Is it okay to not want pain in childbirth?

[FluffyKittensinabasket]

Okay so it’s going to hurt, I get that!

But there seems to be a culture that you are meant to be bear the pain as a woman. That giving birth naturally is the best way and one of the books I have suggests that a birthing pool and gas and air may be all you need.

I absolutely think we all have the choice to give birth however we want. But it’s 2020, I don’t want excessive pain! Gas and air won’t take it away, pethidine has side effects and again, doesn’t help that much apparently.

I am thinking about an epidural but I understand this might not be available and has pros and cons.

Will a midwife try and talk me out of having pain relief? My fear is being abandoned in labour, in pain and nobody will care. I’ve read so many posts on Mumsnet and online about this.

You don't get a medal for giving birth without pain relief

Absolutely this! I ended up having an epidural after being on the drip for over 7 hours with no pain relief except paracetamol and a TENS machine. The first few hours were fine but I was in agony by the last few and honestly the relief of that pain going away was incredible. As it was I needed an episiotomy and forceps as DS got himself into an awkward position, so it was much better in the end as I could just be taken very quickly into theatre and the epidural topped up. The birth itself was then completely painless and I felt in control as was not having to fight through the pain so could focus more on what was going on, if that makes sense.

The most important thing is to do what is right for you, and make sure your birth partner knows your wishes and will advocate for you if necessary. Good luck!

@Spam88

And also don't get sucked into the horrible fears of painful childbirth. If it was that horrible nobody would have more than one child.

Seriously hate it when people say this. I spent my whole second pregnancy dreading having to go through childbirth again. After delivering my second on gas and air I'm absolutely not having another one and am too scared of an accidental pregnancy to have sex.

Have you spoken to your GP about contraception? Coil/pill/implant/injection plus condoms is pretty foolproof.

Bear in mind the epidural doesn't always work. Mine worked on one side, which was very strange indeed.

More pain relief has a slight correlation with increased interventions, but it's not really possible to say if being in more pain (and thus needing the relief) is the cause or if the pain relief is the cause. Interventions can make recovery more difficult.

That said, you might need interventions without having had the pain relief anyway.

Epidural is the most amazing thing ever

“Bear in mind the epidural doesn't always work. Mine worked on one side, which was very strange indeed.”

One of mine did that, they just topped it up to even it out... it meant I was a bit number than planned, but other than that fine.

As a mum of 2, my first labour I had all the pain relief and struggled to get him out as I couldn't feel anything, his heart rate dropped and they had to pull him out. My second labour,I had no pain relief and he came out perfect as I could feel when to push.no problems! I would say if it's not a long labour,try to go without pain meds as it's better for the baby (in my opinion). I know this isn't the same for everyone! Wish you luck! Xx

Well I opted for a c-section for no other reason than I wanted one based on my research of the risks, so I would definitely say it's ok to choose a pain-free birth!

Honestly, there are pros and cons and different risks to every option. What goes well for some will go horribly for others and vice versa. Just do you research and make the choice you feel is right for you.

And as others have said - make sure you know your own mind and then make sure other people know it too. Loudly, if necessary.

All kidding aside I have three children 25, 21 and 10 and I still don't know why they give you two paracetamol at the start of labour ? What is the point?!

I wrote all over my birth plan and had consultants add it to my notes (I was consultant led due to GD) that I wanted an epidural ASAP - I had crippling sciatica and such severe debilitating carpal tunnel during my pregnancy that I thought any more pain would tip me over the edge.

The hospital were fab and not a single person tried to dissuade me. The epidural was in place before the drip (ended up being induced) and it was the best decision. I didn’t feel like I missed out on anything at all - in fact, I was the most relaxed I’d been in months! DD arrived without any further intervention as is now a healthy 20 month old.

Different people have different thresholds and then there's the few martyr types (who you need to ignore).

Rather than a birth plan, maybe read up on the pros and cons of each method and then go with what you want at the time.

Midwife here.

I would have liked to have a nice hypnobirth in the pool. I’m reality I had an agonisingly long OP (back to back) labour and all the drugs. Whatever gets you through if you ask me.

The only time I’ve tried to talk a woman out of pain relief is when she’s transitional and sitting still for an epidural really isn’t realistic or if her birth plan was very militantly anti-medication.

Don’t discount pethadine. If given in early labour it can be absolutely magic. I enjoyed it 😂

@tabulahrasa - great name.

They tried all sorts with mine- repositioning the site, laying me on my side. Nothing worked. So one side was fine, the other side felt like I was being ripped in half.

Funnily enough, I had quite severe spd and when I finally went to an osteopath 6 months post partum, it was the same side that was still not working properly. Cause or effect??

I had to have an epidural for first baby due to issues with my jaw and possible GA I was young and didn’t really fight it. So ended up with assisted delivery, forceps and baby was all bruised and was cut and it only worked down one side and I felt like I was being torn in two. So what was meant to be pain free wasn’t very nice at all. Didn’t put me off I had 3 more babies with gas and air for no2 nothing for 3 & 4 as I never made it to delivery suite and I didn’t feel much pain at all. However I think women should do what they feel is best for them, everyone has a different experience. My sister for example was in pool, first, second was too fast for paramedics and born at home and third was almost in the car big huge babies last 11lb no pain relief as it was so fast don’t envy her but I know she did lots of hypno birthing stuff so was really calm etc. Just do it how you feel is best for you op

I was veeeeery sure I wanted a natural birth with my first, but the reality was a difficult induction followed by a very long painful labour and a back to back baby. After a few hours the midwife said I wasn't even close to being ready to push and I cracked and asked for the epidural. The G&A was hardly taking the edge off and it hurt so badly. The epidural was incredible in terms of taking the pain away, but unfortunately it a) hindered me from pushing effectively meaning I had to have an assisted delivery with ventouse and forcepts, and B) gave me a temperature which meant ds and I had to stay in hospital for a week being tested and treated in case of sepsis. My second labour I was much more "what will be will be" about it but the whole event was much easier. I went into labour spontaneously and it progressed very quickly, it hurt of course but was manageable at home with paracetamol and my tens machine. The actually pushing only took about 10 mins and I just used a bit of G&A which was more than sufficient. An epidural was never even mentioned. We went home about an hour after dd was born. So over all my natural labour was much easier and less stressful than my epidural one, but they were both so different it's almost impossible to compare. Bottom line is you can't really generalise, every birth is different, whatever level of pain relief you want and need is absolutely fine, childbirth is always tough no matter what so be realistic on what can be achieved with drugs, and don't worry about what anyone else wants or thinks.

I wish I had opted for c section. My first and only baby at nearly 41 and I was induced which was appalling..the pain came on strong very quickly and I had an epidural but I couldn't feel to push and DS got badly stuck so I ended up in theatre. They got him out but we were both battered and bruised and I lost loads of blood and needed many stitches. I never had another but if I did it would be c section all the way!

Take it all! I had a very long back to back labour and the epidural was fantastic! I also sampled pethidine and gas and air-enjoyed it all would recommend! I say take whatever you need to get through there are no medals for breathing a baby out. My labour could only speed up when I got the epidural as due to babies position I wasn’t progressing and needed the induction drip and things only really got started for me at that point. The best plan: whatever it takes to have a healthy mother and baby at the end. The staff at my maternity unit were really switched on with pain relief and I felt they really listened to me. Had an elective section with my second and the spinal was bloody amazing I felt like I was floating in theatre and thanked the anaesthatist for a lovely trip and getting me off my face for free much to the amusement of the staff 🤦🏼‍♀️

@Itsalwayssunnyupnorth...🤣that's brilliant! It reminds me of when I went "whee"! when they wheeled me down the corridor!! All that gas & air and epidural followed by being prepped for section just in case! The downer was not being able to sit down for weeks after!!

A pool and gas and air was genuinely all I needed. Giving birth was a really positive experience for me despite the pain. But that’s was me and how I wanted to give birth. If you want all the drugs and an epidural have them. Do what makes you feel the most safe and calm.

I had an epidural with my second and it was great. Some people say you can’t feel enough to push etc, but I could still feel the contractions and I was able to really engage with the whole process and push and my baby was born without intervention. Plus I recovered really well.
With my first I didn’t have an epidural. I found the whole thing much harder, by the time it came to push I really struggled as I was so weak by then and I was running out of oxytocin and the baby was delivered by ventuose. To be honest I had to be told when to push, I was so out of it on gas and air (which didn’t help with the pain, just made me so spaced and confused).
Both my labours went on for a long time. Had my second been shorter I might have managed on just gas and air.
Every persons body is different and Labour is different and there’s no one size fits all solution.