Birthing with only 1 partner - anxious

[Leah2501]

Does anyone feel sick at the thought of only birthing with one partner?
First baby had husband and mum, both were vital in their roles. I’m petrified of birthing with just my husband. He’s amazing, but he’s not my mum.
So much so I’m waking up having panic attacks in the morning. Husbands had to come home from work because of panic attacks thinking about it.
How are you all coping?

Most women only have one person and plenty of women have given birth alone. You need to speak to someone about your anxiety. My second labour was much quicker and easier than my first and you will probably find that too.

I gave birth during the first lockdown, and wasn't allowed a birthing partner. The midwife wasn't even in the room when Dd was born. I'm sure you'll be fine with just your Dh.

I think it will be a lovely thing for just the two of you to be together at this moment which is so significant to you as a couple.

I'm 20 and I don't know what I want I think I'd feel embarrassed with my mum or my boyfriend in the room but at the same time want them there but then I don't my minds all over the place I've never done this before and am so scared

I'd rather die than have my mum at a birth..and I was 16 with my first !

@Woui 😂😂 I feel the same but I don't know if it would be scary being alone

I think I want a planned c section me and my boyfriend him sitting next to me holding my hand in a nice calm relaxed atmosphere sounds a lot better than all that screaming murder and pushing Legs wide open sweating all over the shop 💀

I saw an episode of one born every minute years ago and was baffled that people have their husband, mother, sister and occasionally a best friend or a dad in there.

Worst nightmare.

@iwwntchocolate

I'm 20 and I don't know what I want I think I'd feel embarrassed with my mum or my boyfriend in the room but at the same time want them there but then I don't my minds all over the place I've never done this before and am so scared

You won't be embarrassed, you honestly won't give a shit.

Someone complained to me that they were only allowed 2 people in. I did actually laugh.
I couldn't imagine anything worse than having my mum there

*I saw an episode of one born every minute years ago and was baffled that people have their husband, mother, sister and occasionally a best friend or a dad in there.

Worst nightmare.*

Tbf these are women who are allowing a camera crew in there too so possibly not the most private of people

I didn't know it was a thing to have more than one partner at birth. It's my first baby and I am praying to at least have one partner with me at birth because I know things are messed up because of Covid. One would be a blessing for me.

I had my first baby 3 weeks ago and always wanted mum and husband during the birth! However I just had my husband which I was so grateful for as I know some poor women weren’t allowed anyone!

To be honest for my next baby I would just have my husband, even if two birthing partners would be allowed. It was an experience shared between both of us and really no need for anyone else to be there as his support was plenty enough! So don’t get anxious OP it will work out I’m sure!

Seems quite normal to only have 1 birth partner? Its a birth not a theatre show. This is a time when you need to pull together as a couple. Have you thought about doing a hypobirthing course or similar together (still running online I should think) so that you can keep calm and relaxed during the birth and have techniques you have learned together. This will also help your partner in knowing how to support you.

I think you should consider what you felt your DM brought to the table last time, and how you can mitigate that being missing last time - whether that's bringing soothing music, she was a more confident voice whatever - and get your partner to understand that you also need him to provide that element. But I only had DH and wouldn't have considered anyone else. We're a team, it's our baby, in my mind it would've been an intrusion to have anyone else there.

I didn't realise they allowed more than birth partner at hospital in the UK even before Covid.

If you're having panic attacks at the thought of your mum not being there then maybe she should be your birth partner instead?

People are being dicks to you. It costs £0 to be kind, PPs. She's anxious, something people can't control and she's being berated. If you've said something snarky to the OP, give yourself a talking to.

OP, I get it. I had two partners - my mum and my husband - because my husband faints at the sight of blood. This worked out well because I had an emergency caesarean and my mum could be with me. If I'd only had my husband I'd have been alone as he couldn't come in whilst I had the C-section.

I think it might be worth having a word with your midwife about your anxiety. As you've given birth before at least you know what happens so you might not feel as bad when the time comes.

I hope you feel better soon.

I'd decide who the more competent one is and have them there.

Personally I can't imagine anything worse than my mum being there.

@iwwntchocolate

I think I want a planned c section me and my boyfriend him sitting next to me holding my hand in a nice calm relaxed atmosphere sounds a lot better than all that screaming murder and pushing Legs wide open sweating all over the shop 💀

There's a reason that you can't just choose a c section over vaginal birth (unless you're paying) - recovery from a c section is much harder than from a vaginal birth. Giving birth isn't as bad as you're imagining. I mean it is, it's going to be more painful than you can imagine but the embarrassment factor goes out the window I promise!

@CodenameVillanelle but you can just choose a c section? And rightly so

You can't choose to have one if there is no medical indication for it
Or that's the NHS guidance anyway!

Medical reasons include mental health reasons, so yes, you can opt for a section.

Can you have your mum with you until just before the baby is born and then swap for your husband ?

If not maybe you can get your husband to take some coaching advice through labour etc

No way could I give birth in front of my Mum, it really annoyed me when I had my first at 19 and they asked me a couple of times if I was waiting for my Mum, I found it patronising.
Love her to bits and we're really close but she'd stress me out! She came round to pick DC up when I was in labour and my contractions stopped they only restarted when she left.

OP you should speak to your midwife. You really need support for this level of anxiety.

@Twobrews

No way could I give birth in front of my Mum, it really annoyed me when I had my first at 19 and they asked me a couple of times if I was waiting for my Mum, I found it patronising. Love her to bits and we're really close but she'd stress me out! She came round to pick DC up when I was in labour and my contractions stopped they only restarted when she left.

OP you should speak to your midwife. You really need support for this level of anxiety.

Same here, nice idea to have mum there but she'd be wailing and flapping and crying so much she'd miss it anyway.

Plus I was completely naked at one point, love mum mum but she doesn't need to see that much lol