July - we’re half way (thread 3)

[PeanutButterFalcon]

Spotted the last thread was almost full so started this one.

Hi all,

Should I call the midwife tomorrow?

19 weeks. Walking this evening and a large dog off lead ran and jumped up at me in the field. I turned away so it didn't hit the bump but was then knocked into farmer's gate I hadn't seen. It wasn't hard and my partner (also there) has told me all eve to just forget about it as I was very well padded in layers anyway.

But pregnancy loss last summer hasn't stayed with him as it has me and I'm really worried that something is going to take this baby away too.

@Ginevere

Hi! Can I jump in? Due July 2nd, scan on Monday. Chomping at the bit to find out what it is!

@Ginevere I'm due July 2nd too! I have a baby girl on the way - I found out on Friday ❤️ how are you doing, do you have a bump yet? This is my first :) x

Hey 👋🏽 can I jump in? 17 weeks tomorrow with my first baby. Going to have a surprise and find out what we’re having on (or around!) 27th July!

@Flittingaboutagain

Hi all,

Should I call the midwife tomorrow?

19 weeks. Walking this evening and a large dog off lead ran and jumped up at me in the field. I turned away so it didn't hit the bump but was then knocked into farmer's gate I hadn't seen. It wasn't hard and my partner (also there) has told me all eve to just forget about it as I was very well padded in layers anyway.

But pregnancy loss last summer hasn't stayed with him as it has me and I'm really worried that something is going to take this baby away too.

Having had a few falls now (and worries about tight waistbands and all sorts of other things r.e. squishing baby!) I'd be pretty confident this is fine, but always worth giving your midwife a text to see if she could fit you in to give you a check. Mine fitted me in a couple of weeks ago which was really helpful (though she is reluctant to check anything that doesnt result in at least one of persistent pain or some kind of bleeding). If you dont have either of those then thats already a great start!

@Flittingaboutagain I would agree with purple. Also there is no harm done in phoning as apposed to not phoning.

How are people sleeping? Usually a stomach sleeper and tonight I just can’t get comfortable. I don’t think it helps that I think my stomach is having another stretch.

@PeanutButterFalcon my attempts at sleeping on my side are a lot more successful with a body cushion, but I'm still flat on my back almost all of the times I wake (probably 3-4 times a night?), so I'm wondering if I need another one behind me too. Most of the assumed risk around sleep positions seems to be from 28ish weeks onwards so I'm just hoping I've got the hang of it by the time I get there! Interested to know if others who aren't usually side sleepers are managing it!

@notalwaysalondoner It doesn't have to be the women making the trade offs! I hope you have a fair employer!

@PurpleCurtain I sleep on my side with a large pregnancy pillow. I do find I have to turn from side to side in the night as I can get pain in my bottom leg or hip. I used to be a stomach sleeper too. I sometimes find I'm more comfortable if I am almost tilted forwards a bit but with the pillow in front so I'm not putting a lot of weight on my bump.

Thank you.

I have just left a message for her.

WRT to sleeping i am using BB Hug Me in a U shape so a bit as a pillow and a bit to go behind me to keep me on my side more often than not. My head going in the middle of the U. It's really helping to train me into not back sleeping and I'm told will come into its own as I get a bigger bump.

Just jumping in here I'm due with my first on 4th July after two losses in the past 12 months. I had my 20week scan yesterday and feel more relaxed now that I know everything is ok! Altho this means I have bought nothing so far and now I don't even know where to begin . Please tell me I'm not the only one so unprepared lol!

Due date twin @Rainbowhunter89!

Thank you. I definitely will be trying out some new positions tonight. If I go on my side I end up on my back to. My hips are not agreeing with being on my side. I ended up using my pillow as a circle last night with my stomach popping through the middle. Don’t think it will work for long.
@Rainbowhunter89 Congratulations and sorry for your previous loses. I don’t think many of us were prepared from the previous thread although had been thinking about what to buy.

I’m sleeping really well but having crazy vivid dreams! I haven’t felt any movements yet at 17 weeks but can’t wait! We’re not going to find out the gender but it’s tempting!

@ElderMillennial it’s not work or my DH making me make trade offs, it’s more I’m personally conflicted about what to do! Do I go part time or stay full time? Do I switch to an easier lower hours internal role or keep trying to climb the ladder (I’m in a very intense management consulting job and often work 12 hour days or more plus lots of stress)? Do I tell work my thoughts or pretend I’m super ambitious until after the baby is here in case I change my mind about what I want to do once I’m actually on leave? Just lots of difficult choices. I also get 6 months full pay so that’s great.

@notalwaysalondoner will it close off your options to act "like you're not pregnant" if that makes sense? I recently went for (and got) an internal promotion that I'm not sure will still work for me after maternity leave, but it's the right thing for me for now, and of course I knew I'd really regret not going for it if something were to go wrong with the pregnancy. I'm expecting to make a standard assumption that I'll try and come back to this role after mat leave, but that I'll have a couple of keep in touch meetings with my boss to explore if I have any concerns, a couple of months away from my return. I'm not sure that works for everyone but would advise not closing off your options as you don't know how you'll feel!

Sorry that was meant for you re sleeping positions @PeanutButterFalcon

@notalwaysalondoner It sounds like you have options and that's a good thing. I'm also thinking about what to do, how long to take off, whether to go back part time, but I don't feel like I have to give anything up and I know my husband would be happy to take time off to look after the baby too. I plan to go for a promotion this summer and I don't feel that being pregnant will make that more difficult as I have a fair employer so I'm grateful for that as I know nothing everyone does.

@PurpleCurtain
I also don't see climbing the ladder as being at odds with reducing my hours but again I could be fortunate to work somewhere that allows me to be in that position. I think you just need to do what feels right for you and also realise you might feel differently in a month or after baby comes or when it's time to go back to work... I don't feel like I need to make any decisions immediately.

I have friends in industries where going part time means you get overlooked for taking clients deemed to be demanding (and bringing in the money) or projects that require a lot of responsibility once they have gone part time, which has ultimately reduced opportunity for promotion. In my professional this isn't an issue and the more senior people often work part time.

No word from midwives yet.

Hello ladies!! Jumped over from the other thread!
Loving the due date list!
I'm due 21st July xx

Hi everyone, thought I finally say hello after just reading the threads for months now.

I am 17+ 4 with identical twins after a long time ttc and a miscarriage last April, we ended up doing IVF and the embryo split.
I am always so scared something will happen that I haven't allowed myself to enjoy this pregnancy just yet, but I did cave yesterday and bought a few outfits for them but am holding onto my 19 and 20-week scan to feel a bit more confident, especially as one of the twins has a growth restriction and measures 1.5weeks behind the bigger one, but so far they are ok and healthy and each growing in their own curves.

So @notalwaysalondoner I know exactly how you feel.
By the way you do not have to make a choice now, you can take your maternity leave and change your mind halfway through or at the end, even if you quit or change jobs, it is within your rights.

@TiredAlreadyOhDear, @Ginevere and @Luckyelephant1 - I'm not sure if you have been told details but I have no agreement with my boss about SMP, but I will pitch a full pay for 4/5 months if I can and I believe she will be ok, but as you work for companies who already enforce that, was it on your contract?
Do you have to have a certain time in the company to be allowed full pay?
And do you know if they claim back SMP anyway? I ask as I am the only employee for my boss ad it seems that the SMP can be offset PAYEE and NI so it would be benefitial for companies to officially put you on leave and just top up your pay.
Basically just trying to figure out what is out there so I can write an offer to my boss.

thanks x

Thanks everyone! I feel the consensus here and with my friends and with my mentor at work is to basically keep my options open and only talk about stepping back after I’m on leave for a few months as then I’ll be clearer about what I really want!

Jealous of hearing about everyone’s movements and bumps - I don’t really have either yet, my jeans are a bit tighter and sometimes I have to undo them, but not every day so probably also bloating!

Do other people’s hips hurt? Mine are generally ok but if I go on a long walk or run they sometimes hurt afterwards especially at night. Wonder if I should stop but it’s not bad and important to exercise...

@MochaTea I know what you mean, I had two miscarriages last year including one that required surgery and so I’m not getting my hopes up, we only told most people after 15 weeks and I’m waiting for my next nhs scan to buy anything. We’ve just moved house and I’m leaving the nursery to last as I need to focus on the rest of the house - but it’s so tempting to decorate that first, but I’d feel awful if anything bad happened. Twins are so exciting!

@MochaTea I work for a pretty big company and it’s in my contract to get 6.5 months full pay I think you have to have worked for the company for at least 6months before you can qualify though.

I then have the option go onto stat until 9 months and then can take the last 3 months as unpaid if I want.

However I’m going to have stat for 1.5 months then have 1 month just with my annual leave that I’ve carried over for this year so will give me 9months off in total with only 1.5 on stat pay.....at least that’s the plan right now....it could very well be turned on its head once the baby comes 😂🙈

@notalwaysalondonerI'm the same, we only told close family and friends at 14 weeks as we had a potential twin twin syndrome which is a really bad thing to happen to twins and we wanted the support in case we had to make a difficult decision, but I'm only telling my family after the 20 weeks scan and that's when I'll start to think about things to buy.
Lockdown helps as I deff want to be able to go to shops and browse.

@TiredAlreadyOhDear thanks so much, 9 months would be amazing, I have nothing in my contract or anything in agreement but I will try to get 5 months in total work for a few weeks and get another 3/4 weeks for xmas - I've read you can carry 4 weeks into the next holiday year because of covid so that's a massive bonus for me as I have not had any holidays for a year.

@honeybooboo26 due date twin! Also my first, also having a girl! I was convinced a boy so it’s a massive shock, but my husband is thrilled as he secretly wanted a girl!

@MochaTea I work for a large company with an enhanced maternity policy, so I knew what the score would be!

@TiredAlreadyOhDear have you read the fine print of your mar policy? I only ask because I assumed I’d be on SMP from 29-39 weeks (EMP runs out at week 29) but according to the policy this is included in the EMP, so from week 29 I get no pay at all. Not an issue as I can save in the run up, plus my bonus will land in one of the ‘empty’ months so that will help, just worth knowing for planning!

@MochaTea yeah we can carry over anything we haven’t taken either so I’m trying to not take much before July then I can add it to my mat leave :) it’s not so bad because I’m working from home all the time so I don’t actually feel like I need to take as many days off. I’ll work as far upto the baby being born as I can - hopefully if all goes ok I should be good in my role to work right up until my due date as I’m only at home working on the computer so it’s not physical - however suppose I’ll have to see how I got closer to the time and hope pregnancy treats me well :)

Got my 20 week scan next weds - I was born with a cleft lip ( none of my family have one so it’s not hereditary) I’ve been told by the midwife they will be able to tell on the 20 week scan if the baby has one - so I’m a little nervous for that.
It’s never bothered me having one and not impacted my life at all really - but ideally would be pleased if the baby didn’t have the same just for all the stress and operations and things....it will probs be fine but the closer to the scan the more I’m thinking about it being a possibility!