Returning to work after 4 months

[savethewales]

Hi all,

I’m just after some advice/stories. I’m currently 17 weeks pregnant and finishing my third year of a primary education degree. I’m a little older than the average student at 29.
I’ve been offered a place on a schools direct scheme to start next September, I’ll work unpaid until July but will then have QTS and a position at the school. My husband gets really good paternity and we hoped to do shared parental leave anyway; but am I am mad to think about going to this placement 4 months after the baby is born?
I’ll get all of the school holidays which is a bonus and once I have my QTS will be earning a relatively good salary. I’m just wanting to bite the bullet and get this done so I can start my career.

I’m starting to doubt myself and get chewed about it.

I went back to work when my son was 16 weeks old at the start of the pandemic. It's completely doable.

I think it depends on you and your baby. I wouldn't have coped being separated from mine at that age.

I feel quite lucky I can leave him with my husband and then family but I’m just feeling slightly down after the initial high of being offered the post x

Some people can. You won’t know till you’re in that position. Personally there was no way on this earth I could’ve done it.

I found 4-5 months incredibly difficult. DD didn't really sleep and wanted to feed basically all night. There is no way I could have worked.

If I wasn't breastfeeding it obviously would have been possible, but still utterly exhausting.

Do the people who think they couldn’t do it feel that way as they didn’t have to maybe? It’s a tricky one x

I went back to work when my eldest was 10 weeks old, out of necessity. It was awful, I was so sleep deprived and like a zombie at work. I also found it terribly hard leaving my baby in a nursery. I couldn't have studies or done work in the evenings too like you would have to with teaching. Could you not defer for a year or reapply?

@savethewales

Do the people who think they couldn’t do it feel that way as they didn’t have to maybe? It’s a tricky one x

I would’ve done anything in my power not to. Moving house/benefits/living with parents if I absolutely had to. I didn’t have to but that’s how strongly I felt about it.

I’d be going back at 6 months, so it seems daft to delay the whole thing by a year for the sake of a month or two. I’m lucky he won’t be in a nursery, he’ll be with family.
I just don’t see the pull to delay everything by a full year, while if I do it I’d have school holidays and more earning potential in 9 months x

I don’t want to sound negative, it’s of course your choice but IMO there is a HUGE difference between 4 and 6 months.

So is it 4 months or 6 months? It's your choice if you feel you can manage it

If I take the position I’d go back after 4 months, if I don’t, I’ll be returning to my current job after 6 months regardless.

I didn't have to, but I could have quite happily. Ended up going back after 8 months, which was too long for me personally, as I hated everything about mat leave. Only time will tell how you might feel.

I’m lucky he won’t be in a nursery, he’ll be with family.

I disagree this. Personally, I couldn't think of anything worse than leaving DS with my family despite their offers. He's thrived in a nursery setting and I have no regrets.

@rottiemum88

I’m lucky he won’t be in a nursery, he’ll be with family.

I disagree this. Personally, I couldn't think of anything worse than leaving DS with my family despite their offers. He's thrived in a nursery setting and I have no regrets.

That’s great for you, but my husband will have our child :)

Teaching is full on especially your NQT year honestly it will be really hard work as you will have barking and lesson planning in the evenings/ weekends abs I couldn't have managed that with a 4 month old. As an experienced teacher I found going back hard juggling everything on a part time basis let alone a new teacher.

That’s great for you, but my husband will have our child :)

Yes, I read your post. What I meant was it's quite insulting to insinuate that it's "lucky" to be able to leave a baby with family. Not everyone would consider it so.

@m4d0

Teaching is full on especially your NQT year honestly it will be really hard work as you will have barking and lesson planning in the evenings/ weekends abs I couldn't have managed that with a 4 month old. As an experienced teacher I found going back hard juggling everything on a part time basis let alone a new teacher.

It won’t be my NQT year; I’ll be on placement to get qualified teacher status so won’t have yet qualified.

@rottiemum88

That’s great for you, but my husband will have our child :)

Yes, I read your post. What I meant was it's quite insulting to insinuate that it's "lucky" to be able to leave a baby with family. Not everyone would consider it so.

It isn’t insulting - I feel it is lucky to be able to leave my baby with family and that I’m fortunate to be in that position. Just because not everyone considers it so, doesn’t mean my opinion is wrong.

I returned to work around 16-17 weeks with both DSs as that's all we get here.

It was absolutely fine BUT it a huge factor was that my babies were in daycare less than 1/2 mile away from my office, I could go and see them during the day if I'd wanted and I live on a small island and my home, school, office is all within 3 square miles of each other.

I probably would have struggled emotionally had I needed to commute a longer distance but I definitely think starting a new career is a great opportunity.

The fact that you get key vacation dates and you'd be going back at 6 months in any event makes me say "go for it!".

You're safe in the knowledge that your baby is with its dad and you can build up your independence from a little earlier. Before I went back to work, I would leave him with his daycare workers for a few hours at a time and go and get my hair done or a massage. Leaving the baby to do something nice for myself made it easier to be apart from him when the time came to go back to work.

I would suspect that the excitement of a new opportunity will soften the blow considerably than if you returned when the baby was 6 months to a position you didn't really want to do.

Good luck with what you decide!

I couldn't have - not at 4 months - no way. I was breastfeeding and little one would NOT take a bottle, not for anyone. Plus I just couldn't have been separated fir that long, I can't explain it, I just couldn't have born it. I could just about manage it by the time she was 10 months and could probably have done it at 8 months or so if I'd had to.

I'm not trying to worry you and I'm sure people do cope but my PGCE and NQT year were the hardest 2 years of my life. Every holiday was full on with planning, prepping, assessments and compiling evidence towards the teachers standards. There is absolutely no way I could have done either with a tiny baby or toddler at home. Whilst I admire your determination I think you're massively underestimating both the workload and the emotional pull of wanting to be with your new baby.

@Strokethefurrywall

I returned to work around 16-17 weeks with both DSs as that's all we get here.

It was absolutely fine BUT it a huge factor was that my babies were in daycare less than 1/2 mile away from my office, I could go and see them during the day if I'd wanted and I live on a small island and my home, school, office is all within 3 square miles of each other.

I probably would have struggled emotionally had I needed to commute a longer distance but I definitely think starting a new career is a great opportunity.

The fact that you get key vacation dates and you'd be going back at 6 months in any event makes me say "go for it!".

You're safe in the knowledge that your baby is with its dad and you can build up your independence from a little earlier. Before I went back to work, I would leave him with his daycare workers for a few hours at a time and go and get my hair done or a massage. Leaving the baby to do something nice for myself made it easier to be apart from him when the time came to go back to work.

I would suspect that the excitement of a new opportunity will soften the blow considerably than if you returned when the baby was 6 months to a position you didn't really want to do.

Good luck with what you decide!

Thank you, I think the fact id be off in October, December, March and then May does make it feel a little easier. I appreciate your input as someone who’s done it :)

People do what they need to do in these circumstances. A year off is not a luxury everyone can afford. I went back when both my DC were six months old. I know people who went back to work full time when their DC were six weeks old.

Be under no illusions, it will be hard. If your DH can take parental leave it will make it easier if one of you is at home. Emotionally, it's hard being away from your baby regardless of what age they are. It's difficult not being there and missing out on the baby stage. I went back full time after my first and part time after my second, and it was easier going back after my second.

@LittleMissLockdown

I'm not trying to worry you and I'm sure people do cope but my PGCE and NQT year were the hardest 2 years of my life. Every holiday was full on with planning, prepping, assessments and compiling evidence towards the teachers standards. There is absolutely no way I could have done either with a tiny baby or toddler at home. Whilst I admire your determination I think you're massively underestimating both the workload and the emotional pull of wanting to be with your new baby.

Thanks for your input; I currently work full time while doing a full time degree and a placement in a school so I’m not overly worried about the workload. I’ll bare that in mind though :)