Birthing with only 1 partner - anxious

[Leah2501]

Does anyone feel sick at the thought of only birthing with one partner?
First baby had husband and mum, both were vital in their roles. I’m petrified of birthing with just my husband. He’s amazing, but he’s not my mum.
So much so I’m waking up having panic attacks in the morning. Husbands had to come home from work because of panic attacks thinking about it.
How are you all coping?

I chose to only have my partner last time and again this time and was totally fine, at least you can have 1 birth partner, maybe view it that way to lessen your anxiety? I think your partner will surprise you x

You are seriously OTT. Panic attacks because only your husband ill be with you when you give birth?

How many 'partners' does anyone need at that time? Somebody seriously needs to give you a good talking to.

It's your second baby, you know the ropes.

I think you may need to discuss the anxiety with your midwife.

@jessstan1

You are seriously OTT. Panic attacks because only your husband ill be with you when you give birth?

How many 'partners' does anyone need at that time? Somebody seriously needs to give you a good talking to.

It's your second baby, you know the ropes.

You need to talk to your midwife about your anxiety and make sure you have support, as it must be horrible to feel this way - however it really is disproportionate. Very few people have more than one birth partner, and in recent times, many have had none through most of their delivery.

Do people usually choose more than one birth partner?

I'm so desperate to be left alone, I'm lying to everyone about my due date! 😂😂

I gave birth in June during the first lockdown. Second baby but she was a vbac. I only had my partner with me and I was lucky to have him throughout as many in the fb group I'm in only had their partner for part of their delivery.

It was absolutely fine. Honestly. The midwives were brilliant throughout. I felt very looked after and cared for. It was a wonderful experience, something I didn't expect at all.

Speak to your midwife about your anxiety. Giving birth in a pandemic is quite daunting but it can still be a positive experience.

I only had my dp. The thought of having my mum at the birth makes me cringe. Don't most people only have their partner anyway?
Have you voiced your concerns to a professional? It seems a very extreme reaction.

I think you should be grateful you can have one person tbh. I know of a lot of mums that had to go into labour completely on their own during the first lockdown as not even one partner allowed in until they were in "active" labour. Due to this quite a few partners even missed the birth

I didn't realise it was a thing to have more than one person with you.

I don't know anyone who had more than one bith partner. I don't know how 2 birth partners can be "vital in their roles" surely their roles are the same? . Although I get the irrational fear. I'm due my third in 11 weeks and I'm absolutely terrified of giving birth this time. I know that's ridiculous though.

20 years ago when I had mine only 1 partner was allowed, (they said there wasn't room for 2!) we all coped just fine. I get it's a lot of unknowns but it's your second kid, why not have your mother care for your older dc

I wouldn’t have even thought of inviting a second birth partner tbh! My husband is capable I’m sure -My first is due in feb

Count yourself lucky you can even have one - recently enough you could only have your partner join at the later stages of labour! So it could be worse.

Ah I can see how two would be beneficial. Especially if you had two last time. But let the midwife know. They can be supportive in so many ways. What was it your mum provided? Could you record her? Phone? Zoom (how very 2020)?

Good luck and congratulations.

Could you have a private home birth? Best thing I ever did (five months ago). I only ever wanted my fiancé with me but you could have your mum and husband if you went down that route.

I think you need to speak to someone concerning your anxiety. It never crossed my mind to have anyone but DH present at the birth of our children. It was our moment. He is great but the real care and support was provided by the midwives.

I would never have contemplated having my mother with me when I was giving birth in a million years. My husband was all that I needed. There was a midwife there each time, after all. I was just grateful I wasn't in the situation of, for instance, forces wives who may have no-one with them.

If you end up having a C-section you are only allowed one anyway

FTM and it never even crossed my mind to have 2 birth partners. My partner is perfectly capable and I wouldn’t want anyone else crowding the room.

I only know one person who had their mum as well as husband there and it's because her sister died not long before and she knew it would mean a lot to her mum to be there.

I'm pretty close to my mum but I'd rather give birth with just the midwives if my husband couldn't come for some reason.

If you're having panic attacks about it you really need to speak to your midwife. Would you have your mum there instead of your husband? Would that help?

I've had one birth with just my DH and one birth with just me and the midwife - not planned, but I coped. And you will too, you are stronger than you think.

How ott. You're allowed someone there and it's not your first child. Why do you need two? What does did they have?

My first child was not born in June. My partner was only allowed in for later stages of labour. This equaled the last 45 minutes by time I was told he could come in. We're all doing just fine.

**Was born in June.
Don't know where the not came from!

I’ve never heard of anyone ever having two. One is normal, and in these times even one isn’t often allowed.

I couldn't imagine anyone other than my DH at the birth of our babies. It was just too special and private to share with anyone else and I include my mum in that.
I think you need to get help with your anxiety.

Your DH needs to upskill, and fast!