I feel like a horrible person - Gender disappointment.

[JellyBert]

I haven’t found out yet (my scan is next weekend) but I’m pretty sure DC3 will be another boy.

I’ll start by saying I LOVE my boys, honestly they are amazing & I really love being a mum. I love their bond & how close they are. They play with everything & anything, I’ve always tried to not be stereotypical or pigeon hole them as ‘boys will be boys’.

I’m starting to feel really scared about my scan because I know if it’s a boy I’ll feel upset, this is 100% my last baby. I feel awful that I will feel upset, so guilty & uncomfortable with how I feel. I’ve been pining over girls clothes (I know it’s stupid!!) & imagining baby being a girl & having two big brothers. I’m trying not to get my hopes up so telling myself & my husband “ahh it will be a boy” to protect myself but it’s not working & I'm anxious - nobody knows how I feel as I haven’t said this ‘out loud’.

Gah I know nobody can help me but has anybody felt like this & had gender disappointment? I will get over it won’t I? Worried it will affect my bond, didn’t feel this way in my previous pregnancies I was quite glad DS2 was a boy so DS1 has a brother but I think it’s because this is so final (last ever time)

missyB1 I agree.
I've felt this too and feel horrible because of it. Always pictured having a wee girl. However, as time has gone on, I've been more grateful for falling pregnant in the first place, boy or girl. Currently 12 weeks and DH and I plan to find out at 20 week scan so it will be a lovely Christmas present for us to find out for sure.

When do you find out OP?

I have 3 boys, totally adore them, fiercely protective and proud. I got so sick of the comments from people (often strangers). We always wanted 4 children and when we were expecting dc4, we had a girl. I think I am now more protective of the boys because we get this "awww you finally got a girl" from people ALL the time and it drives me up the wall. My boys weren't practice runs!!

OP I hope your scan goes ok and baby is happy and health. Hopefully you'll come back to update us

The OP comes across as being well aware that's she's lucky. It's still ok for her to secretly hope for a girl this time. She's hardly planning on throwing the baby out if he's a boy...

Currently pregnant with DS3. DH, DS1 and I were hoping for a girl but nearer to time of scan DH woke up one day convinced it's a boy and was ecstatic with the idea of another son. He was right, I admit I felt slight disappointment for afew weeks and mourned my never-to-be daughter but I'm now fine. Currently 34 weeks I've bonded so well with bump (something I struggled with with other two!), we've decided on a name and SO ready to meet him :)

Op tbh I don't blame you for feeling like this but you know yourself it's only temporary, it's not in our power to change things and each child is an individual and so unique we love them the instant they are born. I have close friends and a sibling who have experienced years of infertility, failed IVF, losses... So most people in my social circle are thankfully not gender stereotypical or insensitive and were genuinely happy when they found out about DS3. Surround yourself with positivity :) hope your scan goes/went well.

@jellybert when is your scan?

Thankyou, I didn’t realise this had more comments as it dropped off my threads I'm on. Was definitely going to come back to update though.

I am v lucky and I know any disappointment will be fleeting but I am nervous. To my shame, I struggled seeing the little girls in the play centre today when I took my boys out as I felt jealous. I KNOW it’s not rational or fair and I can promise if this is a boy I will love him as much as I love my other children, which is v much! They are the best thing that has happened to me.

Scan is tomorrow morning

Anddd I used one of my different usernames (reported). I try to keep things vague on Mumsnet and change details so I’m not recognised - that’s annoying

I think the scan pic looks girly!

I never found out what I was having but my mum has 1 boy 4 girls and when she was pregnant although she would never change any of us she said she would have liked another boy. But actually prefers having 1 boy. Definitely a mummy's boy

Well I totally understand where you are coming from.

Myself and my hubby have 6 boys! I always wanted a large family as I was an only child and hated it.

When I was pregnant with our third boy I was desperate for a little princess, so much so that I got myself upset when I found out baby was another boy and I was so worried I wouldn't love him.

When he was born all of those worries melted away.
Our boys are all so different and are absolutely amazing.

But like others have said the comments of other people get me really angry.

People seem to think we only have such a large family because we have just kept trying for a girl! So what? That means all the boys are just rejects?
When we have found out the sex we have always had the comments of oh never mind, like we should be disappointed.

We have 6 healthy and amazing boys, we are extremely lucky.

Now here is the twist. I am currently pregnant with baby number 7 and it is in fact.... a girl!

Totally unplanned, we had made the decision not to have any more and hubby was booked in for the snip! We were using protection and had no known incidents. So it was a total shock to us all.

So now we get the comments like oh finally you have your long awaited girl blah blah, which makes me feel like I can't be excited to have a girl incase it looks like our boys weren't wanted?

But for the past 19 years it has been me and 'my boys' now I am having a girl it worries me that the bond will be different, that I can no longer refer to the family as my boys. That the dynamic may change. So I am worried about that!

But please rest assured, as others have said, you will love that baby no matter what xx

Good luck for this morning!!

Hoping you have a great scan.
Just read the thread and understand your feelings.

I have 3 boys. Decided not to find out during scan as I knew I'd be disappointed by a "theoretical" boy but not by a brand new baby boy I had just given birth to.

My 3rd son is i suppose the biggest theoretical disappointment. He is absolutely not. He came after a miscarriage and is a total blessing. He is kind, clever, cuddly, sweet natured and good. Just a delight.

I did have an accidental 4th, a girl. Much to my surprise, after wanting a daughter for so long, I do not love her any more than the boys and never did. The clothes turned out to be 90 percent impractical. She lives in leggings and a t shirt. She is cool and I love her.

OP a year ago I was you. I was so convinced it was boy number 3 that when a girl popped out OMG!

It’s a boy. Ashamed to say I’ve been crying in the car, DH doesn’t know what to do or say as he didn’t realise I felt like this

@JellyBert Trust me I know what this feels like... I always thought I’d be a mum to boys but I have two wonderful girls!!! I definitely felt disappointment but soon that disappointment turns to excitement! I’m sure the feeling won’t last long x also, since having my girls I’ve had two losses and a long time ttc and that seriously put things into perspective for me.... I’m totally happy with whatever sex I’m blessed with this time.... yes it would be nice to buy some boy clothes 🤣 but also, il enjoy a healthy girl gang all the same! Xxx

I'm really sorry OP. Give yourself some time to come to terms with it. How you are feeling is totally understandable and it doesn't mean you're a bad person or that you're ungrateful or anything like that. Give it a bit of time and I bet you'll start to feel the excitement again but for now just be kind to yourself.

Sorry you feel this way, OP. There's a lovely mummy vlogger called Emily Norris who has three boys and she did a video when they found out their third was a boy. She was very honest and watching the videos of life with her three might help (her youngest is four now). It looks like a lot of fun to have three boys.

*she's on youtube

Hi OP. I'm 20 weeks pregnant and found out I'm having my third boy and it's definitely my last baby so no girl for us. I had a cry too when i found out. Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. I'm now really excited to meet my third beautiful son.

It still stings momentarily when i see baby girl announcements and pictures of baby girls on Facebook but it's only fleeting and it has got a LOT easier.

Ahh I'm so sorry OP. I think it's completely understandable to feel disappointed and sad. Definitely give yourself time to feel your emotions and grieve for the girl you wanted. Then I'm sure you will come out the other side and be so excited for the three boys you'll love so much. Fingers crossed they will love playing together and it will be absolutely lovely.

Don't suppress the mourning feelings it is better to get it out and work through it. It is probably better you know now and have time before birth to talk honestly about losing the dream of a girl, to then get re-excited about your new lovely boy.

Have a good cry then I'm sure, from reading your posts, that you will be pragmatic and get on with it. I'm the mum of 2 now young adult boys. I'm doing girly stuff with their girlfriends so not all is lost!

I have 4 boys and was a bit worried with the last two that I’d be disappointed if told a boy at the scan so we didn’t find out. I didn’t and don’t care less once they were actually born and I was holding them.
I’d never have believed a scan anyway if they said girl as I’d be convinced they’d have got it wrong!

Sorry I’ve just finished reading the thread and seen it’s another boy. Having all boys is fab and you’ll love him exactly as your other boys. Be kind to yourself.