Jan/Feb 2021

[2020N]

Hi everyone,

I hope that I don’t upset or offend anyone with this post, it’s not my intention at all!

I’m a first time (hopefully to be) mum and I’m 33. I’m 7 weeks pregnant and found my positive at just 4 weeks, due date Jan 31st. Since then I’ve been trying to find a thread that I fit in to.

I’m quite a private person but as no one around me is pregnant, I’d like to connect with other mums to be. I know lots of people are more chatty, but some of the threads and sharing of detail sent me into a bit of an anxious loop where I dissected every twinge etc and it wasn’t healthy for me personally.

I was wondering if there’s anyone similar out there that would like to connect, as I’d love to know about your experiences and go through this journey with others too.

Again, I hope I haven’t upset anyone, as I fully get that everyone meanders through things differently.

Wishing you all a healthy journey x

Hi OP, congratulations on your pregnancy!!
I'm 35 and currently 10 weeks with my first, due 9th Jan all going well 🤞 We had a private scan at 8 weeks and saw strong heartbeat which was amazing. We were a bit cautious as had MC last year and have been trying for some time, but early scan really helped us and nice that DH could come in too.
There's so many types of personalities out there and I've not found a group chat I have connected with yet either.
Have you got any midwife appointments scheduled? My local team have been really efficient. Had my booking appt (telephone) at 8wks exactly and 12 wk scan booked for 12wks exactly, based on my dates x

Hi @Alpacapicnic1. Thank you for replying, it’s lovely to hear from you. Congratulations on your pregnancy too!

I’m very sorry to hear of your MC last year, so happy that your private scan has reassured you and brought you both good news. I’m debating whether to go for an early scan or to wait until our NHS scan date.

It’s that your local team have been efficient. Where about are you located? I’ve spoken with my midwife once last week to make a booking appt for this coming Friday (I’ll be 7 +5), so I’m guessing I will find out a little more then. Were you told your 12 week scan date at the time of the booking appt?

It’s all very new to me, so it’s great to hear about your experience with the midwifes and scans etc so thank you for sharing x

Oh my goodness @2020N I could have written your post ! Been hovering around other threads with a weird sense of being almost scared to engage a) because I still don’t believe it’s real & b) I’m too scared something is going to happen & I almost feel like if I say something anonymously on a forum I’m going to jinx it. Which is mad I know!
I’m 35, 7+5 today, been trying for 18 months on & off - had a miscarriage in March so just feel really anxious about the whole pregnancy, & like you, reading some threads really does send me spiralling into worry. DH doesn’t get my worries, (constant, about everything to do with this pregnancy at the moment) & keeps telling me to relax & enjoy the pregnancy but I can’t ! I have my booking appointment with the midwife (telephone) coming up this week so I’m hoping I’ll get some level of reassurance from that / get closer to getting a scan date & still debating with myself whether or not to go for a private scan beforehand.
I feel like time is going SO slowly (found out fairly early) & also that I’m wishing my life away to get closer to that magic 12 week mark but I’m also fearful that even come 12 x weeks if everything is okay I’m still not going to feel any less anxious!
How have your symptoms been? Mine are fairly minimal which is scaring me too! Xx

Hey !
I was pleased to see this post, similar situation, 32yo, hopefully first time mum due 31/1/21.
I've recently relocated with my partner for my job, feeling very lost because we are still settling in and the friends I have made are more work colleagues and much younger.
I'm on a FB page which is helpful but find I only look at it when I have a concern and it can make me feel even more anxious !
How have you been feeling? X

Hello ladies, do you mind if I join you as well? Feeling very similar to the rest of you and don’t have many people around in real life so would love a friendly group to be part of.

I’m 36, first pregnancy and currently 8+3. Booking appointment was just on the phone a couple of weeks ago, bloods etc being done at the first scan in my area. Got my scan date through and I’ll be 13 weeks then. It’s going very, very slowly!

I’ve previously suffered with anxiety and working hard to keep it out of my pregnancy... so far so good in that I’m probably only anxious as much as is ‘normal’ 😂 I’m putting mindfulness and positive thinking techniques to good use. We did have an early scan to help ease some worries and it’s definitely helped me relax. Much as I’m impatient for another it’s because I can’t wait to see what’s going on more than worrying if things are ok! Would love to hear and share tips on managing pregnancy anxieties, it’s something that everyone suffers to a degree but we brush it off as being ‘natural’ without thinking of how to manage it.

What region is everyone in? I’m in Scotland, seems like everywhere is so different with how they handle maternity services and Covid is dividing it even more. Really good to read other experiences and check we’re not missing anything important!

Hope you’ve all had a lovely weekend, and sorry for a long post, just wanted to say hello really 😊 xx

Hi I'm 31 and 12 weeks tomorrow I'm due 27th Dec I'm going for another scan next week already had 2 as have a history of miscarriages and am both excited and terrified x

I'm based in Surrey x

@SparklingPinot

I completely understand, I was in two minds about starting this thread and then back and to about deleting it for the same jinx thought! This is our first pregnancy so I was reading far too much into everything and anything. I’ve learnt quickly that google etc is not my friend and I’m on a mission to be positive about whatever this pregnancy might bring.

I’m sorry to hear of your miscarriage, sending congratulations and best wishes for your pregnancy. I really hope that you get the reassurance from your midwife this week, and that once you get the scan date it is another milestone to reach before hopefully getting that much needed 12 Week scan reassurance.

Since switching off from the other threads and google, and speaking with my midwife, I’m feeling much more positive and taking things as they come. I don’t want to spend my pregnancy overly worrying and missing out on what I should be enjoying.

I’m going to wait and see what my midwife says/books me in for on Friday and then decide if I’ve got the willpower to wait until my scan, or if we will go ahead with an early private one.

My symptoms started off quite strong, cramping, back ache and feeling nauseous but that only lasted about a week! Since then I’ve mainly been fine, with very minimal symptoms (watch them come with a vengeance for that!). I’m waking up really early, and then get so sleepy at about 6.30pm so I’m sending myself off to bed between 8.30-9pm and that’s not like me in the slightest! I have waves of nausea now and then, but eating solves that problem for now! And strong smells send me gagging. Nothing major though. How about you? x

Hi @pharmacoco!

Congratulations on your pregnancy, and due date!

That’s exactly what I was doing, just looking in for reassurances for my concerns and I didn’t find any, it just made me worry more 🙈 so trying to avoid doing that.

I’ve been feeling mostly okay, the first week brought the most symptoms but they seem to have quietened down over the last two weeks, just an odd wave here and there. How about you?

X

Hi @Mandalory, not at all!

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Was your booking appt over the phone quite straightforward and the date for your scan given at the same time? I’ve got mine this Friday and not too sure what to expect.

I agree that time is moving the slowest I think it’s possibly ever done before! I think we’re all in the same boat with feeling anxious, and I’m telling myself that it’s normal (even better to hear from all of you who are doing the same) but like you say, it’s about being positive and changing mindset to stay positive for everyone’s sake!

When did you have your early scan if you don’t mind me asking? I’m similar in that I want the early scan, but at the same time I worry about finding out. I guess that’s why I’m thinking of holding out until my 12 weeks scan in some ways. I am a natural worrier anyway so I’d probably be the same as you after an early scan too 😂.

I’m managing my worries by not reading too much and unless something is really niggling at me, i’m not letting it stay in my thoughts for too long. I try to swap it with a positive thought about baby.

I’m in Wales and still not 100% sure how things are being done here. I’m hoping to have answers Friday so I can let you know more then. I agree about hearing other experiences and not missing anything important!

x

Hi @Tiffany67,

I’m so sorry to hear of your losses. Congratulations on your pregnancy and I’m glad to hear that you’re able to have more scans to reassure you that everything is going as planned. I hope that you have more good news this week x

Hi @2020N,

My phone appointment was very straightforward, lots and lots of questions about medical history, both mine and DP’s family medical history (luckily he was home!) she asked my height and weight too. In Scotland you’re then put on either red, amber or green pathway which determines whether you’re consultant or midwife led. She then said I’d get my scan appointment through a few days later, and sure enough the letter came through a few days ago.

Originally we planned our early scan for 8 weeks but I was really starting to struggle and an appointment came up for when I was 6+1 so I took it. I knew the risks and was totally prepared to see nothing and not give up hope, I thought it would be internal but they tried abdominal first. Within a minute she found a tiny heartbeat and measured us as 6+4. So whenever I feel anxious now I just remember how determined my little bean was to show me I had nothing to worry about and I do find it helps me.
I think it’s a personal thing to decide how you would feel or react before going for one, it’s another of those things that everyone seems to do, of course it’s exciting but it’s nerve wracking too and dates can quite reasonably not be what you expect early on. It’s worth making your own decision for your sanity!

It did help on another way tho, the more accurate date meant my initial NHS scan date came through for 14 weeks. From all the NHS information, it was clear that the chromosome testing changes once you hit 14 weeks - it can only be done from bloods (not scan) and is slightly less reliable. Age puts me at higher risk so I (naturally!) began to worry, but I was able to get my NHS scan brought forward a week so I’m within the limits now and feeling much more relaxed about it 😊 If the tests are important to you it’s something to be aware of...

Have you been sent any information from the midwife? I got an email with links to NHS information which I’ve studied endlessly 🤓 it’s kept me off google tho! 😆

Symptoms wise I’ve had plenty, but nothing severe and they’re not always around. This morning was my worst, took me over an hour and a packet of Pom Bears to make it out of bed 😂 but since managed to spend the day stripping wallpaper. Very tired now tho!

Hello also to @Alpacapicnic1 @SparklingPinot @pharmacoco and @Tiffany67, I’ve really enjoyed reading your very normal and similar sounding stories to mine! Lovely that we’re at similar but slightly different stages as well as similar backgrounds. Sorry I go on a lot, but I’ve got almost 5 weeks to pass to get to this scan! 😂 xx

I pay for my scans I have heavy bleeding and need reassurance that everything is fine afterwards. I find it amazing that you can bleed so heavily and pass clots and babys still fine but I still convince myself that something is wrong so for my peace of mind £79 every couple of weeks is definitely worth it x

Hi everyone, it's lovely to read all your stories, and feels like this is going to be a really supportive thread!

@2020N I'm in South Manchester and midwife team are based at my local hospital. I say team, as I don't think I will have a specific midwife, but probably different ones each time. Time will tell. They didn't allocate my scan appt during my booking call, but said I'd get a letter, which arrived 2 days later.

My symptoms have come in waves with a few days feeling soooo exhausted and nauseous followed by feeling ok for a day or two. Today has been ok until I was trying to make dinner earlier, then suddenly got some possible growing pains, and started feeling really overwhelmed that there is a baby growing inside me, and then burst into hormonal happy/weirded-out tears. DH was so confused, as was I really, as I'm not much of a crier usually. So that's it, I've officially gone loopy 😂😂😂

Hi ladies, very similar to myself, I find I start looking at other threads and then work myself into a frenzy. I’ve just found out I’m expecting my 3rd and I’m far more nervous than I was with my previous pregnancies. One of the other ladies has opened a small FB group which is completely private if any of you wanted to join that I can send you the link. Even if you wanted to join a little later on as it’s still early days for us all

@2020N Thanks for the wise words !
I’m similar to you with symptoms - they are mild & come & go - mild & occasional nausea, tiredness, sore breasts, wanting to eat all the food whilst also getting random food aversions! All fairly mild tho..but like you say there is every chance they could flare up with a vengeance!!

I’m in the North West, not too far from the border - a friend in North Wales had a really positive experience of maternity care in April, I feel like Wales have got their sh*t together more than England in most things at the moment more than England !

@Mandalory Always up for any tips on reducing the anxiety! I saw something on another thread suggesting having a fixed time period per day to worry about the pregnancy - so I have a 30 minute period set aside every day within which I try to condense all my pregnancy worrying / googling - still not exactly healthy but it’s better than I was 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’ve just ordered the Emily Oster, Expecting Better book that seems to be the go-to pregnancy book around at the moment. I feel like some factual research and advice will really help me.

@alpacapicnic1, @mandalory really helpful to hear your experiences with midwives etc, I’m in the north west too so hopefully I’ll get my scan letter thro promptly (my experiences with hospital appointments & letters in the past has been less than prompt!). Wasn’t aware that chromosome testing changes from 14 weeks, this is useful to know, thanks.

It feels good to talk about it after only having DH to talk to about it so far. He’d be quite happy to tell everyone now if I let him but I’m keen to wait a while.

Hi @Mandalory,

Thank you for the info, it’s really helpful to have an idea of what’s to come.

I love that you’ve got your scan to help you through anxious thoughts. I can’t wait to have something to look at/hold to have that reassurance.

Thank you for the info on tests, I’ll add it to my list of questions for the poor midwife on Friday! 😂

I haven’t been sent anything at all. I’ve been looking on NHS Wales site and I’ve downloaded the ‘What to Expect’ app, for exactly the same reasons that it keeps me away from google!

I’m glad your symptoms aren’t severe or persistent. Good old Pom Poms pulling you through! 🤣 My go to have been salt and vinegar snac-a-jacs, or carrots and humus x

@Tiffany67

Bodies are an incredible thing aren’t they. When you think of everything that is going on inside, it’s no wonder that we have these affects. I’m so glad that all is well and fully understand why you want the scans for peace of mind, it’s definitely worth it x

@Alpacapicnic1

Thank you for the info on how your midwife team is working. I’ve been told who my midwife is, but I don’t know if I might be within a larger team yet. I don’t think I’ll mind either way, think it would be quite nice to have a few different midwives around to get to know and learn from.
I’m very similar to you in terms of the waves. I’ve been awake since 4am today so nauseous from the off!

😂 I think once I have reassurance scans I’ll be right behind you with the realisation that a baby is growing inside! How did your DH respond? 😂

My emotions come on quite quickly and then fade just as fast. Luckily my OH knows me inside out so knows how to bring me back to sanity quite quickly! 🤣 x

Hi @Bumblebei

Congratulations on your 3rd pregnancy! How old are your other two children if you don’t mind me asking?

I think the times at the min add to any anxiety because things are being managed differently to how they might have been at any other time.

Thank you for the offer of the FB group. I might join a little later after scans etc if that’s ok? We haven’t told anyone other than my head (I’m a teacher so needed to let them know sooner rather than later as I‘ve been working in a school hub throughout covid) so want to keep it private until we know that all is well 😊 x

@SparklingPinot

Im glad your symptoms are manageable for the time being too! Really hoping that they don’t flare up with a vengeance for any of us!

It sounds like we could be quite close in proximity, I’m close to the North West birder too. Lovely to hear that your friend had a positive experience recently. I am quite happy to be in Wales at the min! 😂 Sorry!

The fixed ‘worry’ time sounds like a good plan. I think saying them out loud, or on here, will help too. A worry shared is a worry halved, and all that. 🤞🏼

Thank you for the book recommendation, I haven’t started looking, but I will add it to my (ever growing) list. Definitely agree with the factual help and advice x

@2020N thank you, congratulations to you too and all the other ladies. You’re definitely right there it’s such anxious times anyway. I have two dds aged 12 and 10 so i feel like a newbie again as it’s been quite a long time eeek! We haven’t told a soul at the minute and hoping I can get to 12 weeks and everything is well and then can tell a few close family members and friends. I’m dreading telling work as this will be completely unexpected and I’m nervous they will be able to tell quite early on as I’ve read that you show a lot earlier with subsequent pregnancies. (Really can’t remember when I started to show with my second) although I was a lot slimmer back then anyway 😂 oh and I also had really bad sickness with both from around 6 weeks throughout and there won’t be any hiding that! How did you tell your head? Verbally? x

@Bumblebei

Thank you. 😊

I was the same. I was really nervous about telling work. I felt terrible for the timing and I was working myself up so I bit the bullet and gave her a call. It was a huge relief to have told her and put that worry aside. Would have preferred to wait until 12 weeks but it just wasn’t possible and I didn’t want for her to spend time planning me into things when I knew that ( 🤞🏼 ) I wouldn’t be able to go in x

@2020N that is good to hear, glad it went well for you, it gives me some reassurance when it comes to biting the bullet myself. That's my concern, as they are currently making plans for a reduced workforce and made it clear i'm a big part of their plans moving forward. I guess what will be will be.

I really cannot wait for a scan, i think that is when it all becomes a bit more real..

What symptoms are you all getting? I think I am a little behind most of you so far I have waves of tiredness but I am completely restless through the night lol x

@Bumblebei
I think you’ll feel better once you get it out of the way, I was worrying for things that never came about in the end!
Really can’t wait for a scan either. I just want to see now.
My symptoms are really quiet at the min, I sometimes forget that I’m pregnant 😂. It’s mainly tiredness by late afternoon/early evening, waves of nausea when I need a snack, frequent bathroom runs and tender breasts. I have been restless the last few nights, and woke up quite a lot during the night, but last night I zonked out for a good 12 hours straight! x