out within a certain amount of time (can’t remember how long but this all went on for quite a while). She got me to try a few different positions, particularly on my side, but I just never felt like I needed to push at all. I did try pushing anyway and made all sorts of noises that seemed appropriate, but I could tell it wasn’t doing the job.

Ended up with episiotomy and ventouse, which was fine- they said she was close to the exit by that point so my efforts must have done something - it did feel pretty awful and impossibly stretched for a couple of moments as she came out, but it was very quick and they extended the cut a little bit more at the same time to help I think. (FYI a friend who is an obs and gynae doctor said always go for a cut if needed rather than take the chance of tearing in an awkward way- and I must say I healed up perfectly. One of the only things I had in my birth plan was that if I needed stitches I wanted someone experienced to do them!)

I don’t know if I’d have managed better if I could have stayed in a more upright position for the second stage, or if I was just too tired at that point and would never have been able to do it on my own.

But yeah did anyone else just not really know how to push, almost? Pregnant again with no2 and am a bit worried about it happening again- I felt like a fool to be honest!

Talk through your concerns with your midwife and maybe try hypnobirthing. If you are really fearful maybe take some time away from pregnancy groups/social media. Everyone will have a different experience, some positive , some negative and a birth can always end up in a csection anyway.

Do some reading regards pain management in birth and discuss it with your midwife. Your concerns are all very normal!

The contractions are the worst part! The pushing bit it a relief!

@CaptainWentworth I was just like you with my first! in the pool and not the slightest urge to push, despite MW telling me to push, push,push- I hadn't a clue what to do!
Ended up with an episiotomy and it was fine.
With baby #2 it was definitely easier and managed to push him out on my own in the pool.
With #3 it was even better. I had read some hypnobirthing books that said you don't need to push, your body knows what to do. So I decided I wasn't going to push- and I wasn't going to tell the midwife that I feel pushy bc then the "push" chorus would start, and I wasn't going to push! As soon as I felt an urge I asked for the G&A, and sucked for all I was worth. After about 30 mins I threw it down and with one push, DS was out- again in the pool. My body just knew what to do on its own- was bloody fascinating!

So hopefully #2 will go easier for you. Best of luck!

Another one here to agree the pushing but was sheer bliss compared to what went on before. The crowning part just felt hot to me, rather than painful. As soon as the head was out, the rest of the baby just slips out.
The contractions up to that point were more than I could cope with, but I think I have a very low tolerance for pain, and have always been plagued by painful periods.

Transition, for me took the shape of asking for a scalpel so I could perform the c section myself, and screaming at the top of my lungs “I need a poo!” Poor DH was mortified.

I’ve met lots of women who coped fine during labour. Fingers crossed you will be like them too

I had an epidural very last minute with my first. 36 hour labout and got the epidural in the 35th hour. To be honest, I'm still convinced it didn't actually work when it came to the pushing, just helped with the contractions pain.
I had nothing with the next 2. One was 9lbs 15oz and the next was 10lbs 6oz. The third was the worst, and I spent the whole pregnancy worrying about it. I'm not going to lie and tell you it's not as bad as you think, because ime it's always been worse than I thought or remembered, so all I'll say is, you will get through it. You will be kept going by the thought of that wee baby coming out at the end.

I didn't have any pain meds with DD (no time!). The pushing / crowning part was actually pretty amazing because I could feel my daughter for the first time. It hurt, sure, but I wasn't focused on the pain, I was focused on the fact that I was a few moments away from meeting her. It was kind of wonderful.

I gave birth in November and my experience was: contractions were unbearable pretty quickly so I had diamorphine as well as gas and air which took the edge off. I'd have had more drugs if I'd been allowed but everything happened too quickly! I expected the pushing stage to be instinctive but it wasn't. I didn't really know if I was doing it right!! I think I pushed for about an hour and TBH i just remember it being really hard work rather than painful; I don't even really remember the crowning part; just the sheer elation once DS was out.

Pushing is the best bit, I found. You finally have something to do. I've had 2 vaginal deliveries and I honestly don't remember the ring of fire. Once you're in the zone, you just get through it. And there is plenty of help if you need it.

The pushing bit was genuinely the easiest and least painful bit for me - your body just takes over! The worst for me was the contractions and transition. During transition, I demanded an epidural and was told no, it was too late, so I stood up in the birthing pool, told the midwives they could all f* off and announced that I was going home! Then my daughter was born 10 minutes later - shot out across the bottom of the birthing pool like a torpedo! Honestly, by that point it really is just instinct that kicks in and it's more like intense pressure. I don't have any basis for comparison but a water birth with no pain relief was actually amazing. I only had a tiny graze and needed one stitch - everything down there was ship shape and shiny again one week later!

The pushing/birthing bit was the easiest part imo.
I always thought I'd cope with contractions....I did not!