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Original poster

Feeling overwhelmed - is it ok to leave baby asleep while I shower?

79 replies

Aug122020 · 07/08/2020 08:44

Hey everyone,

So I had my baby recently and he is a week old, my partner is back at work the week after next and I’m really worrying about how to manage without him helping me.

DH was in the shower today and I needed a wee, baby was sound asleep in his Moses basket so I quickly went to the loo just as DH came out the shower and he asked what I was doing and said I should never leave him alone and now I feel so guilty 😫.

What should I do when I need to make him a bottle or go to the toilet when I’m home alone? Is it safer to take baby with me? We don’t really have anything easy to sit baby in in the kitchen when I make a bottle unless I take his basket but it’s quite heavy for me and I’m terrified I drop it 😬

I’m a first time mum so I’ve got no idea what everyone else does. I suffer with anxiety and I just feel like I’m doing everything wrong.

If I should take him with me is there anything you’d recommend so I can easily sit him in another room with me while I wash or go to the toilet or make him a bottle etc?

Thank you x

OP posts:

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WingingIt101 · 07/08/2020 09:27

Oh op - I remember this feeling well, my baby is now 4months and I said to a friend I was really overwhelmed because I had her with me ALL. THE. TIME.
Friend looked at me and said - everywhere and all the time? Like I was mad.

Eventually she convinced me that so long as the baby was safe I could pop quickly to do something I needed.
I then said "what if she wakes and cries"
I honestly think she nearly laughed. She said that I'd most likely go straight to the baby without even thinking about it and that if I couldn't go immediately - eg I was mid poo that I'd get there as fast as I could and that crying wouldn't last forever!

TheMandalorian · 07/08/2020 09:27

My rule of thumb is to imagine how parents of twins or multiple aged children managed. Just to put some things in perspective.
It is a total life shock having a tiny baby to now look after so try to be kind to each other.

nasiisthebest · 07/08/2020 09:33

Does he think that single mothers never poo or shower?

Tlollj · 07/08/2020 09:50

I know I’m old but blimey. I used to get mine up, washed, dressed, fed. Put them in the garden. Well on the balcony for the first two. I don’t understand how we’ve come to this.

Footlooseandfancy · 07/08/2020 09:57

I'd have pissed myself in the early days if I needed to wait too long! He's being ridiculous, if he's that bothered then he doesn't get to leave the baby at all and see how he manages it.

iamtheoneandonlyyy · 07/08/2020 10:00

Considering people say sleep when they sleep it seems a bit silly to say you can't leave the room.
Don't let him shame you, I never left mine and I really made things hard for myself.
I had zero support to take care of myself, don't let it happen to you.
You're still a person, you need to feel good, be clean and healthy.
Congratulations

CMMum88 · 07/08/2020 10:01

I put my bub in a bouncy seat, sometimes he comes in the shower with me as we have a shnuggle bath. If he is asleep, he stays in his bed!

Fi57 · 07/08/2020 10:02

I’m old as well TIollj I used to put mine in their pram (proper coach built in those days) in the garden while I did the housework! Obviously with a cat net on! They are now 37 & 35 never did them any harm, I think the fresh air helped them sleep. I’d probably have social services knocking on my door for that nowadays.

Katjolo · 07/08/2020 10:09

As others said, a bouncy chair is your friend during these times.

megletthesecond · 07/08/2020 10:13

Yes.
Mine would go in the cot and I'd pop the electronic mobile on for 10 mins while I showered. I'd come put and they'd be gawping at the shapes moving around above them.

user1493413286 · 07/08/2020 10:21

What on earth does your DH think would happen? I assume that you don’t sit up all night watching your baby. The guidance is to have your baby nap in the same room so if you go into the lounge to watch tv then yes take your baby but it’s fine to leave them to use the loo, shower, make a cup of tea or quick lunch.

grisen · 07/08/2020 10:25

I used a bouncy chair or his pram for showers if he was awake, if he was asleep I’d leave him where he fell asleep. For going to the toilet/washing my face/anything else is just make sure he was safe and leave him where he was.

Kitchen wasn’t a problem for us; but again a bouncer would be useful. If we’d live where we live now I’d have used a bouncer for the kitchen or one of those baby inserts on a high chair that effectively make it a bouncer.

ItWorriesMeThisKindofThing · 07/08/2020 10:32

Hope you are reassured now. Just another vote to say yes it’s fine to go to the loo when the baby is safely in a cot or bouncy chair! I never brought my babies into the bathroom with me until they were escapee toddlers and then it was safer to bring them in 😂

Coffeecak3 · 07/08/2020 10:34

Another one here who's babies were out in the garden in a pram with cat net.
Other than damp or rain they were outside. In cold weather they were well wrapped.
They slept much better in the fresh air.

MrsSiriusBlack1 · 07/08/2020 10:34

How does he think single parents cope? He needs to give his head a wobble

theworldhasfallenoutmybottom · 07/08/2020 10:35

Wtf?
I assume he gets to shower and meet his basic physiological needs?

mistletoeprickles · 07/08/2020 10:36

OP your doing a fantastic job and being a new parent is really hard.
Both my children went everywhere in a bouncy chair, sat in the bathroom whilst I showered, just outside the kitchen door whilst I cooked, in the hall whilst I hung washing. If they were asleep somewhere as long as they were safe I. E in moses basket they stayed there.
Don't let him guilt you, you need to look after yourself too

Lackadaisically · 07/08/2020 10:40

As long as baby is safe of course you can!

In fact it's easier when they are tiny as they can't move from where you leave them!

I'm more worried about you DH, that wasn't a kind or fair response to you doing a very normal thing at a time when you need support.

RollercoasterRaver · 07/08/2020 10:46

I left mine all the time, priority number one for me was the shower ALONE. I didn't even have a monitor then and left DD in the middle of our bed. This was only 3 years ago. I'm more worried about leaving her alone now....little mischief maker!

Get a monitor though, does give you some peice of mind and enjoy your shower, wee and poop breaks.

Also tell your partner he is being a twit and ask him how he'd manage all those things when he has baby alone. Then go out for the day and leave him alone with the baby

LittleAtlas · 07/08/2020 10:47

Totally agree with what others have said that if they're somewhere safe, of course you can go in the shower, make bottles etc. When DS was little he came into the bathroom with me when I had a shower as i found that the best thing for us. He sat in a bouncy chair and was totally fine. Sometimes he even fell asleep during that time. It's harder now that DS is 9 months and can't safely sit in the bouncy chair as he tries to climb out so I put him in his cot. Yeah some times he cries but I try not to take too long and as soon as i take him out of the cot he's forgotten all about the tears.

Also, one thing I've found, if I time my shower so it's just before nap time, I dry my hair in the same room as him and the hairdryer sends him to sleep! Not the point of the thread i know, but it's worth trying.

Good luck when DP goes back to work. I was worried but you'll be totally fine and create a lovely bond with baby

HoppingPavlova · 07/08/2020 10:51

Ive never known anyone to drag a baby off yo the toilet with them. Your DH seems quite mad. Perhaps he can stay home and be by the baby’s side 24/7, and he will have to tie a knot in it! It’s also usual for people to have a shower when baby is asleep. The SIDS guidelines are relevant to being in the same room mainly for climatic control purposes, the intent is so you don’t leave them in another room for hours on end, the intent is not that you have to be with them 24/7.

IntermittentParps · 07/08/2020 11:01

said I should never leave him alone

Ask him how he is envisaging supporting you to do that.

Tlollj · 07/08/2020 11:03

Hi fellow oldies. Only didn’t put them in the garden/balcony if it was foggy.

shutthedamndoor · 07/08/2020 11:06

I remember this feeling well!
Lots of good advice here - and one more suggestion that you might like in these Covid times ... remote babysitting. We live abroad, and my mum used to love babysitting by skype whilst I was in the shower :) She would happily watch the baby sleeping and I knew that she would yell if she needed me (she never did).

ThisLittleLady · 07/08/2020 11:32

Yes leave him!! The worst thing he will do is get upset and cry. I was paranoid with my first and would sit him in his oram outside the loo door as I couldn’t fit the oram in when I went for a shower. Honestly, at a week old, he can’t go anywhere or do anything other than soil his nappy and cry. Just make sure he doesn’t have his blanket round/ near his face. You dh probably just as worried and unsure about what to do with him as well. Babies will grow and thrive despite being left alone for two minutes. Don’t worry. You’re doing a great job.

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