Bottle feeding

[raindrop84]

So this may be controversial as I know people have strong options on this...but I don't understand why women put so much pressure on themselves to breast feed, get stressed/overwhelmed by it and then feel like a failure if they have issues? I'm leaning towards bottle feeding my baby, I feel it will take a lot of unnecessary pressure off me and will enable me to share feeds with my partner. Does anyone feel the same? Has anyone done this? Were you judged?

I exclusively formula fed and never experienced any judgement or anything from anyone. DD ended up in SCBU for 8 days and they were happy to provide formula for her, they even made sure to give her the same brand I had at home.

I think most people aren’t judgemental, like PP have said most people FF anyway or at least move onto it.

There have been times I’ve thought it would be easier to whip a boob out than sterilise and make up bottles - however I know it’s not always that easy!

After reading some of the comments on this thread I completely agree with the below statement.

If you don’t wish to breastfeed then of course, that’s your choice, but don’t use anecdata or bad science to give weight to that choice, you could potentially sway a woman to not try breastfeeding because of your opinion that you frame as fact.

I came on this thread to offer support and say whichever way that works is best for you. But comments likening women to cows shows the judgement is often on bf women not ff.

Breast milk is proven superior. When formula was introduced they thought they had cracked it and that breast milk alone wasn't enough for the baby. Science has since proven otherwise. Midwifes are taught to tell you the benefits to inform you. They wouldn't be if the benefits were negligible as a PP has written. I can completely understand why many women choose to formula and I would not criticise them for it. I really feel for women who wanted to bf but couldn't for many different reasons. But what often seems to result is this defensive attitude towards breastfeeding clearly demonstrate by some comments on this thread.

@avocadont have you tried the hydrogel breast discs?? My friend who breastfed said she wouldn't have been able to without them
You can also get another brand think it starts with k ... both are on Amazon if you search x
Sorry to hear you're having a tough time

@duckling3

I'm formula feeding and expressing - alternating each bottle. Not what I planned (wanted to bf) but it's working ok for us.

Felt so guilty using formula even though I always thought I wouldn't mind. I am just about dealing with the guilt but when I read women on here talking about the 'bond' you get when bf'ing, I find it absolutely heartbreaking

@newmane40593 couldn’t agree more!

It’s so sad to see people repeatedly negate the scientific facts regarding breast milk, there is no argument, fed is best but breast is scientifically better🤷🏼‍♀️

I started to breast feed my daughter but it contributed to my post natal depression developing so stopped. This time I've already decided I'm not even going to try breast feeding, I found it too stressful last time. My daughter is 3 now and turned out just fine. I feel breast feeding is fine just as bottle feeding is fine and I get quick sick of people looking down on people who choose not to breast feed, it's such a small in significant decision in the grand scheme of a child's life, why do people sweat it so much x

I think fed is best and it's important to do what's going to be best for you and your family and forget external pressure!

@newmane40593

I also absolutely agree! Fed is best but I think some of these comments regarding BF are quite silly really and simply uneducated.

Breastfeeding is superior, that doesn't mean it is wrong to FF but it also doesn't mean it is a completely unecessary, tedious, exhaustive process which people just shouldn't bother with as though it has no merit.

There are several benefits to breast milk which I'd say are vital to your child's health specifically in the first few days (colostrum). If it wasn't something which your child didn't require, you wouldn't produce it. I think even if you FF you should try to express some for baby as it's very good for their gut health.

But again what I think doesn't matter, feeding is personal choice. FF if you want and BF if you want, you're going to require support for either and both have advantages. You shouldn't judge people for wanting to breastfeed same way you shouldn't be judged for wanting to FF.

@raindrop84 fed is the absolute minimum to keep baby alive. Perhaps aim a bit higher than that?

I agree fed is the bare minimum. In my opinion formula should only be available on prescription to women who can’t breastfeed (either physically or emotionally).

If it was about just fed we'd all be living off super noodles...

@GrumpyHoonMain so that's everyone that FF then 🤷🏼‍♀️

I agree fed is the bare minimum. In my opinion formula should only be available on prescription to women who can’t breastfeed (either physically or emotionally).

What’s the point? Women who choose not to breastfeed tend to do so for those reasons anyway. Women who decide before their baby arrives that breastfeeding isn’t something that appeals to them would most likely struggle emotionally with it if forced to do so, and then need it prescribed anyway. And in the mean time, while waiting for said prescription the babies of women who can’t physically breastfeed or babies who can’t latch are left hungry and are admitted to hospital. This wouldn’t significantly increase breastfeeding rates, it would simply add more pressure on healthcare and more distress to parents and babies.

fed is the absolute minimum to keep baby alive. Perhaps aim a bit higher than that?

It’s a turn of phrase like ‘breast is best’. Neither are accurate in my opinion.
Formula isn’t the absolute minimum though - it’s an amazing invention on which children thrive very well. I would agree breastmilk is a superior substance in many ways, but people choosing formula aren’t simply giving the ‘minimum’.
Some women in this world are forced to feed their babies goats milk and sugar water... that’s bare minimum and not something anyone does by choice. Of course then fed is not best, but you can’t compare formula to that.

I breastfed my son for 7 months. At first exclusive, then a bit of mix feeding before switching to formula. We had an awful breastfeeding journey, but because I was producing ample milk and because he was gaining, I didn’t feel able to stop. I always swore I wouldn’t give myself a hard time but in reality, I absolutely did. I hated every feed but guilt prevented me switching earlier.

He was hungry and miserable (terrible latch issues), I was miserable. It was so hard to feed him that I stopped going out in public because I couldn’t manage trying to wrangle a screaming child into my breast in the middle of a cafe with everyone staring. It was no good for my mental health. Once we switched to formula, we were all more relaxed.

I’ve promised I’ll be kinder to myself this time. I am going to try with No II but if it doesn’t click reasonably quickly, I’m not putting myself through that again and I will bottle feed.

Frankly, I don’t think you can win. Breastfeed - argh, how dare you get your breasts out in public? Breastspo! Smug! Bottle feed - you awful mother, pumping your child full of chemicals, lazy, don’t care about your child’s health. Everyone has an opinion but it’s you and your child who have to do this so just pick what’s best for your family.

I don't think anyone has said that breastfeeding is pointless and that people shouldn't do it IF THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT TO DO.

All anyone has said is that breastfeeding isn't the be all and end all. If you don't want to do it or can't then you don't have to. Your baby will thrive on formula.

I would agree that fed is the bare minimum required to keep a baby alive. They also need lots of attention and love. They need to be kept clean and they need somewhere safe to live. Luckily most parents who breastfeed or formula feed provide these things and many more.

Hi! I bottle feed my 5 month old and have done since birth. A few reasons;

• Pregnancy sucked! I wanted my body back after someone else being in it for 9 months. I once remember my mum saying she felt like a machine when she breastfed, and it really got her down.

• I live a long way from most close friends / family. I have suffered with anxiety in the past (although all good for a few years!) And was concerned I could be struck with mental health issues post-partum. I didn't want the added pressure of breastfeeding and the frustration of it not working etc, without having much support from my loved ones.

• My husband WANTED to share the feeding. It's his child too and it's great bonding. We also both get a good amount of sleep and were better and happier parents because of that.

• Up until lockdown we were a very sociable bunch and I didn't want to get my tits out in public.

Bonus point - my child has slept through the night since 2.5 months and I'm told this is common in bottle fed babies :).

I completely understand there are health benefits to breastfeeding but I didn't see them as significant enough to want to give up all of the above. I did always say that if my baby was born with any health issue I would breastfeed... And if I have another I might breastfeed now I'm more comfortable with how it all works. Who knows!

@IslayBrigid, I’ve read your post a few times. It’s lovely that you’re feeling so positive about breastfeeding and I hope it works out for you but I do feel you’re oversimplifying matters.

Honestly, it bristles a bit to read your insinuation that most people who don’t continue breastfeeding simply didn’t try hard enough 😕 I was prepared for breastfeeding to be hard but had no idea just HOW are and painful it can be. There were tears, so many tears, from me and baby.

I was coming out of a HG pregnancy, so already emotionally and physically exhausted in every way. I had a tough labour. I felt every part of my physical being had been battered and I had so little left to give. Chuck on the shock and exhaustion of a newborn (it’s a steep learning curve), the discomfort and pain of breastfeeding, a baby with tongue tie who wouldn’t latch or suck. He just screamed and screamed at me, pretty much for the first six months of his life. I had midwives, HVs, I went to breastfeeding drop ins, I had online support from strangers and friends. Honestly, trying to feed my child felt like a constant battle. So yes, I can absolutely see why so many women quit at that point. And sometimes, no matter how much help you get, it just doesn’t click.

I went through 7 months of breastfeeding using nipple shields, pumping on top because I felt so guilty to give my child formula but also came to dread feeding him so expressing was my compromise. Literally the worst of both worlds, all the difficulties of breastfeeding along with all the washing and sterilising of bottle feeding. Double feeds essentially when trying to breastfeed AND pump. You might not think that it takes “hours” to pump a bottle but it can take a REALLY long time for some women, you wouldn’t believe how inefficient pumping can sometimes be.

Now I don’t think I was a quitter. I didn’t stop when the going got tough, I kept going because I thought it was best for my baby. I forgot about me and suffered the impact on my mental health. Was it the right decision? I really don’t know. I’m partly proud to have stuck it out, but equally I really think we all would have been happier if I’d been less stubborn, accepted it wasn’t working for any of us, and just allowed myself to stop.

Basically, all I’m saying is, no matter how hard you try, sometimes it’s not enough. And attitudes like “well you just didn’t try hard enough” doesn’t help. Many mothers who stop breastfeeding already feel hugely guilty about it and don’t need more guilt lumped on them.

As I said, I hope your breastfeeding journey goes smoothly, but try and keep an open mind. There are many, many perfectly valid reasons that mothers don’t breastfeed long term.

@GrumpyHoonMain thats an awful thing to say. Thy would take away a woman's right to choose. I never wanted to try breastfeeding, so based on why you suggest I would have had no choice if I could not have purchased formula. That's wrong

@FizzingWhizzbee123 thanks for your reply. Sounds like you had a really tough time, including during pregnancy and birth, and stuck it out for a long time! Which you can definitely feel proud about but equally as you say, question whether it was the right decision to slog on for so long. When things are tough there is rarely a black and white answer. With tongue tie what is done about it?? Can it be fixed?

I am sorry if it came across I was saying it's mostly because people don't try hard enough. I tried to say that my view is that a lot of women give up because they don't have enough support, basically, and so can't get through the "hard phase". It's not that I don't think they try hard enough. But without proper support, or if baby has something like tongue tie, or some other situation that makes it difficult, then of course it's going to be extremely hard to stick with it. But I also tried to say that some mums do get support and guidance and still struggle and of course at that point you need to see what's best for you and do what's best for mental health. At the end of the day fed is best. Sounds like you tried everything and it was still really hard :(

If I struggle hugely and support doesn't make a difference I would consider formula. I'm myself dairy intolerant and also a very naturally minded person (really into nutrition, researched the gut microbiome etc haha) and don't really like the dairy industry in general so it would be super hard for me to switch to formula but I am keeping an open mind as I know my journey may not go to plan. I think having a positive mind frame will help hopefully. X

I'd rather get some sleep and have a well-fed baby without stressing.

Formula fed and breastfed babies have the same outcomes long term.

I think the last study I read said that formula fed babies have one more cold a year than breastfed babies and that was one of the very few differences they found. I'll take one extra cold if it means I don't have to worry if my baby is getting enough food and be tied to him for months on end.

Weird how most women are so pro choice when it comes to abortion but many get on their high horse when it comes to breastfeeding.

Also why do people always go on about their breastfeeding "journey"?

Chill. You're feeding your child, it's not that big a deal. People are so bloody pretentious sometimes. You don't see people talking about their formula feeding journey or their porridge feeding journey. Breastfeeding has been so built up in this country into some kind of super mum mythical thing to do, it's ridiculous.

@CloudsCoveredTheSky I have to agree about the whole breastfeeding journey terminology! I feel there's definitely a lot of pretentiousness and superiority in the breastfeeding community unfortunately!

But I would argue that it’s also a little bit judgemental to criticise women for putting pressure on themselves to breastfeed (if they want to continue) and also to liken them to cows pumping milk.

I hate this comparison too. Breastfeeding is a natural process whereby breasts are used for one of their obvious purposes - feeding babies.

Extracting milk from cows for our own use is weird, unnatural and an act of deprivation for the baby cow who should be getting that milk instead.

It’s a horrible and unfair comparison!

I am 100% in favour of every woman making the choice that is right for her, whether that’s breastfeeding, formula feeding or some combination. I believe we can all make our own choices and support others in making their choices without any need for judgment or negative comparisons.

I don't think it's the formula feeding that is getting "judged" on this thread. If you've chosen to formula feed then that's your personal choice (I understand that for some it is a necessity) but I don't see why people then feel the need to slate breastfeeding mothers as a way to justify that choice...
Using words like "pretentious" and "superior" and making comparisons to cows. There's just no need