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Original poster

Feeling overwhelmed - is it ok to leave baby asleep while I shower?

79 replies

Aug122020 · 07/08/2020 08:44

Hey everyone,

So I had my baby recently and he is a week old, my partner is back at work the week after next and I’m really worrying about how to manage without him helping me.

DH was in the shower today and I needed a wee, baby was sound asleep in his Moses basket so I quickly went to the loo just as DH came out the shower and he asked what I was doing and said I should never leave him alone and now I feel so guilty 😫.

What should I do when I need to make him a bottle or go to the toilet when I’m home alone? Is it safer to take baby with me? We don’t really have anything easy to sit baby in in the kitchen when I make a bottle unless I take his basket but it’s quite heavy for me and I’m terrified I drop it 😬

I’m a first time mum so I’ve got no idea what everyone else does. I suffer with anxiety and I just feel like I’m doing everything wrong.

If I should take him with me is there anything you’d recommend so I can easily sit him in another room with me while I wash or go to the toilet or make him a bottle etc?

Thank you x

OP posts:

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PrayingandHoping · 07/08/2020 08:46

Good grief!!! Of course it's fine for you to leave the baby in a safe environment and go to the kitchen/shower/bathroom!!!!!!!! As long as baby is safe from cats/dogs etc it's fine!!

I remember trying to be super quick early days, it is anxious, but it's totally fine

Your OH is being ridiculous

gamerchick · 07/08/2020 08:51

Eh, what planet does your bloke live on? I'd keep an eye on that sort of shit and have a word if it happens again.

It's fine to leave the room to do stuff if they're in a safe place. Even if they're awake. If they're asleep then take the opportunity to do something for yourself, why wouldn't you? Your baby will be ok, they're tougher than you think.

Is your bloke extra anxious or something

JeSuisPoulet · 07/08/2020 08:51

You worrying just shows you are aware of the difficult times ahead, which is a good thing, you will prepare. It's a great sign in a new mum.

I was a single mum and I'd recommend getting a bouncy seat to put baby in while you shower and do bits around the house. We also had a Jumperoo. The first year is hard because you feel you need them with you all the time/constant cycle of poo, eat, sleep etc. Then they start walking and you wonder why you thought the first bit was hard when they slept so much! Sleep deprivation is HARD, so don't feel bad for napping on the sofa.

See this time as a good time to be a little lazy/slower than usual, don't beat yourself up about messy house (or better still get partner cleaning more regularly) and remember that you don't need to be anywhere in particular when they are tiny - they won't remember birthdays/outings etc so as long as you keep them fed and watered and well rested you are doing your job. No mum is perfect (although some will try to tell you they are). Good luck and enjoy where you can!

Extraction20 · 07/08/2020 08:51

gamerchick · 07/08/2020 08:53

@Extraction20

Heh, I remember that

Flora20 · 07/08/2020 08:54

Have you got a bouncer seat? You can pick them up second hand really cheaply if not You could pop baby in that in the bathroom if you're having a bath or shower, or in the kitchen if you're cooking. If he's safe and sleeping in the basket then of course you can pop away for a few minutes - shouldn't be too long obviously but a wee is fine! My baby would always wake up as soon as she was left so I spent a lot of time wearing her in the sling so I could move around the house more easily.

SunInTheSkyYouKnowHowIFeel · 07/08/2020 08:54

Your DH hasnt really thought that through has he?

You are right, its totally ok to go have a shower while the baby naps.

Try not to worry, all new parents have to learn all these little things, give it a couple of months you'll both feel a lot more relaxed. Congratulations on your new baby!

JeSuisPoulet · 07/08/2020 08:54

Your partner is likely also worried and sleep deprived. While they sleep is a great time to get things done if you aren't sleeping yourself! Don't let yourself be wound up by what others think you should be doing.

FelicityPike · 07/08/2020 08:56

Oh for goodness sake of course it is!
It’s even ok to leave your baby if they’re somewhere safe and secure if they’re awake!

Dogsgowoofwoof · 07/08/2020 08:57

Ignore your partner. You can’t be wit your baby 100% of the day. For a quick wee, I’d leave dd as she was. Of course, checking she was safe. For a shower I’d pop her in her bouncy chair and park her in the bathroom door.

Staplemaple · 07/08/2020 08:57

I'm curious what he thinks you should do when you are in the house alone. I know some people take them to the bathroom etc, but I never quite felt the need to perch them in a bouncer whilst I had a poo, or in a steamy bathroom whilst having a quick shower. As long as they're somewhere safe.

merryhouse · 07/08/2020 08:57

I'm going to be nice to your husband and assume he has read the stuff about having baby in a room with you to cut down the SIDS risk.

Two minutes by themselves will be fine: if you're there beforehand and then come back in the baby will regulate their breathing as required. Just don't leave them alone for long periods of time, that's all.

Fifteen years ago nobody would have thought twice about a baby asleep safe in its cradle in another room.

Would your Moses basket sit on the pram? Obviously only if it's contained - I wouldn't recommend you balance it on top! - and that wouldn't help you with stairs, but it might make you less anxious moving from kitchen to lounge and so on.

AriettyHomily · 07/08/2020 08:58

What exactly does he expect you to do?!?

FilthyforFirth · 07/08/2020 08:59

I felt the same as you with my first. I was anxious to leave him on my own. I took his bouncy chair in the bathroom whilst I showered and as I felt more comfortable, I would leave him in his moses basket in his room and run across the hall for a quick shower!

In terms of the loo, I didnt have a downstairs one in my old house so had to bring him upstairs and leave him in moses basket. He lived in his sleepyhead so I just transported that round the house so he was always in the same room as me, i.e. in the kitchen making breakfast etc.

I also got a sling which helped with him being with me wherever I want.

That said I dont think your DH was very kind. It is hard to know what to do in the beginning.

NutterPotter · 07/08/2020 08:59

Your OH is being stupid. If baby is sleeping you absolutely can get up and have a shower do what ever you want. Jeez the other day I left my 8month old asleep in his bed whilst I nipped to the shop (no more than 30 metres down the road and took baby monitor with me.)

SephrinaX · 07/08/2020 09:01

If you're really worried just take a baby monitor into the bathroom with you when you have a shower. Least that way you'll be able to hear/see if anything is up...

Namechangr9000 · 07/08/2020 09:01

Yes! Yes! Yes! Obviously as long as they're safe. Crying for a few minutes won't hurt them. I used to consider it a huge victory to get out the shower and baby still be asleep. I felt like my day was a success!
When DD was a baby her bedroom was immediately opposite the bathroom and if both doors were open (bathroom door, obviously not the shower door ) I could see her from the shower. She chose that time to go for a poo. Every. Single. Day. Even though i varied the time I had a shower !!

KindKylie · 07/08/2020 09:02

I found it handy to have several spots where I could pop a baby down around the house.

I used a moses basket in my bedroom, a bou cy chair that I moved around upstairs so for a shower I'd bring them close by in that, and downstairs I had the top of the pram.

We have a dog and other dc so I always wanted to know they were safely out of reach before I turned my attebtion to something else.

There is no way you can be with them 24/7 and stay sane. It's unrealistic and will stress you out. Better to make safe plans. I did have a stretchy srao sling that helped if I needed my hands free but they didn't want to be put down.

Mrsjayy · 07/08/2020 09:05

Really he needs to get a grip is he prepared to stay home just incase you need a wee during the 8 hours at work ? No I don't think he will a quick shower is fine your baby will be ok.

Mumdiva99 · 07/08/2020 09:05

Yes yes yes get in the shower. Just do it reasonably quickly.

I was of the bouncy chair in the bathroom brigade but that was because my first didn't sleep much without me. And for subsequent kids I didn't want to leave a baby with the toddlers alone.

Once I had a baby that slept all in a cot I made the most of it!

CherryPavlova · 07/08/2020 09:05

I used to put the baby on the floor wherever I was - so if bathing older children they lay on the bathroom floor.
That said, they can be left alone perfectly well and crying for a short while won’t harm them. They used to be put in proms outside but air quality is now so poor in many places that it might not be a good idea if you are in a town or city.

lurch3r · 07/08/2020 09:07

Fifteen years ago nobody would have thought twice about a baby asleep safe in its cradle in another room.
YY, my DCs are both over 16 and this wouldn't have even been a thing. We had a small house and I would keep the door ajar but would always leave them to sleep in their own room while I got on with other stuff. We didn't have a baby monitor. IME babies tend to make their voices heard fine.

PrayingandHoping · 07/08/2020 09:12

If it is the SIDS risk stuff then tell him it doesn't apply to u popping to the shower/kitchen! It's so people don't put their babies to have their sleeps by themselves in other rooms, like entire sleeps.

If he doesn't believe u, get your HV on the phone. She will clarify it for u x

F1rstt1imer · 07/08/2020 09:18

@Extraction20

I still feel like that with my two year old!! 😂

mylittlesandwich · 07/08/2020 09:20

He's being completely ridiculous. I sometimes had to leave DS awake in his Moses basket to run to the loo. Sometimes he'd even start to cry, it wasn't pleasant for either of us but we've both come out the other side unscathed. The most annoying thing about having a shower when you're alone with a baby is that you imagine you can hear them crying and come darting out the shower only to discover they're still asleep.

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