what's something you wish someone had told you before your first baby?

[firsttimemum111]

Hello, I'm about to become a mum for the first time and I'm genuinely clueless about most things to come 🙈
(I'm hoping that's the case for everyone and not just me!)

What's something you wish you had known before you had you had your first babies 👶

Or the best advice you received/ can give to someone about becoming a mum?

That mum guilt is real. I feel guilty for everything I do. And everything I don’t do.

Remember that your baby has not read even one of the many baby books detailing what he/she should be doing at any given moment in their life.

Everything is a phase!! Good times & bad, everything passes quickly enough! Oh yeah, & its ok if you dont feel an immediate rush of love- you will love them & it will he amazing!

Avoid buying the mega pushchair travel pack combination, it's all marketing and not worth the hype, just get a decent stroller. You will end up saving money and sanity.

It seems like it'll last forever when you're in the middle of it but it really doesn't. You'll look back in a few months and it's like the tornado has passed!

Practice sleeping in the day while you are still pregnant.

On the third day you will cry nonstop and you won't know why or even feel sad - you'll just cry and cry. Then you'll stop and feel fine again.

One thing my Mum told me which massively helped before I had my DTs - it’s perfectly normal to not get that rush of instantaneous love for your baby. Sometimes it takes time, but it will come. She was spot on.

One thing I’d say to any new Mum (who asked me!) is not to beat yourself up about not bf if you don’t. I tortured myself for months about how shit I was as a mother and a woman (ivf babies, elcs and ff) and it was completely pointless - once they’re weaned nobody gives a shiny shit (and don’t really before then either!).

Baby vests are made in such a way that you can pull them down the shoulders and tummy for poonamis not over the head. Sadly, I learnt that once mine were pretty much out of vests, but it’s genius.

Oh, and everything really is just a phase, it shall pass.

Watch lots of One Born Every Minute. I wish this had been on many years ago before I gave birth. I had no clue what to expect except what I’d gleaned from reading books. Every labour is different obviously but it will give you an idea of the different stages.

It's loads of fun, you'll be charmed and laugh more than you knew you could. No one told me this, just the hard stuff. Stay in bed with baby as much as possible, just smell each other and enjoy the bonding. The world can wait. Slings are great, putting them down is overrated. Saying that, do what works for you. I did everything I should with my first and everything I wanted with my second. Wanted was best and easiest.

When (trying to) leave the house, get yourself and all your stuff absolutely ready before them or they will poo everywhere every time.

Also, use tap water to clean their bum with every change and they won't get nappy rash so badly (don't use tissue as it breaks), even if you use wipes wash down with water afterwards.If there is any redness use Sudocreme to apply a v thin layer, so you can see through it for maximum benefit. As PP said, Lasinoh on your nipples really, really helps.

Best of luck xx

Just go with it. I know it's easy to say but I had so many ideas of how it would be and it just wasn't. I co-slept when I needed to, lay on the sofa all day with her sometimes when she was unsettled and I was knackered, and I FF because she wouldn't latch and my milk didn't come in. I have no regrets although I hadn't planned for any of that. Sometimes the house was a tip and I looked an absolute mess but really it doesn't matter.

Take all the photos you can as when they're 3 and a total maniac, it's nice to look at Timehop and remind yourself that once they didn't move when you put them down somewhere and mostly made cute noises.

When the pressure down below is all consuming, a poo really helps and you won't rip in half. Do not hold it because believe me it makes it 10 times worse.

Colic is a nightmare but it will end, sometimes all they want is to be walked round the living room when they're in pain. Find a good box set and an insulated mug for a cup of tea and it makes it slightly more bearable. Slightly.

Your hair will be falling out everywhere after a few months but that's normal. Just check babies fingers and toes to make sure it hasn't wrapped around them (a massive fear of mine).

Congratulations and enjoy every moment as it goes by so fast

That was so long, sorry!

If it makes your baby happy and it makes you happy then do it....Best advice I was given! 😀

You will be inundated with advice from family, friends, health professionals. A lot of advice is to justify their own behaviour. Do what’s right for you and your baby.

I wish someone had told me about how to breastfeed and hand express.

Don’t try to live your usual life again too quickly.

I found it really hard that I couldn’t shower, do my make up, tidy the house, exercise and lots of other things because guess what, babies want shit loads of attention and after the early newborn period it becomes incredibly hard to watch their every move whilst still trying to achieve anything.

Someone summed it up quite well by saying:
Looking after a baby is easy but trying to do anything else with one is hard.

It’s true. So enjoy the baby, don’t worry about cleaning the bathroom or ticking off your “to do” list of chores. Take time for self care absolutely but don’t put pressure on yourself to bounce back to normal life. Your old life has gone. But you will get it back in a different format I promise.

Oh yeah and if baby doesn’t like the cot (they never do) then co sleep. It’s the only way mine slept and I would have gone mad otherwise.

I wish I'd taken more videos.

@Laytwir024

Keep things simple, try and enjoy each stage. None of this 'Rod for their own back' rubbish. Sleep training is a con for a lot of people and you have to keep redoing it so take everything you hear with a pinch of salt.

This definitely .

Also, lots of people love to tell you horror stories. I have loved being a first time mom. I think I have been lucky so far and had an 'easy' baby but I wasn't actually prepared for how much I'd love her and a lot of the horror stuff is very unusual.

I'd say take lots of pictures and videos. I've been surprised how short each 'stage' is and sometimes she has looked massively different within a few weeks.

One thing I did was rush to get out of the hospital - I was desperate to get her home and left 24 hours after my c section. In hindsight I should have stayed if only to have had another 24 hours of just me and her - no washing , no worries etc.

I combination fed - despite many people telling me she wouldn't take breast after bottle (she did) but also it was the only way I could manage because I found getting started on feeding her very hard after my section. I worried a lot about how I was feeding her. Honestly if I had my time again I'd still combination feed but I'd have worried less and expressed less often because it ruled my early days and I should have spent more time just looking at her tiny face.

Enjoy it - I won't have another because of how tough my pregnancy was for a variety of reasons but honestly I'd love to have 10 I've enjoyed it so much (although I'm reliably informed that feeling tends to go away after baby 2 !) xx

To ignore the world and live for a little while in a safe cocoon with your baby. Don't Google, don't even look at a clock, it's not needed with a newborn.

They cluster feed, sleep erratically and have trouble with their newly functioning digestive system. Always try to sleep next to them when they sleep to catch up on yours.

Try sometime feeding lying down, it's so much easier for nighttime feeds. To help the latch, squeeze your nipple in, rather than out. You are aiming to get enough into the baby's mouth so their mouth covers your areola. Then the nipple goes far enough back to be massaged/ pressed against their pallet and you don't get sore nipples.

If your let down reflex is super keen don't be afraid to use a nipple shield for a few weeks, it stops them choking and spluttering.

Don't have visitors for a few weeks if possible. If people offer help ask for meals. Thinking about cooking nutritious food when your brain is baby scrambled isn't easy.

Get in decent nipple cream, back up feeds in ready to heat cartons. Steriliser. Infacol. Decent nappy cream. It's easier to prevent nappy rash than fix it once they have it. Sudocrem is no good after skin breakdown. Bepanthen is good.

Lots of muslins, for you and baby. And an easy to wear sling as tiny babies don't like to be put down.

A portable bidet pan for over the loo, it makes it easier to keep post baby parts clean without having to bath several times a day. Also a hairdryer on cool for drying afterwards.

I bought some big comfy bed pillows for propping myself up.

Stock up on easy to eat, nutritious short cuts and snacks.

Forget housework.

Top tip is don't get dressed, then if you have unexpected visitors they don't stay long.

Trust your mum instinct, it's spookily accurate. You really do know best.

Echoing OP, not everyone develops a deep bond the day they give birth. Took me years.

And not every baby likes to be held and cuddled. DS1 screamed and wriggled when held - the midwives were quite puzzled. He was happiest in an outward facing carrier while being walked.

Cosleep if nothing else works.

Definitely the phase thing. When I had DC1, I got so stressed and caught up trying to 'fix' the things which I thought were wrong that I didn't take the time to enjoy him. With DC2 I now know that the phase will pass and something new will happen which will make me forget what I was previously worrying about.

I wish i knew that it'd be impossible to put baby down to sleep in the first few weeks as he just wanted to be held. The next to me cot was too open and he needed a small bed like a Moses basket and to be swaddled. Even then he would wake up when he was put down. All normal. Me and DP took it in turns during the night in the first 2 weeks. I felt like I was failing as this went on for a long time. Eventually it got easier to put him down as he got older. He's 6 months now and I co sleep a lot more than I planned but there's always something that disturbs sleep (teeth, leaps etc).
Also everyone said it'd get easier at 6 weeks.....it was more like 10 weeks for me. I was upset when 6 weeks came and nothing had changed. At 12 weeks I could have a shower with him playing on the floor gym for 10 minutes and this was winning!

That babies want to feed every few hours and that this is completely normal. Try not to worry too much and enjoy it. They’re only little for a little sliver of time!