How to cope with a newborn at an event

[PeanutButterFalcon]

I hope I am just over thinking and panicking. We have a wedding to go to once baby arrives (small event considering covid).
I am so stressed as a first time mum and will probably be still bleeding/recovering, and if I have cesarian that’ll be even worse.
I don’t want to be learning how to breastfeed in a room full of strangers or have them all looking/l at/touching the baby with COVID. Then there is the problem with noise, where it’ll sleep as I’m guessing I just carry the baby around all day and I have no idea what to wear with needing to breast feed, be comfortable and appropriately dressed.

Do you have to go ?

You don't have to go if you don't feel like it. Which you likely won't after the c section. Take care.

Following with interest as I have a similar issue and the wedding is a bit of a journey too which has added to the anxiety.

As PPs have said, do you have to go? With my situation, my DPs family (wedding side) have romanticised the idea - wouldn't it be cute with a baby? But I have already warned them that I need to see how I am post birth and also how the baby is - you might not need to make the decision until a week or so before?

My friends have told me not to even contemplate about going until baby is a few weeks old even though I had to RSVP.

Clothes wise and confidence in bf wise, I have considered breast pumping in the run up and freezing, then taking sterilising microwave bags for ease too. My baby will be around 2 months old so don't know if this is workable for you?

How old will baby be?

Whos wedding it?

Lots of pretty dresses you can pick up for nursing so you pull a bit aside to get to your breast rather than undressing. Baby will sleep on you (is your partner going?) but also take pram if possible or car seat. Baby can't be in car seat for long but means when everyone is doing meet and greet etc you can have them safely stashed

It's always ok to tell people to not touch but given covid just keep your distance. If someone comes near, just laugh and say ooh hands, face, space! and step away.

How will you be getting there and how far away is it?

If you don't breast feed for any reason you can buy small bottles of formula and each one comes with its own teat, you throw the whole thing away so you could take a box of those and not worry about heating and steralising etc.

Is it just a wedding or party afterwards? Meal?

... another vote for don't go.

Clothes wise and confidence in bf wise, I have considered breast pumping in the run up and freezing, then taking sterilising microwave bags for ease too. My baby will be around 2 months old so don't know if this is workable for you?

Problem with this is if the baby is about 2 months old you'll then need to find somewhere to express or you'll end up leaking everywhere. Probably easier just to breastfeed.

My advice if you really want to go is to buy a floaty breastfeeding dress (I think I had one from ASOS) and ask the bride and groom in advance if there'll be somewhere quiet you can go to. I wouldn't worry about sleep etc, if tiny they'll be happy dosing on you (or in the pram if you're lucky).

This was the kind of dress I had

www.asos.com/asos-maternity/asos-maternity-nursing-deco-embellished-skater-dress/prd/6460843?colourwayid=15405941&SearchQuery=nursing

NEwborns are probably the easiest stage of early childhood to manage at such an event. Generally feed and sleep, and you can pop out if they start to cry. Take a pram and/or sling and they will sleep happily.

I would say the bigger concern is you, depending on how soon you have given birth. And don't forget babies can arrive up to 2 weeks past their due date. Don't feel bad about not going.

Just nod and smile and say, yes won't it be lovely being there with a baby. Then see how you feel on the day and call in sick if you aren't up to it.

No point stressing over it now. You have no idea how you'll feel and there's very little you can do to control whether you'll be well or sick or anxious or excited to show off the baby.

I went to a wedding in September when DD was 4 weeks old again small wedding, it just snuck in with Covid restrictions.

We stayed in a hotel room at the venue which was a lifesaver as I took DD back to the room whenever she needed to feed, I wasn’t going to be doing that in front of people at that stage. It all worked well, she was still at the point of napping in the pram whenever she fancied so we just had her with us all day. It was actually great as MIL was able to have her for a couple of hours in the morning, before the wedding which gave us a couple of hours lounging in a hotel room, it was lovely and felt like such a break. I just went off to bed with her at 9 when I was tired and DH came too despite having a free pass to drink if he wanted to (his sisters wedding). I was nervous about going and she was totally understanding that we might need to pull out of coming - she’d actually planned to elope as she didn’t want a big faff so they actually benefited from covid tbh! So having us there was just a bonus.
It was a lovely day and I was really worried but it worked nicely and actually was a great way to introduce DD to the in laws (she hasn’t seen most of them since )

There is a brilliant Facebook group called can I breastfeed in this UK loads and loads of normal clothes which are BF friendly. Sainsburys TU also has a dedicated section.

We took our DS to events from 3 weeks old we baby wore him (stretch wrap can be used with c section just tied higher) which also keeps people away from touching them. I would find a quiet place to feed or I used a massive oversized muslin. You can also get BF covers if your not feeling comfortable. Honestly one of those on nobody will see anything.

Most of all you have to be comfortable and if you're not then just don't go but be honest now with the couple and say we have to see how it goes but we will give you as much notice as possible.

Thanks @NerrSnerr, noted. Was a little nervous about engorgement then so thought exclusively breast pumping throughout the entire day may be a bit optimistic!

FWIW I think it would be much harder attending a wedding with her now at 8 months but I wouldn’t have known that at the time! Like @HetMeal says you can’t really know how it’ll be so just play it by ear, but just adding my voice as I was nervous about it but it worked for me!

@anniebu @nimbuscloud I wish I couldn’t go. It’s a family wedding (DH side) and I think they just think I’m being awkward. I have said to DH if baby’s late or a cesarian I’m not going but then I also know he wouldn’t want to and I’ll get made to be the bad one for him not going.

@1sttimemumtobe2021 luckily ours is close to home so I can drive/leave at any time, but again worry about looking rude, and know DH will want to leave too. Your friends sound very understanding.

@SleepingStandingUp Baby will be about 4 weeks old if born when due and a close family wedding. I’m obviously happy they’ve been able to rearrange it and hopefully it will go ahead, however, I don’t think they’ve considered us (well DP) when choosing dates. I know he’s just as worried as me and has said he will want to leave early, not drink etc. A pram would be difficult given the location. I thought about taking a cheap one but they’re not often suitable for newborns.

It’s the whole thing, wedding, meal, party (which DH has said we will leave early).

I thought of a dress but if I’m bleeding heavily I’m not sure it would feel secure. Honestly I am dreading it. I’m hoping DP will talk to his family as I have tried already and given a response of well you’ll have it attached to your boob all day anyway.

No rule that says you have to wear a dress to a wedding. I’d find some comfortable and pretty wide leg trousers and a breastfeeding friendly top and maybe a pashmina for some additional privacy when required.

We took our eldest to a wedding when he was 3 weeks old and fully breastfed. No pandemic to deal with of course but otherwise it was all fine.

If you've had a c section you won't be able to drive yourself home at 4 week post birth, OP.

It’s obvious you don’t want to go, so just don’t go. So what if they think you’re being awkward? Let them think what they like!

@PeanutButterFalcon my friends are not involved in the wedding, it's just their perspective so I understand you are feeling pressured especially with your comment - oh they will just be attached to the boob all day (I have received the exact same comment from DP's family member!). You shouldn't be made to feel like you have to sit in a corner all day and be working yourself up about it.

As a PP has said try and mention something early on, so ask DH to call his family and explain how nervous you are feeling about it all. At the end of the day, not only do you not know how you will be but also how the baby will be yet as baby is not here. Perhaps if he said it in that way then it would help.

My auntie attended a wedding when my cousin was 8 weeks old - locally - it was actually my mums wedding. My mum (probably oblivious) said that she managed fine if it's any consolation. I understand your nervousness - you need to be able to have an open conversation even if ultimately you end up going . Good luck!

I went to a wedding when my daughter was 5 weeks. It was lovely. It was a covid wedding so there weren't many people though. I just breast fed (in a lovely dress) in the church and then at the reception. She was either in mine, my partners or her grand parents arms or in her car seat for short stretches. You could even bring a bouncer chair. At that age they will most likely just sleep on and off throughout the day so probably won't need to find a quiet space or anything like you would with an older baby.

I built it up in my head a bit as though it would be stressful but intact it was a lovely time. I even had a few drinks! Also got some gorgeous professional pics of me and my daughter and partner which we wouldn't have got otherwise. Just offering my experience, might be different for you, but honestly was much more enjoyable than I expected!

re. the pram, we are invited to a wedding when baby will be 8 - 10 weeks old depending on when born. The Cybex Eezy S twist is the only one I can find that is compact, parent facing and lies completely flat. I managed to get a cheap one off market place and will make it snuggly with a sheepskin liner.

re. the wedding, I'm sorry but I can't believe a group of level headed adults would think you rude for either not going, or leaving early if you've only just had a baby in the last few weeks, especially if C-section! Likewise DH should not hold anything against you for the same reason. Decide on the day if you are well enough to go.

You can wear some black cycling shorts under your dress for added assurance r.e. bleeding. And go for something floaty. I think the main thing you need sounds like a bit of a set-up for breastfeeding, as people have mentioned, is there a quiet room or corner somewhere? I went to a wedding a couple of years ago where there was a newborn and cobbles (so not very pram friendly) and they brought a moses basket with them and a bouncer to have options to put baby in whilst they ate etc.

@NerrSnerr that dress is amazing! It’s out of stock. I haven’t thought of looking on ASOS so will have a look for ideas.

@Seeline a sling could work. Thank you hadn’t thought of that.

@Dollywilde thank you. It’s great to hear a positive story.

We won’t have accommodation or a separate space to go unfortunately and if I leave DH won’t be able to get home so he’ll have to (I know he wants to currently but if he’s enjoying himself I don’t want to make him).

@Scottishskifun thank you. When DH is home I’ll have a look on his Facebook (I’m not on there). I don’t feel I can say we are unsure whether we can go. I’m happy to stay behind and DH go but he’s already said he doesn’t want to do that.

@Katrinawaves thank you. I think/ hope I’m over thinking it.

I think other issues with the ILs are making me feel more stressed as I know they’ll be watching me and making lovely comments and I’ll just have to pretend it’s all ok even though I’m worried.

Baby could be a bit later than your due date in which case I'm not sure you'll feel up to going to be honest. Same if you need a c-section/other surgery. I think your DH should go by himself if possible and his family will just have to deal with it. You will have just given birth so can be as "awkward" as you need!

ASOS do some lovely pregnancy / breastfeeding dresses. I had a great one in baby blue that I wore for court. It can be dressed up if needed.

As it's close I'd be clear that your partner will go but you will make your mind up nearer the time. Or promise to make the ceremony but nothing else.

Honestly, stop worrying about what others think. It's your baby and your body. You get to decide and no one else matters in this.

If you do go don't worry about looking rude if you have to leave early. Decent people will understand and just be glad you made it!

it's doable IF baby arrives on time but honestly don't put pressure on yourself. people drop out of weddings last minute all the time. I had 3 guests drop out on the morning of our wedding and I didn't give it a moment's thought. no offence, but they will be far to focussed on their day to worry about it.

I had a c-section 4 days before I was a "maybe" attendee at a wedding. Absolutely no way I could have gone but the couple were very understanding and we weren't due to stay for dinner anyway. if the birth is closer than 2 weeks to the wedding I would say give it a miss. You'll be sore, emotional trying to establish feeding. If you do go however, get some ear defenders for the baby if there is going to be a band/dj.