Birthing with only 1 partner - anxious

[Leah2501]

Does anyone feel sick at the thought of only birthing with one partner?
First baby had husband and mum, both were vital in their roles. I’m petrified of birthing with just my husband. He’s amazing, but he’s not my mum.
So much so I’m waking up having panic attacks in the morning. Husbands had to come home from work because of panic attacks thinking about it.
How are you all coping?

My mums been with me at both my sons births (Only birthing partner). She cut my 2nd’s cord actually.
This will be mine and my DH’s first child together (15weeks) and although I’m not overly anxious about my mum not being at the birth, I know I will secretly be a bit devastated. So I understand where you are coming from ❤️

Did I read it correctly that your DH is having panic attacks too at the thought?

If you are both so anxious about it, have you considered just having your mum and not DH? Might be a weight off both your minds.

I think people have been arseholes to you OP. You aren’t OTT or ridiculous for having a preference about your birth, or for being anxious about it not being what you would have chosen.

I’m glad you’ve had a good chat with your midwife and I hope that when the time comes you have a good experience and are able to appreciate how magnificently able you are

@iwwntchocolate

I think I want a planned c section me and my boyfriend him sitting next to me holding my hand in a nice calm relaxed atmosphere sounds a lot better than all that screaming murder and pushing Legs wide open sweating all over the shop 💀

You then have to deal with recovering from fairly major surgery, hardly a walk in the park.

I don’t understand why people bother to reply to someone who previously had, and would like again, 2 birth partners, with comments like ‘I wouldn’t want my mum’ ‘having 2 people is too much’ etc.

The OP wants something reasonable and it’s making her anxious that it’s not looking like it will be that way.

If you don’t want your mum there, great for you, but why should other people live by your choices?

What’s wrong with having 2 people there? Just because it’s not your preference, doesn’t mean someone else can’t want it. Have some empathy. Imagine there was something you wanted in your birth plan and you couldn’t have it.

OP it’s great you spoke to your midwife. Don’t feel put off by the comments on here. It’s not unreasonable to want two people with you for giving birth. Your body, your choice.

@37weekswithno2

*I saw an episode of one born every minute years ago and was baffled that people have their husband, mother, sister and occasionally a best friend or a dad in there.

Worst nightmare.*

Tbf these are women who are allowing a camera crew in there too so possibly not the most private of people

Hahaha excellent point!

Hi OP

I agree a chat about things with your midwife and DH might help. Do you think it could also be general anxiety that is being expressed through worries about this one aspect of the future?

As a side note, don't anyone be shamed by the majority dominant discourse that a desire for dignity and avoiding embarrassment goes out the window aka the old "you won't give a shit at the time" attitude. There is a whole thread here dedicated to supporting mothers with issues around this and many are second timers+.

There are also people who prefer an independent midwife than a relative at all! Usually for stronger advocacy i.e. if your birth partner may otherwise cow down to professionals if you were unable to advocate for yourself during labour.

Sorry missed your update.

Dont apologise. I'm surprised people didn't know having more than one was 'a thing ' as most people I know have had 2 birthing partners. Each bring a different role and proivide comfort in a different way. Everyones personal circumstances are different.
My babys father left me when I was 11 weeks and I would personally love nothing more than my Mother and my sister be with me. They have both been incredible support and would love to share this experience with them. Ofcourse at this time I'll be greatful to have someone allowed in but wish I didn't have to choose.

Please don't apologise to some of the horrible people on this thread, OP. Can't believe people are saying that they've had it bad so you should just be grateful- they obviously haven't suffered from panic attacks before. They are truly horrific. I hope that by the time you give birth, you are able to have whoever you want at the birth. Glad to hear you've been able to speak to your midwife. I'm sure she was a lot more helpful than some of the commenters here.

@Nellle

Do people usually choose more than one birth partner?

I'm so desperate to be left alone, I'm lying to everyone about my due date! 😂😂

😂

Please speak with your midwife about your concerns..I think it’s just personal preference I only had my husband with me I don’t think I could have my mum too..it’s too much..maybe consider having your mum as the only visitor on the ward rather then your husband if you really want her there..what’s your husband said about it all??