Is it okay to not want pain in childbirth?

[FluffyKittensinabasket]

Okay so it’s going to hurt, I get that!

But there seems to be a culture that you are meant to be bear the pain as a woman. That giving birth naturally is the best way and one of the books I have suggests that a birthing pool and gas and air may be all you need.

I absolutely think we all have the choice to give birth however we want. But it’s 2020, I don’t want excessive pain! Gas and air won’t take it away, pethidine has side effects and again, doesn’t help that much apparently.

I am thinking about an epidural but I understand this might not be available and has pros and cons.

Will a midwife try and talk me out of having pain relief? My fear is being abandoned in labour, in pain and nobody will care. I’ve read so many posts on Mumsnet and online about this.

I've tried all of the pain relief available during labour, and also laboured for a long time with nothing. I kick myself for not asking for pain relief sooner and wish I stood up for myself to the midwives who wanted me to continue with no drugs. Unfortunately my babies seem to lie back to back and need rotated and dragged out by forceps!

Epidurals are amazing, I could have kissed the Anaesthetist both times. I also loved having the spinal in theatre. My epidural started to wear off after 12 hours (DD arrived by forceps in theatre as a last attempt before potential CS) and I didn't feel a thing from the chest down after just a couple of minutes of them injecting it.

Don't dismiss water - gas and air and a pool was really all I did need! Plus felt so great straight after in terms of being up and about, straight in the shower on my own, out of hospital 4 hours later & no overnight stay (baby 1 - hope baby 2 is going to be the same!!!)

Absolutely fine to have whatever you want, it's your choice. Put it in your birth plan and tell whoever will be at the birth with you. They can support you if you get negative reactions from midwives.

I had an epidural with my first and gas and air/Tens machine at home with my second. Infinitely preferred the latter for a number of reasons but absolutely no regrets about the first- it was completely the right decision at the time. Personally I think it's hard to tell what you'll want until you're in the moment so good idea to have everything on the table

@FluffyKittensinabasket

Okay so it’s going to hurt, I get that!

But there seems to be a culture that you are meant to be bear the pain as a woman. That giving birth naturally is the best way and one of the books I have suggests that a birthing pool and gas and air may be all you need.

I absolutely think we all have the choice to give birth however we want. But it’s 2020, I don’t want excessive pain! Gas and air won’t take it away, pethidine has side effects and again, doesn’t help that much apparently.

I am thinking about an epidural but I understand this might not be available and has pros and cons.

Will a midwife try and talk me out of having pain relief? My fear is being abandoned in labour, in pain and nobody will care. I’ve read so many posts on Mumsnet and online about this.

The best thing to do is say you want all kinds of pain relief AND the pool / aromatherapy etc birth so you get the choices and then you can always no to the stuff you choose not to have in the moment. I ended up in agonising pain due to a very fast birth ( induction) and needed to go up the ladder in terms of pain relief options to slow things down. I had what is known as a ‘walking’ epidural so I could sit up and stand which really helped - unfortunately for us DS heart ratefell and so I needed to go into theatre.

I did want a natural birth with my 2nd because I had no pain relief what so ever after being induced with my first (very bad experience/negligent midwives/extremely fast labour) and thought that I'd done it once so giving birth at home with 2 midwives who weren't looking after other patients was bound to be better than that - but ended up having an emergency c-section which although is was a scary experience did help ease my fear of hospitals after my first birth because I had support from my partner and a lovely team looking after me. However - their is nothing wrong with pain relief, it was invented for a reason, if you research all the pros and cons then you make the best decision for you and baby - nobody elses opinion matters and at the end of the day all anyone could want is a healthy mum and baby :) there sometimes seems to be alot of competition about who had a worse labour I've found, I think it is the beginning of all the other petty competition that some parents enter into (who was walking first, talling first, eating the healthiest, the cleverest baby and so on and so on until the end of time ).

How much you suffer during in labour has no rewards and so there is no point in being a martyr in my opinion. Make sure you have someone to advocate for you and make it known what you want because it can be hard to stand up for yourself when you are in labour, if you aren't happy with the midwife you have you can ask for another one, and if things don't quite go to plan then try not to worry too much midwives can put alot of emphasis on birth plans which can then make you stress if it doesn't happen how you wanted it too.

I'm not great with pain so my plan was to always have an epidural. I tried all the other pain reliefs first and finished with the epidural - best thing I did it was great! It completely took away all pain but I could still feel when my body was urging me to push and I could still feel baby coming out so it was prefect for me. Everyone is different and when it comes down to it you have to do what's best for you

Do what's best for you! I coped ok with contractions and pushing but we had to go to theatre for delivery and the minute that spinal went in it was bliss. What a relief.

I know you are worried - please let me reassure you that for many women it's not that painful, just the last hour or so is uncomfortable. I had no drugs, my choice but my reasoning was I wanted to be in control and the gas makes me lightheaded, and I didn't want to loose feeling in my legs. My choice. The hospital will have options but I would remain flexible see how you feel when the time comes - you midwife will tell you more. I can assure you that I'm no martyr, it just isn't like acute pain.

I don’t get the whole pain thing, personally. It seems exclusive to labour. We have a headache, we take a pill. Toothache, take a pill. Push a while human being out of a small hole..... grit your teeth and take it!

I mean no disrespect to women who manage to do it without pain relief, hats off to you all, but it’s not for me. There’s no medal and I don’t view it as a badge of honour.

I really struggled in labour. My epidural was a total game changer, it was wonderful!

This time around, my birth plan just has one word - EPIDURAL!!

My main fear for labour is it happening too fast and not getting one!

Do what’s right for you. It’s your labour and your pain. If you want the pain relief, take it and don’t let anyone make you feel bad.

If you want an epidural, shout it from the rooftops as soon as you go into hospital and don't let them fob you off. I accidentally ended up doing the whole thing with just gas and air because I was a clueless first time mum giving birth during the middle of the night and no one realised I was in active labour until it came to the pushing stage (I was mostly left unattended).

@minnieok

I know you are worried - please let me reassure you that for many women it's not that painful, just the last hour or so is uncomfortable. I had no drugs, my choice but my reasoning was I wanted to be in control and the gas makes me lightheaded, and I didn't want to loose feeling in my legs. My choice. The hospital will have options but I would remain flexible see how you feel when the time comes - you midwife will tell you more. I can assure you that I'm no martyr, it just isn't like acute pain.

With all due respect you haven’t experienced how your mind clears after an epidural. I went from base animal instincts to making informed and clear decisions about my well being. Also, to say childbirth isn’t that painful is irresponsible - for most women it is painful (which is why gas and air and pethidone is available as a minimum in all professional childbirth settings) but different forms of pain relief are needed according to the mother.

@SelkieQualia

There is the most bizarre double standard by which people having a colonoscopy (diameter about 3cm) have a general anaesthetic, but people giving birth (baby head diameter 10cm) are meant to make do with a frigging bath. I had an epidural for both mine, and it was awesome.

A general anaesthetic for a colonoscopy??? I've had at least ten and only ever had pain relief +/- sedation. An emergency one I only had gas and air. Having a GA is not the norm.

I think it's absolutely, 100% fine to feel like this, but also that the best approach is to keep an open mind about everything. I was open to getting an epidural if it seemed like the best option at the time; as it worked out my birth went in a way that meant I didn't have time for an epidural, or even pethidine, as I was admitted onto labour ward so late - gas and air was my only choice. I'm not saying that to scare you but because I think it's best not to absolutely pin your hopes on any one thing - whether that's a birthing pool or an epidural - as it can lead to panic if you have a very clear plan that just can't happen.

Love the epidural. If you want one then don’t let anyone make you feel bad or less of a person. Childbirth is fucking painful! Some people seem less effected by the pain I’m not one of those people. Not ashamed

Also a lot of people will try scaring you that epidurals mean instrumental help and tearing etc not always the case I’ve had 3 babies all inductions with epidurals and not needed any assistance and no damage to me. I had fabulous midwives who coaxed me through the pushing with DS1 and said that a lot of tears are because people push at the wrong time and don’t listen.

i didn't have an epidural until the 3rd and it was wonderful. On the first two i had gas and air, then pethidine, after which i couldn't stop vomiting. I agree with pp that said pain in childbirth can be ignored and minimised, as it is 'expected'. Fuck that, absolutely do what is best for you.

@HeeeeyDuggee

Love the epidural. If you want one then don’t let anyone make you feel bad or less of a person. Childbirth is fucking painful! Some people seem less effected by the pain I’m not one of those people. Not ashamed

Also a lot of people will try scaring you that epidurals mean instrumental help and tearing etc not always the case I’ve had 3 babies all inductions with epidurals and not needed any assistance and no damage to me. I had fabulous midwives who coaxed me through the pushing with DS1 and said that a lot of tears are because people push at the wrong time and don’t listen.

Exactly I was fully dilated within an hour of my epidural but unfortunately DS had a heart problem and so we were rushed off to get him out as fast as possible (forceps with me pushing). That had nothing to do with the epidural and everything to do with my consultant not inducing me earlier!

When I go into labor, my first demand will be "Drug me up!"

Do what you want, but there are plenty of us that gave birth “naturally” and it was fine. It’s a choice really. The pain didn’t really bother me - but I had a straight forward easy birth; used a bit of gas and air, but not for the pushing bit. I barely remember the pain, it was mostly discomfort. But I appreciate my experience was personal to me. I didn’t want much more than gas and air as long as it was going smoothly. I also describe gas and air as knowing it was still painful but not actually caring, was like being really high 😂 wonderful stuff.

I had epidurals with both of mine, if I’d have had another I’d have wanted one again.

I’m very much of the opinion that the point of it all is to get a baby out and preferably in a way that suits you (obviously suiting you goes out the window if there’s a medical reason to do something else at the time).

Nobody will give you a medal if you use less pain relief... so do what suits you.

I wanted to do it all naturally, made it to 10cms before I even got to the birthing centre, didn't need anything except for 2 paracetamol, I thought wahey, this is easy! Suddenly it all changed and I was in masses of pain, midwife checked, he'd changed position and got himself stuck. Tried gas and air, made me sick, kept trying to push, nothing was working and I was slowly blacking out in exhaustion. All of a sudden, next thing I knew, I was being bluelighted to hospital, where they gave me a spinal tap, just in case they had to do an emergency c sec, luckily it didn't come to it and they used forceps instead. I had no idea what was going on, I couldn't m9ve my toes for a full 10 hours, I had a bad reaction to the spinal tap and came up with a huge rash that spread from the middle of my back to my knees.
Awful. If I could, I'd 100% avoid drugs and do it naturally just to avoid that reaction, but I also know it couldn't be helped.
This time, they know why I was blacking out (heart condition) and I will be monitored the entire time, never left alone, and have a special cardio midwife to help me with whatever I may need. I won't be given any choices, it's whatever stops my heart from giving out at the time.
Never say no to pain relief, unless you're like me and will suffer worse because of it 😫

There are no medals for bearing pain whilst in labour.

I would try to be completely open-minded both to the idea that drugs could be helpful and also that a pool and gas/air might be enough.

I gave birth last week and was fully prepared to need and want all the drugs. I thought I would have to have be on the maternity ward rather than the midwife led unit. I was 2 cm when I first went in and was sent home with cocodamol. 2h later I couldnt cope and begged to be seen again. I was told if I wanted I could go to the midwife led unit and wouldn't have to wait for active labour for my partner to be there. I thought win he can be there at the start and it would be easy to move to the ward if I needed. Got there and gave birth and hour later in the pool. Not what I was expecting at all.
Other members of my nct group have had the opposite and intended on a hyponobirth/water birth/gas and air no drugs etc and I don't think any of us have had the birth that was in our plans. How much of the birth plan that was followed as varied quite a bit.

Read up on all your options and find out what your hospital offers. Mine didn't do the "gentle/mobile" epidurals where you are still able to move but the neighbouring hospital does. Mine offered a drug similar to pethidine it began with r but can't remember the name. It is on a patient control drip and it has a shorter time frame so if you don't like it you aren't stuck with it for 2h the downside is you have to be on monitoring and oxygen.

I felt that barriers were put up for me when asking for pain relief. I am still cross about it six years later. I was made to feel like a wimp by some of the healthcare staff and when I got home post birth the older females in our family were quick to say I had made a huge mistake by having an epidural and telling me how they all had 10lb babies back in the day with no help. Urgh, just urgh.
If you want pain relief be very clear about it. I wish I had been more assertive.

I went further than you - I didn’t want to experience vaginal birth at all, and had to fight pretty hard for an elective section for my twins. In the end I needed an emergency section early, and never had any labour.

Pain wasn’t my concern though. I’ve been through some extremely painful things in my life and have survived so I wasn’t worried about that.

Having said all that, the spinal block is the most painful and awful thing I’ve ever experienced (speaking as someone who almost amputated their arm and had it reconstructed while conscious, that’s saying a lot) but then it didn’t go very well. I now think I would rather have a drug free vaginal birth than ever have a spinal (or epidural) again. But then I am terrified of needles and don’t think I could go through that again.

Try not to worry too much OP, I can remember writing a birth plan with DS1, complete waste of time, I found birth ok with both of my two, I didn’t even get to try the gas & air, it was a way better experience than I thought it would be. Just take it as it comes would be my advice. Good luck