what's something you wish someone had told you before your first baby?

[firsttimemum111]

Hello, I'm about to become a mum for the first time and I'm genuinely clueless about most things to come 🙈
(I'm hoping that's the case for everyone and not just me!)

What's something you wish you had known before you had you had your first babies 👶

Or the best advice you received/ can give to someone about becoming a mum?

That every baby is different and just because someone else’s baby is doing something already doesn’t mean yours won’t in a few weeks x

Babies only want to sleep on you and they want to feed all the time. Safe cosleeping is sometimes the safest answer to this.

I knew nothing about the fourth trimester and couldn’t understand why baby wouldn’t sleep when I put her down. Much easier second time round once I knew that.

Have some practical solutions ready to help deal with sleep deprivation (accepting it, drinking lots of water, getting out in the fresh air everyday etc).

Accept help, if someone is offering to take baby for a walk around the block then let them. No harm will come to baby in 20 mins of being away from you.

However, also listen to your instincts and be as 'precious first born' as you like. It's your baby. It also gives you a good laugh to look back once 2nd comes along.

Don't feel pressured into trying to live normally in the early days. I felt real pressure to get out and about, cook healthy meals like before, maintain some sort of routine.

It is not the time for it! Your only aim should be to make it through the day in one piece. It doesn't matter if you don't get out of your PJs and eat ready meals if you need to. There will be time for everything else later.

I wish I had know that when ppl said sleepless nights they actually meant u will not get any sleep at all some nights! Other nights you might get a few hrs broken sleep.

I thought u get up fed baby, change their bum and back to sleep that'll take like 30mins. Hahaha no it used to take nearly an hour just for her to take a feed. Then I'd change her nappy and sometimes she'd pee in the middle of it over herself and I'd need a whole outfit change. Then baby needs settled bk down to sleep. Which cld take anything from 5mins to 1-2 hrs or she just wldnt go bk to sleep and then it's time for the next feed!

Also some babies will not sleep unless on top of u! Thankfully mine never really did that a lot but I wld sometimes bring them in to bed to settle them down. They just want to be beside you all the time when they are tiny.

Also that breastfeeding is hard or at least it is for a lot of women. I had no idea, a few folk has said oh it's great so easy u don't even need to get out of bed with baby. I hadn't even researched it all and just thought I'd give it a go. I'd never heard of cluster feeding or tongue ties etc. Your nipples get cracked and sore. You need lansinoh nipple cream, as can use this while feeding baby. Had to send my mum to boots while I was still in hospital 🙈

That you really are in the trenches.
You're a pupil, learning as you go (with every baby you have because every baby is a different person with different needs).
Be patient with your partner because it's (usually) a first time for him/her too (I really wish someone had emphasized this. My first marriage utterly collapsed because we had these 'expectations' of each other... as if you're supposed to automatically know how to be an amazing parent from the get-go.).
You learn to be an amazing parent. And with that, I will add, mistakes are teachers.
It's ok to really not enjoy lots of aspects of the whole baby phase and still love your baby like you've never loved anyone before.
It's ok to not enjoy breastfeeding. I breastfed with love and with respect for my baby's needs, though I never cried when it ended! I could have hired a marching band to celebrate!
You have a child. Don't worry if some of the baby elements aren't your thing. You have this amazing little baby who is your child and as he/she grows, there is just more and more to love, really.
Try not to cry or mourn passing phases. Every passing phase means there is even more to come, more to enjoy. The love just gets more and more and more and more, even when they're towering over you and they have a lockdown beard, your whole heart bursts with love with every single hug.
Sleep when the baby sleeps (good luck trying. I never listened. I hope you will! Don't put the laundry on. Lie down and sleep!).
Porridge oats really do increase milk supply!
Tell your partner you need a break, you need to sleep. Don't ask for a break. Tell him 'I need to sleep. I need your support.'
It's ok to put your relentlessly crying (for no reason- you'll know if there's a reason to worry) baby in the cot, safely and securely, and walk into another room to breathe. Just breathe and reconnect with yourself from time to time. It can be overwhelming but it's not forever.
Don't get a puppy.

@firsttimemum111 - with my first child I had my heart set on breastfeeding, didn’t even buy formula nor a steriliser. It was a mad rush when I had to get formula feeding equipment last minute because baby wouldn’t latch and struggled to breastfeed. So yes definitely be prepared for things not to go as planned.

Secondly, I tried to sleep when baby slept but it made me feel more groggy 🥴 it may work for you as a lot of other have mentioned it and it seems to get you some sleep which is better than nothing.

Thirdly, do a nice big food shop beforehand, although you don’t know when exactly you’ll go into labour but even if you have a nice full fridge/freezer a few weeks before your due date. Stack it up with healthy energetic food and drink that doesn’t take much prepping. Treat yourself to some good coffee if you plan to formula feed, something to look forward to when your struggling with those night shifts.

It can be so much easier than people make out. Just do whatever makes you happy and comfortable - ignore what everyone else is saying/doing.

Can I just say this is loveliest thread and just what I needed to hear. I'm only 17 weeks with my first but feeling so much pressure to figure it all out. Thank you!!

You are the expert of your baby stick to your guns if you feel something is wrong.
Babies do not cry for hours if they are fed, clean, winded, warm, cuddled. There is something wrong.

I’m having my third and still find this thread helpful, it’s always good to refresh your memory with what’s to come x

@LincolnshireLassInLondon

You will meet some incredible women who also have babies when you're ready to get out and about to playgroups / NCT / online etc. Ask them about themselves as well as about their babies. It makes life so much more interesting.

None of this has happened for us with babies during covid :(

The only advice I'd give you is do what you feel is right. Don't feel you need to put them down to nap etc. Enjoy the time they spend on you when they're so little.

Always listen to your gut instinct, you know your baby best.

Also, don't let people try and tell you or put you in a situation you do not feel comfortable with.

@candlemasbells Are you another CMPA/allergy mum? X

One thing I wished I had done and only realised after baby was here was to precook food & freeze, having the time/energy to prepare normal meals was just draining, I just didn’t have the energy at the end of the day, and when I did it took ages because baby needed me in between cooking so it took far longer - I want to mention that I was exclusively breastfeeding & baby was very clingy xXx

This may sound strange, and it may just be me but after giving birth my centre of gravity changed.
It took a couple of days to adjust and it felt like I had been on a long boat journey!

It gets so much better and your life is almost normal by three months!

If you breast feed then co-sleep in the early days because baby is programmed to feed through the night to bring in your milk supply.

Try to relax as much as possible.

Take all help offered.

Book any vaccinations for the day before the weekend/day off of your partner/mum/friend who can come help you with the baby. That night is going to be rough and you'll want help the next day.

You will go through difficult phases, not just with babies but with children at every age. When you go through a difficult phase, hold on, it will pass.

Cluster feeding is a thing and it’s totally normal. I really panicked when my first baby wanted to be latched on for six hours at a time!

Also go out places during the newborn phase when they sleep all the time. It’s so much harder when they start being awake more.

The baby vests with an envelope neck can be pulled down over the body, rather than over the baby's head. Useful to know when the nappy has leaked

Everyone kept telling me it suddenly suddenly easier at 6 weeks 😂 you just get used to it. 5 months is the worse. Change your expectations when it gets bad. It keeps on changing so you will manage it again.

• they can sometimes scream before they are all the way out
• baby boys have ENORMOUS balls when they first come out
• have good handcream in your bathroom
• if bfing have lots of nice drinks eg cordial in the house
• freeze lots of individual portions of meals
• if there are any corners in your home that need tidying (piles of crap) tidy them before baby arrives because it will REALLY do your head in
• double up with baby bedding so mattress, protector, sheet, protector, sheet. If they wee poo or throw up you can strip the top layer off really easily
• sock ons are GREAT
• wash baby socks in a delicates bag so they come out of the washing machine all together