My feed

to access all these features

Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.


Anyone had termination for medical reasons

88 replies

Lockdownbabies · 13/06/2020 12:37

Hi explained in subject really just wondered if anyone who’s had a termination for medical reasons ( surgically) could explain their process to me Sad ie door it hurt after? What happens etc

OP posts:
Yogafairy · 13/06/2020 16:39

Hi @lockdownbabies I didn't feel any major pain afterwards, I agree with the poster that said about feeling guilty. Prepare yourself for that. I have had a surgical abortion for foetal abnormalities and also a still birth. I was only given pictures/foot prints with my stillborn daughter.

I'm sorry that you are going through this. It's a very difficult time and I hope that you are ok.

Treaclepie19 · 13/06/2020 16:47

@Lockdownbabies yeah they did do handprints and footprints for us and the photographer did photos as well. They gave us a memory box with everything in. They were brilliant. We had a special suite off the main corridor that was just us and one other room who were for this sort of procedure. They did everything kindly and thoughtfully and asked what we wanted at every step. Even like when baby was born, they asked if I wanted him right away and I asked to have him cleaned and wrapped up while I got myself sorted.

Lockdownbabies · 13/06/2020 16:51

@Yogafairy thanks and sorry you had to go through both of them must have been awful!
I already a do feel guilty but I know I shouldn’t of you don’t kind me asking. What happened to your baby after your surgical like does it just go with the other aborted babies are they cremated etc

@Treaclepie19 that sounds nice I’m terrified to give birth but I would want a reminder that the baby did exist not just gone sort of thing but I may not get that even if I end up giving birth as I’m only just over 13 weeks so will be a lot smaller than yours Sad

OP posts:
Treaclepie19 · 13/06/2020 17:09

@Lockdownbabies its certainly worth asking the hospital what they would do in either scenario. Don't be rushed into anything Flowers
Your baby will always be a part of you. They've already changed your DNA forever ❤

Lockdownbabies · 13/06/2020 17:25

@Treaclepue19 tour right thank you Flowers

OP posts:
Yogafairy · 13/06/2020 18:01

@lockdownbabies the surgical baby went into a memorial garden at the hospital. Which helped a lot at the time. You will be able to call and ask for all of the details beforehand. They were very kind to me both times. Although I felt tremendous guilt, I have never regretted my decision. It just took time to come to terms with. I do have 3 very healthy children now :)

weepingwillow22 · 13/06/2020 19:24

Hi OP. I had a surgical termination a couple of years ago becuase cvs showed my baby had a genetic condition. The termination was done by bpas in London at 14 weeks under general anaesthetic. Bpas only offer general anaesthetic to women having a termination for medical reasons. I chose this option becuase I didn't want to give birth or remember the proceedure.

The process was fine. I met with the clinic the day before to complete the paperwork and talk through. The next day I came back for the termination. I went into a waiting room with one other woman where I was given a pill to soften the cervix. This made me feel a bit ill. A couple of hours later I went to a different room where I put on a surgical gown and was taken to get the general anaesthetic. By husband stayed with me until I was asleep. The next thing I remember was waking up in another room with my husband. I can't recall any pain. I stayed there a couple of hours and had blood pressure monitored before being allowed to go home. I think any pain afterwards was only like a heavy period and I was up and active the next day although I had taken a couple of days off work.

Please feel free to pm me if you have any specific questions. Overall the whole proceedure was much better than what I had expected and I was really glad I had gone for the surgical general anaesthetic option.

weepingwillow22 · 13/06/2020 19:38

BPAS provided options for momentos of the baby and if you want a cremation/funeral

sweetheartyparty · 13/06/2020 19:43

I had a medical TFMR in 2014 so can't advise on the procedure. A medical was not what I wanted but it was the only way to diagnose what was wrong with the baby and the risk to future pregnancies. The main things I remember about it was the care and love I received from the hospital staff. Although he was born at 15 weeks they recognised his birth and arranged a funeral. One thing I regret is not having the courage to meet him.
I recommend contacting ARC (Antenatal Results and Choices).
Please PM if you need to talk about it

Lockdownbabies · 13/06/2020 19:57

@sweetheartyparty @weepingwillow22 thank you both for sharing your stories with me and offering me to PM you means a lot so sorry you both also had to go through something like this it’s so sad Sad @weepingwillow22 I think I definitely would want some momentos but unsure if this would happen in a normal hospital?
And @sweetheartyparty I’m sorry you regret not meeting your baby after Sad I too feel if I gave birth I could not meet them!
I have been on the ARC website and I will definitely be revisiting thanks Flowers

OP posts:
weepingwillow22 · 13/06/2020 20:03

@Lockdownbabies BPAS provide services on behalf of the nhs and you can self refer or get an nhs referral if you wanted to use them instead of a hospital. I would however had thought the hospital would provide a similar level of service.

ArthurMorgan · 13/06/2020 20:53

I had a termination through bpas. I had severe HG ( vomiting 40+ times a day) and I was regularly admitted hospital. The medication did very little to help and the dosage and more meds were prescribed every 2 or so weeks, literally the only time I was somewhat ok was when I was hooked up to an IV bag which I always needed plenty of. I had a 2 year old at home and a partner that couldn't work for weeks and weeks. My sil told me recently that she thought I was going to die (she's a healthcare professional). On my last admission to hospital, a male registrar came round to my bed with 2 doctors, a nurse and 3 trainees (and a cleaner that was already in my room) and proceeded to tell me I was doing it to myself and all I had to do was drink more water. He said he was going to put a block on me being admitted again ( I have no idea if he could even do that) because I was a drain on resources.

Fast forward 2 weeks and I was in so much pain, I legitimately thought I was losing the baby. It got to the point where I felt I had to chose my life and the life of my 2 year old over the life of our much wanted baby and I had a termination. It's something I've deeply struggled with , depression, medication and counselling were a part of my recovery .

Anyway the termination itself was fine. I booked an appointment and I went to a clinic nearby for an interview, they asked questions like am I sure I want this? Why do I want this? Etc then I got screened for STDs (she offered, I took it) and I waited for my appointment which was for about 10 days later . I had to drive to Doncaster (about an hour) alone but I booked in a hotel for the night. I walked to the clinic, got booked in and waited in the waiting room for about an hour for my 'turn', I was then interviewed for checks and waiting for another 20 minutes or so . It was heartbreaking for some of the people I saw in there but in all honesty I was so concerned with not being sick on any one I didn't pay too much attention. Finally I was called in, got led to a room to change and taken to the room with the nurse and bed, the doctor came in to see me and I got hooked up with a monitor and an oxygen mask and wheeled into theatre.

The worst part was when the anaesthetic was injected into my hand, he did it so fast all I can remember is almost shouting out in pain from that and then waking up about 10 minutes later.

I waited in a bed for 5 minutes to see if I was ok, then I went to get dressed and get a cup of tea and a biscuit and then discharged. I think I was supposed to be in there a lot longer but really I was fine and I wanted to leave . I went back to the hotel and went home the next day .

I know you didn't ask for a lot of that detail but I really hope you're ok and I wish you all the best in life Flowers

ArthurMorgan · 13/06/2020 20:54

I should add that after 18 months I asked for scan photos and my medical records from bpas and I was sent them within 2 weeks.

Lockdownbabies · 13/06/2020 21:55

@ArthurMorgan thank you for telling me your story! Sorry this happened to you!
Oh god they really told you it was your fault and barred you from the hospital that’s bloody awful! Shock
So it seemed quite a quick process for you then and you weren’t in physical pain after?

Thank you means a lot I am just so grateful right now I already have a healthy daughter Flowers

OP posts:
Lockdownbabies · 13/06/2020 21:58

This is all just such a shock I’m my mind ( although I’ve never had an abortion) but in my mind an abortion was a simple tablet or what have you untill quite late on I never dreamed would be anything like this maybe me being silly but yea

OP posts:
Treaclepie19 · 13/06/2020 22:16

My TFMR was in a normal hospital and they organised it all for me. All the footprints and everything.
That's so common, nobody would think of what a late termination actually means. I had friends dismiss me until I explained I actually went through labour and birth.
It's why I try and shout about TFMR as much as possible. If people can understand its not a simple procedure maybe they will realise women don't do it for no reason (whether that reason is the baby is ill or their own circumstances, there should be no judgement)

Lockdownbabies · 13/06/2020 22:24

@Treaclepie19 no never in my wildest dreams would I have though at 14 weeks I’d either be out to sleep to have the baby pulled out of my lady bits or give birth to it! It’s crazy Sad

OP posts:
Seasiderabbit · 13/06/2020 22:25

I had a surgical termination at 14 weeks and it was much easier than I thought. I had to insert a pessary before going to theatre and felt a bit sick. Woke up after surgery and felt tired and a bit weird but left hosptial the same day. After a good night's sleep I was basically fine, just bled like a period for a about a week. The NHS staff were great, very respectful and kind. I was pleased to get it over with and didn't have any emotinal problems. We have since had 2 healthy babies.

Lockdownbabies · 13/06/2020 22:25

And sorry to hear your friends dismissed your ordeal

OP posts:
Lockdownbabies · 13/06/2020 22:27

@Seasiderabbit thanks you and sorry to hear that!
I’m glad was better than you thought it would be I’m picturing hell right now so
So you had surgical at same sort of time as me in a nhs hospital did they give you reminders of baby such as footprints?
I’m glad you went in to have 2 healthy children Smile

OP posts:
Araz208 · 13/06/2020 22:31

Hi, i have unfortunately had 3 terminations, one pill at 8 weeks and two surgical one i cant remember the timeframe and one at 11 weeks. With the surgical i was put under for the first one as after the pill i said i couldnt go through with that again (even though medically i had no choice with all 3) so that was fine, woke up with minimal pain like a period and no bleeding/ill effects. The third one I obviously opted for surgical again but they couldnt put me under. Im not going to lie, it was very painful but it was quick, it was over and done within a few minutes and the doctor was lovely but yes it was very painful at that time. If you have the option to be put under id take that 100%, and im sorry you’re going through this its one of the hardest things to go through x

Lockdownbabies · 13/06/2020 22:33

@Araz208 sorry, and wow I though they would just put you under? Shock I definitely want to be put under

OP posts:
Lockdownbabies · 13/06/2020 22:35

and thank you yes it is hard Sad must have been hard for you to do it 3 time’s Sad

OP posts:
Isthisfinallyit · 13/06/2020 22:37

I feel guilty for saying it but I don’t think I would want to even see the baby let alone hold/ cuddle it I just can’t imagine seeing my baby and touching it not alive I still haven’t even looked at my 12 week scan photos

I felt the exact same way at first, but changed my mind at some point. I think that curiosity took over and I finally wanted to see what a child of ours looked like. DH was adamant that he wasn't going to see her right up to when I started pushing. He saw her before me! Choose what you want, but don't be suprised if the hormones make you change your mind. I changed my mind about so many things, the birth, the name, the cremation. Everything. And that's okay. If you don't want to see it but aren't totally sure you can ask the nurse to take pictures and hand and footprints and put them in a sealed envelope. That way if later you do want to have a look you still can.

I was quite scared about pain, but with the epidural I had 0 pain. Nothing. No pain at all. I was quite bored during most of it waiting till she could be born.

I found it all very hard emotionally. I felt bonded the second she was born, but I didn't want that! That was extremely hard. I went to a psychologist quite quickly after birth and had lots of sessions and EMDR which helped enormously. It's not traumatic anymore for me becayse of the tgerapy, it became something that happened yo me in the past. It isn't a pain that I have in the present anymore. If you feel bad, depressed or traumatised afterwards please get help. You don't have to mansgr this alone.

Seasiderabbit · 13/06/2020 22:39

[quote Lockdownbabies]@Seasiderabbit thanks you and sorry to hear that!
I’m glad was better than you thought it would be I’m picturing hell right now so
So you had surgical at same sort of time as me in a nhs hospital did they give you reminders of baby such as footprints?
I’m glad you went in to have 2 healthy children Smile[/quote]
Ahh thanks. It was loads better than I thought and definitely not hell, although like you, I pictured hell before hand. It was strangely calim and positive and allowed us to move on. They didn't give me any reminders of baby and I wouldn't have wanted that. I can't remember being offered this. There was a memorial service 2 months after the termination and that felt right. It was with other couples who had also had terminations.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.