How to cope with a newborn at an event

[PeanutButterFalcon]

I hope I am just over thinking and panicking. We have a wedding to go to once baby arrives (small event considering covid).
I am so stressed as a first time mum and will probably be still bleeding/recovering, and if I have cesarian that’ll be even worse.
I don’t want to be learning how to breastfeed in a room full of strangers or have them all looking/l at/touching the baby with COVID. Then there is the problem with noise, where it’ll sleep as I’m guessing I just carry the baby around all day and I have no idea what to wear with needing to breast feed, be comfortable and appropriately dressed.

So glad you're going to look at slings! I'm a babywearing consultant and would recommend a stretchy wrap - you could even match it to your dress as they come in a range of colours. You can leave it on all day and pop baby in and out to feed or for others to cuddle. No need to retighten every time. Feel free to PM me for any sling support.
I'd also say listen to your body and it's OK to pull out, even on the day, if you are not feeling up to it.

I went to a friends wedding when my dd was 4 weeks old. Like you I was a bit nervous before and basically said 'all being well we would be there' but would depend when the baby arrived and how well I felt.
I felt fine though and actually really looked forward to going and had a lovely day. It was near to our house, 20 min drive and was marquee in a field too with portaloos.
I wouldn't worry too much about the pram, I'm assuming you won't be walking for miles. Just 5 mins maybe to get to where the tent is? Someone could always carry it over any really unsuitable areas and you could carry baby.
Newborns quite like noise so likely they will sleep through, our dd slept most of the day.
I was breastfeeding too and worse a button dress and took a big muslin, all ok too.

However that is how I felt, and everyone has a different experience of starting motherhood so although a lot of your worries could probably be solved on a practical level it's still down to how you feel being out and about with the baby. And you won't know that until after you've had her/him.
Maybe you could say you will do your best to be there but really don't know until after the birth, depending on your recovery. Xx

Read back through the thread and write out the helpful tips. This might help you feel more relaxed about it.

Hopefully baby will arrive on time. If so, you probably won't even be bleeding by the wedding. But the period pants idea is great just in case. If baby is the full 2 weeks late and you have a c section then you really don't have to go. You need to put your health and wellbeing first. Arrange for a friend to spend part of the day with you and tell Dh to go for the marriage/meal part at least.

As it stands, accept the invite, don't bother mentioning that you may or may not go, and just see how things are at the time.

honestly OP, stop expressing your concerns to them now as they won't listen and will use them as a stick to beat you with. I'd actually go the other direction - start being really enthusiastic about the wedding. You can maybe say 'oh we'll have to figure out how to do some things but I' sure we'll get there, what fun it will be, baby's first wedding'

Then, make you're own plans. If on the day, you need to say 'oh no, the baby is ill, we need to leave' everyone will be happy and a bit pissed and you can slip away quietly. If you're able to plan to get through the ceremony/photos, and have some plans for the obligatory bit where everyone wants to peer at the baby, they'll stop noticing after that. If baby is late - and mine was two weeks late - you can figure it out: blame medical professionals for saying you can't come/need to leave quickly/whatever works out best.

We did part of a wedding when dd was 7 weeks I think. We were still totally shellshocked, I went to the ceremony, then the mingly/drinks and nibbles bit, but it was a childfree dinner so it had been pre-arranged that I'd leave at that point (it was v near) and DH nipped out and put us in the car and I drove home. DH stayed for the dinner then came home afterwards in a taxi, he was totally wrecked and it was maybe 9pm! I ordered a breastfeeding-friendly dress, but it was a bit challenging: at that point I did appreciate a large scarf and a chair in a quiet corner. Marquees and portaloos do make it tricky. I wouldn't worry too much about bleeding, and I'd maybe budget for some support with a lactation consultant in the early weeks to increase your confidence around feeding.

The main thing you're managing is family relationships, and I think the way to go with that is show willing now, and be prepared to do whatever you need to and blame it on circumstances at the time. If you start saying now all the things you fear will go wrong, no matter how justified, it will be interpreted as you never really wanting to go .

I have a suggestion to help with the portaloo situation. Order yourself a shewee on Amazon. It takes a bit of practice (I recommend trying in the shower) but it means you can wee standing up and don’t have to sit on dodgy looking toilet seats - I found it very useful during pregnancy too when squatting without touching the seat got too hard.

Oh and practice breastfeeding in front of a mirror - this is massively confidence boosting because you really can’t see much at all generally. You’ll get the hang of what sorts of breastfeeding outfits worst best for you too.

It sounds to me like you may not be able to go. I was contemplating a wedding not long after my due date and decided it was too much. Good choice because I was overdue and kept in hospital for a while so wouldn't have made it even if I'd wanted to! Reduce your stress and say no. If it feels too hard, it probably is xx

I wouldnt go under the circumstances.

I did this nearly 13 years ago with my 3 week old - she was 2 weeks late, it was my SIL wedding. Take several changes of clothes for baby! We had no money so I went up & down the charity shops the week before the wedding looking for a dress I could breastfeed in - didn’t want to buy anything before didn’t know what shape I would be in. It feels stressful as a great unknown but you’ll be in the swing of things a bit more by then.

Ours In car seat under table slept right through disco
Most people will be vaccinated and sanitising and babies don't get it with symptoms
By the door during ceremony in case of noise

Is it an option to get someone to set up small tent somewhere just for you / baby / DH??? Nothing expensive - literally just asking if any guests have a family tent they would let you use with some camping chairs, a table and maybe a sleeping bag just in case you need a lie down!

If I knew I had somewhere I could escape to and also do nappies in a clean (ish) spacious environment that would make me more comfortable.

How are they currently suggesting you deal with nappies?????

Honestly, it sounds like you are getting very stressed and catastrophising over this, much more than you need to.

Going to a wedding with children is a new experience, but the newborn stage is the easiest stage to do it for several years.

Floaty bf friendly dress
Sling
A chair

And that's probably all you need.

I had sections with mine, and I'd have been fine to go to a wedding within a week. I appreciate everyone is different, but sections don't necessarily mean a harder recovery, and especially if they are planned ones, they are often pretty good. If the wedding is a month after your due date, you'd be likely 2-6 weeks out from birth.

I didn't leak for the first 9m (did occasionally after) but that's what breast pads are for.

And you may still be bleeding (I only did for a week, and that was pretty light) but again, that's what pads are for, and you presumably wouldn't worry about attending an event on your period...

You don't have to get up and dance, you do that to stay long of you dont want, and if you don't feel upto it, then you can go.

The likelihood is that your baby will be happy in a sling in your front (or partners) for most of the day.

I took my children to parties at that age, to a music festival, all sorts. They are pretty portable 😄

All portaloos are not created equally too, it could be a very nice setup rather than what you’d expect on a building site.

Don't commit to anything at this stage. You don't know how you will be feeling. Your baby could be 2 weeks old or 6 weeks old, you may or may not have had a CS, you might have bf established by then or not, you might still be bleeding or not.
If they insist on knowing because of numbers, it'll have to be a "no", as at this point you just don't know. Anyone who has had a baby will understand.
As for what to wear, separates are easier to feed discreetly in. Choose something that is patterned so as not to show the inevitable stains and damp patches, and that you can wear again.

I’m definitely taking note of everything and have been looking at the things people have mentioned. I know I’m over worrying and hopefully everything will just work out ok but at the same time I want to be prepared for all events and make sure DH gets to enjoy it without worrying about the baby too. The feeding in a mirror is a great idea thank you.

Really positive to hear someone at the same sort of wedding set up and it being ok.

No one will be vaccinated there - they’re anti vax as well as anti covid that doesn’t bother me it’s their choice as long as I can keep the baby safe, which I think having a sling will help me with that.

I’m thinking a sling, a nursing cover of some sort, phrases to use and a back up plan on how to get home without DH and it’ll be ok. I think I’ll do a huge online shop of different outfits to try for me once baby is here with huge pants and take a few options for me and baby.

I haven’t mentioned my worries to anyone except DH and here. I ask how planning is going etc, and am genuinely excited for them and happy they are hopefully going to have their much awaited day. However, I have asked if there would be somewhere quieter for me to go with baby and I’ve also mentioned how it’s possible it could be very soon after giving birth as I do not think it’s something they would have thought about (why would they) and then there are no surprises if that is the case.

You do not have to go if you don't feel comfortable, I honestly wouldn't have wanted to do that 4 weeks after giving birth, and it's completely unreasonable for your DH or anyone else to make you feel bad or awkward about it

Just don't go; everybody who has ever had a newborn will understand. You and baby will be far more comfortable in peace and quiet at home.

If they need a firm answer I'd just say no. Your husband should be able to go by himself and give your apologies. Why are they so insistent that you have to go!?