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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

How do I tell my sister I'm pregnant

45 replies

V2Hod · 19/06/2020 13:26

My sister and her husband have been trying for a baby for over a year and unfortunately recently suffered a miscarriage. For this reason, my husband and I have spoken about trying for a 2nd baby for a while but have always out it off as I didn't want to upset my sister.

A few weeks ago my sister told me she was 3 weeks pregnant and after telling my husband he wanted to start trying for another baby straight away. We were extremely lucky to get pregnant immediately however now I'm so worried that my sister will think I am stealing her thunder.
Im now 7 weeks pregnant and my sister is 11 weeks and has her scan booked for next week.

I don't know whether to tell her before she has her scan ot whether to wait and tell her a few weeks after. We haven't told anyone and I'm so worried about how she will respond it's actually ruining what should be a happy time for us.

Anyone have any advice?

OP posts:

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planningaheadtoday · 19/06/2020 15:33

Wait until she has her scan and can share it with everyone. Give her a week or two then tell her first, before anyone else that you are pregnant.

It's so special that your babies will be close.

Purpleartichoke · 19/06/2020 15:36

I would wait until you are both at least 8 weeks. Tell her first, before other family. Tell her in private. A phone call is good because if she has any negative emotions she doesn’t have to put on a brave face.

Jellybeansincognito · 19/06/2020 15:42

I think you should tell her now. Imagine if she gets bad news at her scan and then you have to tell her?

Jellybeansincognito · 19/06/2020 15:42

I wouldn’t tell anyone else though, just your sister

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 19/06/2020 15:45

@SleepingStandingUp

I’m a little sore that she is sharing in my moment just how much attention do you need from the people at work?? And she isn't sharing in your moment, she's having her own.

I think you’ll see in my post that I said I know I’m being unreasonable.

We’re all very close at work. It’s a school so our colleagues become like family as we choose to spend our breaks and lunchtimes together. We talk about personal stuff and get excited for each other.

I’ve had a really tough time at work because two people announced their pregnancies whilst I was getting over my miscarriage and TTC. Seeing them and hearing everyone talk about it was heartbreaking for me. Everyone was excited for them and they each had their moment of all the focus on them. It was finally my turn for that but then lockdown happened and now we’re both lumped into conversations together.

I repeat: I know I’m being unreasonable but TTC does strange things to you.

SleepingStandingUp · 19/06/2020 15:47

@Jellybeansincognito

I think you should tell her now. Imagine if she gets bad news at her scan and then you have to tell her?

Actually this. If the worst happens op you'll be giving birth before you feel able to tell her. Call her and tell her you have a secret, don't tell her the conception story, tell her you're waiting until 10-12 weeks before you tell others but wanted to share with her now

lunar1 · 19/06/2020 15:48

Just tell her, neither pregnancy diminishes the other. It all sounds very patronising.

I had 8 years of fertility treatment and loss before I had my family and celebrated every baby born in that time, none of those babies changed my situation. It's not like a limited number of babies are handed out per month.

Becky at work getting pregnant accidentally with twins didn't steal my much wanted baby.

diddl · 19/06/2020 15:58

@Jellybeansincognito

I think you should tell her now. Imagine if she gets bad news at her scan and then you have to tell her?

I don't think that Op should tell her now if she wants to wait for her own scan first.

Waterdropsdown · 19/06/2020 16:02

I also think just tell her now. Otherwise she has shared her news and you’ve just kept yours all to yourself. I think that’s really patronising.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 19/06/2020 16:02

She might twig that you're pregnant especially if you're green round the gills/throwing up/avoiding alcohol/certain banned foods .

You do sound lovely thinking of your DSis , Good Luck both of you .

diddl · 19/06/2020 16:04

@Waterdropsdown

I also think just tell her now. Otherwise she has shared her news and you’ve just kept yours all to yourself. I think that’s really patronising.

Surely Op's sister, as an adult can tell people when she wants, as can Op?

Patronising to not "tell" because her sister has? Wtf?

Dozer · 19/06/2020 16:05

It seems like an imbalance that she’s been telling you about her fertility situation, whereas you neither told her you planned to ttc too, nor (if you wanted to keep it private) explain that you wouldn’t be sharing information with her about yourself. Either option would have been more tactful than what you’ve done IMO.

Also seems odd to make a big life decision like ttc upon finding out about your sibling’s pregnancy!

Would tell her asap, by text or email.

ShouldWeChangeTheBulb · 19/06/2020 16:15

I would tell her now but let her know you are keeping it under your hat otherwise it seems a bit weird as it’s not like the subject of babies hasn’t been brought up.

endlessginandtonic · 19/06/2020 16:22

I was your sister OP, honestly I was so delighted to be pregnant I wasn't bothered at all by dsis being pregnant as well. (I now know they waited for us, which I think was well above and beyond but makes me love both of the even more)
In fact it was lovely when dc were babies and dsis and I are closer than ever as a result.
Hope all goes well for both of you.

Seahawk80 · 19/06/2020 16:23

I would wait until after her scan but if you're close and normally share everything I'd tell her before yours if you want to. Slightly different situation but my sisters and I all had a baby in 2017 (3 of us) and it was lovely. My first and their second / third. However I've had a couple of losses since then and I would find it hard if one of them announced a pregnancy...but if I was pregnant again and all looking good I'd be delighted. Hope this helps.

Seahawk80 · 19/06/2020 16:27

Actually I just thought a bit more and think I'd rather know sooner if it was me. Hearing one of my sisters was pregnant soon after my 12 week scans (which is where I got bad news twice) would have been worse than finding out before. Like PP said you could not tell wider family yet.

blue122 · 19/06/2020 16:42

Hi op,

I found out I was pregnant when my sister was 6 weeks pregnant. Her and her husband had taken a year to conceive and me and my partner conceived on the first month of trying. I waited for her to have her 12 week scan and enjoy some time with all the attention on her (it was over Christmas so she had all the families attention) I then told her just before my 12 week scan! And told everybody else after. She was over the moon we got to do it together and I can't describe how lovely it's been going through everything together and comparing scan measurements etc!

She's had her baby on Monday, and I'm 34+2 😊 it will just continue when my baby is born! Look at it positively! You have a best friend to share everything with, and your babies will grow up together!!

Congratulations don't worry 😊

StealthMama · 19/06/2020 16:49

Just tell her as soon as you normally would. After a miscarriage ' her moment' has been taken away, she can never freely announce she is pregnant without the fear of loosing it.

Tell her, and just be sisters through this. Anything could happen to either if your pregnancy journey's, and ideally you will have two cousins the same age to coo over.

Fingerscrossed11 · 19/06/2020 18:39

@V2Hod
I think your sister will probably be delighted that you are both pregnant at the same time. Can share notes with each other on how you’re feeling, go baby shopping together. Being there for each other with newborns etc. Congratulations to you and your sister x

futuredreams · 19/06/2020 23:17

@v2hod I'm someone who has suffered three losses. One a couple of weeks after my niece was born and one last September that I had to have surgical intervention for as I was further along. For my third pregnancy the surgical one my sister was pregnant at the same time but didn't tell me because she knew I was suffering. I felt bad that she couldn't enjoy her pregnancy because she felt like it would hurt me. When in actual fact I was most hurt that she didn't tell me. Of course I had those feelings of hurt and pain that it wasn't happening for me but I was overjoyed for her. I was glad to receive the message through txt though so it gave me time to adjust to it and be upset and happy without her knowing. Kind of time to take it in and adjust.

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