Is it okay to not want pain in childbirth?

[FluffyKittensinabasket]

Okay so it’s going to hurt, I get that!

But there seems to be a culture that you are meant to be bear the pain as a woman. That giving birth naturally is the best way and one of the books I have suggests that a birthing pool and gas and air may be all you need.

I absolutely think we all have the choice to give birth however we want. But it’s 2020, I don’t want excessive pain! Gas and air won’t take it away, pethidine has side effects and again, doesn’t help that much apparently.

I am thinking about an epidural but I understand this might not be available and has pros and cons.

Will a midwife try and talk me out of having pain relief? My fear is being abandoned in labour, in pain and nobody will care. I’ve read so many posts on Mumsnet and online about this.

When I was pregnant I liked the idea of a water birth with gas and air, but ruled nothing out except for pethidine (I've had it before and it made me very sick)
When I went into labour, my blood pressure shot up and I went straight to the delivery suite and was offered an epidural (also lowers BP) I was then in labour around 12 hours and didn't feel a thing. I sat and watched tv, listened to music, chatted with DH and the midwives & texted friends until it was time to push. I ended up needing an episiotomy & forceps, but as I already had the epidural, didn't need to wait for further pain relief to kick in!

My thoughts on pain relief now are, if you had a broken leg, you would start by taking paracetamol & working your way through a list of pain killers until one works. You would take the strongest painkiller recommended - so why do we do that with child birth?

So get this! I actually wanted a water birth for ages as I think of all the options for vaginal very it sounds the best for me... However mine is breech haha so it looks like I may be having a c section if he doesn't get a wiggle on and flip in the next couple of weeks.

I actually am surprisingly not bothered as I was thinking hey I won't even go into labour that will be great! 😂 So no if you want an epidural have one! They offer them for a reason and everything has pros and cons so if you like the idea then go for it!!!

I'm a huge advocate of the epidural. I was induced and i tried pethidine and felt awful. The epidural was great. It brought such peace and calm and I felt in control and aware of what was going on.

I'm currently pregnant with my second and not sure what I'll do till I'm in the situation. Hoping to avoid induction.

I have a few friends who like to tell me they did it with just 2 paracetamol. Nobody looks at a 2 year old and says you were born with an epidural!

I'd advise keep your options open and do what feels right at the time x

If there were no downsides to pain relief then of course we would all want it, there are no medals for doing it the painful way! However epidurals do statistically come with an increased risk of interventions so that has to be weighed up against the pain of doing it without.

The real problem is that nobody knows how painful it will be for them until they’re in labour and by then, it’s often “too late” to have an epidural (it usually isn’t medically too late but there aren’t enough anaesthetists to go around), So we are forced to say we want one, to get in the queue, before we know whether we really need one.

Yes, it's ok.

I was very afraid too, then had complications and and had to have a C sec, planned not surprise. I’d definitely want all the available drugs if I had to go through a vaginal birth though 😂 I’m a wuss though! I fainted when I gave blood once.
My cousin had a very painful birth the first time and wanted an elective c section for the second, but had the baby on the way to hospital and zero pain.
Good luck for your delivery whatever options you choose ☺️

I had two quick births and for my second I didn't need more than warm water and gas and air. I remember one contraction not hurting at all.

The pain of labour is unlike anything else. If you break your leg the message your body is sending is 'STOP! STOP SOMETHING IS SERIOUSLY WRONG HERE'

The pain of labour is sending the message that you have to stop and concentrate on getting baby out.

That said, zero prizes for doing it without any pain relief. If you want an epidural you can have one. You do need to be realistic though and accept that having a baby hurts. It will always hurt one way or another. It might be just the after pains, the stitches or recovery from a c section.

Also epidurals have to be given by an anaesthetist and they are limited in the hospital. Their first priority will be c sections and emergencies.

People say your wedding day is "your day". BS! (It's for both the bride and groom!)

THE DAY YOU GIVE BIRTH IS ALL ABOUT YOU!!! At least it should be!!

The thing with this trend of women talking so much about giving birth without pain relief is a fight back agains the overly-doctor-controlled births of the 80s and what not. If you could listen to the arguments with my mum and how much she insists on Csection and epidural!!!! As if I'm insane to want something more natural. As if natural birth is "un-natural"!

You should be aware of the pros and cons of epidural. You can do some research. And also don't get sucked into the horrible fears of painful childbirth. If it was that horrible nobody would have more than one child.

Btw, I had to have epidural for my first birth (2 days!!! I had to sleep....). I wasn't happy with it but I needed the medical support in that situation. 2nd birth was 5 hours. The pain was alright to cope with.

Oh! Epidural leaves you paralysed (I hadn't tought of that!!! ) and gas gave me such a headache I would throw it across the room if someone offered it again....

I had diamorphine in the first stage of labour, and it was GLORIOUS. Can't recommend it enough. Second stage came a lot quicker than anyone thought though, and I had no opportunity for any more pain relief other than gas and air, which I couldn't deal with as I needed 2 hands free the reason for this still eludes me, nearly 5 years on . So I gave birth with no pain relief whatsoever. Awful - it took nearly 3 hours from the first contraction to get ds out.

I had no qualms about using pain relief- I had pethidine in my birth plan , but honestly I didnt need any at all . It hurt a bit but the adrenaline must have kicked in .
However I'm sitting here now with a period so horrendous I would bite someone's arm off for an epidural!

I had a natural birth with both mine. Hypnobirthing and gas and air. I had a wonderful experience because it was what I wanted.
It is imperative you have what you want for your birth. You need to feel comfortable and supported in your decision.

Yes absolutely! Take all the drugs op 👍

Can you even imagine a man asking that question?!?!

@grey12

Oh! Epidural leaves you paralysed (I hadn't tought of that!!! ) and gas gave me such a headache I would throw it across the room if someone offered it again....

This isn't true though, modern epidurals are patient controlled. I could move all the way through all of mine.

I hated gas and air, made me feel really drunk, begged for an epidural (as per my birth plan) and was told I didn't need one. Then I was told it's too late. I got one in the end due to a swollen cervix from being told I could push if I felt the urge (too early) I was young and felt like I was being patronised looking back on it. Don't be like me and accept it if that happens. Stand your ground. The epidural btw was great, managed to have a rest and sent my dp for a snickers! Wore off in time to push and all was good.

It's totally fine to have pain relief. And it's fine to not have it. You do what you need to at that time! Aslong as the baby arrives safely that is the main thing!

Epidural all the way! Nothing to be ashamed of. I'm actually proud that I wanted it and stuck to my guns from the start and got it! Best thing ever

Every birth is different.
They all progress differently and babies are different too.
Everyone deals with pain differently.
You are entitled to whatever pain relief you want, it is not a competition.

My first one I had a lovely combination of the injection and gas and air. And it was bliss in-between contractions. Utterly peaceful.

My second one I had gas and Air in a lovely homebirth. It was very fast so my adrenaline was pumping - not the hormone you want in abundance during labour. Baby was back to back which made the contractions a million times more painful so gas and air did fuck all there. On the flip side active labour was only 90 minutes so swings and roundabouts 😂

I highly suggest reading Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth. Literally the best book I've ever read on childbirth and pregnancy. I fell in love with it. Very informative on the mechanics of birth and how it all happens which I found very reassuring in the lead up to and during birth.

Of course it’s ok if that’s what you want!

Just to add my experience...

Dc1 - wanted the pool and gas and air, ward was too busy so couldn’t have pool. Felt scared and out of control because i panicked and fear kicked in. Transition was horrific because I wasn’t prepared for the intensity and just panicked. Very quick last part of labour, again a lot of fear on my part and a midwife insisting I pushed harder, meant a 3rd degree tear. Then had to have epidural in theatre to be stitched. It was great to not be able to feel being stitched but they took 45 minutes to get it in, multiple failed attempts at getting the needle in. If I’d been having contractions at that time there’s no way they would have got it in. I was surprised to find I shivered a lot - apparently normal. Had a very bruised back after (from all the failed attempts).

Dc2 - read hypnobirthing books and because I knew what to expect in terms of the feeling of it all was not fearful. Still wanted the pool and gas and air. Was induced in the end at 42 weeks. Only had to have propess part, got to 7cm then had gas and air, which I bloody love. Definitely feel high but like a pp said it’s like being aware of the physical sensation but just not caring. Helped me relax a lot. Again fast last part of labour so only an hour in the pool but I did find the water immensely soothing. I honestly wouldn’t say it was painful at all. Very very intense and powerful, the kind of feeling that just takes over your entire body, but not pain. For me being stitched up after (2nd degree tear this time) was 100 times worse than labour. Up and about straight away, nice shower, felt absolutely great. Unlike first labour where i felt like I’d been hit by a truck.

Anyway that’s just my experience. I have friends who have birthed with epidurals who have loved theirs!

I would say have a look at all the options (including hypnobirthing- with my first I dismissed it as nonsense but it truly worked for me with my second).

Good luck op all the best.

Ps even if you do have an epidural you can still use hypnobirthing! Have a look at the positive birth company on instagram, every day they post a hypnobirthing birth story , lots of the ladies have epidurals. The best thing it did for me was help me let go of fear (fear is unhelpful), keep me calm and help me make good decisions that were right for me and my labour. Those would all still have helped me if I’d had an epidural.

I was quite evangelical about having a 'natural' birth, until I went into labour... I was in agony, couldn't have a water birth because meconium in waters, couldn't hear a word the midwife was saying because I was in so much pain and was trying to block everything out.

I had an epidural and it was such a relief. It did slow things down and I had to have forceps but on speaking to the midwife after she believes I would have had to have them anyway - big baby, his heart rate couldn't cope with contractions etc. Also I could still move/feel with the epidural, I could top it up myself but I kept it a tiny bit uncomfortable as I liked a bit of pain. It just turns out my pain threshold is very low...

Definitely opt for all the pain relief you feel you need. I found the epidural brilliant and it meant I could enjoy the birth of my baby.

It also didn’t take the pain away fully for me and I still used gas and air after but it made it possible for me to manage the pain at that level.

I don’t get why people are funny about using pain relief in labour.

If I'm in unbearable pain I'm taking as many drugs as I can! As long as the baby arrives safely that's all that matters to me. A midwife on a baby programme said no one gets a medal for not taking pain relief, it doesn't make you any less of a parent.

And also don't get sucked into the horrible fears of painful childbirth. If it was that horrible nobody would have more than one child.

Seriously hate it when people say this. I spent my whole second pregnancy dreading having to go through childbirth again. After delivering my second on gas and air I'm absolutely not having another one and am too scared of an accidental pregnancy to have sex.

@Spam88 yes, it's seriously annoying that women's suffering is minimised like this.