Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Returning to work after 4 months

83 replies

savethewales · 09/12/2020 17:17

Hi all,

I’m just after some advice/stories. I’m currently 17 weeks pregnant and finishing my third year of a primary education degree. I’m a little older than the average student at 29.
I’ve been offered a place on a schools direct scheme to start next September, I’ll work unpaid until July but will then have QTS and a position at the school. My husband gets really good paternity and we hoped to do shared parental leave anyway; but am I am mad to think about going to this placement 4 months after the baby is born?
I’ll get all of the school holidays which is a bonus and once I have my QTS will be earning a relatively good salary. I’m just wanting to bite the bullet and get this done so I can start my career.

I’m starting to doubt myself and get chewed about it.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Racoonworld · 09/12/2020 18:37

I personally couldn't do it, even at 6 months. I'm on maternity leave at the moment and it is just unthinkable. But everyone's different!

Original poster

savethewales · 09/12/2020 18:39

@Woohoowoowoo

People do what they need to do in these circumstances. A year off is not a luxury everyone can afford. I went back when both my DC were six months old. I know people who went back to work full time when their DC were six weeks old.

Be under no illusions, it will be hard. If your DH can take parental leave it will make it easier if one of you is at home. Emotionally, it's hard being away from your baby regardless of what age they are. It's difficult not being there and missing out on the baby stage. I went back full time after my first and part time after my second, and it was easier going back after my second.

Thank you, you’re right people manage in worse situations and get on. I’m just anxious I’ll get to a point where I’m jealous of everyone spending time with my baby while I’m off working, but I have to weigh that up with being a qualified teacher and being able to provide a better family life all around when he’s a little older x

OP posts:

GlennRheeismyfavourite · 09/12/2020 18:43

I also totally agree with those here who say you just won't know until you're in the situation- for me it was a totally gut emotional feeling that I just couldn't be separated- I wasn't expecting it and it was not really much to do with practicalities - more just I had to be with her. I've known others who didn't feel this and were able to leave them more. You just won't know until you have the baby. Interestingly, I've just had number 2 and find it easier to be away from him (a bit)!

GlennRheeismyfavourite · 09/12/2020 18:44

I'm also a teacher, sorry haven't followed in your op the job situation but it really helped going back to a school that knew me and my track record (I could coast a bit) I'd have found it much more stressful starting a new school where I had to establish myself/prove myself!

violetfern · 09/12/2020 18:47

Personally I wouldn’t physically have been able to work when DD was 4 months as I was so sleep deprived, some days I was too tired to feel safe driving. I think it can depend on breast/bottle feeding too. The difficulty can be is that you don’t know how things are going to turn out with feeding/sleeping etc.

So for me it wasn’t just not wanting to leave DD and being jealous about her being with someone else but actually not being actually able to work.

Sleepdeprived42long · 09/12/2020 18:48

You do what you feel is right for you and your family. It sounds to me like you would like to take up the job offer and would regret it if you didn’t so I’d say go for it. Daddy will be looking after baby so that will be a weight off your shoulders. I must admit I find it strange people saying they couldn’t do it (as opposed to that they would not chose not to do it) when most new Dads usually go back to work after just 2 weeks, never mind 4 months!

Milkand2sugarsplease · 09/12/2020 18:49

I'd have really needed to psyche myself up to complete my PGCE with a newborn and then think about my NQT year and RQT beyond that. It's certainly doable but will take a lot of planning, will power and self discipline, along with a good SLT who don't expect what some schools expect from teachers and NQTs. Ultimately, for me it would depend on the SLT I was working for as to whether I could do it or not.

luxxlisbon · 09/12/2020 18:56

I think some of these comments are very extreme, particularly the ones implying OP is not lucky to be able to have her husband at home with the baby.

OP the reality is many woman across the world have to return to work at about 4 months. Regardless of what other people are saying you are lucky that you can do split leave and your husband will be at home with the baby.
I’m sure you know it will be a tough year but it sounds like it will do a lot for your career and the long term stability of your family.

wheresmymargharita · 09/12/2020 19:05

It sounds as if it will be incredibly hard but worth it in the long run. I would have struggled a lot emotionally - still did when I went back at 10months - but now looking back I'm also glad I didn't sacrifice my career. If your DC can stay with your husband all the better!

Hirewiredays · 09/12/2020 19:10

I'm a teacher. I went back when babies were 2.5 months, 6 months and now 4 months. You'll do it. You'll get in a routine and it will be fine. It's hard. Yes it's hard but you have to organised with pumping etc but people will be negative because they're used to leaving baby in the nursery. Your husband will be there to look after your baby. It will be fine!

justchecking1 · 09/12/2020 19:19

I would do it OP.

I was lucky as both of mine slept through from 8 weeks or so. I couldn't breastfeed though. I think night feedings would make going back to work at 4 months much harder.

Are you very wedded to the idea of BF as this might be the deciding factor

Original poster

savethewales · 09/12/2020 19:24

@justchecking1

I would do it OP.

I was lucky as both of mine slept through from 8 weeks or so. I couldn't breastfeed though. I think night feedings would make going back to work at 4 months much harder.

Are you very wedded to the idea of BF as this might be the deciding factor

In all honesty I’m approaching my pregnancy in a laid back fashion. I don’t have any grand plans regarding breast feeding or a birthing plan as long as he’s happy, healthy and fed that will be fine by me x

OP posts:

Sceptre86 · 09/12/2020 19:50

Tbh it sounds like you have already made your mind up. I think you come across resilient and will cope but how will your dh cope? Will you take over in the evenings when you are home to give him a break? Will you need to do much work prep in the evenings? Who will do night feeds? Do you have some sort of plan in place for when you would like to go back? For example cooking meals, cleaning, will that be shared or will your dh di it if he is at home? If you and your dh are in agreement then I think you should go for it.

I went back when mine were 10 months and a year respectively. I found it hard leaving my dd at nursery even though they were lovely, the only saving grace was that she went for the mornings and my inlaws had her till I got home, with my dh wfh so he could be on hand too. It took me about 12 weeks to recover from the birth fully and start to feel human so I couldn't have done it.

3rdtimelucky2019 · 09/12/2020 19:56

Just to reiterate, it is hard but it's doable. I was tired at 4 months but you just get on with it. I did my first KIT day 6 weeks after giving back and did one a week on average until I went back full time. You get a rhythm and it becomes the norm.

Breastfeeding wasn't an issue either but admittedly my DS takes a bottle no problem. I didn't stop breastfeeding until 9.5 months and had zero problems maintaining supply - quite the opposite.

Long term career development is really important too, especially if work and career also makes you happy. Balance is important. I have never ever doubted my decision to go back so quickly.

mooncakes · 09/12/2020 20:01

I went back to work in a school when my second was 24 weeks. It was fine! I was still breastfeeding, my DH was at home 4 days a week and baby went to a childminder 1 day.

I didn't really miss him in the day to be honest, as I was busy I was home by 4.30pm and had all the holidays off.

Mammyloveswine · 09/12/2020 20:01

Does your degree not give you QTS? I did a primary education degree and that included QTS!

Doing a schools direct placement will be HARD... so much is expected!

I've recently gone back full time with toddlers and it has been HELL but the money is needed so just about coping... with no money and a 4 month old baby? I wouldn't even consider it!

Good luck op in whatever you do!

Skyla01 · 09/12/2020 20:02

I am a ftm due in January so I don't have any experience to share. However, as a pp said, most father's go back to work full time after just 2 weeks. I don't see why you can't swap the traditional gender / parenting roles if that is what suits you. Apart from the potential issue of breast feeding, I see no reason why you can't go back to work early whilst DP stays at home. Also in lots of countries maternity leave is much shorter than in the UK.

Can't comment on how easy / hard it would be but most dad's get shoved back to work asap and manage to cope.

omg35 · 09/12/2020 20:05

I had to go back to work when DD was ten weeks old. It was so hard to leave her in nursery and deal with sleepless nights and work etc but I had to do it and so I did. So it is possible and you'd not have to deal with childcare or sleepless nights so much if your partner is at home. It's just deciding if you want to or not really

FrostedCupcake · 09/12/2020 20:08

I'm in a similar position to you.
The way I see it is yes it's hard and shit now and I'd love nothing more than to be with my baby.. but by doing it I'll always be there for summer holidays when my boys are older. When they're making memories I'll be there!
It's hard, and it upsets me so much sometimes but long term he will be worth it x

Original poster

savethewales · 09/12/2020 20:10

@FrostedCupcake

I'm in a similar position to you. The way I see it is yes it's hard and shit now and I'd love nothing more than to be with my baby.. but by doing it I'll always be there for summer holidays when my boys are older. When they're making memories I'll be there! It's hard, and it upsets me so much sometimes but long term he will be worth it x

Thank you for the perspective, nice to know I’m not alone. I just wonder if there’ll ever be a time to do it which is right. X

OP posts:

OublietteBravo · 09/12/2020 20:13

I went back to work FT when DD was 5.5 months old. It was fine. I was actually glad to go back and have the adult interaction. I took a slightly longer maternity leave with DS - he was 8 months when I went back to work. Maternity pay used to only be for 6 months, so people went back earlier.

Cakles2010 · 09/12/2020 20:14

I think you've made your mind up op and I'd go for it. If you were going back to a routine job you didn't enjoy just for money I'd say reconsider as you'd end up resentful in years to come (I did and didn't return until ds was 9 months but it was painful leaving him at nursery and I look back on that time with sadness I wasn't there). At the end of your day it's your career and you've worked hard to get to where you are so go for it but be under no illusion it will be stressful and you'll be exhausted but you will cope.

I will second what other posters are saying in that will never know until your baby is here what that emotional pull feels like so it may come to you really not wanting to leave the baby but I think you're being sensible to consider it as long term you'll reap the benefits of taking the role. Whatever you decide best of luck x

Chewbecca · 09/12/2020 20:15

It wasn’t unusual at all 20-30 years ago for mums to return at 3m or do and is still perfectly normal elsewhere in the world so I would say it’s perfectly do-able. I have colleagues all over the world and speak to them when their babies are younger than 4m. They don’t say it’s easy but you’re not expecting it, but when it’s the norm everyone gets on with it and manages.

Make sure you allow time to work outside school hours too, those years can be tough.

Can you arrange any more help around the house too, such as a cleaner, and organise really simple meals so that you don’t have to do much more than work & be with your baby?

StrawScarecrow · 09/12/2020 20:17

I don't think there is ever a right time really.

I am actually finding balancing work and a toddler (2yo) much harder than work and a baby was. (Went back at 6 months and didn't regret it)

Your nqt year/a new job will be challenging whenever you do and you sound like you will regret not taking up this opportunity.

Original poster

savethewales · 09/12/2020 20:17

Thank you everyone for all your input, a lot to think about and a lot will be decided when he’s here :)

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4