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Anyone had termination for medical reasons

88 replies

Lockdownbabies · 13/06/2020 12:37

Hi explained in subject really just wondered if anyone who’s had a termination for medical reasons ( surgically) could explain their process to me Sad ie door it hurt after? What happens etc

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Grumpy19 · 13/06/2020 14:19

Hi. I'm afraid this isn't something I have experienced but couldn't not reply. I read your other thread and I feel so much for you.
I am 8+2 and really terrified of the screening as I am older.
I hope someone can come who can give you some information. Flowers

Lockdownbabies · 13/06/2020 14:34

@Grumpy19 thank you Smile I hope so too I’m dreading it!
Aw congratulations I hope all goes well for you Flowers

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WhatWouldPennyDo · 13/06/2020 14:39

I haven’t but wanted to send my best wishes Flowers

A good friend of mine did at 21 weeks. I’m sure you’ll get lots of good advice on here over the next few days but if you don’t, I’ll point her in the direction of this post to see if she can help. In the meantime, I believe there is useful information (and some forums) on the ARC website.

Lockdownbabies · 13/06/2020 14:41

@WhatWouldPennyDo thank you Flowers
I have visited arc and will be again thanks

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Yogafairy · 13/06/2020 14:50

I have albeit a long time ago now. What is it that you wanted to know ( if my experience is still relevant)

I hope all goes as well as possible.

Treaclepie19 · 13/06/2020 15:01

I had a TFMR in Dec 2018 at 22 weeks but it wasn't surgical.
Hopefully someone will be by soon. There is an antenatal testing board on here too that might be good to ask on.

Sorry you're going through this Flowers

Isthisfinallyit · 13/06/2020 15:16

I had at 18 weeks but not in the UK. I had to take a pill one or two days before I was admitted to the hospital, in the hospital they gave me vaginal pills every few hours to induce me. I didn't have strong contractions with rest inbetween but sort of halfcontractions the whole time and I asked (and got) an epidural. The medicine made me have a fever, which is a common side effect but they brought it down with paracetamol. It didn't bother me but the prolonged shivering made me tired. They checked dialation every few hours and more often at the end. After 28ish? hours I was allowed to push and pushed her out with 6 pushes. She came out feet first. She was already dead which often happens because of the medicin or contractions (too little and weak to handle it). I held her for a bit and they put her in ice water which made her more beautiful and kept her well so we had enough time to look at her and say our goodbyes. My placenta was stuck (also happens often when giving birth at that gestation) so needed surgical removal. The next day we went home and had her cremated a week later.

That's all I can think of now, but if you have any questions, please ask.

Isthisfinallyit · 13/06/2020 15:17

Oh, you asked for surgically. Sorry. My bad. In my country second trimester tfmr are always induced births because it's less risky for tge womb ir something like that.

Lockdownbabies · 13/06/2020 15:18

@Yogafairy and @Treaclepie19
Sorry you went through this also! Thanks for replying
I just wanted to know what happens really and how you feel after is it painful etc

And @Treaclepie19 I take it you would of had to give birth? I’m almost 13 weeks and they said I can only have surgical up untill 14 weeks so I only have a week left and then I have to give birth which I imagine is bloody awful?
Thanks guys Flowers

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Lockdownbabies · 13/06/2020 15:21

@Isthisfinallyit so sorry you had to go through this!
No thank you it’s very helpful because I may also have to give birth yet as I only have a week before I’m 14 weeks the cut off for surgical removing Sad

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Treaclepie19 · 13/06/2020 15:23

@Lockdownbabies yeah I did give birth. At the time the thought seemed horrific but actually it helped. I got to birth baby as I would have otherwise and spend time with him. We saw him, cuddled him and took photos of him. All of which I wasn't sure I wanted but was so glad I did.
Feel free to ask me anything at all.

Lockdownbabies · 13/06/2020 15:30

@Treaclepie19 I’m sorry you had to go through that! Flowers
Thank you that’s means a lot I find it helps to talk to someone who’s been through similar even though you were further along than me!

Does it feel as bad as giving birth full term? Obviously if this wasn’t your first or you may have had more after? And we’re you in pain after for long or?

You sound so so brave both of you this may sound really awful and I feel guilty for saying it but I don’t think I would want to even see the baby let alone hold/ cuddle it I just can’t imagine seeing my baby and touching it not alive Sad I still haven’t even looked at my 12 week scan photos Sad

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AlviesMam · 13/06/2020 15:34

So sorry your having to go through this.
I gave birth at 22 weeks.
Took a tablet the day before and was induced the next day it took two days and I gave birth as any woman would.
Contraction pains are the same etc difference was it was obviously a smaller baby.
Even though it was an awful time the Labour was quick.

fretnot · 13/06/2020 15:35

I’m so sorry you’re in this situation, OP. Such a tough time to get through. I had a TFMR at just over 16 weeks (medical). In the end I was glad I got to see him, although couldn’t have predicted that at the time.

I’m pretty sure you can have a surgical termination later than 14 weeks in other clinics (Marie Stopes), but not NHS hospitals - something to consider?

If you post again on the Antenatal tests board you will find a lot more posters who can help you there.

All the very best Flowers

Treaclepie19 · 13/06/2020 15:37

@Lockdownbabies if I've learned one thing with losing our boy its that you need to let go of the guilt.
I felt the same as you, I have some mental health issues that meant I was really scared about holding him but I did it. I remember feeling like the odd one out when people talked about how amazing it was to spend time with their baby and i didn't want to. I didn't feel strong enough to cope.
What I did was, took it bit by bit. The birth sort of took over by itself because once things got started it wasn't too long. It was quicker than my full term birth (I have an almost 5 year old and am pregnant again now)
I had gas and air and morphine which made it so i could rest between contractions. He definitely came out easier than full term birth. They will prepare you that small babies often are born on the toilet so you'll use a bedpan when you go.

It sounds so horrific I know, but it wasn't. The midwives were amazing and though at the time seeing him was hard and scary, I look back now and am so glad to have had that time with him.

Recovery was much much easier than my full term birth. I wasn't really in pain after, a bit achey and tired (and sick because of the morphine but they gave me an anti sickness injection) but I was okay.

It helped me to talk too, still does in fact. So I started a facebook blog for people who felt the same way. Keeps me feeling connected to our little one and I like being able to help other people going through the trauma.

QforCucumber · 13/06/2020 15:42

I was 14 weeks last april when I had mine, it was surgical.
I went to the hospital at 12pm lunchtime. Was not allowed to eat all morning. At 1pm I was asked to change into my gown and slippers in a side room, the nurses were amazing, so kind. The gynaecologist consultant came and talked through with DH and I what would happen and someone took my BP and gave me 2 tablets to take to soften/open my cervix. At 3pm I walked down to the anaesthetic room, DH went and got some lunch at this point. I was asleep within 30 seconds. I awoke 45 mins later all done. I bled light a light period for maybe a day or 2, some light cramps again like a light period.

I've had a medical termination too after a mmc and the surgical was a much smoother and easier experience.

Lockdownbabies · 13/06/2020 15:50

@AlviesMam and @fretnot thanks for messaging and sorry you both had to
Go though that too!
I’m unsure of how to get to the antenatal test boards? Didn’t know that existed

@Treaclepie19 wow that’s exactly how I feel! At the moment I feel like I just want to get it over with not see it and go home and i feel so guilty for that my partner said he doesn’t want to see it either!
I’ll be honest I am dreading getting to 14 weeks and giving birth I just don’t think I can do it! I though about going to another clinic that does the surgical after 14 I’m just terrified of pushing out my baby already dead Sad thank you so much this has really helped me and congratulations on the new pregnancy [smile

@QforCucumber so sorry you also had to go through this thanks for writing on here I’m glad surgical was much smoother experience for you I’m hoping i can have something like that?
Did you get the choice of seeing your baby after a surgical like you would of you had given birth or they don’t do that

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QforCucumber · 13/06/2020 15:54

I was advised that you cannot see the baby after the surgical termination die to the way its carried out but, personally, we didn't want to-the babys skull and brain hadnt developed properly and the scan showed severe physical abnormalities anyway, I would rather not have that image of reality embedded in my head.

Just so you know, we have a 4 year old ds who is absolutely fine and I'm due any day now with DS2 who, according to all scans so far is also fine so, even though weve had the 2 loss experiences they've had no effects on our ability to conceive again.

Treaclepie19 · 13/06/2020 15:55

You feel that way because its not a normal scenario. None of us should have to go through this ❤
Its totally fine to do whatever is best for you and try not to feel guilty.
I can say how I feel in hindsight but when it comes down to it I didnt have a choice. I couldn't have a surgical termination so I just went with it.
Thank you :) I'm 23+3 now and haven't had any extra testing so a little nervous.

As far as I know they don't let you see the baby after a surgical because the procedure is rougher on the baby. I really dont want to upset you or influence you either way but that's just what I was told.

Always here for any questions or if you just want to rant.

Treaclepie19 · 13/06/2020 15:56

And @QforCucumber makes a really good point. We were lucky that even with all of the issues our baby looked very much baby like and his issues weren't immediately obvious. All the best Flowers

Lockdownbabies · 13/06/2020 16:04

@QforCucumber @Treaclepie19 thank you both so much for being so honest it’s so helpful
That’s the thing about surgical that worries me too is being “rough” on baby and I know it sounds really silly because the baby will jo pinger be alive or feel anything anyway but makes me feel almost like I don’t want them to hurt my baby Sad
@QforCucumber congrats on the pregnancy glad all had gone ok for you this time Flowers I also have a almost 4yo DD but don’t know if I’d have another after this and
@Treaclepie19 aww I’m sure all will be well and you’ll have a happy healthy baby nothing has been detected in scans I take it so I’m sure will be all fine Smile

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Lockdownbabies · 13/06/2020 16:06

@QforCucumber @Treaclepie19 also that’s a good point I’m not sure the extent of babies physical abnormalities my scans have just picked up swelling all around the head/ brain and neck and parts of body so maybe this is not something I would want to see and be reminded of

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Treaclepie19 · 13/06/2020 16:11

@Lockdownbabies you do whats right for you because baby won't know. Though I had a medical procedure baby was still a little bumped by the exit and also we had a post mortem after so baby would have been messed with then.
Thank you Smile Like you I said I wouldn't have any more after losing our little one but here I am!

Lockdownbabies · 13/06/2020 16:16

@Treaclepie29 thank you as I said before this has been so helpful talking to someone who went through similar Smile
Really haha well I guess never say never then Flowers

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Lockdownbabies · 13/06/2020 16:34

Just one more question @Treaclepie19 I know when people also sadly have stillborns hospitals do like hand and foot prints and stuff did the hospital do this for you because you gave birth or they only do that with stillborns

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