Over 40 and due 2021

[luckylakes]

Title does what it says on the tin. Have been on Mumsnet for donkeys years but It's the first ever thread I've actually started.

A space for us to share the joy of being geriatric mothers 😊

I'll start. I'm 42 due 21st May 2021 with DC 3 with my new DH. Already have two lovely DC 12 and 8. Had a MC last year at 11 weeks which floored me as I was so naive to the risks of being older.

We had fertility assessments last year and were told we had next to no chance of conceiving naturally - it turns out I was actually pregnant whilst we were there getting the results of tests we'd had a couple of weeks previously!

This pregnancy was totally out of the blue as we got married in July and have been preoccupied and not necessarily trying to get pregnant. My DH is a bit older than me and he is over the moon at the prospect of having a child.

I'm having a private scan on 12th October and we will have a NIPT test at 10 weeks. For now every day I just think wow today I am pregnant and that is enough for me. If it doesn't work out then it was for a reason but I'm so happy to be pregnant and every day the risk of MC reduces and that's enough for me.

What are your stories, hopes and fears?

Hi Folks, I came across this group last night and it helped me make the decision to sign up to mumsnet after some years of just observing/lurking! Reading your stories made me realise that you are all feeling just like I am so I think it could be helpful to be here. I'm 43 and am 6+2 (I think - although cycles not perfectly reliable these days!). Met my husband relatively late in life. Had a pregnancy in 2017 - had a mmc at 8+4 but didn't know until I got spotting two weeks later. So yes - totally relate to feelings of being ashamed, scared...and now a little bit of excitement. Celebrations a bit muted with us as we know what happened last time. Trying to resign myself to the idea there is really not much I can do to change outcomes at this point apart from staying calm, relaxed etc. Have thought about early scans as NHS not doing them just now but not sure. We had all but given up and had decided maybe we couldn't afford IVF either so it's lovely news but also such an anxious time. It's nice to be amongst people who get that.

@wanderingunicorn gentle congratulations to you then!

@footprintsintheslow that’s what worries me- by that stage DD will be 3 so hopefully less exhausting than 2. I haven’t had much nausea yet- was the same with DD, fingers crossed this will be the same.

Welcome @wanderingunicorn, I think a lot of us feel the same.

Hi

Can I join please? I'm 43 and got bfp Tuesday. I had an ectopic and tube removal last year which was horrible.

I'm preparing myself for the worst again as the tests seem to be fainter today than the last few days

If I manage to get to 6 weeks the EPU will scan me to check not ectopic again. I am hoping and praying that it's not but the faint lines and lack of progress are stressing me!

Nice to meet everyone and sorry to hear of all your losses

@dreamingofsunshine12 it's incredibly hard to keep anxiety under control after you've experienced a loss. My only advice is to say this is a whole new pregnancy with whole new chances, new sperm and new egg.
Do you work and can you keep busy?

Hello - just saw this and thought I might join you? I am 41 and nearly 22 weeks pregnant with my second but my 4th pregnancy.

I had my first at 38 and then had two losses at 10 and 8 weeks after I was 40.

I found the first 12 weeks of this pregnancy so hard. I had a spell of crying for no reason at 8 weeks as I was convinced I would lose this one too.

The only way I survived and still am trying to control my anxiety is only looking 2-3 weeks ahead and having mini check points. So we had a scan at 8 weeks as I couldn't cope not knowing if the baby was ok. Harmony test at 10 weeks ....

Small steps only

@welshladywhois40 hi there and congratulations. I could have your user name as it exactly describes me!

Also I'm 23 weeks so due Jan 10th. I've had two losses but I also have two children so feel very lucky at the same time as being incredibly anxious and closed about my pregnancy to people in real life. Thank god for Mumsnet!

Morning everyone. Last night from around 7 I had quite bad cramps more like period pain in my lower back and womb area than that pully feeling I've had up to now.

I've had no bleeding and have still got cramps though not as bad as they were during the night. I've emailed the scan place to bring my scan forward by two weeks as I just can't stand this waiting and not knowing.

My last miscarriage started with cramping and then a couple of hours later bleeding.

Am going to chill out today and try not to think about it x

Welcome & congrats @wanderingunicorn, @dreamingofsunshine12 & @welshladywhois40
Wishing you all the best of luck!!

@luckylakes try not to worry, its a good sign there is no bleeding, so hopefully just the usual stretching etc

@luckylakes how many weeks are you? It's such a scary time and I envy women (and I used to me one) who is totally naive to the realities of pregnancy loss.

@luckylakes stay strong and positive. It feels like a strange mantra but I always hold on to the fact if there isn't bleeding hopefully all is ok. Cramping and back pain could be for all sorts of reasons.

When is your scan?

Thanks for your kind messages. I'm 5 weeks and 2 days and the scan is 2 weeks today. Still got cramping but no bleeding.

If I wanted to get checked out who do you think I should phone? Last time I went to a and e after phoning 111 and someone from the EPU came for me. I'm not at that point yet but I was wondering where I would go?Feel a bit in limbo.

@luckylakessorry you are still getting cramps. When I had spotting and cramps, I called my GP (it was a weekday) who made the referral to EPU for that same day. You could try calling EPU direct or otherwise do as you did last time - go to A&E. Fingers crossed things ease off for you - I find a hot water bottle helps to ease discomfort. I'm about a week ahead of you and sometimes get the tugging/pulling/slight cramps feeling - I'm hoping it is all just the stretching required that's going on x

Hi everyone . I’m currently 6 weeks with 3rd baby and will be 41 when arrives 🙌 Have had a whirlwind last 3 years with meeting partner and now 3 children 😂

Originally we thought our youngest who we kept saying was our ‘ have before 40 risks etc’ baby would be our last. But after Christmas we both knew our family needed one more to complete it .. it’s taken 6 months but here we are.

On one hand feel more like a pro at all of this now and so busy with the 2 girls ( SAHM by choice) but on other more nervous re age related risks etc. Deciding now re NIPT lots to think about and very aware still very early. Plus covid likely effecting things along the way

Best wishes to everyone 🤩

@luckylakes I hope you're doing ok, I had period like cramps in the early weeks of this and my previous pregnancy - was so sure I would start bleeding. It's really unnerving. If you are able to wait until Monday I would call your GP or EPU but if it gets acute just go straight to A&E. I hope it subsides for you soon.

@Honeydukesmum wow - you will have your hands full but how lovely to be having a third 🥰

I had NIPT and got my results back today (low risk, hooray!) so it feels really worth it for me. I worried my age would skew the combined test and give me anxiety!

@luckylakes sorry to hear that you've been suffering with cramps and back pain overnight and today. If it's still carrying on tomorrow, I would just phone the EPU directly on Monday. Fingers crossed they will be able to bring the scan forward and it will be a positive result and put your mind at rest. It's so hard to not think the worst when you've had losses but like a few people have said, this is a different pregnancy and so we can all be so hopeful of a very different outcome. Sending lots of love and hugs and am thinking of you 😘

@luckylakes are you feeling any better today? Have the cramps subsided? Hoping everything’s ok for you.

@Honeydukesmum welcome! You certainly have had a busy few years!

Has anyone in the early stages told anybody yet? We have just told our parents but not planning to announce anything wider until at least 12 weeks or I start to show. I had wanted to keep it to ourselves for longer but TBH I really wanted to talk to my mum as I was feeling anxious about everything. We’re in an area that keeps coming in and out of Covid restrictions and I worry about what this will mean for maternity and antenatal care. DH just isn’t the same when it comes to emotional support!

@TheMagicDeckchair I'm telling my parents today, I'm almost 12 weeks and have my dating scan on Friday.. we were planning to wait until after that but are worried new restrictions might prevent us from doing so face to face so just going to get it done!! I'm nervous even though I know they will be thrilled!!

Other than that I've told 3 friends.

@TheMagicDeckchair I've been up all night again with cramps. There was the tiniest bit of blood last night (light pink and mucusy tmi - sorry)

I was on hold to 111 for half an hour this morning and ended up phoning the maternity ward who said 111 would tell me to go to A & E so that's where we're going now.

I had a positive pregnancy test this morning and still have nausea and tender boobs. I'm prepared for the worst but still have a glimmer of hope everything is ok.

I'll let you know how it goes - thank you for asking.

How lovely that some of us are starting to share the news with friends and family. Hopefully that will be me soon too x

We’ve only told the gym/instructors so things can be adapted or if get dizzy etc. Going to delay telling family etc to know ok as at moment we aren’t getting to see people as much any way so decided not to add any worries to them until bit further

@luckylakes

I have some spotting this morning too, very light and only when I wiped. Gone now. No cramps.

Have called 111and due a call back any minute but if you’re going A&E, maybe I should just head there too?

This sucks x

@luckylakes I hope everything turns out to be ok. Fingers crossed for your appointment today.

@kblue1 it sounds like very light spotting, I had some just after my early BFP (only when I wiped) and thought I was out, but then it stopped after a couple of days. But if it continues then maybe seek advice to put your mind at rest?

I had a bright red bleed with DD at around 12 weeks and all was fine, so you can bleed and be ok.

Been to A & E. Was examined and tested for a UTI (negative). They don't think it's ectopic from the tests. They didn't scan me as the machine that measures hcg was broken (!) though the doctor will phone me tonight with the results once it's fixed. If it's over 15,000 then I'll go for a scan but if it's not I'm not quite sure what the plan is! The doctor said she would have to speak to the registrar.

So I'm no further forward. Still not bleeding though.

@kblue1 I don't know what to advise really. Trying to get seen at a weekend isn't made easy by the system is it? Spotting is normal in early pregnancy, if you're not in pain maybe wait until tomorrow to speak to your GP.

Just a quick update - my hcg levels are 1300 which is within the normal range. I need to go back on Tuesday to have another blood test and they will give me a call tomorrow to book in a scan.

So no explanation for the terrible cramps but as good news as I could ask for.

Thank you for caring. Only DH knows in real life and it is lovely to know there is a group of people here in a similar position.

Hope this is a good week for us all x