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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

How bad is having a newborn really?

97 replies

erised24 · 26/06/2020 11:00

I'm 36+4 so baby is due soon, also FTM but have experience with babies of all ages. I'm a little nervous for the birth but am more terrified about when baby is actually here... All I see is how awful the newborn stage is, how bad it is for the first few weeks etc and it's making me not excited about my baby girl arriving and I'm preparing myself for the worst :(

What makes it so bad?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

icedaisy · 26/06/2020 11:03

Congratulations OP.

Ach I mean it's wonderful, but for me it was the sleep that broke me. I never fully anticipated or understood sleep deprivation. Then of course the problem is that everything is worse when you have not slept.

It passes though, it can just be tough if baby a non sleepy one.

becca3210 · 26/06/2020 11:07

Aw OP it is natural to feel that way. It is hard work (I am ten weeks in) but in my experience it is also such a special magical time and I am surviving and enjoying it and hopefully you will too. All babies are different and you may have one which is on the easier side - mine has always been quite a good night sleeper though still working on getting him down in the day. As you get to know your little one it becomes easier as well to understand why they are crying and that makes it better for everyone. Best of luck x

passthemustard · 26/06/2020 11:08

It's not bad at all. It's actually quite magical. I'm pregnant with my 5th. And each time is just as wonderful.

Sure babies are tiring but just relax and don't stress the little things. You will be fine.

Also birth is fine. Don't be scared, just relax and trust your body and the midwives.

Good luck ❤️

formerbabe · 26/06/2020 11:08

Personally I think new born is one of the easiest stages. The hardest part is the sleep deprivation but if it's your first, you can at least rest or try to nap when the baby is asleep. I love it when they're first born because they dont mess up the house, you can sit on the sofa watching tv you like rather than kids stuff. You put them down in one place and they will stay there. They're portable, they don't run off, they don't back chat. It's the best!

becca3210 · 26/06/2020 11:09

A baby wearer/carrier is extremely helpful if you have a baby who wants to be on you all the time. If you are planning on breastfeeding would suggest reading up on that as that was one thing I found stressful in the early weeks.

IdblowJonSnow · 26/06/2020 11:09

The sleep deprivation can make it very tough. Plus the hormones/stitches and any breast feeding issues. But you might get lucky and not experience too much of those issues.
Also depends how resilient you are, a bit of luck and what kind of support you have.
It's still a very exciting and special time. Just don't expect it to be perfect and put too much pressure on yourself!
My midwife told me not to get bottles/steriliser etc. "Because it would be setting myself up to fail" when I'd contemplated bottle feeding as a plan B. This was the worst advice I've ever had!

Listen to your own voice, just because you've not done it before doesn't mean you're not the expert of you and your baby.

Hope it all goes well!

GrumpyHoonMain · 26/06/2020 11:13

It’s not bad just different and without support the early days can be excrutiating especially if you or the baby has problems. If you do breastfeed definitely consider co-sleeping for the first 6 weeks (in the bed - make your DP move ) as that is a gamechanger. I felt so rested when I did this as I didn’t have to wake fully to feed him.

If you do formula then putting a mini fridge full of premade formula bottles in the first few weeks might help - one of my cousins did this and loved it.

Apolloanddaphne · 26/06/2020 11:16

It's not bad, it is lovely. But you really just have to accept what comes and relax into it. Don't worry about anything other than you and your baby and try to nap whenever you can. Don't forget to eat and allow your DP to take an equal share in cari g for your baby. Enjoy.

SnuggyBuggy · 26/06/2020 11:18

Newborns are all different, some sleep a lot and this is the easiest bit, others scream as soon as you try to put them down and feed endlessly. It depends on the newborn.

YgritteSnow · 26/06/2020 11:20

It wasn't bad. It was lovely. I described it to my sister as every day when you wake up it feels like Christmas did when you were a child because you have a baby and you love them so much. They sleep loads as new borns as well so you do get plenty of sleep initially. I found it got hard at about four months in. That is when it started to feel utterly relentless but I had a husband who didn't think it was his job to do anything remotely domestic so I was doing it all alone. Had I had a supportive partner it might have been different. The very first new born weeks were amazing though.

ComDummings · 26/06/2020 11:21

Some newborns are chilled and easy, some scream a lot or hate sleep. It really depends on what you get! I found the newborn stage very hard but also amazing too.

ComDummings · 26/06/2020 11:22

They sleep loads as new borns as well so you do get plenty of sleep initially.

Not all of them

SpiltMilk100 · 26/06/2020 11:24

It's entirely depends on your baby.

I hated the baby stage with DS1, he screamed constantly, and projectile vomited everywhere, all of the time (reflux), I had such bad anxiety and never left the house because of it. The sleep deprivation was hard and he wouldn't be put down to sleep (but he turned out to be a good sleeper eventually). He's now nearly 4, but that comes with a whole load of other challenges.

DS2 is almost 4 weeks old, he sleeps 3-4 hour stretches in the night already and 2-3 hours in the day. DH and I are sharing the nights, one sleeping downstairs with the baby whilst the other has a full night in bed and then alternating, that way, at least one of us is awake enough to look after and play with DS1. He's an absolute pleasure and I'm finding it so much easier second time around.

WingBingo · 26/06/2020 11:26

I think that for some, if you have no idea of the challenges of a newborn, it is a shock.

For some, a big one. They are not often discussed (most people don’t want to hear it anyway). It’s. it like you pass on warnings to your pregnant friends, they’ll experience it themselves eventually.

It passes quickly, it is magical and you will get to a point when you wish you had another it they were that age again.

Read up on the 4th trimester, put it all into perspective for me.

WingBingo · 26/06/2020 11:27

Sorry about the typos!

1300cakes · 26/06/2020 11:27

I recommend stop reading OP! I felt just like you but I was worried over nothing. It was truly wonderful. The only bad part is knowing that it has to end when they grow up.

Zippetydoodahzippetyay · 26/06/2020 11:28

Congratulations! I love the newborn stage. My newborns have been incredibly sleepy little things. Like literally a month of sleep, feed, poop, feed, sleep repeat. A bit of tummy time thrown in there during their small periods of awake time. Obviously the nights are broken up, I fed my babies anywhere from 2-6 times a night depending on how often they woke up. But I always find they settled quickly. It's obviously not like this for everyone but it's also not this dreadfully exhausting time for everyone either.

Tootletum · 26/06/2020 11:29

It will seem hard, but looking back, you will treasure that time. People kept telling me that, and I didn't really understand because I just wanted him to be walking and talking. What was I thinking, lol!!
Nothing is as special as bringing your first baby home.

mylittlesandwich · 26/06/2020 11:29

There's good bit and not so good bits but none of it is horrible. I had PND and w reflux baby and none of it broke me. We would sit on the couch all day and cuddle and watch telly. That was good. The sleepless nights weren't so great but baby gradually gets better at sleeping for longer stretches. I was also lucky and had a good sleeper once we got his reflux under control. You'll be fine. People don't come on to forums to ask for help with the good bits.

CostaCosta · 26/06/2020 11:30

It is wonderful! There's lots you can do to make it easier when baby comes. These really helped me:

do a big cook up of healthy and hearty lunches and dinners.
stock up on really yummy snacks
watch one episode of a new series now but then only watch it when baby is here. This made long bfeeds manageable and enjoyable. I really recommend bbc race across the world.

I found sleep the hardest bit. Just go into to it knowing that it will be tough but there's lots you can do to make it easier (nap, morning power showers, snacks!) plus, although it feels like it at the time, the hard newborn bit doesnt last forever. Plus, having baby cuddles is just the loveliest!

Tigger001 · 26/06/2020 11:34

Firstly congratulations!!!!

If it were that bad people wouldnt have more than 1.

Its tiring and can be a little tough. I absolutely loved it and this is from the most "unmaternal" person ever.

Its just amazing to look at a beautiful, wonderful little person that the both of you created.

Depending on how baby sleeps, it may be knakering, but worth every darn bit of it. And just do what you want and what you think is best. Obviously partener as well if they are around, but dont let family or friends tell you.

In my experience You get a gut feeling, instinct that you dont believe will kick in, then you give birth and wow its there, so follow it. Believe in yourself and be confident.

Yes breastfeeding was tough at the start but amazing once sorted (but lets turn the thread into one of those, if you want to great, if not great, if you try then stop thats also great so long as baby is fed)

Mostly, bloomin enjoy it, it is true they grow so quickly, so if they need cuddling back to sleep make the most of it while it there, you can never spoil them with affection or love.

Sorry that drifted off a bit, but congrats again

Emmacb82 · 26/06/2020 11:36

I think the most important thing is to go into it without any expectations. People tell you that’s it’s going to be the most amazing time, or the hardest time, wait until you feel that rush of love etc. It’s different for everyone. Don’t worry if you don’t feel an instant rush of love, it’s normal and not everyone does.
Just take one day at a time. If you’re planning to breastfeed, then be prepared to be attached to baby constantly for the first few weeks at least. It’s hard work, it doesn’t come naturally to everyone and it can affect you emotionally. But once you’ve cracked it, it’s lovely.
Sleep or the lack of it can be a killer, have a conversation with your partner as to what roles you are going to take, especially overnight. Are you going to do it all? Are you expecting him to help. This can save middle of the night arguments when resentment kicks in.
It all depends on what kind of baby you get. But as it’s your first, you have the luxury of just sitting on the couch, relish the cuddles and don’t worry if the housework doesn’t get done all the time. Enjoy it, you only get this time once with your baby. But don’t be afraid to speak out if you’re struggling too. It can be very overwhelming and no one can prepare you for it. But you’ll be fine x

LizzyAnna99 · 26/06/2020 11:38

I’m 36+2 FTM so hoping it’s not too bad 🤣

madcatladyforever · 26/06/2020 11:40

My baby was absolutely fine, he was easy to look after and slept very well. Of course they wake up a couple of times in the night but I co-slept with him so I wasn't awake long.
Some are more difficult. It's all down to luck really. You'll have to wait and see.

cansmellfreedom · 26/06/2020 11:42

Congratulations!Focus on enjoying your bundle of joy! Babies need love,milk and a clean nappy. My newborn was so hungry so I used to feed her every hour during the night and at least 2 - 3 hourly during the day. That meant no sleep for the first 8 weeks. Constant nappy changing and pain from breastfeeding. After 2 months things improved as we had a routine. That meant sleeping for at least 6 hrs during the night. You get to know your baby then take it from there.

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