Over 40 and due 2021

[luckylakes]

Title does what it says on the tin. Have been on Mumsnet for donkeys years but It's the first ever thread I've actually started.

A space for us to share the joy of being geriatric mothers 😊

I'll start. I'm 42 due 21st May 2021 with DC 3 with my new DH. Already have two lovely DC 12 and 8. Had a MC last year at 11 weeks which floored me as I was so naive to the risks of being older.

We had fertility assessments last year and were told we had next to no chance of conceiving naturally - it turns out I was actually pregnant whilst we were there getting the results of tests we'd had a couple of weeks previously!

This pregnancy was totally out of the blue as we got married in July and have been preoccupied and not necessarily trying to get pregnant. My DH is a bit older than me and he is over the moon at the prospect of having a child.

I'm having a private scan on 12th October and we will have a NIPT test at 10 weeks. For now every day I just think wow today I am pregnant and that is enough for me. If it doesn't work out then it was for a reason but I'm so happy to be pregnant and every day the risk of MC reduces and that's enough for me.

What are your stories, hopes and fears?

@luckylakes Thanks for starting this thread. I'm also 42 and due on 20th May. I have a 6 year old. I had another baby after that who died on the day he was born. He had Patau's Syndrome. We found out at the 20 week scan but decided to continue with the pregnancy and he was born at 36 weeks. Since then I've had 3 miscarriages and so it's really hard to have high hopes this time round but you never know, there's always a chance!
Sorry to hear about your MC. It's really tough when it's so close to the 12 weeks scan and you think everything is going to be fine. How lovely for you to be pregnant so soon after your wedding. It's such a mixture of emotions isn't it. One minute I'm excited and the next minute terrified that it's going to end in another MC.

Hi, thanks for starting this thread, and congrats to both of you! Journeys are certainly different when we are over 40.
I am 43 and due May 9th 2021, I have 2 older children, aged 7 & 9. We have been trying again since I was about 39, I had a MMC at 10 weeks at 41, and a CP about 6 months later, then this year in April I had a stillborn baby at 33 weeks (@Bea11 so sorry you experienced similar).
We decided after so much heartbreak, and uncertainty with the last few years, that we would try donor egg this time. And so here I am. It worked first time. Waiting for my 7 week scan with the clinic next week, but not going to relax into it quite yet as you never know what is round the corner.

Morning ladies. I’m 40 and will be 41 when due in May. DH is 39. As I mentioned on the previous thread we had a long and difficult fertility journey to have DD at 37 so the pregnancy came as a shock. I think deep down I believed we had a chance to conceive naturally and here we are!

I too am concerned about loss, genetic defects etc in being older. I have been taking Ubiquinol and Vit D this year in case I we started trying. DH is also still in his 30s (just!) so fingers crossed it all works out. Sadly I have known of three pregnancies in the last year of ladies in their 30s and 40s which ended in miscarriage around the 12-18 weeks mark so that risk is very much on my mind.

I had wondered about doing the NIPT test but then read that the results can sometimes give false positives and cause anxiety. But I know the risks will be higher in the screening tests on account of my age. Gah, it’s so hard knowing what to do! I may go for an early scan yet but I want to get to the 6 weeks mark first.

Also to add, I’m so sorry to hear about the miscarriages and the losses at or near full term. I had a CP after my first IVF round and that was hard enough, let alone a much later loss. I will be keeping everything crossed for us all.

@Bea11 @Cleozeta welcome to you both and I'm so sorry about your losses. I can't imagine the pain of going through what you both have.

Let's just take one day at a time and support each other through this.

Thanks everyone for sharing your stories. It's sounds like we may all need a bit of extra support this time round and so I'm over the moon that we've got this group! 🥰

Hi @TheMagicDeckchair welcome to the thread

I hope we can support and inform each other along the way and also have a laugh and get to know each other too.

@TheMagicDeckchair we've decided against any early testing again this time. I think it would just add to the anxiety for me.

As tough as it was carrying to full term with a baby that we knew wouldn't survive, it was also completely amazing to have 10 precious hours with him which some people don't get the chance of. If it came to it, I think that we would make the same decision again (which I know would seem crazy to lots of people!).

I do absolutely understand people wanting to opt for early testing though and think you just have to go with what feels right for you. No decision is easy in pregnancy is it.

@Cleozeta So very sorry to hear that you suffered a stillbirth so recently. The emotions from that experience must all still be so raw for you. That's amazing that the donor egg conception worked first time. You must have so many different feelings all at the same time right now. I can completely understand you not relaxing into this pregnancy just yet. Hopefully as the weeks go on we'll be able to trust it a bit more little by little xx

@luckylakes

Hi *@TheMagicDeckchair* welcome to the thread

I hope we can support and inform each other along the way and also have a laugh and get to know each other too.

Yes to having a laugh as well! We will all need it!

Can I join?! Thanks for starting this thread, I feel I will fit in here! I'm 40, will be 41 when due in early May.
This was a complete surprise, I already have 2 dc and never planned for a third. I suffered 3 miscarriages between dc 1 & 2 and then took a long time to conceive so am quite surprised this time round.
I had some bleeding last week, bright red but only lasted an hour so not sure what that was about?
I think I will book in for a private early scan hopefully next week, to see what's going on.

Hi ladies! I have a similar story to @TheMagicDeckchair in that I'm 40, will be 41 on my due date (currently 7/4), my partner is late 30s and we struggled with fertility for our first child, eventually conceiving ds(2) through IVF.

We were preparing to embark on further IVF treatments to have another child when I fell pregnant - complete shock!! Obviously we were thrilled but as time goes on I'm finding it hard to accept and am convinced it's all going to go wrong.

I contracted parvovirus a few weeks ago, so it was right on the cusp of the "danger" time for exposure. Now I'm going to have to be monitored closely in the late stage of my pregnancy because it could make the baby very ill. I'm coming to terms with having that hanging over the whole pregnancy like a cloud and am just desperate to share my news now so I can hopefully enjoy some of it!! 12 week scan is next Friday so 🤞 after that. I had a harmony test on Monday so am awaiting those results too.

Look forward to sharing the highs and lows with you all. So sorry to those who have been through tough times already

Hi @glastogal and @Bringmethechips welcome to the group.

How's everyone doing? I feel surprisingly spritely after just 4 hours sleep!

Hi, I’m 38, 39 in feb. so I hope you don’t mind me jumping on the thread even though I’m not quite 40. I’m sure we may have similar concerns.

I had a miscarriage at the beginning of lockdown which was an early one at 5,5 but was still pretty shit.

Now I’m 7 weeks and this is my first baby. My partner already has 2.

I’ve got a lack of symptoms and any symptoms I do think I have I can attribute to other things. There’s so much talk of so many symptoms on Mumsnet that my lack of them worries me a bit. A lack of af is pretty much my only symptom.

Have booked an early scan for next week just to make sure there’s something in there lol

Thanks for creating the thread and congrats to all, here’s to a healthy and happy pregnancy x

Sorry wrong thread!

Sorry NOT the wrong thread....something wrong with my brain x

@kblue1 😂😂😂 baby brain!!!

Welcome!

Sorry about your miscarriage, whenever it happens it's devastating. We've all got a story here x

Sometimes the problem with threads (for me anyway) is that I read other peoples worries and I start worrying about whatever it is they've said. So if someone's saying they feel really sick I worry that I don't feel sick. And you times that by all these women with different symptoms and concerns and it becomes all consuming and can affect your mental health.

I'm really trying to be grounded taking each day being aware of my body and enjoying that day. Worrying about something that may or may not happen is not healthy. We're all aware of the risks to us being older and it will be on all our minds but trying to appreciate each day is so important.

@kblue1 If it makes you feel any better, I had very few symptoms with my first baby and had a really good pregnancy. I think that not only is each woman different but each pregnancy is so different too.

Welcome to all the new joiners in our little geriatric club 🤣. So happy to be able to talk to you all xx

@glastogal our stories are eerily similar! I think when you’ve had a struggle in the past with fertility it’s hard to convince yourself that everything will go smoothly. Almost as though you’re waiting for something to go wrong because history tells you that’s what happens.

Although a more optimistic view is that lots of us have had bumpy rides in the and deserve a nice easy pregnancy and birth! (I am also holding out for a chilled out good sleeper this time ).

@luckylakes I am weirdly energetic too, as though I have loads of adrenaline and my metabolism seems to be going through the roof. I remember last time getting very tired towards the end of the first trimester so I guess that will happen again soon.

Welcome everyone! This is such a good thread, as there is something so different about an over 40 pregnancy, it's nice to share with others in the same boat. Congrats to you all!
@kblue1 I have a lack of symptoms too and have been quite worried about it. I think because I had a pregnancy quite recently I am able to compare, and this time symptoms are nowhere near as strong as they were last time. It's hard not to worry.

I don't think I'll do the NIPT test this time, as I did before and it was very reassuring with a low risk, yet I still had a stillbirth. Also this time having used a younger egg, chances are lower, so I'll probably just wait for the 12 week NHS check. I will be getting a scan at 7 weeks though (next week!)

Morning ladies
Can’t sleep again...

@Cleozeta I'd love to hear more about your donor egg journey if you’re willing to share.

I think I’m 5 weeks today and that feels good as I tested really early and the last 10 days have dragged so much. I wish I hadn’t tested so early.

So I’ve been thinking what do you do to keep yourself occupied and in your mind what’s the next milestone?

Normally I rush around doing everything for everyone taking everyone everywhere making sure the house is tidy and we’re on top of things. I work full time and I really love gardening so I’m out there normally. And I do yoga. With this lack of sleep and fatigue my house is a state, the washing pile is towering over and I go to bed at 8 to get some sleep before I inevitably wake up at the crack of dawn! My working day drags and I clock watch.

I have started reading again and I’ve planted loads of seeds for next year so we’ll have cut flowers all year. I do go out there a few time a day to check on them like a crazy plant lady!

The other thing I’ve noticed is I feel reluctant to tell my DH about any symptoms - that’s probably for two reasons - because I don’t want to get his hopes up and also because when I had my miscarriage the embryo hadn’t developed past 7 weeks and my body didn’t MC until 11 weeks. The idea that my body was telling me I was pregnant makes me feel tricked and sad that for those 4 weeks I was thinking and dreaming of a baby and bonding with it. I felt ashamed actually.

Our scan is booked for 8 and a bit weeks as I wanted it past the 7 weeks mark after last time but from what you read on here no week is a reassuring week to have a scan as a MC can happen any time. So I’ve been thinking should I pay for a scan every week (crackers - I won’t do this!!) or not bother having one at all because I’d only feel reassured for that day.

12 weeks is a long way off and I’m really trying to focus on each day. Past experience affects us on such a deep level and having read what you girls have all been through I have such admiration for you to be here again. The need, want or whatever we call it for another child is so strong it makes us find the strength to go through this.

Sorry for the long post, I’m just trying to make sense of how I’m feeling and how best to face the next seven weeks. What are you all doing to help you?

For all of us that are anxious remember this is a new pregnancy with a new egg and new sperm and all new positive chances.

I'm new here. My two year old woke me up earlier and now I can't sleep.

I'm 41 I have a 21 year old and a 2 year old and I'm 23 weeks pregnant. I've had a loss at 7 weeks and 20 weeks in the last year so I'm in the mixed emotions camp.
I'm having some counselling about the losses and this is very helpful so far.

@luckylakes I’m not even 5 weeks until Monday! I have a short cycle, around 24 days so knew early. In my defence I had a very good reason for early testing as we couldn’t conceive previously- I wanted to know even if it was a chemical as it meant there was the possibility to do this without the cost and hassle of IVF.

In fact when I got my first faint BFP around 4 days before AF due I was convinced it was a chemical as I had spotting. Then I tested on AF day and Clearblue said 1-2- again I thought, 1-2 weeks? Meh it’s a chemical. Then I re read the instructions and realised it was since conception 🤦‍♀️. 5 days later it was 2-3 weeks but I’m going to give it another week before trying for the 3+. I have absolutely no idea what to do with myself at the moment though, time is going so slowly. First telephone midwife appointment is a week on Tuesday. I think I’m waiting for the 6 weeks to pass before doing anything else.

@Cleozeta it’s so good that your donor egg worked first time. I wondered if that would have been a course of action for us if we had made it to the fertility appointment. I haven’t yet cancelled my referral as they have a huge backlog due to COVID and it may be 2021 before we got an appointment. It’s still really early days and I don’t feel confident enough to pick up the phone and cancel until we’re further on.

@footprintsintheslow how are you coping with being further on in pregnancy with a 2 year old?

@luckylakes my experience with DE was really quick and easy. After 4 years of disappointments, heartbreak, worries and stress, we made the decision to go for DE after reading that conception at 43 was around 1% chance of success and with DE it was more like 60%. We contacted our chosen clinic, got tested (internal scan to check lining etc, and a SA), gave our donor requirements list (hair & eye colour etc) chose our donor from a shortlist of 2, and then started on oestrogen patches at the start of next cycle. Had a lining scan around 2 weeks later, then they created the embryos and transferred one nearly a week later, and boom, here I am.
After 4 years of drama trying alone, it was that easy. One cycle. A few simple drugs and a quick match. Kind of wish I'd just done it 4 years ago!!!

I also had the same experience as you with a MMC. The baby stopped growing at around 6+5, but my body didn't acknowledge this until 10 weeks. I had an early scan at 6+4 showing a heartbeat, so was well and truly fooled.

@footprintsintheslow sorry to hear of your losses but congrats on your new pregnancy. I have found counselling helps too. It's hard to trust a new pregnancy when it feels there is no safe milestone to pass.

@TheMagicDeckchair I think you are doing the right thing not cancelling your appointment, even if to just not jinx things!!! Good for peace of mind to have a back up plan, and then hopefully you won't need it!

@TheMagicDeckchair it's totally different having a toddler to look after this time. I'm bloody knackered every afternoon. I'm having a lie down now. Luckily my husband is still working from home so if I'm on my knees with sickness like in the early days or exhaustion he can take over.

@Cleozeta I was so naive before having had two successful pregnancies so I don't even feel in the clear now but passing my personal danger points has helped. I also feel movement now so that's very reassuring.

How is everyone's sickness?