Bottle feeding

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So this may be controversial as I know people have strong options on this...but I don't understand why women put so much pressure on themselves to breast feed, get stressed/overwhelmed by it and then feel like a failure if they have issues? I'm leaning towards bottle feeding my baby, I feel it will take a lot of unnecessary pressure off me and will enable me to share feeds with my partner. Does anyone feel the same? Has anyone done this? Were you judged?

My sister exclusively bottle fed, and knew this was her plan from her first midwifeappointment. The midwives kept suggesting considering breastfeeding but she had made up her mind for various personal reasons. As far as I'm aware, she didn't receive any negative judgements from anyone once little one was here.

Yeah some people decide that's what they want to do and just get on with it no regrets. My SIL did and didn't get any comments from MW or family. My mum also did many years ago.
I tried bf only lasted 3 days due to pain and exhaustion and then switched to formula. It was like a weight had been lifted off of me and the household was so much happier

This thread won't go well. You are right. People put a lot of pressure on themselves to do what is "best". The benefits of breastfeeding are overplayed and here in a country with access to sterilising equipment and clean water formula feeding is perfectly safe. However the usual lot will be along soon to tell you that breastfeeding is the holy grail and for not even trying you are selfish and a terrible person. In real life you won't be judged half as much for bottle feeding as you will be on Mumsnet. "Giving up" breastfeeding was the best thing for me and my baby.

I exclusively bottle fed all three of mine. They thrived. I think breastfeeding is overrated.

You do what works for you and ignore anyone else.

I've been doing a lot of reading on it and once you get past the initial breast is best mantra there's actually a lot of positive articles about bottle feeding. It's the massive amount of pressure that women put on themselves that I don't understand, surely happy mum = happy baby?? I'm willing to try but I feel like if it's not working then why put so much pressure on yourself and have that sense of being a failure? Just bottle feed and move on! I've also heard so many people say that giving up trying to breast feed was the best thing they did for both them and their baby...

Most people bottle feed if you look at the data.

Fwiw I think the hormones around the time of the birth can have a pretty profound effect. For years I thought I'd give breastfeeding a try and if it didn't work out I'd move to formula, and not get upset because it wasn't worth it. When the time came I changed my mind about a lot of things. (Not saying you will, just that it happens to some of us)

Has anyone done this?

Yes. Millions of women

I agree OP, I do intend to breastfeed but I refuse to beat myself up if it doesn't work out.

I’ve been really ill since the birth of my first child two weeks ago and have been unable to breastfeed as a result. I’m constantly beating myself up that I’m not giving my baby the best start in life and am worried that bottle feeding means I won’t be able to bond as closely. The guilt is overwhelming

As for the pressure I think it's a combination of a lot of loud voices saying it's best and a lot of hormones. Mumsnet was also not great for me around the time I was trying to figure out what to do. There were a lot of unhelpful voices on here saying that you should try harder or get more support. Sometimes it doesn't work and sometimes you don't want to and that's absolutely fine.

It would be interesting to know how many women start breast feeding and at what point they give up...

I also wonder for the baby is it better to bottle feed from the start or try for a few days and then move onto bottle, I wonder if it takes them a while to adjust?

Of all the mums I know, I’ve heard maybe 2 positive experiences and everyone else seems to have had a really hard time with it, even those who continued to breastfeed had a really hard time at first, needed a lot of external support, breastfeeding consultants etc, and felt that their mental health took a huge battering during that time.

I’m really trying to be of the opinion that I’ll give it a go but I won’t put any undue pressure on myself and if I feel it’s not working for any reason I’ll switch to bottle with no guilt whatsoever. However I know that I might well feel differently and succumb to the pressure and guilt once I’m in the fug of postpartum hormones and sleep deprivation.

DH and I both like the idea of combination feeding - a mix of breast feeding and giving expressed breast milk from the bottle. Goodness knows whether that will work out though, we’ll have to see what baby we get I guess!

Has anyone done this?

As you will know, the majority of babies in the U.K. are formula fed.

I exclusively bottle fed all three of mine. They thrived. I think breastfeeding is overrated.

How would you know as you haven’t done it?

@newmum234 I know it's easy for me to say but don't beat yourself up. You and baby will have a great bond no matter how you feed. I'm a few months ahead of you (we start weaning next week! Eek!) and my boy loves me and DH. I get the biggest smile every morning and he naps on me all the time.

That is my current view. He's a great big healthy boy. He loves a cuddle. On top of that I get a lie in in the morning as DH gets up with him and feeds him and has some cuddles of his own. If you don't start feeling better consider speaking to your health visitor or GP as the guilt was a huge factor for me with PND.

@amazedmummy pmsl at your first comment they will be along soon same here regarding mumsnet was not good to go on for me either, so many loud voices saying no dummies, no nipple shields, expected to cosleep and be fine with cluster feeding all hours

@newmum234 I'm sorry to hear that I know it's hard to accept but really don't feel bad there's nothing wrong with formula and if baby is growing then no problem.
From my experience when baby gets to toddler stage the infant feeding thing will be a memory and it won't feel as prominent/important

I also wonder for the baby is it better to bottle feed from the start or try for a few days and then move onto bottle

As you’ve been reading up on infant feeding, you’ll have seen that breast milk is made for your baby and colostrum is very valuable for many different reasons for a newborn, why would it be best for the baby not to get it?

@AnneLovesGilbert Maybe if you haven't got anything constructive to say don't say anything at all! 🤐🤣

Did you want answers to your questions or not?

I agree with you 100%. I think there is waaaay too much pressure on new mothers to breast feed. I can think of at least three of my friends who ended up in a terrible time because they were incessantly pressured by medical professionals and peers to breast feed when they couldn't for a variety of reasons. They ended up stressed and that's the worst outcome of all.

I think what is best for mum is usually best for baby. Having a stressed out, anxiety ridden mother cannot be good for a child. I think people should try and breast feed as better for the babies immune system but if they can't they shouldn't be pressured to.

I come speaking as someone who was bottle fed (due to my mother being too poorly following a haemorrhage) who has a sister who was breast fed. I had a few extra colds as a kid but overall as an adult I seem to cope with illness, stress and everything else far better than my breast fed siblings. Our relationships with both our parents were also equal and excellent.

My biggest peeve is others judging mothers for the decisions they make for their children. As long as the child is healthy and no abuse is taking place it is no one else's business how you raise your children.

I think I heard a figure of around 80 % of women give up breastfeeding within the first few weeks. I have managed to breastfeed both my DC. The first time I found it really hard but was fortunate to have a lot of support and after a few weeks it got a lot easier. It felt a lot easier second time round.

I think it is good to atleast try in the first few days just to give the baby colostrum which is very high in antibodies. Also you might find yourself to be one of the lucky ones who takes to breastfeeding easily. I know afew mums who did it but more or less knew they would bottle feed in the long run.

I have actually found bf mums also get judged. As if we somehow think we are better. The number of times I have been bf my baby and someone has said would it not be easier just to give them a bottle or how do you know if they have had enough .

Whatever you decide to do I'm sure it will be best for you and baby

@Bells3032 I was thinking about the whole immune system benefit and several of my friends babies are breastfed and they're constantly ill so it's not a convincing argument for me at the moment...

Completely agree that there shouldn't be any judgement but I'm quickly realising with pregnancy/plans for baby etc some people have very strong opinions and like to make them heard, especially on this forum!

I'm all for doing what you think is best for you, always good to hear others experiences though!

Do what you want! Most people formula feed in the uk so you will be very much in the majority. I know lots of women who ff and never tried bf for various reasons. I bf. We all have healthy and happy babies!

I bottlefed from birth was the right choice for me. My husband can do 50% or the childcare and I saved my sanity.

I breastfed my baby until 4 months and then combo fed which was about 1-2 feed a day on formula.

The best benefits for me breastfeeding was that I did feel a great sense of achievement after the first 6 weeks of hard work, it's free compared to £10 formula that you'll need a lot of until they're weaned, breastfed babies are less likely to experience things like constipation, I found that to be true as my baby has never been constipated. You get no periods when exclusively breastfeeding, and mum is less likely to experience PND.

You can still share feeds with partner breastfeeding, by pumping and storing milk in the fridge and heating up and putting it in bottle.

It IS beneficial for both baby and mum to breastfeed but ultimately if it isn't good for you mentally it isn't good for baby I would never judge.

I'm willing to try but I feel like if it's not working then why put so much pressure on yourself and have that sense of being a failure? Just bottle feed and move on!

I agree with you OP. I combination fed in the end - my DS didn’t latch until his tongue tie was clipped when he was 9 days old, until then I was expressing, trying to BF and making formula. It was pretty relentless, but I had a fairly easy going labour and had the energy for it. I didn’t feel ‘under pressure’, just quite determined and willing to keep trying, in the hope it would work. And I knew that once I’d had enough of trying then that would be fine. If the tongue tie clipping hadn’t worked I would have thrown the towel in - guilt free. I would have felt a bit sad that I couldn’t enjoy that experience with DS because it’s something I personally really wanted to do - but I definitely wouldn’t have felt guilty or like a failure. I did everything I needed to do, DS just wouldn’t latch - hows that my fault? I don’t understand what I’d supposed to feel guilty for But I’m generally not prone to that kind of thinking - I think people who do feel guilty over this probably feel unnecessary guilt and notions of ‘failing’ in other aspects of life as well.