Help, faint line, what shall I do?? (a bit long winded, sorry)

[nicmum2boys]

Hi,this site is so brilliant I have never needed to post a problem before, as someone is usually going through/been through what I am and I have picked up all the advice I need that way. However, I really feel I need someone to talk to on this one, as I don't really have anyone in RL I can turn to.
We have 2 DSs (4 and 15 months), have been on the mini pill, but a bit lax at taking it lately. Last wed/thur I had some light spotting, as period not due til this tues alarm bells started ringing, (am never early and thought could it be implantation bleeding?) Did a test on sunday with Boots own and got a v faint but definate positive. Tested again yesterday as I thought 2 days later line should be darker, but got the same v faint positive. Now I am in a right state, don't know how to feel as

1. DH does not want any more (and does not know all this yet) 2.Only time I ever had a faint pos before I went on to miscarry at 5 1/2 weeks (although the result was faint at 5 weeks) I really don't know what to think, if I am pg it will really mess things up in terms of relationship with DH (don't think he will believe it was an accident), but now I'm thinking I could miscarry again I suddenly really want this baby. I'm really scared. Sorry to ramble on so long, I really needed to get some of this out. What I need to know if poss is, has anyone ever experienced a faint line like this (with repeat testing), and what happened? Does anyone have an opinion on the best test to use, as I shall be testing again at the weekend (if I can wait that long, or bleeding hasn't started). Really hope some of this makes sense, thanks nic x

How are you doing Nicmumtoboys? Did your spotting stop?

sorry you have been having such a stressful time, nicmum2boys. have to say I agree with Nickiey - that you should get any bleeding/spotting checked out by your GP or ideally EPU at local hospital in case of ectopic or m/c. hope everything is going okay today

I didn't have anymore spotting on Saturday, but have had some today. Not going to doctor's yet, as I know they wont see anything on the scan at 5 weeks (that is, it's too early to detect a heartbeat), and it seems pointless to go only to be told to wait and see what happens, as that's all I can do anyhow. Surely if it was ectopic I would have abdominal pain?
The other factor is, my car is out of action this week, and the thought of having to drag ds2 half way round town on the bus, followed by a long boring wait at the hospital for scan/blood tests is not what I need ontop of all this. If I was in pain or concerned I would get it checked though.
This is so hard. I can't turn to DH for support as he wants the very opposite outcome. Just want to run away and hide until I know which way this is going.
Also sad because I know this is my last chance. DH will never go for a third child, I know that by how he's reacting to the possibility of me losing this one. Not sure I can forgive him for being so matter of fact about it. My first pg ended in early m/c and we were both devestated. It was truly awful, but we had each other. I just feel so alone in this. It means alot to know you guys are here for me. Thanks, nic x

(((hugs))) This must be incredibly difficult for you. I hope the outcome is the one you want.

But, you do need to speak to your DH about this. If the worst does happen, your hormones will be raging and you will be understandably upset. You need your Dh's support, not him think "I'm so glad". Please try and talk to him about it.

Well I'm pretty certain that I am having a miscarriage. More bleeding/spotting, and I just don't feel pg, feel like I do after AF has arrived. I also did another test this morning, and whilst it was probably a bit stronger +ve, it still wasn't as strong as the control line, which by now it surely should be if things were ok.
Dh and I are steadfastly ignoing each other (well if I'm being honest I'm ignoring him). I'm so very angry with him that he can't equate this with a baby, a little life, all he can see are the negatives. Just feels like I lose all ways. If I lose this baby (which is looking/feeling pretty likely to me) he will be pleased and I will resent him. If I am wrong and everything turns out ok, I will be pleased and he will resent me and the baby. I know we have a long way to go on this one whatever the outcome of the pregnancy, but right now I'm too angry to talk to him.
On top of all this DS1 has a sickness bug.

Nic - (((((((((((Hugs))))))))))) Dont know what to say - only that we are all here for you and thinking about you. It would probably help if you just knew definately one way or the other wouldnt it?

Hugs nic {{{{}}}}. Hope you are OK.

Well, I have booked a doctor's appt for friday morning (the earliest I could be seen). I am fairly certain I'm having a m/c but wanted to get this checked out to be sure. The bleeding keeps coming and going,and is either is very light and watery or mucousy (sp?). Sorry for all the detail, just thought I'd put it in incase anyone had experience of similar. When I had my previous m/c the bleeding started off light too (but heavier than this), but was v different from this.
I have sat down and looked at all the tests I've done, well the last 3, from thur, sun and tues, and they definately get progressively stronger. On the other hand I just don't feel pg. I don't know what to think, hence the doctor's appt.
I know I am trying to over analyse this, I guess I'm just desparate for some answers.
In the meantime I think if I assume the worst (m/c) then I'm protecting myself from a worse loss later. Although that said I know it's not true, it will still be devaststing when I know for sure.
What a bl**dy mess

nicmum2boys...its so hard to feel like this. i know a little bit. when i first got pg with dd i didnt want her, her dad didnt want her. after the initial shock i started to change my mind but i still wondered how much this child was going to mess my life up. not the same but her dad left me and i went through so many different emotions. i knew i couldnt bear a termination and i couldnt have carried a baby for nine months only then to give it away...i wished at the time that i could take her out and have her put into another woman that really wanted a baby. but obviously that isnt possible. im ashamed to admit that at the time although i wanted her i did wish i would miscarry because that seemed like the only option, like i couldnt feel guilty about that and it would have been fate...i was so mixed up and even though i wished for it i would have been devestated if i had miscarried. its such an awful range of emotions to go through. the thought that my ex was wishing my baby would die was truly awful too. this post is so mixed up because thats exactly how i felt at the time. so sorry youre having such a bad time and i really hope that things work out for you xx

Thanks nightowl. So sorry you've had such a tough time too. You're right mixed up is exactly how I feel. Don't know wether I'm coming or going. I'm so glad I have everyone at Mumsnet to vent my feelings to. If I couldn't let some of them out I think I would crack up.
I am hoping the Doctor will be able to help me get some answers tomorrow. The bleeding is continuing, although heavier still not really what I would think of as a proper period, not enough to need a towel. However I did yet another test this morning , and it was stronger still, came up +ve really quickly, and at least as strong as the control line. Having had a prev m/c I know that a +ve test doesn't necessarily indicate you are pregnant now, as the hormone can stay in your body for such a long time afterwards, but to be getting stronger?? Would the level still be rising if I was miscarrying?? I know I probably shouldn't have done the test today, just thought if it was neg I would know for sure what's happening. I don't want to lose this baby, but I just need to know, so I can move forward. I guess now the only way to find out for sure is to have a scan/ blood tests.
Need to try and get my assertive head on before Doctors tomorrow. When I went to tell him I was pg with DS2, I mentioned I'd had one incedent of spotting on the day my period was due, but no more bleeding. His reply was "That means you might not be pg, do another test in 2 weeks and come back if it's +ve". I was devestated, and it was a v long 2 weeks. I don't want to be fobbed off with that, I know they can do blood tests to check if pg is viable, as they did them with my first m/c. Just hope he is a little more compassionate this time.

nicmum2boys

sorry to hear about the further bleeding. it must be such a stressful time for you.

could you go straight to EPU at your local hospital, and get them to do blood tests etc for you, as sounds like your GP is pretty unsympathethic?

Bleeding honestly doesn't necessarily mean miscarriage. It's very, very common. I bled most days from about six weeks until about 14 weeks (not that long ago but already seems like history!) I'm now 26 weeks and my baby daughter is wriggling as I type. Of course, I cannot guarantee that you won't miscarry - nobody can - but I had bleeding ranging from brown to pink to bright red - mostly spotting but one day that was just like a period. When I had my 20 week scan they could see the blotches of blood in the placenta and my poor baby was lying in amniotic fluid speckled with old blood - but it was all perfectly harmless. Please don't panic. At six weeks a decent scan should be able to detect a heartbeat and once you've seen that the risk of miscarriage drops dramatically. Good luck to you. I do know how worrying it is, but bleeding and pregnancy do sometimes simply go together.

Oh and stop wasting your money on tests! They won't tell you anything! Spend the money on something nice instead.

I went straight to the EPU and found them fantastic, btw. I don't know where you are, but strongly recommend Kings if you are in London.

if you are anywhere near Liverpool, the Women's Hospital is very good - they have a gynaecology A & E Section with an internal scanner.

They need a referal from my GP, and are v strict about it..... to the extent that when I had bleeding with ds1 (bleeding in pregnancy seems to be something I do alot), I was 5 mins down the road from the epu, and they wouldn't see me, made me drive the 30mins each way through the traffic to go to my Doctors to get the referral, wouldn't even accept a fax.
On top of this ds1 is v poorly with sickness and diarrhoea, and my car is broken. Talk about circumstances conspiring against me! Guess I'll just hang on til tomorrow now.

Gosh, thanks for quick responses, was replying to MTS's first message. I am in Portsmouth.
Yes, I know I should stop testing, just making myself even more mixed up aren't I?

hi Nic - just wanted to send a bit of support!

Hope you're feeling more relaxed this morning... it's so tough not knowing isn't it. I've had a couple of mc's, and so I was really cautious in my last pregnancy with dd2 (not physically cautious, just not wanting to presume that the pg was going normally). But you said you bled with ds1 aswell, so this may be normal for you?

As a mum of 3 IMO the practical problems are less moving from 2 to 3 than from 1 to 2! You and dh will be much more relaxed parents cos you've done it all before, twice. And my kids love sharing a bedroom (at the mo, at least!)

Maybe you could get a friend to give you a lift, or have ds2 while you go to hosp/docs?

ooh didn't see the bit about ds1 being poorly today - poor thing. All you need today too

Thanks Tickle, support much needed and appreciated. Yes DS1 had sickness on tues, seemed fine yesterday, went to school, then came back with a vengence . Not nice for him (or me!) poor love. Glad sharing a room isn't a problem, as this is one of my worries. Just feel for DS2 especially, as he will be the one that definately has to share with someone.
Aloha bleeding between 6 and 14 weeks! You must have been beside yourself. So glad everything is going well now. I remember feeing alot more reassured with Ds's when I could feel movement, that at least I had that knowledge if I could feel them moving they were ok. Thanks, it's reassuring to know that you can bleed like this and still be pregnant.

Just a couple of my experiences too with the mess and the bigger car:
I am rubbish at keeping things clean and tidy, but dh is on a campaign to get the dd1 & ds cleaning up their toys - and they are getting better all the time. We have been down to ikea and got storage stuff for all their kit - it's fab and it clears the floor

We have actually manage with a smaller car now than before dd2 (lots of resons!), but we have an ordinary small saloon. The dogs have to stay at home now though if we go out all together - if you have a guide dog for dh this might not be an option for you!

Good luck and stay positive

Nic- i have two DS's and am now pg with no.2 (planned) One of my concerns was that my DS's will have to share a room (we only have 3 bedrooms at the moment) We are going to get them bunkbeds probably which they really want - i think at the end of the day children adapt pretty quickly to new circumstances and will probably be v. excited at the prospect of another brother or sister

still thinking about you nic, really hope all turns out well xx

Glad I have docs today (at 10.50). Last night I had a really low stitch type pain on my lh side. It went on for so long it did get me worrying about ectopic pregnancy. Looked up the symptoms, and I didn't realise one of them was brown watery loss, which I have been getting, although it has also been sludgy and bright red blood (sorry if TMI). The bleeding tailed off yesterday and seems to have stopped for now.
A couple of you mentioned ectopic as a possibility, Nickiey, Smellymelly, if you're reading this (or anyone else who's had one) just wondered what your symptoms were?
Just pannicking cos I'm scared the doctor is going to fob me off and send me away for a week or two again. Thanks nic x

Thinking of you & family today Nic - good luck at the docs.

No experience of ectopic to help you I'm afraid, let's hope it's not. My 3rd pregnancy was definitely less comfortable than my first two, and the midwife told me that the ligaments aren't designed to stretch back and forth lots of times, so as the hormones kick in to let them relax, they can be sore... maybe this is your stitch??