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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Really fearful about pushing/ actual delivery stage of labour...

94 replies

dellarossa · 27/04/2021 19:35

Hi everyone, FTM here with baby due in May.

I’m starting to really panic about the pushing/ actual delivery stage of labour and feel I won’t cope very well with the pain.

For some reason I feel fine about the surges and believe I will cope fine, but the idea of the ‘ring of fire’ and stretching makes me want to cry! I have just started using Aniball to try and get used to the sensation and stretch my vagina a bit but it’s actually made me more nervous because it stings even at a relatively small size.

Does anyone who’s given birth before have any advice about this particular stage? I also wonder what pain relief people used - I haven’t decided yet whether or not I’d like an epidural, but my understanding is that I can’t have an epidural just for the pushing stage as it’ll be too late. Any advice or experiences welcome!

OP posts:

sipsmith1 · 27/04/2021 20:27

I found the actual pushing bit much better than the contractions. I was also very worried about it but practiced the breathing lots beforehand. The midwives said that it showed that I’d practiced the down breathing and no tearing! It might have been a fluke but I found it really helped.

TangBloodyFastic · 27/04/2021 20:28

And don't underestimate the power of breathing in for 4 out for 8! It really really helped during contractions. I didn't think it would but I put music on and just breathed and counted through each contraction and before I knew it I was 14 hours later and I was being induced 👍🏻

MikeWhiskeyIndia · 27/04/2021 20:32

OP - first time mum here, just gave birth two days ago and after an epidural(which I swore I wasn’t taking ) it was a complete breeze.

I slept on and off for a few hours by which time baby was ready to come me of her own accord. I mean this but literally 2 pushes and she was out. Didn’t feel a thing and rather enjoyed it in the end.

Like you I was having panic attacks worrying and in the end I can now look back fondly on it.

Good luck.

Moonwatcher1234 · 27/04/2021 20:32

Oh please try not to worry about this bit...I scared myself silly before my first worrying about the pushing stage. As it happened, I found it a lot more easier to process than the contractions because I reallsed it meant the end was in sight and baby would be here soon. Was also braced for the ring of fire but honestly can’t remember noticing it. Must have been okay anyway as I went on to do it 3 more times on just gas and air! Only tip I would give is that going through the pushing stage on all fours felt very natural and apparently the gravity helps move baby down

BertieBotts · 27/04/2021 20:34

The ball thing sounds like a fucking nightmare - throw it away immediately!

Your vagina is not like a worn out elastic band that gets looser the more you stretch it and you can't "train" it to be more stretchy. So all you're doing is causing yourself pain and fear for absolutely no benefit.

I won't lie, crowning was pretty bloody horrible and my least favourite part of labour.

HOWEVER:

It only lasts a few seconds
Nobody honestly minds if you swear, or scream, or shout really loudly
You only have to do it once (for each baby obv)

AND it's a brilliant combination of right at the end of this incredibly exhausting/intense experience, meaning you're just so relieved/glad it's all over that you don't mind quite so much as you think you will, AND it's immediately before you get to meet your baby which is such a fantastically exciting wonderful moment that again, it doesn't seem to matter quite as much as it seems like it will right now.

Some things which can help as well.

You might have an epidural, in which case you may not feel it at all.

You could consider a waterbirth (if you haven't had an epidural obv) which allegedly reduces the pain as the warm water helps as well as the water making your body more stretchy so should make the whole thing easier. I never got this far so no idea if it helps.

You should have access to gas and air which you can use to take the edge off.

Shouting/vocalising/swearing is actually proven to help too so say whatever the fuck you like.

A midwife pressing a warm cloth on your perineum to support it while you push can help as well - this is apparently common in Nordic countries. You can try asking for it, they might be willing to give it a try.

Little pushes with breathing in between can help it happen more slowly (allegedly). Now TBH I never really got this, because I was too impatient for it to be over / to meet my baby to the point that I just do not have any more fucks to give about anything, so I always just end up pushing with all of my might every time and this seems to work fine.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 27/04/2021 20:35

I found the pushing bit ok, it was the contractions beforehand that I struggled with!! Good luck!

WaitingForNormality · 27/04/2021 20:36

Pushing and crowning were actually much more bearable for me! The contractions were more overwhelming but the pushing bit, whilst absolutely knackering, felt less painful and much more productive!

DancingQueen85 · 27/04/2021 20:39

I found the pushing bit to be the least painful part. Instinct takes over and you know that your baby will be here very soon. By the time you come to push it will be too late for an epidural anyway, it will just be gas and air on offer. I don't think you can really know how you'll cope until it happens and there is no point in making too much of a plan.

fairydustandpixies · 27/04/2021 20:40

I've had two DC, both vaginal births. I have absolutely no recollection of 'the ring of fire', the contractions were the hardest bit. First at hospital with a tens machine, second at home.

4amWitchingHour · 27/04/2021 20:42

I don't remember experiencing the "ring of fire" and the pain during pushing. I had an episiotomy and didn't feel it at all. The pain of earlier contractions I definitely remember. Used gas & air throughout.

Every labour is different, and the only advice I can give is to go with the flow and trust your body - if it's telling you that you need an epidural, get one. If it's telling you that you need gas and air, get that. If it's telling you you can do it with just breathing - do that. Be in the moment and take it one step at a time

Blossomandbee · 27/04/2021 20:45

I never got the ring of fire, for me it was an intense 'going to split in half' sensation, it's more scary than painful, but it's over very quickly.
Pushing is like an involuntary heave downwards. Again, more intense than painful.
For me it's the contractions that are the most painful part, especially at transition.

I would say listen to your body, try and move around as much as possible through labour, and get into whatever position feels best for you.

Worriesome · 27/04/2021 20:58

@dellarossa - When I had my first I actually found the pushing stage easier than the build up of contractions. It was over relatively quickly and I felt like I was actually doing something and had an extent of control whilst pushing whereas the rest of the labor was just me trying to endure pain. Once the head is out the rest is a piece of cake, the midwife will be so so encouraging and supportive and tell you exactly when she needs you to push. Just listen to your body and don’t fear something that may not happen such as the ring of fire, it doesn’t feel that way for everybody x

Nesski · 27/04/2021 21:07

Ladies, a lot of you have mentioned the transition phase being most painful, was it obvious that it was moving from contractions to having to push? Was it like a switch being turned off and then the other turned on? Or was it more gradual?

Bumpsadaisie · 27/04/2021 21:09

I wouldn't worry too much. It'll just happen and be over quick.

You can't really imagine it.

The key thing is it happens after long hours of Labour and contractions. You're in an altered state in terms of your hormones, adrenaline, muscles, sensations, your min, your emotions.

If you imagine pushing a baby out "cold" then of course that seems an agonising prospect. But you will be very warmed up, your body is flooded with all sorts of endorphins and hormones from the exercise of the labour- it's all affects how you experience pain.

If you've ever eg run a half marathon or some other thing where you're really tired but buzzing ... you might get a sense of it.

Pain is a funny thing, not fixed. How you experience it depends on what else's going on and how frightened you are of it.

It'll be ok.

Good luck!

Bumpsadaisie · 27/04/2021 21:12

FWIW the pushing for me was not like thinking "oh I have to push" then deciding to push.

It was more like a whole body vomit! Very convulsive- my body just convulsed and pushed him right out! I didn't really feel I was the one doing it - a bit like when you throw up - you get the feeling it is coming then it happens.

The midwife didn't have time to get her gloves on 🤣

theluckiest · 27/04/2021 21:21

For me, it overlaps.

You still get the contractions but the urge to push overwhelms them and becomes the focus.

Aozora13 · 27/04/2021 21:22

@TangBloodyFastic she was definitely right! I had pretty quick active labours and with DC1 was fine until I wasn’t, rocking up to the midwife unit howling that I’d made a mistake and needed an epidural and all other available drugs immediately. When they examined me I was fully dilated and baby born shortly after!

@Nesski good question - for me with my first the midwife asked if I felt like I wanted to push and I suddenly realised I really did but hadn’t understood what my body was telling me. Second time it just suddenly popped into my head that I wanted to push basically as I started pushing.

KFleming · 27/04/2021 21:23

For me, it was an obvious switch. One contraction was like all the rest, and the next came with a sensation of my body starting to push automatically. I assume that before this point was the transition, I vaguely remember during that time before the pushing started begging my husband to “just do something!” (I have no idea what I expected him to do), I guess this was transition.

Frustration21 · 27/04/2021 22:30

I feared this massively with my 2nd but more so with the overwhelming urge to push.
I do recall thinking 'oh, there is the ring of fire' but as soon as i thought it, it was gone again.
For me, the urge to push was the horrible part.
I hated it that much, that from the start of pushing to baby being born, was just over 6 minutes!

oigetoffmycheese · 27/04/2021 22:39

I haven't read the whole thread but agree with the person who said pant and breathe through it. Try and push in the out breath if you can.

Water also helps. But yes, take whatever painkillers you need.

There are no prizes with child birth (or parenting). Do whatever it takes to make it easier for yourself.

Good luck

OnGoldenPond · 27/04/2021 22:46

Honestly, giving birth is the easy bit ....

Ava50x · 27/04/2021 22:55

I've had 3 waterbirths with G&A. I yelped like a puppy during the ring of fire, but as so many others have said, its over in a few seconds and right after that, the baby is born!
I understand you being fearful; labour is so unpredictable and hearing other people's horror stories doesn't help.
My advice is to just go with the flow and do what you need to do. Take any pain relief you need- or don't if you don't. Yell, swear, just do what comes naturally!
FWIW, i'm currently pregnant with #4 and definitely nervous about doing it again... I think its just normal and either way i'll have to get through it- and so will you!

CocoaN · 27/04/2021 22:59

I had an epidural and didn't feel any pain during the actual birth part, even with 3rd degree tears, it was peaceful and exciting. The contractions from 2-7cm however were horrendous - hence the epidural

LouNatics · 27/04/2021 23:03

I’m not sure I can separate a pushing bit from a contractions bit. It was all the same bit as far as how I felt - contractions felt like they were pushing down from the beginning, I thought that was mostly the point of them! I don’t think I ever had a conversation about pushing with anyone during labour or decided there was going to be pushing - there were very definitely not two parts to labour in my own experiences, the pushing part just naturally happened, pretty much throughout.

So if you feel you can manage the first part, the second part might feel exactly the same and you might not be able to tell the difference, like me, until there is a baby.

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 27/04/2021 23:04

I had gas and air and found the pushing such a weird relief, my body just did it, I couldn't have fought it if I'd tried, it felt right.

The ring of fire was literally seconds, and once it happened it faded quickly and DD was there.

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