Abortion

[Undecided2021]

I just found out I was pregnant this weekend, meaning I will be due April 2021.
I am 27, unmarried but in a long-term stable relationship (5 years) we live together and we make jointly 120k a year but we do not own our own home. We want kids but we didnt expect it this soon - we had been using condoms (i came off birth control in december because migraines), we were happy but scared and also it felt a little 'this cant be real life' - I told my mum and she is NOT ok, she has been crying and screaming down the phone to me the past few days and telling me shes had sleepless nights - I'll summarise her issues with it

1. I'm too young
2. I've only been in my current job a year
3. My partner and I have only lived together a year
4. My life would be over (i love to travel etc)
5. I dont live anywhere near her for her to help me
6. We don't own our own home
7. I cant drive

And just variants of the same points made above - she wants me to have an abortion and based on how horrific she has made the whole ordeal sound - I have booked my first appointment for thursday but i need some other opinions, im too scared to tell any of my friends right now.
I hate reading on women who struggle to conceive and to know that this happened relatively easily but i am ready to get rid of it because of how my mum feels and (i wont lie) im scared to lose the life I currently have, but i could have this exact same life when I'm 30 and still be scared to lose it then - which she protests i wont feel like that in a few years...just 27 is too young despite the fact I have achivied and done more in my life and am more financially stable than she was or ever will be.
For background - my mum was 35 when she had me, i am an only child.

any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks

@CatteStreet thank you, what you're saying makes sense. I've never ever thought of it like that before.

You and your mother sound very codependent OP, it might be worth investigating that as it can be detrimental even thought I understand she’s the only family you’ve got currently.

OP has your Mum always been the centre then - I wonder if she is worried about not being the priority

I've had some of the best holidays of my life with my son. When he was 2 we went to the Santa Tecla festival in Tarragona, it was incredible. Also taken a train from Budapest to Prague and gone to Bulgaria. It doesn't mean the end of travel, just different.

OP.. Take your mom's thoughts and comments out of the equation... Think about the baby growing within you and pinpoint YOUR OWN EMOTIONS on how you feel about it.

You can't live your life by your mother's suggestions.

You need to see how you feel about this.

By the way.

I'm 27.

I have 3 kids.

7, 2 and 1.

I rent my home. Work from home and my partner and I earn a quarter of your family income.

Were fine, we survive.

My kids are the best things I've ever done.

I really wish that you had read OP’s updates before posting that, @Flutterpieandpinkieshy.

I'm so sorry for your experience.

You and your mum are horrifically enmeshed. This will be an issue when you have a baby because you'll be a mum first. She clearly has abusive traits and you accept ridiculously Al awful behaviour from her as if you were the mother. Yet you think you need her. Believe me, your anxiety would be better without this kind of toxic care taking. It will not be better if you have a baby on your mum's terms. She might feel better because she will think it's her baby, but that won't be better for you. It sounds like she plays on your anxiety to control you by forcing you into decisions with catastrophising and screaming. I'm sorry but you don't really have each other. She has you and you have an abusive pseudo child. Let this be a wake up call. Life is too short. Would you put up with this from a fifteen year old or would you think "I don't want him to think it's ok to treat people like this?" I hope the latter. Then what on earth are you doing taking advice from this person. She does immature, unstable and narcissistic. Your life is not her life.

Please don’t get an aborting it’s an awful thing to go thru, and you may well regret it x

Congratulations on your pregnancy x

I think your mother sounds vile to say you're "lucky" to have miscarried

And personally and in the nicest possible way you need to cut those apron strings. This woman will rule and then ruin your life

Your mum is happy your having a miscarriage? That’s probably one of the worst things I’ve read on here.

OP have you ever considered you have a narcissistic mother. I think you should research F.O.G.

Im sorry your going through this.

What the last two posters said. I think u news to rethink ur mums intentions . Wishing a miscarriage on anyone is completely vile and disgusting tbh and that’s coming from someone who’s had 3.

I’m sorry this is happening now, how are you?

Hopefully this thread at least gives you something to think about as you both sound horribly co-dependent. Her reaction could be the same in the future. You are allowed to plan a life outside of her and be happy regardless of her wishes. You can’t only have children when she is ready.

How far along are you? It might be worth seeing just how far your baby has developed. That way, you will see what you would be loosing already.
I personally feel abortion is never the answer, and think your mom needs to stop interfering and being so selfish.

@mollysmommy

How far along are you? It might be worth seeing just how far your baby has developed. That way, you will see what you would be loosing already. I personally feel abortion is never the answer, and think your mom needs to stop interfering and being so selfish.

With all due respect, op is likely suffering a miscarriage.

Might be a good idea to read ALL the op's posts on sensitive threads before commenting.

Also, your opinion on abortion for another is not needed here.

Turns out I did have a miscarriage.
Thanks for all your advice

@Undecided2021

Turns out I did have a miscarriage. Thanks for all your advice

I'm so very sorry OP

So sorry @Undecided2021

1. I'm too young
2. I've only been in my current job a year
3. My partner and I have only lived together a year
4. My life would be over (i love to travel etc)
5. I dont live anywhere near her for her to help me
6. We don't own our own home
7. I cant drive

Wow...

This is your choice not your mothers...
I was in a much worse position than you and although I had the option to abort I did not and at 17 years old I had my DD. 12 years on, she is an incredibly smart and kind individual. I have my amazing job, we've just bought our forever home, and we've travelled alot!

It was by no means easy but it worked and I would not change my decision!

I'm so sorry OP, I've only just read your message!