How bad is having a newborn really?

[erised24]

I'm 36+4 so baby is due soon, also FTM but have experience with babies of all ages. I'm a little nervous for the birth but am more terrified about when baby is actually here... All I see is how awful the newborn stage is, how bad it is for the first few weeks etc and it's making me not excited about my baby girl arriving and I'm preparing myself for the worst :(

What makes it so bad?

I love the newborn stage for the reasons others have said. I think part of enjoying the period is recognising in advance that it will not necessarily be a bed of roses, which is exactly what you've done OP. DD2 is 11 days old, DD1 just turned 2. DD2 is a lot more sickly than DD1 was so there's baby vom everywhere but I still love it. I realise now what people meant when they said treasure newborn time because you don't get it back. I've had two different experiences, DD1 I was by myself all week as DH was working away, this time DH is waiting on me hand and foot but he also looks after DD1 all day. Despite the sick, nights with 0 sleep and recovering from third degree tear I still think I've got the better deal.

Get some quick/easy food in, prepped and in the freezer, or some frozen pizza, easy things like jars of pasta bake sauce - accept you will not eat like an angel for a few weeks, accept the house will be messy, and accept you will be messy. This is not me at all, but accepting it and going with it makes everything less stressful. That's not to say I'm not going to not attempt to scrub the bathroom today though!

Depends on the baby! Ds1 was pretty relentless for the first couple of months - fed every 2 hours 24/7, cluster feeding marathons into the early hours on many nights, didn't want to be put down, not a good sleeper. Luckily he was my first so I thought that's what all babies were like! And I still wouldn't have changed him for the world - I was totally wrapped up in him anyway! Ds2 was totally different. Fed every 2-3 hours, slept loads, did 4 hour stints at night from day 1 and then started sleeping even longer, happy to be put down and kick about on his mat, very little cluster feeding. He was and is a very content and peaceful little thing! I loved both newborn phases in different ways. I'd definitely do it again! Good luck!

It depends on the baby. Some have their day and night mixed up, will only sleep for an hour at a time, feed for 45minutes a time, cry for hours, have to be rocked to sleep for ages, will only sleep on you etc. Most babies dont do ALL of those but most do at least one.

You could get lucky. My second baby would sleep 3 hour stretches from day 1 and after feeding or 10 minutes would just go straight back to bed and never woke up for the day before 6am.

The looking after the baby is ok, they sleep quite a bit even if they wake up a lot. I found it was being totally exhausted from a very long labour that made the first few weeks very hard.

I've got a nearly 4 week old and it's really not that bad at all. Im bottle feeding and my husband and I do shifts at night so maybe that's why. I actually love the 3am feed. I get him all to myself in a peaceful moment.

I think the thing I would say is hard most is the mental and physical shock my body went through. That and lack of sleep made the first 2 weeks hard. But now we're thriving 😁

Honestly I found the first 3 months an absolute breeze. All the baby does it sleep and have bottles it was fine! Iv never watched so many series on Netflix 🤣 maybe we were lucky because as soon as she was fed she was straight back asleep. She's nearly 1 now and my days and spent chasing the bloody child around all day waiting for bed time haha. Enjoy it!

Newborn stage was the best bit for me....I loved it. 1 or 2 occasions when I was so tired and felt overwhelmed, but it passes and once you get some sleep, it's all good again. You soon get used to night feeds and you don't have to get up for work so can take it easy in the mornings if you're shattered. I personally found the birth much harder than the newborn stage.

I'm not gonna lie, I spent 2 years focusing on ivf then 9 months being terrified of something gong wrong, I was completely consumed with pregnancy.

Boom, babys here after a csection and it hit me like a ton of bricks. The first night we got home, the baby was amazing but I was genuinely in shock and it was so much change. I was traumatised. The first 2 weeks was a blur.

Fact is, babies have small tummies and need feeding every 3 hours, breastfeeding isn't easy it's a job in itself, babies don't know about day/night or how to sleep.

Once I got my head around that, I was on the ball.

I have an 8 month old now, and surprisingly I'm pregnant again - unplanned.

Newborns couldn't be all that bad as I'm about to do it again with a newborn and a 15 month old.

Enjoy the snuggles, sleep when they sleep, they grow up SO quickly. After about 3 months I was lucky to be in a routine.

It's so, so worth it

Newborns need feeding every 2/3 hours.
Other than that they mainly sleep.
It's lovely really though. I loved it. It's better if you have another adult or two to help. DH and your mum are usually the two other adults.

The thing is you will (possibly, not always) be exhausted after the birth.
Baby fed: 7am, 10am, 1pm, 4pm, 7pm, 10pm, 1am, 3 am, 5 am
Or something like that. Between feeds you can sleep.

Most people do this:
Get up with first feed in your pyjamas.
Normal morning (school run etc)
Feed at 9am
Baby group (10 am) to just before lunch. It's good to get out and meet other mums. Otherwise stay home.
Lunch. Feed baby.
You should nap in afternoon when baby sleeps.
(School run)
Normal afternoon and evening with feeds as needed.

Last feed at 11pm
That leaves 8 hours to 7am. Will be woken 2/3 times.
I got DH to do nightfeeds with bottles as I was exhausted, but in hindsight that was maybe wrong of me as he was working full time. I breastfed all day.

I found it really easy 20 years ago. I only had 3 months mat leave and didn't want to breastfeed, so we were able to get into a routine with feeding and sleeping where DH was able to contribute fully. I had a ventouse delivery which smarted quite a bit but it didn't stop me being able to do stuff with my baby.

Mine (prem) went through a stage of feeding every two hours through the night.

That was pretty hellish tbh.

But then we'd sleep 7am-11am so that helped.

Soon forgotten, though.

On the whole it was easy as I could sleep when they did, didn't bother me about bfeeding wherever I was so could put them in the pram & go!

Personally I loved the newborn stage

So much cuddles and Sleepytime

I liked the newborn stage too. Enjoy watching TV and not getting much done! The bit I found the hardest was the hormonal/ emotional side. I was very up and down and could easily cry at happy or sad moments. I didnt feel like myself properly until about 6 weeks.

I’ve not read the whole thread, But I’m sure you are getting a range of answers from “it’s brutal” all the way to “it’s easy!”
The truth is that all our experiences are different. Both mine were wonderful newborns and I will always look back on that time as a very special one. Some of my friends have had more difficult babies. I really think it’s just the luck if the draw.
IMO the best thing you can do is be kind to yourself & accept help when offered. Your baby will be fine if you are, so start with self care.
Congratulations and good luck. You’ve got this!

For me it was absolutely awful, to the point where I found myself googling foster care at 3 am -- but my circumstances were challenging, I was one of those mystery women for whom no milk supply ever happens, and spent the first two months desperately trying all possibilities to breastfeed to no avail, my NCT group drifted apart immediately, and DS was a restless, high-needs baby.

It's not like that for everyone. If I had a time machine, I would tell myself to panic less, give up on BF much earlier, stop trying to get out to baby activities, and just loll about at home watching black and white movies. The thing is that it's finite, even if you do find it awful.

Don't worry, it's a nice time, a special time. You will adjust, as every new parent does. I had two babies - my first was a bit of a tough cookie. I breastfed him - he was a hungry baby so wanted to be on me all the time. It took me a while to get him into a good sleep routine, and even now (he's 6) he still wakes up at least once in the night!

My second baby was a lot, lot easier. I went straight to bottle with him & I'm glad I did because he was a pudding. He slept well, because he was always nice and fat and full of milk, and was generally a happy contented little baby. Even now, he's easier to handle than the older one. I was also a lot less anxious the second time around. I wasn't as worried about everything so I think your first baby is the one you cut your parenting teeth on. But again, don't worry, because all babies are different.

Also - I would return to the feeding side of things. For me, breastfeeding was a right pain in the ass, it worked but I didn't really enjoy it like some mothers do. It took a lot of work to get him to feed properly in the first few weeks & that is something I just wasn't prepared for. I thought babies came out and then automatically latched on and begun feeding, and it would all be peaceful & lovely! The reality was very different! That's why I went straight to bottle with my second and he was so so so much happier for it. I think personality has a lot to answer for but also babies like to be full of milk, and then they'll be contented and sleep!!!!

So if you decide to try breastfeeding & it doesn't work for you, don't beat yourself up about it. It's not the end of the world - it works for some women & not for others.

Congratulations & enjoy your little one
xx

For me the newborn stage was by far my favourite. I loved it. I didn't find it hard at all.

Honestly, I hated it. I was terrified he was going to die - I couldn't leave him for more than a couple of minutes without checking on him. I'd hang out one piece of washing at a time, even a few weeks in. My nipples were shredded, and I was high from the oramorph for the first week, and my brain was total mush for the first three months - I just watched daytime TV when I wasn't looking after the baby. I knew it was going to be hard but had no idea what it would actually be like.

But it does get better. And I love having a toddler!

My son is 13 months so was in the newborn stage a year ago. Honestly the hardest part was the anxiety that something bad would happen to him and was constantly checking he was still breathing. They make the weirdest snorting / snuffling noises in their sleep. He himself was easy and slept most of the time.

I think you have got some good advice here .When Baby comes along ,just take each stage as it comes .Enjoy her and dont read all this stuff about baby not sleeping etc. Make sure you have plenty of rest,and sleep when baby does .See if your DH can do some house chores ,dont stress if home doesnt represent a Home and Gardens issue, and just have quick and easy meals ,Cold Chicken and salad ,a spag bol with a pasta sauce and so on ,The weather is good now and you can go for nice walks with the pram! I have 2 older DC and my DN has 2 little ones but we are both still alive ! Dont worry ,just chill and we are all on here for you .(Some at night as well)!

It's knackering and a bit scary but it's also brilliant.
Sleep is your saviour here! You and the child's father need to agree how to support each other so both of you get enough sleep because many of the difficulties with the new one stage is you are just so bloody tired. There's a reason sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture!

I have never found the newborn period bad! It's intense, it takes over absolutely everything else but if you're prepared for that to happen then no problem.

It might be bad if e.g. baby is ill, struggles to feed or will not sleep ever at all, you have PND/a traumatic birth but those things aren't so common as to be expected. They might happen but probably won't.

Try to go into it with an open mind and locate your sources of support in advance in case one of the above situations does happen, and I'm sure it will be fine! :)

My DD is 5 weeks and the first 2 weeks for me were hell. She wouldn’t sleep if she was put down, and I found breastfeeding at night really hard work as she was so fussy and feeding on and off. Plus I had a section so getting in and out of bed was difficult.
If you have dad around we found that doing night shifts really helped if you have a fussy baby or you’re not getting much rest. I’d stay up til 2 then DP would take over for a few hours.
I’d recommend getting stuff for bottles ready even if you plan on breastfeeding, I wanted to exclusively breastfeed but it didn’t happen and would have been stuck without formula. DD is breastfed during the day but has my milk and formula in bottles at night as if she breastfed then we’d never get any sleep!

I loved and enjoyed the newborn stage. Def my favourite with both my kids.

I never put any pressure on myself and just became hermit. I am a homebody and don't mind my own company. I watched a HUGE amount of box sets and just enjoyed all the cuddles.

Listen to your own voice, just because you've not done it before doesn't mean you're not the expert of you and your baby

@IdblowJonSnow 🙌

This sort of advise is why I love mumsnet. Ok it's not the perfect site all the time but this is hands down the BEST advise you can be given. And absolutely true as well.

I'll add my two cents.

The newborn phase is lush! Magical time that's lasts the blink of an eye, your baby will never be so small and portable ever again. And as long as you sleep as often as you can when they do, you'll be fine 💜