Feeling overwhelmed - is it ok to leave baby asleep while I shower?

[Aug122020]

Hey everyone,

So I had my baby recently and he is a week old, my partner is back at work the week after next and I’m really worrying about how to manage without him helping me.

DH was in the shower today and I needed a wee, baby was sound asleep in his Moses basket so I quickly went to the loo just as DH came out the shower and he asked what I was doing and said I should never leave him alone and now I feel so guilty 😫.

What should I do when I need to make him a bottle or go to the toilet when I’m home alone? Is it safer to take baby with me? We don’t really have anything easy to sit baby in in the kitchen when I make a bottle unless I take his basket but it’s quite heavy for me and I’m terrified I drop it 😬

I’m a first time mum so I’ve got no idea what everyone else does. I suffer with anxiety and I just feel like I’m doing everything wrong.

If I should take him with me is there anything you’d recommend so I can easily sit him in another room with me while I wash or go to the toilet or make him a bottle etc?

Thank you x

[PrincessBailey]

My husband and I soon came to realise that we are both anxious parents from the first night our baby came home. We both did not sleep and we watched our baby. All. Night. Long.
He has not relaxed more but I am still an anxious mother.
When my baby was newborn, it really helped to have the moses basket downstairs and then a bedside crib upstairs. That way, I didn't have to keep carrying the moses basket around or drop it downstairs!
It also meant I could just move the basket to the kitchen on its stand easily if I needed to.
We ordered a beanbag chair /seat thing and that's great for feeding baby and then putting them upright in it afterwards. It has a strap so they are fastened in. It's also lightweight and can be moved around.
I have had many sleepless nights worrying about SIDS. I just remember being told that an empty cot is a safe cot.

[SuperSange]

When my son was tiny I'd put him on his change mat in the bathroom floor while I shower or used the toilet. He wasn't going anywhere and could see me.

[FizzingWhizzbee123]

I’d just be happy that you’ve got a baby who is able to be put down and stay asleep long enough for you to get a shower!

I was fairly anxious with my first but I never took him to the loo!!

[emma911030]

I think to call your partner stupid is harsh, it's a hard time being a new parent, I suspect he was just worried, he may have thought you had left him to do more than go toilet and was there a little while. Don't worry, and don't feel guilty, it's a massive learning curve for both mum and dad. Your doing a great job @Aug122020 !! Hope you feel reassured x

[Iminaglasscaseofemotion]

For starters tell your dh not to be so ridiculous. Of course you can leave the baby in another room as long as they are safe. He's not exactly helping your anxiety. What makes him the expert?

[Couchbettato]

I never left my baby alone, due to my own anxieties, and it took me 12 months to get them medicated.

Looking back, I'd totally leave DS alone if I could do it all over again. He didn't roll until he was 7 month old, and there was nothing more likely to happen to him while I'm showering and he's asleep, as to when we're both asleep, and I didn't keep myself up with anxiety about that.

When he got more mobile, I'd strap him in the rocking chair, or just put the play pen up for him.

Now he's 15 month old, and we shower together, and when I need a poo/wee, I put him in the empty tub, with his toothbrush and toothpaste and let him have 20 mins or so to brush his teeth because trying to brush toddler teeth is an absolute nightmare so we take the leisurely route about it.

If we had another baby, I'd probably baby wear more often, but if I was busy with DS I'd do everything a bit different and would leave a baby in a safe space for a short period.

[littlebillie]

Fine to leave them to sleep if they are safe, when they are toddling you need eyes in the back of your head

[howfarwevecome]

And if DH thinks it's so important to take baby to the toilet with you, then he should model the example a few times so he gets over himself.

[howfarwevecome]

I quickly went to the loo just as DH came out the shower and he asked what I was doing and said I should never leave him alone and now I feel so guilty

Your DH is a numpty. Of course you can leave the baby alone in a room. Of course you won't have eyes on the baby 24/7. It's called sleeping. You are allowed to sleep. You are allowed to shower. You are allowed to go to other rooms of your house to do things.

FFS

Lose the guilt. Baby will be just fine in a safe place while you have a shower.

[hellolittlebaby]

I remember feeling very anxious about this at first. For the first few months, I'd take her in the bathroom with me, with her in the Moses basket. But that was because she never slept 😆 ever!

Now, I shower every morning while my baby takes her first nap. I have a camera above her crib and I always take the monitor in the bathroom with me so I can see if she wakes up.

[Flumo]

Its so overwhelming isn't it. My baby is 5 weeks tomorrow and I just put him in his bouncer and put him at the door.

[willitbetonight]

Ps I wouldn't leave a newborn screaming though. Mine pukes when he cries.....

[willitbetonight]

I've got a 5 week old. My husband says things like this too. He's a knob. Of course it's safe. But if you do t feel comfortable get a chair like a baby bjorn and have him in with you. Have you got a monitor? We have one with a breathing mat - might help your husbands anxiety.

[Betsyboo87]

@shutthedamndoor DM would LOVE this. Great idea.

I leave 5 week old on the change mat on the bathroom floor when I shower. It’s a big mat and he’s pretty happy there for 10mins. I keep the curtain back and keep popping my head round but I’m sure he’s perfectly fine there. I’ll put him in the bouncer when he’s more mobile. If he would sleep in his cot during the day I’d leave him there but I can’t deal with his mood if I dare to put him in there

[Laserbird16]

Absolutely fine. No one who has had a baby has the pelvic floor strength to not go to the toilet for 8 plus hours while their partner is at work.

Your partner will need to just relax.

Wait until you get crumbs on the baby/drop your phone on their head while breastfeeding then you are a true pro-parent

[Aug122020]

Thank you everyone for your advice!

Yes as people have said, I think DH is slightly overly anxious (as am I) about the risk of SIDS, but it’s good to know we’re safe to have a quick wee or shower and can I relax a little! 💕

[TalkingOutOfMyBottom]

. What about putting him on his changing mat with one of those hanging frames with dangly toys when you are in the bathroom for any time? Partner needs to get a grip!

[IceCreamSummer20]

DH came out the shower and he asked what I was doing and said I should never leave him alone So it was OK for him to leave the baby alone? What a cheeky uncaring husband. Of course it is okay to leave the baby to go to the toilet. This is why I got a very safe cot and then play pen - I needed to go to the toilet!

I did have a baby who never slept well at all though and quite quickly became mobile - so be wary 6 months onwards when they do have a tendency to start pulling themselves up - don’t leave the Moses basket on a high place etc.

[PiratePetespajamas]

As pp suggested, I’m going to assume your husband has read SIDS guidance but misunderstood: it’s absolutely FINE to leave your baby to go for a wee/answer the door/prep a bottle. Strictly, when they’re asleep, they ought to be in the same room as you when they’re so small. But even I - and I’m on the paranoid end of the scale - didn’t do that 100% of the time. If they’re asleep, that’s true, it’s a great time to grab a shower. Maybe take the baby monitor so you can hear if they wake/get in distress. If they’re awake and you need to wee/shower, either pop them in the cot anyway - a few minutes of tears is fine - or in a Moses basket/bouncer just outside the open bathroom door so you can talk to them/they can see you. I used to put my LO in her Tripp Trapp newborn seat just outside the bathroom while I showered. Sometimes she fell asleep - bonus!

Relax and enjoy your lovely baby xx

[WishMyNameWasWittyNotShitty]

Nipping to the toilet,making a bottle/brew etc is perfectly fine, you are still you, and your DP could do with a small reminder of that.

You will find your feet though, it's all a bit weird at first.

When mine were tiny, tiny I used to pad out a washing basket with towels, have a bath with them and then pop them in the basket all snuggly wrapped up, before quickly washing my hair in the shower, baby got bathed I got showered!

A bouncer is really handy for moving around the home, esp as baby gets older and more nosy!

[princesshollysmagicalwand]

@Defaultuser I also did this, for a few weeks. I used to drag the poddlepod thing into the downstairs loo and put baby in it while I went to the toilet 🤦‍♀️ Definitely PFB syndrome. I copped on after a while and packed that silly nonsense in!

OP a non mobile baby will be fine in a safe space even if they are awake while you shower, use the toilet or (gasp!) make yourself some lunch or a cuppa. When mine were napping in the Moses basket in the sitting room when they were small I used to potter about all around the house doing bits and pieces, checking on them every so often.

I also used to pick the Moses basket up off its stand and put it in the middle of my bed and use the en suite shower. The white noise from the shower used to send the baby to sleep! When baby 2 came along and couldn't be left like that because I had an inquisitive toddler who probably would have tipped the basket off the bed I used to put baby in her proper cot and get the toddler to play on the bathroom floor so I could see she wasn't getting into mischief (or more likely, trying to pick the baby up out of the cot!!).

Relax.

[20viona]

Of course you can go for a shower whilst the baby sleeps! Don't let your partner make you feel bad.

[Timesdone]

On a more useful note get one of those internet baby monitor things. I don't know what they're called but they have a small portable screen you can carry round with you & volume control too. They are excellent and you can take to the garden & keep an eye in a sleeping baby in the house.

[alphabetti]

Aslong as your baby is in safe place they won’t come to any harm. Plenty times when my oldest 2 were small of got for shower whilst they were in cot and they’d wake up crying half way through but they coped crying for 5/10 mins. I used to keep a safe place to leave them dotted round house like Moses basket or travel cot in living room, cot upstairs, would take bouncy chair into kitchen. You can’t sit holding or staring at baby all the time they will be fine

[Defaultuser]

I used to take the baby to the toilet with me - now I look back and think why did I do that? Def PFB syndrome with me