what's something you wish someone had told you before your first baby?

[firsttimemum111]

Hello, I'm about to become a mum for the first time and I'm genuinely clueless about most things to come 🙈
(I'm hoping that's the case for everyone and not just me!)

What's something you wish you had known before you had you had your first babies 👶

Or the best advice you received/ can give to someone about becoming a mum?

I think I would want to convey something about how easy it is to get really caught up in worrying about how to solve problems, when the reality is most of them just need time. I worried about my baby’s reflux, about his inability to nap unless being held, about his bedtime routine (or lack thereof), about all kinds of things. It’s hard not to feel that you have to ‘fix’ problems. In truth, most of these aren’t problems at all, and just need a little time to sort themselves out. Looking back it’s funny how much certain things consumed me, when they aren’t even a consideration now.

Babies’ needs are really very simple. Newborns need milk, clean nappies, and lots of cuddles. That’s it. If you have those things down, it’s really just a matter of letting the rest fall into place in its own time.

That it is normal for babies to be horrible sleepers. Get tongue tie checked out by multiple people (we went private as nhs kept missing it!) Really do try and sleep or rest when baby sleeps. The chores will be never-ending.

Each phase passes, it really does.

Keep things simple, try and enjoy each stage. None of this 'Rod for their own back' rubbish. Sleep training is a con for a lot of people and you have to keep redoing it so take everything you hear with a pinch of salt.

I would say only buy essentials and buy second hand. Saves a lot of money!

Also see visitors on your terms. I let everyone come around whenever and I was exhausted not only caring for my new baby but hosting all the visitors!

And everyone says it but sleep when they sleep where possible.

Other than that enjoy every minute ... congrats ♥️♥️♥️

take formula with you to the hospital as they do not automatically supply it, and you may want to use it no matter what you planned for.

That your child's future is it's own.

Before DD1 was born, I was a planner and had things mapped out. Major events have made me realise that you can't plan a child's life at all.

Embrace their happiness and their individuality and help them reach their goals.

You will meet some incredible women who also have babies when you're ready to get out and about to playgroups / NCT / online etc. Ask them about themselves as well as about their babies. It makes life so much more interesting.

Do some research into breastfeeding and get some support in place so you are prepared and know where to go if you have questions. Midwives in hospital are not always as helpful as you would imagine when it comes to feeding.

Try this free online course: courses.abm.support/courses/team-baby-getting-ready-to-breastfeed/

Also make a note if the National Breastfeeding Helpline in case you have questions.

Beyond that, relax and try to enjoy it. And you will sleep again one day so try not to worry about how exhausted you are at the beginning.

As pp - be prepared for FF even if you plan to BF. Rushing around buying bottles and learning how to sterilise etc caused us unnecessary stress at an already stressful time.

Also it's totally normal (and expected) for newborn babies to need to be held constantly. They probably won't just lie there happily in whatever Moses basket/crib/sleepyhead thing you have bought. You are more likely to spend weeks trying to perfect the art of transferring a sleeping from your arms to somewhere else without waking them up and having to start the whole process all over again.

4th trimester
Day 3 hormones for both you and baby (it's a tough day!)
Don't be afraid to say no to visitors if feeling overwhelmed
Everyone has an opinion on everything to do with the baby. Smile, nod and have faith in your choices.

It’s all a phase so when it’s bad it will pass and when it’s good enjoy it

Trust yourself and your instincts.

Mum knows best x

I wish I hadn't been so set on getting her into a routine and just relaxed more.I listened to too many books/advice and went against my instincts a lot.Trust your instincts.Oh and I should have skipped the big pram ,used a sling at first and bought the most expensive maclaren instead as those things are brilliant.

You don't have to listen to random friends and family.
Wished I hadn't been so polite to people with opinions on how I should parent.

I have three girls and I would say definitely the days are long but the years are short. That is such a true saying. However it's ok to be tired and frustrated and just wanting five mins to yourself as well! Don't listen to the people who say you need to sleep train you need a routine don't cuddle them so much. Just do what you think is best.

Agree with most of what PPs have said:

• it really is all a phase, when it's very bad a glorious era is just around the corner
• sleep training is nonsense, you wouldn't leave an older person with dementia to cry if they didn't know where you were, doing it to a baby will just make you both stressed and upset. Sleep issues take time but they self resolve
• the first fortnight is very hard, try not to have a massive argument with your partner at this time, even though it's tempting
• trust your instincts above all else and don't be fobbed off by medical professionals telling you you're an over anxious first timer if you feel there is something not quite right

That until you have your first poo you're scared your insides are going to fall out 🤣

Don't be pressured into doing anything you don't feel up to - whether that's random visitors (when allowed), lots of groups or sex you don't feel like. Take everything at a pace which feels right for you and baby.

Chill. Rest as much as possible. Don’t over think when it comes to feeding, sleep and if baby is ok. If he/she is with you they are absolutely fine.

I would most definitely have accepted more help during those first few weeks if I could go back and do something differently. In the form of parents, breastfeeding support & turning people away that didn’t need to be visiting us on day five.

Congrats OP.

My advice would be to just enjoy every minute, because children grow up so quick, they really do. It’s an amazing journey. I would do it all again if I could.

Rest up as much as you can in the early days. It will pay off later if you allow your body to recover physically. I was intent on getting back to 'normal' and didn't really take account of what my body had been through and do wish I'd just stayed in bed with DC1 (not least as it was nigh impossible with subsequent births!).

Even with a straightforward birth, your body looks and feels very different afterwards. But it is an amazing thing and will recover.

Strongly agree with @OolieMacdoolie that most issues resolve if given time and patience.

Buy as much as you can second hand (or borrow). It’s just not worth spending an absolute fortune on top of the range stuff - baby doesn’t care. Nobody really cares so long as you have what you need! Get something functional and good quality then pass it on. Babies grow out of each stage so quickly.

Have regular clear outs of baby’s wardrobe, toys and accessories. Store what they don’t need in the attic or give away/sell. Otherwise your house will turn into a bomb site! A clear out helps keep things streamlined and gives you focus.

In a similar vein to the above, invest in some decent storage!

Buy clothes for the next stages up in advance in the sales! Well worth it.

Trust in yourself, nobody else is an expert in your own baby. Probably the most important thing to learn. It takes a while!

Trust your instincts and listen to your gut - it won’t be wrong!

You don’t need to do it ALL. There are no prizes for supermum. If others want to feed, change the baby, have her for a afternoon don’t let guilt make you say no, you are a person too! I find you can loose yourself to being a mum when it’s perfectly fine to be yourself and a mum.

That the sleep deprivation is TORTURE, but somehow when you're standing in the kitchen having made it through another night, you don't even care!