How to cope with a newborn at an event

[PeanutButterFalcon]

I hope I am just over thinking and panicking. We have a wedding to go to once baby arrives (small event considering covid).
I am so stressed as a first time mum and will probably be still bleeding/recovering, and if I have cesarian that’ll be even worse.
I don’t want to be learning how to breastfeed in a room full of strangers or have them all looking/l at/touching the baby with COVID. Then there is the problem with noise, where it’ll sleep as I’m guessing I just carry the baby around all day and I have no idea what to wear with needing to breast feed, be comfortable and appropriately dressed.

Dress with massive m&s knickers under and wear a moby wrap sling.

@PeanutButterFalcon we had these www.amazon.co.uk/Ems-Kids-Baby-Ear-Defenders/dp/B00BU63CPS/ref=sr_1_10?dchild=1&keywords=newborn+ear+defenders&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1618394871&sr=8-10 we took her to twickenham for a six nations game when she was 8 weeks old. She slept the entire game!!

Try not to worry, babies even newborns are surprisingly portable! If you are breastfeeding I strongly recommend a short, tight vest top and loose top over combination for discretion and if concerned about bleeding use disposable tens pants for security. I went to a wedding with dd at 2 weeks then flew long haul at 6 weeks

I wouldn't say no now personally. I'd see how birth went/how I was feeling. I think unless feeling really rough I'd definitely try to go for reception/ meal after but warn them and DH you'd hope to leave after that. But make sure DH knows you expect him to be fully "there" for you all day- being willing to be bossed around if needed and by you and baby's side. If he is at all hesitant with this, then I'd definitely not go!!

Sounds awful! I'd say that I couldn't give an answer atm and the bride and groom should fill your spaces if they'd like. If you don't want to go, don't go. If the in-laws are nasty about it, that's more reason not to put yourself out by going! And of course you aren't responsible for whether your partner stays or leaves. I get the feeling that may be your perception, rather than theirs.

I took one of mine to a wedding at 10 days old. It was fine, no problems. everyone loves seeing a newborn, nobody's fussed about feeding and the bleeding isn't likely to be mad at that point. But don't wear white!!!

I was defo still bleeding at 4 weeks. And dont forget youl be on no sleep. Agree with upthread your dh needs to be with you on this and put you and the babys immediate needs first, surely a minifestival is more fun for him without you at that stage and youd rather be at home, or arrange for someone to collect you after the ceremony or a taxi so he can stay on with the fun?
Most of all I would absolutely do what you feel comfortable with. And be prepared with a polite response to requests to pick up the baby, if you dont want to pass them around thats totally totally normal and fine to say. Something like 'no please dont wake him hel be screaming, or hel never get back to sleep, or I want to enjoy the party as long as i can before it all goes wrong', that kind of thing, polite and funny and very clear.

Thank you for the link to ear defenders I have them on order!

Honestly DH is the most supportive person I could ask for and I know he won’t want to stay without me and the baby there. Unfortunately, I know his family and it’s happened before where I’m seen as the bad one (and still gets brought up now) despite him saying it was his choice/decision. Before meeting me he never stood up to them and they don’t like that he does now. He fully supports me and will help with the baby during the day but I also want him to be able to enjoy himself. He has to do a speech and will want to calm his nerves and I think he should enjoy himself. It’ll be him saying to leave early and will tell his family closer to the time but in advance that’s our plans. I’d suffer the entire day if it meant no arguments. Not attending his family’s wedding won’t go down well so I’m going to have to do my best with my worries and find ways to manage.

I know I need to put the baby’s needs first and I know DH will too but I also want an easy life with no stress and not going will cause such a family upset.

Loving all the outfit ideas and have been looking online and feeling more positive about that. I’ll definitely be getting a cover for nursing as I am already having comments on choosing to breastfeed and don’t need them watching me learn how to in the early days.

And the phrases for not disturbing the baby are great. I’ve used go to phrases I’ve taken from other peoples posts before to help with the ILs so hopefully these will have the same affect. It’s definitely helped me to get my point across without arguments or causing upset in the past.

Wouldn't fancy sitting in a tent / using a portaloo when recently postpartum. Se how you feel and don't go if you aren't up to it.

Just going to add, with the pp bleed. Even if yours seems to have stopped. Wear a pad for this event and take some with.

With my eldest I bled for 2 weeks and all was fine but my period returned at 6 weeks even with exclusive breastfeeding.

With my youngest bleeding stopped at 3 weeks but if I over did it I got some more for at least another week or so. Period returned at 10 weeks with exclusive breastfeeding

The last thing you want is a surprise all over your posh frock.

For slings I really recommend a cloth wrap sling for newborns. Free rider range has some lovely ones. I adored mine with my second and wish I'd had it for my first.

Thank you @Twizbe. Wouldn’t have thought of that. Would of been happy the bleeding had stopped. Couldn’t think of anything worse than being caught short.

We are going to look at slings this weekend and try a few on. Thank you everyone

Honestly wait and see how you feel! I had plans to go to a wedding last week (baby was 4 weeks) wedding didn’t happen and is rescheduled!

There is no way I could have gone! Ive been struggling with mastitis and blocked ducts, I had a c section and am still recovering! I feel like a piece of dirt tbh - my boobs are sore and leaky and the thoughts of getting dressed up and going to an event fills me with dread!

Maybe you will feel great and want to go - but seriously if you aren’t up to it then don’t go

If I were you in this particular situation, I would say fuck it and spend Money on booking a room at the venue if possible and just stay there for the night regardless of how close it is to your home. Then you have somewhere private and comfortable to go whenever you need to escape.

I took my prem baby to my auntie's wedding in London from the North East on the train when he was seven weeks old. Bit crazy but we managed, I just had him in a sling all day. I made sure I was only sat with close family for the meal so bf wasn't awkward.

My Aunty chose the one time I was feeding him at the table to announce in her speech how happy her niece had travelled all that way with a newborn so everyone turned around and looked at me! It was fine though.

In your place I wouldn't go or, at the most, I would show my face, smile and leave and that only if it was nearby.

Nobody will be offended at you backing out when you've just given birth.

Send the bride and groom a really nice letter in advance and whatever they want as a gift nearer the time.

If it's close enough to birth you'll still be recovering from the event, don't go I'd say.

If anyone thinks you're rude, that's their problem and not yours. Honestly, if anyone asks DH why you're not there and he says 'Peanutbutter gave birth two weeks ago' I think everyone would say 'Congratulations!' and wish you well, and if they don't then frankly they're an arse.

I've read your updates and your inlaws spund a but like mine.
They didn't approve of breastfeeding at all, it's probably one of the reasons I was so determined to do it.
The not believing in covid thing would worry me.
If your DH is on side, then make it clear no one is near baby without a mask and no one touches baby without having washed their hands immediately before, when they protest say "its fine, you don't have to hold them."
Repeat as many times as needed.
You say your DH is very supportive of you so he shuts them down when they start their shit? Blaming you for everything is not OK.
You need to start as you mean to go on with regards to DC and your boundaries.
Things got much better with my in laws when they realised I wasn't going to back down.

@balloonsandboobies

If you've had a c section you won't be able to drive yourself home at 4 week post birth, OP.

I was driving on my own property (to test if I could) at 6 days post section and on the roads with my GP and insurance co's blessing at 11 days. Not everyone needs to wait weeks to be ready.

Don’t go, send your DH and you relax at home without having to worry about it.

The festival/portal op thing sounds like a nightmare - nowhere to feed in private so you’ll end up feeding in your car. Nowhere clean to change nappies, not much running water for cleanups if there are nappy leaks, or vomits, or lochia.

All this, and you’ll be max 4 weeks post-partum? Fuck that.

Tell them now you can’t make it, send your DH whether he wants to go or not, to keep the in-laws happy, and plan a relaxing day at home with some easy food and a box set. Your DH’s paternity leave will have finished, so you’ll be used to managing the baby alone - he can go and do his speech, and come back when he wants to.

No ear defenders, no feeding in your car, no leaking blood, no nappy changes on the grass with no access to water.

I would feel differently if it was a hotel wedding and you could go back to your room, but fuck dealing with a fucking tent and portaloos at 4 weeks post-partum!

Please don’t stress it, it will be fine. I had a emergency c section and went to a wedding exactly one week later with our baby. We also went to a wedding when our baby was 3 weeks old.

The blood is just like a period in the most part but maybe a bit more so I wore maternity pads and dark dresses. I also breastfed at both, not having had the best start with BFing either.

If you stress and build it up it’ll be worse, your baby will be four weeks at this wedding, you’ll be a pro by then. I promise.

@MusicWithRocksIn1t definitely sounds similar. They don’t approve of anything we want to do or have bought so far so it makes us even more determined to a least try. If it doesn’t work for us that’s fine.
Covid has caused major issues especially considering it was suspected I had it last year (before the testing was available) and I have never been so ill. I do not want to risk my baby getting it. I definitely will be firm there if I need to be.

DH will shut them down when he can (when they listen), if not and they won’t stop he will say we’re going home and talk to them later. If something has been said he wasn’t aware of then we talk about it together or I’ll offload to my family. The one positive of lockdown is we haven’t seen them.

We’ve had to find a middle ground, if I had my way I’d happily never see them again. They will bring things up to try and provoke a reaction and have said some awful things. It’ll be harder once the baby arrives though. DH opinion is to just not tell them about things we do and then they cannot comment on it.

Hopefully baby comes on time and I’ll be more confident that I know what I’m doing and not bleeding. If baby is late I think me and DH will have to just see how it goes and manage. I doubt they’d notice me disappear towards the evening once everyone’s had a few drinks although they probably would DH.

I did this many years ago with a 5 week old and had had an EMCS. It was fine. 2 hours travel each way too. She liked all the music. Just as well as it was a v smart catholic wedding with a full sung mass and trumpeters. Glorious, and the only one I'm ever likely to go to, which is why I didn't want to miss it. Bride and groom were obviously supportive, I think it was other than us a child free wedding. Choose your clothing carefully, I had to go out mid service to feed her and tucked myself away on some steps up to a gallery. We took the pram and had a brilliant day. Sit in a place where you can easily get out if you need to and a couple of spare changes for the baby. She (DD) was a star. Maybe a spare top for you. The nappy bag was packed full and thankfully we didn't need half of it, but if I hadn't taken it all I'm sure I would have regretted it. There were lots of people to help with the pram of course. There was no evening do though, I'm not sure we would have stayed if there was. Good luck, I'm sure you'll be fine.

I have a family wedding about 4 weeks after my due date, and I’m not going. The family member assumed that, though, and there was zero expectation on me to attend. I couldn’t think of anything worse!