Help, faint line, what shall I do?? (a bit long winded, sorry)

[nicmum2boys]

Hi,this site is so brilliant I have never needed to post a problem before, as someone is usually going through/been through what I am and I have picked up all the advice I need that way. However, I really feel I need someone to talk to on this one, as I don't really have anyone in RL I can turn to.
We have 2 DSs (4 and 15 months), have been on the mini pill, but a bit lax at taking it lately. Last wed/thur I had some light spotting, as period not due til this tues alarm bells started ringing, (am never early and thought could it be implantation bleeding?) Did a test on sunday with Boots own and got a v faint but definate positive. Tested again yesterday as I thought 2 days later line should be darker, but got the same v faint positive. Now I am in a right state, don't know how to feel as

1. DH does not want any more (and does not know all this yet) 2.Only time I ever had a faint pos before I went on to miscarry at 5 1/2 weeks (although the result was faint at 5 weeks) I really don't know what to think, if I am pg it will really mess things up in terms of relationship with DH (don't think he will believe it was an accident), but now I'm thinking I could miscarry again I suddenly really want this baby. I'm really scared. Sorry to ramble on so long, I really needed to get some of this out. What I need to know if poss is, has anyone ever experienced a faint line like this (with repeat testing), and what happened? Does anyone have an opinion on the best test to use, as I shall be testing again at the weekend (if I can wait that long, or bleeding hasn't started). Really hope some of this makes sense, thanks nic x

Good luck at the doctors today - just seen this thread nicmum. Hope they can tell you exactly what is going on as soon as possible - the waiting to know is often the worst bit of it all. Hugs xx

Hi Nic - let us know when you know something

Well, I didn't exactly get the result I wanted before I went, but I am happy the doc took me seriously.
He gave me a thorough tummy exam and that combined with my symptoms says he is pretty sure it's not an ectopic. He rang the gynae registrar at the local hospital, and they decided it's not worth me having a scan yet, as they probably won't be able to see very much at this early stage. I know I wanted to push for a scan, but what I didn't want is to be admitted (which is what would have happened since the epu closes at 12.00), and have to spend time away from the DSs. I had a scan with DS2 at 7 weeks, and they still couldn't detect a heartbeat then, so I can see where they're coming from, even though I want answers NOW, I know I can't have them.
Anyway the upshot is if the bleeding gets worse, or if I'm in pain I'm to go straight back, otherwise I have an appointment for next Friday morning, at which point he'll refer me for a scan then. He seemed to think the fact that the tests have been getting more and more positive was a good sign, but didn't rule out m/c (which I kind of new anyhow).
So, more wait and see. Kind of thought this would happen. Trying to be philosophical about it, as there isn't really much I can do to stop a m/c if that's what's going to happen. At the moment I just feel glad thet they've ruled out ectopic which could have been life threatening. In the meantime I know I'm going to spend the next week worrying about every little symptom, and dreading going to the loo.
Just keep telling myself how very very lucky I am to have two wonderful sons, whatever hapens with this pregnancy, I know I have been blessed beyond what I ever dared dream to have them.
Thanks so much everyone for your support, it means so much. It definately helps being able to vent your feelings like this, and knowing you guys are out there thinking about me somehow makes me feel stronger, and more able to cope. nic x

Great news that it's not ectopic - and as you say - whatever happens now will just have to happen!

Until you have a scan I know you won't really relax, but try to enjoy your 2 boys and your dh over the next week or so, and take care of yourself

Thanks grumpyfrumpy.
I am just about hanging in there. Have had no more bleeding since saturday afternoon. Still not sure what to think. Am going to do a test before I go to the doc's on Friday, as he asked me to do one. Am now terrified it will be negative. Also worried they won't see anything conclusive on the scan, and there'll be yet more madness inducing waiting. The hardest bit is trying not to think of myself as pregnant, incase I'm really not now, so I don't have to go through all the loss again (who am I trying to kid?), but I also have to behave as if I am pregnant (no wine/brie/pate). It's like living a double life. Like I'm stuck. I can't move until I know what's happening.
Not being in control is not good!
Will keep you posted. nic x.

Nic

just found this thread and wanted to say that I am thinking of you. I hope everything goes well tomorrow at the Drs and that you get referred for a scan to put your mind at rest. I had a suspected ectopic at about 7 weeks with DD and hada scan and they saw everything was ok. It was very reassuring. I had had the lower side pain you decribed also and it turned out that that was from the corpus luteum (sp?) i.e. the ovary on the side which released the egg pumping out hormones.

Anyway. Thinking of you and hope things turn out well. Try not to worry about DH - I know circumstances are harder for you than for many of us but am sure he'll come round to the idea and you'll all get through.

Let us know how you get on tomorrow

(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

I'm not very hopeful at the moment. I have started bleeding again today, and it is red, and heavy enough to warrant a towel. Pretty much like a period really. I was so hopeful as the bleeding had stopped, did another test last night, still a def positive, then this today. I just want to curl up in a ball.
I will go to the doctors tomorrow anyway. Let you know what happens. nic x.

(((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))

fingers crossed for you. try to take easy and look after yourself. Hoping it is good news.

X

Seen the doctor,not been for a scan yet, am going back to the doctors on wednesday, and he will refer me for one then. Have to say I don't think there's much point. The bleeding continues today. Not as heavy as a period, but really quite heavy none the less. Doctor wants me to have a scan regardless as he said, "you never know, everything still might be ok, either way we need to do a scan and check what's going on in there."
I'm quite glad I'm not having a scan today, the idea of having it done while I'm bleeding like this is not nice, as I would expect it would have to be an internal scan.
Just don't know what to think or feel. I am pretty numb.
Thank God for my two boys and DH. Have to keep going for them, otherwise I'd probably lose it.

Oh Nic - thinking of you... try to take it easy over the next few days. It won't be easy to relax I know until you have had a scan. It's so hard not knowing.

Lots of people here on your side

{{hugs}}

thinking of you

XXX

Thought I'd better update you all, sorry, have not been able to post on this as I just couldn't bring myself to write it down.
I have definately had a miscarriage. Over the weekend I had v v heavy bleeding, cramping, and this continued into monday. Had completely stopped by wednesday, but hpt was negative wed morning, so it is definately all over .
Can't believe after everything, I've lost the baby. Struggling to see the point of it all, why why why? I am very emotionally all over the place atm.
DH is trying his best to be supportive, but he just isn't feeling the loss like I am. Doesn't help that we haven't told anyone in RL that I was even pg. Makes it even harder to tell people I've miscarried, so I haven't told anyone. It's very wierd, almost feel detached from it, as no one knows it's like it never happened............except it did.

Just wanted to say thankyou to everyone for thier support. It has made all the difference in the world to me. Thankyou from the bottom of my heart.nic xx

Oh poor Nicmum2boys. I am sorry to read your posting and then your final update. Early miscarriage is very common. I had one two weeks ago during my 7th week of pregnancy, started bleeding on 3.11.4 and DH definitely didn't want anymore so was in a sticky situation there. Hester also miscarried early so we have all experienced an awful loss around the same time. I had a good cry and while it didn't heal me I felt more positive after and that I was really going to go for it uring this and the coming months.
Hope you feel better soon.

So so sorry to hear this Nic. HAd been thinking about you and hoping no news was good news.

I hope you and your H can support each other and that you at least have someone in RL to talk to to help you through this.

hugs

Hi Nic. so sorry to hear about the miscarriage. i guess just try to treat yourself as gently as you can atm.

very sad news - so sorry that it has turned out like this. Thinking of you xx

Nic love, I'm so sorry to hear about your m/c. Like yours, my first pregnancy ended in early m/c at about 5 weeks; that was this summer and I know how absolutely empty and awful I felt. Be good to yourself now and make sure you can heal a bit before discussing trying again with dh. Also, I know how painful this will be, but make sure you get a scan to check the m/c was complete. Thinking of you. xxx

So sorry nic

Thanks everyone.
The doctor didn't seem to think a scan is necessary seeing as latest test was -ve. Bleeding has stopped, but I do feel a bit tender, not in pain, just a bit bruised. I'll go back and see him next week if it doesn't sort itself out.
The hardest thing apart from not telling anyone (still haven't) is the knowing DH definately won't go for another one. I am eternally grateful for our 2 lovely DSs. I just always thought I'd have 3. To get pg unexpectedly, and then have it ripped away like this feels very cruel. It's almost like DH has taken this as definate proof we are not meant to have any more babies.
I'm finding it quite hard to keep it all together at the moment. It's ok if I don't think about it. It's moments like now, when I'm on my own, and I can just cry, I realise how much it's affecting me. I guess I just need to give myself time to grieve, not just for the loss of this baby, but the loss of hope of having any more.

Hi Nic

just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. Hope everything is going ok, and I do hope that you've found someone to talk to in RL about this if you need to. You are right, you do need to grieve and sometimes that can be hard if no-one knows why you are sad or upset.

Take good care of yourself, and remember, even if there is no-one to talk to in RL you can cry on virtual shoulders here whenever you need to. In fact I hope you are doing that, maybe on another thread that I haven't seen. Just didn't want you to feel forgotten about.

(((((big hug))))

Hi Nic. I am in exactly the same position. DP doesn't want anymore, I do, I got preg and miscarried three weeks ago in my seventh week. I feel tearful too as he is too scared to come near me so how can I get preg again? Let's work out a plan....

Motherpeculiar, thankyou. I'm so grateful, everyone has been so brilliant on here, real lifeline. I have managed to tell my Mum. She has been slightly more supportive than I expected (last timeshe said "perhaps it was for the best, you already have one disabled person in the house, maybe the baby would've been too" wtf??). I desparately need to tell my best friend, but she is going through a really dark time, her younger sister was killed in a carcrash recently. She is falling apart, and I need to be there for her, not the other way around atm. I know she would be upset about all this, and I just can't do it to her. Thankyou thankyou thankyou for your virtual shoulder.
shouldknowbyfriday, so sorry you are going through this too. How many children do you have? I can't believe that men can be so emotionally cold over their potential children. I am so angry with my DH, as he too won't come anywhere near me incase it happens again, which is quite likely as I am not on the pill anymore. Like you said, how am I supposed to get pregnant again?? It's soooo painful. When I miscarried my first pg, all I could think of was getting pg again, and that was fine, it was what we both wanted. Lo and behold, I was pg again 6 weeks later, no period inbetween. This time it's just like there's this empty void, and I can't fill it with anthing except this yearning and grief.
I just keep thinking, (sorry if morbid) when he is on his deathbed, will he regret having a third child? No, he won't, he will love him or her as passionately as he loves our DSs now. Will I regret not having one? Yes, at the moment I think I will.
Today he was meant to go to cricket practise (no mean feat playing cricket when blind!!), but announced this morning he would come straight home after work as he was feeling unwell. All day I've been thinking "he's not unwell, he just wants some time alone to tell me he's changed his mind" WRONG No, he spent all night in the dining room while I was in the lounge. It's like he thinks if he ignores it it'll go away. Now ................ what of this plan????