Help, faint line, what shall I do?? (a bit long winded, sorry)

[nicmum2boys]

Hi,this site is so brilliant I have never needed to post a problem before, as someone is usually going through/been through what I am and I have picked up all the advice I need that way. However, I really feel I need someone to talk to on this one, as I don't really have anyone in RL I can turn to.
We have 2 DSs (4 and 15 months), have been on the mini pill, but a bit lax at taking it lately. Last wed/thur I had some light spotting, as period not due til this tues alarm bells started ringing, (am never early and thought could it be implantation bleeding?) Did a test on sunday with Boots own and got a v faint but definate positive. Tested again yesterday as I thought 2 days later line should be darker, but got the same v faint positive. Now I am in a right state, don't know how to feel as

1. DH does not want any more (and does not know all this yet) 2.Only time I ever had a faint pos before I went on to miscarry at 5 1/2 weeks (although the result was faint at 5 weeks) I really don't know what to think, if I am pg it will really mess things up in terms of relationship with DH (don't think he will believe it was an accident), but now I'm thinking I could miscarry again I suddenly really want this baby. I'm really scared. Sorry to ramble on so long, I really needed to get some of this out. What I need to know if poss is, has anyone ever experienced a faint line like this (with repeat testing), and what happened? Does anyone have an opinion on the best test to use, as I shall be testing again at the weekend (if I can wait that long, or bleeding hasn't started). Really hope some of this makes sense, thanks nic x

Hi, I tested and tested when I was pregnant cos I knew I was pregnant but the test kept coming up negative until I got one with a very faint line. It stayed faint for the next few tests but I was definitely positive and had a normal pregnancy. SOunds like you are positive. I'm sorry its such a mixed up time for you, good luck.

I had 3 or 4 faint test results. the end result was a healthy dd.

Try clearblue with first morning wee - but at the end of the day a line is a line - the line is just faint in the early days. I am 5 wks pg with no.3 (already have 2 DS's) and did two tests last week - both faintish lines - but the one i did first thing in the morning was darker). Do you think your DH may be ok when he gets used to the idea???

Possibly Tessiebear...... trouble is he does have very valid reasons for not wanting anymore. He is blind, and already finds the mess 2 boys create a hazard (although I try to keep on top of it), he also finds it v difficult looking after them on his own, for probably obvious reasons (incidentally, this also worries me, if I leave him with them I panick the whole time that something will happen, so this will only be magnified with3). There is also the issue of only having 3 bedrooms, so means someone sharing, bigger car, longer time til I go back to work etc etc. Actually the more I think about it the worse it gets.........logically I know this is a right mess, but emotionally I want this baby.

I had a very very faint line with dd. I did four tests and all were equally as faint. I had an absolutely normal pregnancy and health baby. The previous year I fell pregnant and had a very dark positive result. I went on to miscarry. The strength of the line on the test is no indication of the state of the pregnancy. It sounds like you are pregnant but to be 100% sure get a digital clear blue test. That will actually say 'pregnant' or 'not pregnant'. I hope you can work things out with your dh if it is a positive result. xxx

I have to go out shopping in a minute, so I will try and get hold of a clearblue digital. I really am mixed up on this one, I don't know if I'm hoping it will be pos or neg. I think it's the uncertainty, once I know for sure I suppose I can move forward. Although from what everyone has said so far it's sounding increasingly likely I am pg.

Poor you.
I can understand how you are feeling right now.
I have had a total of 3 unplanned pregnancies, with the first (I was using persona 4 contraception) resulting in a miscarraige.
I seem 2 remember that the line on that pregnancy was actually very dark, so I would not read 2 much into the feint line. It may well be because u have tested early.
I remember that both DH & myself were very depressed on realising that I was pregnant with that 1st pregnancy, but when I started 2 miscarry a few days later, I found myself really wanting the baby.
My next pregnancy was the result of a late mini pill & the last one I am still not sure what happened, as I was on the combination pill at the time & thought I had taken them all correctly.
My DH would have been happy without any kids & it took him (& me!) a while 2 come 2 terms with the pregnancies.
My DH has now had a vasectomy, to try 2 insure that this does not happen again!
Is this something that your DH may consider?
It does take a large weight off your mind!
Anyway, best of luck with whatever your outcome.

Well I have been out and got a clearblue digital, and some more Boots own tests (just incase). Not sure when I'm going to use them at the moment, possibly in the morning, might wait til Friday depends how I feel when I wake up. I keep thinking one minute I feel pg, and the next that AF is going to arrive any minute (which I suppose would make this another early m/c?). But then I know it's really early days and I can remember feeling like that with previous pgs.
Thanks everyone for your support, it makes me feel like I'm not carrying this on my own. I've been desparate to talk to DH, but don't want to drop a big bomb so to speak until I'm sure, as I know this is really going to take him (and me) some serious getting used to.
Bluteddy he has been going on about having a vasectomy since DS2 was born. I wouldn't let him have one yet as I couldn't face the thought of not having anymore. Ironically, I was just starting to appreciate life becoming a little easier, and coming round to the idea. How stupid do I feel now? We have had endless discussions on the vasectomy vs No3 front and always reached a stalemate. This is why I know he is going to think I did this on purpose.

Oh good luck nicmum2boys!
I feared that my DH would not believe that my last pregnancy was an accident (as it was my 3rd & I never wanted 2 rule out the idea of a 2nd child, although was not ruling it in either!)and I hid the positive test 4 3 days because of this!
I think that it was only the fact that I was as shoked & upset about it happening as he was that convinced him that it was a genuine accident!
I cannot offer much in the way of advice but just wanted 2 wish u luck as I know just how you are feeling, having been there myself!
Also, dont worry about slight AF type cramps, as I had them so bad with both my boys that I was sure AF was on it's way.

A line is a line, I'm afraid (or pleased to say - hard to tell in your circumstances, sorry).
You are obviously pregnant. the mini-pill is much more risky to mess around with than the normal pill - you lose protection very quickly. I suspect a termination would be out of the question for you, so you will have to talk to your husband about this at some point.

But I think it is a case of congratulations. If your dh is a loving dad to his kids, I expect after the initial shock and upset things will work out for you. Good luck.

I need to agree that it does sound you are pregnant... and not to consider the state of the line. When a doctor did a test for me the line came up so quickly he went "blooming hell you definately are" and I went on the miscarry.

However, you need to explain to dh that no contraception is fool proof. It's 99.7% (or however much) reliable for a reason... and you can fall into the .3% I've been pregnant 3 times, all on the pill, all taken correctly. I've varied the pill, to no avail. So even if you hadn't missed some, it could still happen.

False positive pg tests are virtually unheard of, so congrats I guess. Just a word of warning though (and this really is rather unlikely, but potentially serious so I'll mention it) low hormone levels (and weak positive pg tests) can be a sign of ectopic pregnancy. Most likely it's just that it's early days; but if you get any abdominal pain, don't delay in seeing a doctor.

Aloha, no, I don't know wether it's congratulations or not either! I think once I've told Dh it'll crystalise things, as if he's supportive then I will feel probably really happy about it. Actually even if he is really unsupportive, now I know about it, I can't help but want this baby, despite the seemingly insurmountable practicalities. Although he has said in previous discussions that if I did get pg again it would basically be my problem (ie he would find it hard to support me). He is a wonderful Dad to our DSs, and I'm sure he will be to this one too, when he comes to terms with it, just not looking forward to the fallout in between. Was going to talk to him tonight, but he came home upset about a position at work he was overlooked for, decided not to further ruin his day. Think I'll leave it now til I've done another test.
You're right an abortion is out of the question, I'm a Christian, and I don't think it's fair the baby should suffer for my mistakes. Afterall this little person has the potential for so much. I could not live with myself afterwards, and I know DH couldn't either. (Wouldn't dream of condemming anyone else who had one, don't want to offend anyone, just couldn't do it myself).
Barbaloot, the poss of an ectopic had occured to me, as this was a concern with my first pg which ended in m/c, my hormone levels were low then, which is one reason why the faint line is concerning me. Assuming tests continue to show pos I'll go and see my GP fairly soon anyway.
Thanks again every one. Having someone to talk to is invaluable.

Well I've done a clear blue digital and it was positive. It is starting to hit home that this is a reality. Feel very sad at the moment. Just when I look at my two boys I'm thinking how much less time I will have for them, especially DS2 who will I guess only be just 2 when the baby is born. I feel so guilty, like I am robbing them of something. Kissing DH goodbye was sooo hard this morning. It's like I've got this bomb waiting to go off, and when it does it's going to ruin his life. I suppose though I just need to get it over and done with, and tell him. The longer I leave it the worse it will be.
Then on top of this I feel guilty for thinking how much having this baby is going to mess up our cosy lives.

i hope everthing works out for you. let us know whats happening wont you.

Hi Nic - sorry about your situation, I read it all yesterday and wanted to say something about the chance of an ectopic, but didn't want to scare you. But now someone else has mentioned it, I just wanted to say I got pregnant on the mini-pill last year,I only missed the one though. It was ectopic and we went through a really tough time. So getting it checked is paramount.

It's weird you feeling guilty about ds2 because I felt the same last year about dd, she would have only been 18mths if the baby had been born, and I felt guilty for her too. But I'm sure your kids would never miss out, as you are aware.

Dh may suprise you, I know he said he doesn't want anymore, and I understand your situation is much harder than most, but it could be different when he knows for sure. Even if it takes a while to get used to the idea.

Good luck, xxx

Hi,
Just wanted to say that although i understand what you say in your last post, about 'messing up your cosy lives,' i know that not too long down the line that you will realise that the exact opposite will be true.
When all the mess has settled, and you have all got used to the idea, you will realise that this child will enrich your lives - and that of your two boys.
But i think that deep down you probably know that. But you need to talk to your DH so that you don't have this hanging over you.
Can't wait for the posts in the coming months and Years where you talk of the joy your new baby brings..
Good luckxxx

nicmum2boys - hows it going?? Have you told your DH yet??

Yes I told him on Thursday (not been around on here cos things are a bit up in the air). His initial reaction surprised me, in that he doesn't blame me, and doesn't seem resentful towards me. He was/is gutted though . I told him about the fact that the line was faint and he's been clinging onto that I think, desparately hoping all this will come to nothing.
Yesterday we got talking about how we would work things out (bedrooms, equipment, practical stuff really), and I started to think that maybe everything would be ok, and we could really do this. Then last night I had some spotting and suddenly everything's upside down again. I've had no more since, and DH couldn't hide his disappointment this morning, (that I'd had no more bleeding). So he is now hoping that I will continue to bleed and miscarry, and I am hoping it was just a one off bit of spotting.
We are so on different sides of the coin on this. I don't know which way to turn, this is a real mess.
I know that if I don't miscarry he will grow to love this baby. It just hurts so much that at the moment he is hoping for the worst.

maybe he just needs some time to adust. it's all come as abit of a shock to him really.

hope it all comes good in the end.

Message withdrawn

Just wanted to add ((((((hugs))))))

nic, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. So sorry you think your partner is hoping for the worst. I really think men have a very different attitude to us for this sort of thing - he is taking the very logical and pragmatic approach and is fighting to keep his emotions at bay. It's probably not that he doesn't have feelings for the baby, but he won't like to show them or let them develop more until he's sure that it really is happening. It's part of the way a logical male mind works. Still a tough situation for you both - ((hugs))

Sorry if this sound neg, but you need to consider all possibilities.
I had a faint line-sort of if you looked right at it it would dissapear but if you looked just off from it it was def there. anyway turned out to be ectopic. I had another faint one recently and a week or two later misscarried.
hope yours turns out to be a BFP tho'