Breastfeeding...

[cloudydays7]

Hi all...just wanting to ask peoples opinions about this. Did anyone just not want to breastfeed? I just cannot see this being something I would want to do. My older sisters never breastfed (so my thoughts may have come from them?)
I am aware that breastfeeding is best for your child however I do not want to feel pressured into doing so? Also, if you did not breastfeed, what then happens to your milk?

(Sorry I did post this in another thread but didn't get many responses and I am just curious to know)

@wheresmymargharita I hardly ever comment on things like this but felt I needed to. Your attitude is awful to be honest. So what if OP 'just doesn't fancy it' everyone has the right to choose how they feed their baby and to call them self-centred is absolutely disgusting. I'm nearly 33 weeks and had decided even before I got pregnant that I won't be breast feeding and do you know why, because I don't want to. No other reason, I do suffer from mental health problems but that's not the reason I've chosen not to, I just don't fancy it! My midwife has been totally supportive as have everyone around me. I would support anyone in their choice of how they choose to feed their baby as I support other women and think pregnancy is hard enough without being made to feel bad by strangers on the internet.

@wheresmymargharita

Please, just try to understand that you can provide both comfort and an excellent start in life with formula that is on par with breastfeeding.

Your post is very insensitive and could be damaging to a new mum.

You say you don't judge, yet it is filled with judgement.

@Lib3rtine If you've decided this I get that what I said might make you feel defensive. But logically how is what you said not self-centered? You say you are basing your decision entirely on what you want. Not a compromise between your wishes and what the baby might want.

I disagree that BF and FF are 100% "on par". FF does carry a risk of infection, it undermines healthy gut flora, it's not always readily available like BM is, and it doesn't protect against illnesses.

Fwiw I don't understand why it's always made out as if BF = worse for mental health. As PP have said BF, after the first few weeks which can be difficult, involves much less faff and work than bottles, and basically all issues and moods a baby has can be solved by boob! Ime BF isn't about being pressured to be a martyr - it can also make looking after a baby much easier. Of course it depends on individual circumstances though which I respect.

Your body = your choice. Giving birth doesn't rob you of the right to bodily autonomy.

It feels like a completely alien idea until you have had your baby, then for some it makes complete sense.

Don't decide now, wait until baby is born, take some formula to the hospital with you, but decide after labour based on how you are feeling.

@wheresmymargharita

You do realise that a majority of issues can also be solved through bottle feeding?

Formula feeding does not = no comfort/no reassurance.

I was very much like, not sure this is for me. I even considered it to be a bit weird but I decided to try and I really enjoyed my journey.

Often people who do not try tend to have made up their mind before because their mother didn't or just like you, their sister didn't.

It's up to you though, no judgement here - whatever floats your boat ✨

Felt exactly the same with DS1 so didn't do it and I do t feel guilty about it. Found the first few weeks a lot easier than I anticipated but obviously will never know if this was down to how he was fed or not. It was also nice that OH and family members could join in feeding him and bond with him as well.

DS2 due early next year and I'll be done g the same with him. Do what feels right for you

If you don't want to breastfeed, tell them this. They shouldn't pressure you. It is your body.

FWIW, I tried but couldn't feed dc1, due to some serious health problems (thankfully all fine now) after birth. She had to be tube fed. We mix fed for a couple of months, but that was all we managed.

Dc2 was fine. Breastfed for ages.

FWIW, if we ever have another one, if it works out, great, but it not, I wouldn't kill myself trying to do it. As far as I can tell, the benefits are minimal and sometimes the mental costs of being desperate to bf and not being able to are worse for everyone.

A woman beside me in hospital with dc2 was having drugs to stop breast milk. She was so sure she didn't want to do it. The postnatal ward were fine about it. No pressure at all. As it should be.

Oh and it was her third baby, so expect she knew what she was doing!

@wheresmymargharita I wasn't feeling defensive for myself, as I don't give a monkeys what you think of me but I don't like the thought that you might have upset other people who might be feeling fragile. I think the baby will just want to be fed, looked after and be in a loving environment which it absolutely will be. My reasons for not wanting to breast feed might seem self centred to you but again, I'm not bothered. Happy mum = happy baby.

These threads are so depressing. They always go the same way. Formula is not “on a par” with breastfeeding. Breast milk is better for babies than formula milk (it states this on every pack of formula so don’t know why anyone bothers contesting it) and there are other physical benefits to both baby and mother of breastfeeding. However, formula is a perfectly adequate source of nutrition for babies who will thrive on it, and there are lots of reasons why a mother might not want to breastfeed (or may be unable to). The decision is entirely up to the mother and all women’s choices should he supported without judgment.

You do you. Frankly more people sneer at breast feeders beyond the first few weeks anyway so I wouldn't worry about that unless you have surrounded yourself with crunchy mummy types, in which case you probably would want to anyways.

I was really worried about BF DD. Thought it would be gross, painful and exhausting. Thought it'd aim for 6 weeks for her health. It wasn't gross or hard. 11 years and 3 babies later, I'm in my 6th year of feeding. I had 9 hours sleep with my 16 week old last night, and my kids have amazingly close bonds with their dad and grandparents. My DH is super hands on. I've never sterilised anything, I grab 2 nappies and a pack of wipes on the way out the door, and I've lost a stone in 8 weeks. I've also never spent £15 a week on formula.

It's not for everyone, and that's 100% your choice! It is however worth a go, like much about motherhood it's a 'suck it and see' scenario. Screw anyone who judges, because I promise you, everything you do will be judged by someone, so why worry?

@DontFadeAway ah sorry that I misinterpreted what you’d written. I think I got “it will be a struggle” from “the thought of breastfeeding worries me” and “make my mental health worse”. I don’t really want to comment generally because it’s such a personal decision and I know nothing about your mental health. I think I’ve seen too many people just assume it’s a given that it will be hard both physically and mentally so I jumped to a conclusion. It’s great that you’ve made a decision and you’re comfortable with it. I definitely don’t want to dissuade anyone otherwise (in fact the only reason I commented on the thread in the first place was to reassure the OP that the benefits are negligible). But TL;DR... sorry!

@LimpLettice what an amazing post.

Particular highlights for me:
like much about motherhood it's a 'suck it and see' scenario and
everything you do will be judged by someone

I might need tips on sleep though... 9 hours!! That’s the dream right there.

Oh yes, I had the amazing weight loss with dc2! I could eat SO much and still lost weight, which I needed to after having him. He was a very hungry baby. Sadly, as soon as he stopped feeding at about 12 mo, I still had the huge appetite and no baby to feed. Now fatter than ever, but hey ho.

You don't need to make any decisions now. As PPs have said, once the baby arrives you may find it comes naturally, or that you want to BF after all. Or you may not.

@ReeseWitherfork ha! I co-sleep. I wake up more than he does. DH is currently co-sleeping with our just turned 2 DS, and also getting a ton of sleep. He wfh so we have plenty of time together not to worry about bed sharing for a few months.

True tho, isn't it! Look at threads on here, the difference in opinion on most parenting issue is vast and people are not shy about it. So you do your research, give it a go, move on if it fails. It is a shame there's not enough decent support and that BF is still not seen as the norm, but decades of marketing spend will do that. FF is more than valid, we have choice, women should be taking more advantage of the available choice, not less!

I decided not to before having my son, I just felt it wouldn't be good for my health whenever I thought about it and having seen my mum's experiences with my younger sister and that she was unable to get much help with her due to my sister not being comforted by anything that wasn't the breast and that she struggled to wean her off until she was 2 years old.

My son's 3 weeks old now and spent some time in NICU where they were very respectful of mums feeding choices and the midwifes on the ward supported women with whichever way they wanted to feed their baby which was wonderful after being told some horror stories.

My son and I both ended up with sepsis and I had a couple of other issues on top, so using formula once he was able to eat was definitely the right decision for us as we knew exactly what he was taking in. my husband has also been able to help me recover more quickly as we can both feed him equally.

I had a small amount of milk come in on day 4 with a bit of swelling but my breasts were back to normal within a couple of days.

I breastfed both of mine, but each to their own!

I do think if you can give that very first breastfeed it's beneficial but we are lucky to have a safe alternative to breast milk and formula has been a literal lifesaver!

LimpLettice, I could have written your posts!
I too co-sleep with 14 month old DS and always have - the only way we all got sleep. Still feeding him too. It's completely natural for babies to need/want their Mummy, and the boob does indeed solve all problems.
I genuinely can't get my head around women who are unwilling to at least try bf. It is sad that ff remains the norm in this country and that more is not done to promote/support bfeeding.
As previous poster said, formula is not on a par with breast. It just isn't.
I guess a lot of it comes down to personal views... for me, it felt like my job to nourish baby, not for friends/grandparents etc to give bottle
Just to add, I suffer with MH and struggled hugely after birth. However, I found that BF helped me immensely. Gave me a purpose and focus. So actually bf can HELP mental health...
I also believe family attitudes have huge influence. All the women in my family bf so it was never a consideration for me not to really.
Lots of factors at play really and everyone is different I suppose. Interesting.

For those worrying about their mental health and breastfeeding. I just want to put my situation out there as it is probably the only positive motherhood experience I have at the moment.

I had a 50% chance of severe depression post partum and unfortunately I have fallen into that category. I have found breastfeeding helps to keep be grounded and looking after myself because its something I have to do for my lo. I do express bottles (since 3 weeks if bf is going well my midwife said there is no reason to wait until 6-8 weeks) so my partner can do some morning feeds when things are more difficult. I am also getting better sleep as now she is only awake for the 15 minutes of the feed.

I 100% respect any womens decision to breastfeed, combi feed or formula feed. There are so many factors that make up your decision that are entirely personal to you. Remember as well that if you don't have to stick with any decision you make. You can breastfeed for 1 feed, 1 day, 1week and then switch to formula. You can start with formula and the try breastfeeding (relactation is possible in some cases). Plan for your favoured option and see how you feel when the baby arrives.

All the women in my family bf so it was never a consideration for me not to really.

Yes, same, which is why not being able to breastfeed dc1 nearly broke me. If you're surrounded by people who bf and think there is no other option, if the choice is taken away from you it is absolutely soul destroying .

I was more fortunate with dc2 obviously, but if I read your comments saying how you believe it is a mother's job to nourish their baby, I think I'd find them quite hurtful tbh.

Breast is best, in terms of nutrition, but there are so many other factors are play. You should be a little more careful with how you phrase your words of support imo. Just a suggestion.

I have decided I am formula feeding and not ashamed of my decision at all.
I know the type of person I am and it will be an added stress of not knowing exactly how much milk he is having. I also like routine and structure.

My sister didn't breast feed and her children are very rarely sick and they are highly intelligent doing school work past their years.
I based my decision on what I feel and see not kn what I'm told is best for my baby. A happy mum is whats best in my opinion for my son