Breastfeeding...

[cloudydays7]

Hi all...just wanting to ask peoples opinions about this. Did anyone just not want to breastfeed? I just cannot see this being something I would want to do. My older sisters never breastfed (so my thoughts may have come from them?)
I am aware that breastfeeding is best for your child however I do not want to feel pressured into doing so? Also, if you did not breastfeed, what then happens to your milk?

(Sorry I did post this in another thread but didn't get many responses and I am just curious to know)

I breastfed for 6 weeks but had to go back to uni so I mix fed for a further few weeks and then switched to formula only.

I never breastfed infront of people other than my partner as I just felt wacking my tits out in public was a bit odd (fair play to people who do this as I just couldn’t and I never judge people for BF in public I think they’re great) but for me this made BF more effort than it was worth trying to plan being at home for feeds all the time or expressing.

I do plan to breastfeed for about 3 months this time around purely for the weight loss as it worked great last time in a very short time, but if my boobs weren’t already ruined or I couldn’t afford new ones I would no way breastfeed.

To add - it’s 100% personal choice. People have many reasons for what they choose and as long as baby is fed there should be absolutely no issue or judgement

Deeandra, I'm so sorry you had that experience and I'm really sorry if I caused offence or upset xx

I BF my DS for 10 months and loved it, I was really not expecting that, but I was very sad when we went on a nursing strike for week when he got oral thrush and never recovered.

However, you will be judged for whatever you do regarding raising a child, you crack on with what you prefer.

I was judged by my MIL who FF my DH, she was constantly asking if he was getting enough milk, and saying that he would sleep longer if we just FF instead. DS was a terrible sleeper, silent reflux, 4th trimester etc. It felt like she was defending her choice to FF by calling down my choice to BF.

For what its worth I found BF really easy after the initial 4 week hell at the start. Its free, no need to add it to the shopping list, or heat bottles, or remember to pack it when we went out for the day, or juggle with heating bottles at 2am either!

Also, boobs are magic at helping calm babies down, my DH was envious I had the ultimate soothers handy when he had to spend his time soothing DS by walking, shush-patting etc when I could sit on my bum watching boxsets instead!

I find the thought of it horrible and I'm really dreading it. I've told myself that I'm just going to try it and see how it goes though, it may work it may not but either way my baby won't starve

I'll clarify that my DS recovered from oral thursh quickly once we got the treatment, it was the BF that didnt recover!!

Deeandra, I understood the comment as in response to PP who said 'your body your choice' and you don't have to give up your bodily autonomy just because you've had a baby. To me it too felt naturally to 'give my body' like that - after all I just made room inside my body for a whole nine months so baby could grow in there. And also felt being able to give from my body was the best I could do for my mental health in the postpartum period. I understand why you felt the phrase was offensive but personally I didn't understand it to be intended like that. More like you're not necessarily a martyr by 'giving up your body' - as conversely for some this can feel very positive and natural to do that.

I've read some interesting and well-sourced articles recently about the benefits of breastfeeding being overstated. The issue with most of our research about breastfeeding is that there are differences between women who breastfeed and formula feed, so it's impossible to know whether outcomes are due to breastfeeding. In the the few studies that look at breastfeeding vs FF in families (one child BF and another FF), there are very small differences between the BF and FF child.

I think everyone should be encouraged to do what's right for them, and I'm not convinced that breastfeeding is as hugely beneficial as we're told. It seems there are some small benefits, but not very many. Here are some articles if anyone is interested:

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/jun/20/is-breast-really-best-i-looked-at-all-the-data-to-find-out

www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/04/the-case-against-breast-feeding/307311/

I really wasn't keen on the idea of breastfeeding to start with and wanted to keep my options open right up until baby was born.
I did end up breastfeeding and it has been much better than I expected. The only downside being that for the first few months, you literally have a baby attached to your boob non-stop, so can't really do much else unless you are happy to feed in public. It makes night time wakings a lot easier though as you barely have to wake up to feed them.
Next time round, I would probably do combination feeding either with expressed milk or formula to give me that bit of freedom and allow my DH to help out a bit more.
Fed is best however and you just need to do whatever you are comfortable doing.

I wanted to bf, so much so I exclusively expressed for DS to give him ebm for a year when he wouldn't latch due to undiagnosed TT. My mental health crashed when I stopped bf as I weaned from the pump too quickly alongside returning to work and it was all too much.

I hand expressed colustrum for DD, froze it and took it in to hospital which was a godsend as she ended up in NICU. She feeds like a champ now at 5.5 months, slept thru 12 hrs at 11w (although doesn't now )

Neither of my kids have had formula despite really difficult starts. However, I don't give a shiny shit how anyone else feeds their baby as long as they do feed them. As a PP said, you will be judged for something whatever you do

Those that don’t want to breastfeed, do most still feed during skin to skin to get colostrum? My girl came out rooting for boob, and latched herself on, don’t think I had any choice. She’s still the same now 😂 I’ve found it fairly easy apart from having a fast let down/a bit of over supply issues. So for some it just happens - haven’t bothered introducing a bottle either like I planned as it’s just easier to whip out boob. Then I don’t care who sees, maybe because I grew up surrounded by similar family and midwife mother, the only negative for me is the size of my boobs now, hate them!!

'New ones'! Hilarious. FWIW I've fed 3 babies, I'm 43 and biggish busted, and they aren't broken! If they dropped a bit, they still wouldn't be broken, but they haven't, they are still as perky as they ever were!

Babies can super flexible if you want. I returned to work when DD was 15 weeks old and she bottle refused. Sipped water in my absence but took all her calories when I was there. DS's have both been boob monsters but not remotely fussed about spending time with daddy if I'm not there.

Likewise feeding in public, I've fed in so many places and apart from when they are teeny tiny, when I've barely left the house anyway, I have no need to 'whack them out' in public. The right clothes and voila, fed baby, no nudity. I couldn't be arsed with making feeds and carrying paraphernalia everywhere, it's great to be able to stick on some boots and walk out the door.

My closest friend has terrible OCD contamination fear and could only BF. Trying to prepare formula safely made her suicidal. Swings and roundabouts.

Anyway. The point is your baby, your body, your choice, but given that you've not been a mum yet, you probably don't know how it will feel so try not to get too hung up until you've tried it. That way you're not sticking a load of pressure on yourself and getting in a state if things go wrong.

@sarahb083 I think your post/those articles focus on the benefits of breastmilk, as opposed to breastfeeding. As you say, there are proven benefits to breastmilk over formula milk. But in addition there are also benefits for the mother - eg reduced risk of certain cancers, osteoporosis - and physical benefits for the baby - better oral development. These things get ignored when people fall over themselves to say that breastmilk and formula is basically the same.

I fully support every woman’s choice to feed their babies as they wish and it should be possible to advocate formula feeding without denying the benefits of breastfeeding. There are lots of reasons why formula feeding may be preferable without having to minimise the health benefits to mothers and babies of bf.

So, being all for an easy life and money conscious ( polite way of putting it) I breast fed both of mine. Neither my mother or sister did. But, my grandmother breastfed 11! - while running a shop. No maternity leave then. Great organiser obviously.
It's so easy and cheap and enjoyable. Had great breast feeding advisors in hospital. Travelled through France to Switzerland with first at 6 weeks - took just me and nappies. Breast fed on planes, boats etc. No one seemed to mind/notice. Went back to work FT after 6 months with first, 8 weeks second - mainly working from home except evenings occasionally seeing clients. Breast fed for months - actually years with second. Neither ever had a bottle. Just carted them with me in the main or arranged work to fit round their schedule. Guess that's what most women in the world do. Suited me. Do whatever suits you.

Why not try and give up if you don't like it? The initial colostrum has loads of good stuff in.

I think people don't talk about the mood lifting element of breastfeeding enough. Struggling in the early days is awful, but once established then it gives you a nice woozy feeling as you release oxytocin. Plus it's a very easy way to soothe and get your baby to sleep.

It doesn't matter that much, though! Do what suits you.

@LaMadrilena why do you ‘know you should try’? Because that’s what you think other people expect of you? If you don’t think you’ll like it, and you’re basically dreading it (which it sounds like you are), don’t force yourself because you think it’s the right thing to do. Fed is best, and your good mental health is best.
Up until a couple of months ago, I spent my whole pregnancy thinking the same thing. Because I thought it was expected of me to at least try. But the thought of breastfeeding was giving me major anxiety. As soon as I admitted to myself, I would rather formula feed, it was like a huge weight had been lifted. I am due next week and still have zero desire to breastfeed, and I’m still extremely happy with my decision!

@DontFadeAway I feel exactly the same way as you, I totally understand where you are coming from. Well done for making a decision you are happy with, it’s not always easy to admit.

@bleachblondemom thank you darling, what a lovely comment ♥️ it's really not easy to admit but I'm just trying to do what's best for me and my family. Everyone is different and everybody's circumstances are different. Fed is best xx

@bleachblondemom @DontFadeAway completely agree with you both. Fed is best and I think doing what is best for you and your family is by far the most important thing. I won't let strangers on the internet make me feel bad about my choice to bottle feed xx

@Lib3rtine I couldn't agree more! I'm am totally happy with my decision and so is my partner, and at the end of the day, we are the people to make the decisions for OUR family. I totally support anyone in whatever method they choose, being a first time Mum-to-be is scary enough!!

I wasn't keen on the idea of BFing, but as soon as I was given DD in the recovery room after our c-section, I automatically put her to my breast and she latched. I decided I'd carry on as long as it was working for us, and it did. She's 12 weeks now and it's so easy to whip out a boob whenever and wherever she needs.

HOWEVER. If it hadn't been smooth sailing, I would have formula fed.

Wait and see how you feel.

((Hugs))

Breastfeeding was one of the best part of parenting for over two years. I loved every minute of it. It's good to try and see how you feel

Just for balance I agree with everything you've said @wheresmymargharita

Just for balance...there are few threads on MN, few places IRL and few people in this generation of expectant parents, who hear anything positive about bottle feeding. You don't need to provide "balance" on a thread which isn't down on bottle feeding. It is one thread. It's very nice for people who (including me) manage to breastfeed, but honestly, you and I are speaking from a position of privilege in that regard. If you managed to have an easy time of it breastfeeding any of your dcs, you, (and I) are extremely lucky. Bleating on about the wonders of it all can be hurtful. I wouldn't say offensive @wheresmymargharita btw. I said hurtful. What you are saying may seem helpful to you, but to a woman who might be struggling, as well intentioned as you are, they are hurtful things to say on a thread about bottle feeding. You also said "I just can't get my head around women who don't want to breast feed". With respect, nobody is asking you to. You had the experience of a lifetime feeding your dcs. Good for you! But maybe your experience isn't 100% relevant when discussing some of the downsides, as for you, apparently, there were none.

And having done both bottle and breastfeeding, I can tell you there are downsides to both.

Would I choose breastfeeding over bottle, if given the choice? Sure! But that's just me. To me, they seem about equal, but overall, I'd pick the boobs. There are upsides and downsides to both. And that has been pretty representative among my peer group. Few women I know irl have had only joy and ecstasy over breastfeeding or bottle feeding*.

*I know one, but she also uses her alleged breastfeeding prowess as a stick to beat other women with, so I take what she says with a hefty pinch of salt. Her face when I told her I was still feeding dc2 at 12 months, as she never got that far win her dcs. Hilarious. You live by the 'sword' of competetive mummying, schadenfreude and shaming...