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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Bottle feeding

114 replies

raindrop84 · 11/05/2020 15:30

So this may be controversial as I know people have strong options on this...but I don't understand why women put so much pressure on themselves to breast feed, get stressed/overwhelmed by it and then feel like a failure if they have issues? I'm leaning towards bottle feeding my baby, I feel it will take a lot of unnecessary pressure off me and will enable me to share feeds with my partner. Does anyone feel the same? Has anyone done this? Were you judged?

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sauvignonblancplz · 13/05/2020 10:18

@CloudsCoveredTheSky Well most women don’t BF and as you didn’t you can’t comment on the journey can you?

It’s also interesting you say tied down I suppose that’s where you differ from other mothers & that in turn is your journey.

Why can’t you see how wonderful it is for you to have that support , being able to share baby’s feedings , get a full night sleep and look at a breast feeding mother and acknowledge that she’s doing a good job and that it must be bloody tough. Tougher than someone who has that bit extra, why take it as a slight or put them down?

SmileyCloud · 13/05/2020 10:24

The only people being pretentious and superior on this thread are (not all) the FF brigade that clearly feel defensive even though absolutely no one that has commented on this thread that has breastfed has tried to make you feel this way from what I’ve read!

My BF baby slept through the night from about 8 weeks, she’s content and putting on weight so I know she’s getting enough milk and her dad takes her out for a couple of hours at a time as contrary to popular belief.. breastfed babies are not attached to your boob constantly! I actually wouldn’t be happy for my kid to have an extra cold a year but there we go, we’re all different! I like that she’s ‘attatched’ to me, she’s content and calm and an absolute pleasure I really don’t feel like I need to escape from her!

Raaaa · 13/05/2020 10:32

@CloudsCoveredTheSky @raindrop84 my 'breastfeeding journey' was complete shite and lasted all of a matter of days 😂

overtly · 13/05/2020 10:41

I'v done both. I didn't even attempt to breastfeed DD1 - I'm not sure why but I didn't and my decision wasn't questioned by anyone.
Now I do feel with my other DC that it is a journey. Bottle feeding is literally a matter of purchasing formula and putting it in a bottle. With breastfeeding there's the colostrum initially, the cluster feeding to bring the milk in, mum and baby learning the best technique, add to that potential tongue tie and cracked nipples. Eventually you get a place where you've both got the hang of it and it's easy, but yes it is often a journey to get to that point. Obviously to some it comes naturally but the stats tell you that most will struggle initially often turning to formula.
Yes some breastfeeding mums have very strong opinions, but most do not - we are just getting on with feeding our baby. I therefore do find it slightly offensive to be labelled as pretentious etc.
Op, you will be feeding your baby the same way as the majority of mums in the UK so in the nicest possible way no one will care.

TruthTurd · 13/05/2020 10:41

@pinkblueberry Would these same women not breastfeed if they could?

They wouldn't choose to feed their babies goats milk and sugar water because they know that breast milk is naturally what their child should have. They have not simply decided it's not for them and that they'd rather not put themselves through the stress.

Formula is propagated as a choice. Whereas those women who CAN NOT breastfeed don't have a choice. Most mothers in western society make their decisions based on a personal choice and preference. Without fully educating themselves on the role breast milk has in childhood development, female health and how vital it truly is.

Many women are denying themselves the choice of adequate, superior nutrition for their children by choosing formula.

The ingredients speak for themselves, formula needs to be created where if possible it could 'mimic' breast milk and at a bare minimum not cause harm or contain fillers which are nutritionally redundant.

One thing formula has been linked to is excessive e-coli levels in babies causing an alkaline environment and unhealthy gut flora which is essential for developing the immune system of an infant.

'Effect of Nutrition on Microbial Flora in
Infants: The Role of Lactoferrin, Iron, and Nucleotides'

www.nestlenutrition-institute.org/docs/default-source/global-dcoument-library/publications/secured/d3776f6acf0b8097fc4c2e4b431c1c70.pdf%3Fsfvrsn%3D0&ved=2ahUKEwjVjqik8K7pAhVlQUEAHddZBW0QFjABegQIBBAB&usg=AOvVaw0IEBrcZo5ibiiL1BgwEW70

may be an interesting read regarding gut flora of infants.

We are animals so in a primal way should we have a choice when it comes to BF? If we have offspring we need to provide for it, naturally as a means of survival.

Because we live in a world where there is formula we have the choice, we have the option. But really breast milk should always be the first choice, it is specifically made for your baby. You are denying your baby the basic human right of something which is ultimately designed for them. Simply to exercise your own right to choose.

I'd even take it a step further as to suggest that it is your duty to breastfeed your child, it is the only reason you have breasts on your body. They are on your person for your child. I am not necessarily speaking of my beliefs by the way.

In the animal kingdom a female has pretty much one job: raise, defend and provide for her babies. In modern life we have so many other things going on, so many feelings, commitments and social impacts that we are no longer in the same primal state our bodies were intended for.

One could also suggest we are not in sync with our natural ability to breastfeed, our hormones are not functioning at the capacity they are intended to and so on. Which is why in modern days so many women struggle, so many women lack support and perseverance. We are no longer part of a 'tribe' of support and fertility.

I suppose my point is that FF is not natural, choosing not to/having no desire to breastfeed is also not necessarily natural.

Ofcourse if you can't breastfeed for whatever reason then yes formula is an alternative. Not necessarily a good one, not necessarily a beneficial one. But it's there...

Bottom line is if you do enough research the health of a BF baby is not the equivalent of a FF baby. It's not just the difference of an extra cold a year, you need to look at it on a chemical, biological and gastrointestinal level. Formula is not capable of providing your child with antibodies, it simply cannot replicate that. If you consider a good night's sleep and your own emotional wellbeing more important than the foundations of your child's health and immunity then so be it.

We are being let down as women and mothers, by allowing ourselves a lack of support to BF and accepting and funding an industry which provides our children with sub-par at best alternatives, if you FF you make yourself reliant on this industry. An industry which has the potential to be manipulated just as much as the food industry is.

TruthTurd · 13/05/2020 10:51

And I am pro choice, that doesn't mean that Breast milk isn't fundamentally better for your child.

I am not trying to attack anyone, but some of the comments regarding BF mothers in this thread show them as 'show offs' which is simply not the case. Many of you sound bitter that you were unable to establish breastfeeding.

It's okay to have tried and not succeeded but why condemn and judge those who persevered or didn't struggle? Many breastfeeding mothers had a terrible struggle in the beginning, they've been there too crying along with their babies, sore nipples and a cracked mental health.

Just because they came out of the other side having succeeded doesn't mean they are pretentious and superior. Victimising yourselves for not succeeding or sharing the same desire only adds to the issue.

babydogandi · 13/05/2020 10:52

@TruthTurd
I'd even take it a step further as to suggest that it is your duty to breastfeed your child, it is the only reason you have breasts on your body. They are on your person for your child. I am not necessarily speaking of my beliefs by the way.
It is your duty to care and protect for your child. This is done through both BF and FF. men also have nipples on their bodies, a nipples 'primary' function is to provide a baby with milk, so why can't men breastfeed? Oh that's right because not everybody can whether they have nipples or boobs!

If you consider a good night's sleep and your own emotional wellbeing more important than the foundations of your child's health and immunity then so be it.
So my child's health would be better if I had taken my own life? Because that's what you're suggesting here. And just to confirm FF does not guarantee a good nights sleep. You are still up at all hours during the night! A woman's emotional well-being is of upmost importance. Would you rather a woman harm herself or her baby for that matter physically because she couldn't stand breastfeeding?

You keep banging on about nature but let's not forget in nature when the animals don't want to feed their babies which happens quite often they are just left to die. If it was a case that it was a choice between BF and death then so be it but you can't spout rubbish about nature when they leave their young to die all the time!

babydogandi · 13/05/2020 10:52

My bold has come off but you get the idea

JeDeFloupFlee · 13/05/2020 10:57

Theres no harm in at least trying. The reason you see so much negativity about it is because the mums that don't give a crap how you feed your baby don't post about it online lol. I ff my first and ebf my second. Both kids are happy and healthy now although when my first ff baby was a newborn he was ill so much more than my ebf baby

zscaler · 13/05/2020 10:58

If you consider a good night's sleep and your own emotional wellbeing more important than the foundations of your child's health and immunity then so be it.

This is a very emotionally manipulative and judgmental thing to say.

The emotional wellbeing of new mothers isn’t a luxury - it’s absolutely essential, and is easily as important to the health and happiness of her baby as gut microbes - arguably even more so. The cult of sacrificial motherhood is hugely harmful to mothers and babies, and plays a large role in stigmatising women for their parenting choices.

I intend to breastfeed my baby (assuming it’s possible for me), but god forbid I ever decide that this makes me a better mother than somebody who chooses to formula feed.

darrenlacey · 13/05/2020 11:04

I ff my first two, currently still breastfeeding my 8 month old.

Breastfeeding far and away better option if you can do it ... in my experience. Much less hassle with sterilising and planning ahead for trips out etc.

Yes I'm always the one that has to feed her (but most breastfeeding mums do express so they can share the responsibility sometimes) but it's so easy , especially in the night when I can just shove my boob in her mouth and go back to sleep (yes we bed share).

I think it's a shame to write it off before you've even tried to especially to withhold the colostrum from newborn.

darrenlacey · 13/05/2020 11:09

And to be honest yes I do feel that I'm more bonded to my third baby because of exclusively breastfeeding her.

TruthTurd · 13/05/2020 11:10

Yes men have nipples, not breasts. They do not lactate nor do they carry children.

Ofcourse FF doesn't mean you're going to get a good night's sleep which is what I was trying to illustrate. Many women base their opinions on that exact notion. That they will get more sleep if they FF their child, the belief has been demonstrated somewhat in this thread.

I am not saying that a woman should beat herself up or drive herself into the ground trying to breastfeed, nor take her own life. The point I'm making is that perhaps the modern woman is not well equipped emotionally or physically for breastfeeding anymore.

As I said, we are no longer in a primal state. Animals still are, and plenty of people still abandon their children all around the world with the existence of Formula. We are affected massively by the chemicals we ingest, environmental factors etc. More so than we are led to believe, so in many ways we are not functioning in a way we otherwise would be.

I never suggested any of the things you say, I'm simply trying to illustrate a potential factor and point.

SmileyCloud · 13/05/2020 11:11

@babydogandi men do not produce the hormones required to create milk in response to a pregnancy or birth.. it’s nothing to do with having nipples!

I think what @TruthTurd is trying to say is that an animal in the wild cannot simply just “chose” not to fed their young as you’re right they wild die, so despite the cheetahs sore nips and lack of sleep she feeds her babies! Yes formula is amazing In that if a women physically cannot breastfeed which is very very rare it can save a baby’s life, but animals do not give up feeding as they don’t want their baby “attached” to them and because they want a better social life- and I’m absolutely NOT saying that’s why everyone FF but certain posts on this thread have certainly made it sound as if it’s because they just can’t be bothered with the hard work!

Anyway I’m done arguing with strangers about scientific fact, i feel like it’s my duty to act more superior now, so I’m off to parade my child that has healthy gut bacteria and I’m making “breast is best” badges as we speak🙄

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 13/05/2020 11:17

I breast fed my baby for approx 6 days until I was so exhausted and my nipples had scabs on them. Whilst I was doing this my baby was so agitated and angry, and didnt sleep (i assume now because he was hungry).

I remember the first time I gave him a bottle of formula, he was like a different baby - calm and settled. From then I switched to formula feeding. It was 100% the right choice for me.

Also if you look at the data most switch to bottle feeding very early on. Only on MN do you seem to get a lot of judgement about formula feeding.

CloudsCoveredTheSky · 13/05/2020 11:22

"And to be honest yes I do feel that I'm more bonded to my third baby because of exclusively breastfeeding her."

How can you possibly tell it's because of breastfeeding?

People are way too concerned with this so-called "bonding". I honestly don't even know what they mean by it.

"If you consider a good night's sleep and your own emotional wellbeing more important than the foundations of your child's health and immunity then so be it."

Literally laughed out loud at this, Jesus, what an awful thing to say to anyone. I can't believe that people like you exist.

Do you only feed your child whole grains and vegetables once their older? I hope so, otherwise you would be sacrificing their future health for your convenience.

CloudsCoveredTheSky · 13/05/2020 11:23

"And I am pro choice, that doesn't mean that Breast milk isn't fundamentally better for your child."

Plenty of studies say otherwise but no doubt you know best.

CloudsCoveredTheSky · 13/05/2020 11:24

"The only people being pretentious and superior on this thread are (not all) the FF brigade that clearly feel defensive"

Pfff. "Journey", "bonding", "the good of your child's future health" - if that's not pretentious and superior I don't know what is.

IslayBrigid · 13/05/2020 11:24

People call it a journey because it is. It can be hard, painful, rocky, up and down, wonderful, blissful etc at various different times and it all depends on the person and their baby. So I don't think there's anything wrong with calling it a journey. Many things in life are journeys! Life is a journey lol.

I really dont think we need to be so harsh and judgmental of people who do/do not BF. Personally I do, fundamentally, believe its best for baby and you can't argue with the stats there. It is also very good for mums e.g. lower incidence of certain cancers if you BF.

To be completely honest, I do sometimes struggle to understand when women decide not to try at all. However, I am aware this could be linked to all sorts of reasons which I don't know about, so I'm always careful to remind myself of that.

I fully, fully understand why mums decide to stop if its too hard for them. I think both physical and emotional well being is important, and both can be reasons to stop. We do need more BF support systems in place in this country to give as many mums the chance to BF as possible, if they choose to.

CloudsCoveredTheSky · 13/05/2020 11:26

"Well most women don’t BF and as you didn’t you can’t comment on the journey can you"

Uh I did breastfeed actually then I chose to embark on my formula feeding JOUUUUURNNEEYY.

CloudsCoveredTheSky · 13/05/2020 11:27

"People call it a journey because it is. It can be hard, painful, rocky, up and down, wonderful, blissful etc at various different times and it all depends on the person and their baby. So I don't think there's anything wrong with calling it a journey. Many things in life are journeys! Life is a journey lol."

Pretentious idiots call things journeys.

I can guarantee my grandmother didn't sit around talking about her "journey" during the blitz or her "living on a farm getting up at 4AM every day with no heating" journey.

People are so wet these days, they make me cringe myself inside out.

IslayBrigid · 13/05/2020 11:30

@CloudsCoveredTheSky Which studies say otherwise?

In my view, it's as good or better for baby to be FF if they are struggling to get enough breast milk and/or mother is having a hard time.

But nutritionally speaking, if you can successfully breastfeed (which is not necessarily an easy feat, it can often require support, guidance, and even then of course it can not work out for people), there is no disputing it is nutritionally better for baby to have breast milk. This is why it's such a hot topic.

sqirrelfriends · 13/05/2020 11:31

@CloudsCoveredTheSky You seem to really dislike mothers who breastfeed. Who cares if anyone called their experience a journey? I don't care if you call your formula feeding experience a journey, to me it just means you learnt something, it evolved etc.

IslayBrigid · 13/05/2020 11:34

Haha getting upset about people using a term like journey must be a little exhausting @CloudsCoveredTheSky. People approach life differently because we are all, suprise, surprise, different.

Other people might think your negative sarcasm is off putting. Everyone has different cringe thresholds.

You're clearly upset about the idea that some people think BF is important.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 13/05/2020 11:37

I just dont understand why theres so much animosity between FF and BFing.

The whole thing smacks of people making decisions for other people, and assuming they're in a position to do so.

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