How important is the 12 week scan?

[SarahS89]

Hi, I’m currently 9 weeks pregnant. It’s my first pregnancy so everything is completely new. I got my BFP just 6 days before lockdown was announced and although I’ve been able to talk to a midwife on the phone it’s just not the same. The community midwife based at my GP sounded really friendly but the midwife where I have my scan booked sounded quite formal, not horrible or anything, just too formal for me. I never feel at ease if I find someone formal and being just on the phone didn’t help.

I have my 12-week scan booked in for 15th May. I’ve been told I have to go on my own. I really, really, really don’t want to go on my own. I understand why but I just can’t bare the thought of it.

Like I said, this is my first pregnancy and I really don’t want to do the first scan without my husband there. It’s a massive deal to me, seeing our baby for the first time isn’t something we can have a second chance at.

I do understand why but it feels so unfair, especially as we’ve both been able to stay at home for the last month. I don’t feel like having both of us from the same household that hasn’t been anywhere is going to add any risk.

Anyway, what I wanted to ask to those of you who have been through pregnancy before is ... **how important is the 12 week scan? I don’t want to do it by myself if I don’t have to.

If I didn’t go would it make a difference? As far as I’m aware of the baby is healthy then it’s healthy and if it’s not then it’s not and there’s nothing a scan can do to change that.

I’m looking into getting a private scan to see if there’s somewhere I can go where my husband can go to. If I can just have a scan with him there then I’ll feel better but if not then I’d rather just wait, providing delaying having a scan means I’m not putting myself or the baby at risk. I have no medical history or anything like that that puts me at obvious risk so if I can avoid the distress of a solo scan then I’d like to hold out for the coronavirus pandemic to simmer down, even if it means waiting until the 20 week scan.

Thank you to all the people who have been supportive.

Obviously one or two judgmental ones who don’t seem to get that I wouldn’t even be asking if I were 100% convinced that a scan makes a difference to whether or not the baby is ok. And honestly, if I’d had some of the causes for concern that some people have had in early pregnancy then I would not question at all.

I also know that every other pregnant woman is having to deal with this right now but I am allowed to feel my own personal feelings and being told to suck it up etc is neither kind nor helpful ... just spiteful. I know other pregnant women have it worse right now like nurses risking death. Any problem can seem negligible compared to another greater one but it doesn’t mean we should just ignore them and bury them, seeking advice and solutions is far more practical. #bekind

MMC is something I wasn’t aware of and I assumed there was always really obvious signs like pain and bleeding so that’s been an education.

I’ve emailed a nearby place that does private scans and they are allowing one person to attend with you so I’m most likely going to book a scan with them. Good or bad I’d like someone with me.

If by the time I get to have a private scan they’re not allowing people to accompany you then the suggestions of asking not to see the screen is a great one. If it comes to it I know that I’ll ask to not see the screen and ask for the picture to be put in an envelope so I can look when I’m good and ready.

I am booked in for the optional tests but I’ve been umming and erring about them already.

I’m just so glad that I’m not so far along in pregnancy that giving birth alone seems likely. I full on blubbed at the thought some mothers are having to face that right now.

For the most part I’ve been seeing the silver lining in being in lockdown during early pregnancy, like being able to stay home and rest but the “loneliness element” as I think of it has got me.

Again, thank you to those that have been kind and supportive with helpful suggestions. They were the things I needed to get my head straight during a stressful situation and helped it all feel a little less lonely. X

As mentioned it's definitely important. I haven't seen a midwife face to face yet and they've give me blood test results over the phone which I can deal with but the scan is very important in my opinion.
I'm coming to terms with I will have to go alone to the 20 week one which I was gutted about at first but my OH was like it's not a big deal and didn't seem that bothered as he'd rather I went and found out everything was ok than cancel it. I snapped out of it and feel ready to go alone now.
Hard times at the moment

Why would you not want the tests offered?
They help inform you about the health of your baby and it’s progress developmentally
Please do not not go to your scan

@Waiohwai forewarned is forearmed. I would not have aborted for Downs but I still wanted to know if it was something that I was likely to face or not - having six months to mentally prepare and plan would have been preferable to a huge shock at birth. As it turned out my risk was fairly low for someone of my age (I was 36).

Please don't feel you shouldn't look at the screen. Yes it sucks that you have to go alone, but there's no point in both of you missing out. My babies have never been the most photogenic for the scan photos but seeing them moving around is lovely (assuming all is well). You can also see the heart beating which you can't see in a still image. I'm sure your partner wouldn't want you to deprive yourself of that just because he can't go.

Over the years there'll be lots of things you each miss out on, through work, hobbies, just being in the other room at the wrong time. You're just having your first a little earlier than expected.

If you do go to a private one (which is a great idea) also go to your 12 week one, as they check for different things and you want to be in the system for your future appointments/care xx

Yep agree with above. My window to the womb says they do not replace the NHS scans. You still need to attend.

That's a good plan OP.

I had a private scan before my NHS one too.

They are important but hopefully by having a private one and the NHS one you alleviate some of your concerns.

My husband couldn't come to my last few scans (had extras later in pregnancy) as he became unwell whilst I was pregnant but it really wasn't as bad as I feared and everyone was very kind. You can do this

I’ve also had 2 missed miscarriages. If they hadn’t of intervened I could have developed an infection. My first had stopped growing 6 weeks before I had my scan, so waiting to see if it would happen naturally was not an option I was given- due to the risk involved.

Yes the scan couldn’t prevent my baby having died, but it can prevent complications.

As for dates...my body in both pregnancies has produced phantom periods for the first two months. Very light but nevertheless bleeding (and I’m normally light). And I don’t get morning sickness. So I was eight weeks off with DS1 and my 12 week scan rapidly became a 20 week scan. I’d wised up with DS2...although I had to argue my corner that I knew my LMP date was wrong...which it was.

I can understand that you really don't want to do it on your own.

However it is really important and you must. Bottom line. For your baby!

There will be lots of other really hard things you will have to do alone some time - taking baby to get injections, dealing with distressed and upset children when you are feeling really ill yourself, deciding what to do if your child is ill, telling very upset four year old that they must go to school and stay there, keeping to reasonable boundaries with toddlers and older children who hate you for it because you know it is the right thing to do for them in the long run.

This scan is the first of many challenges! It is all worth it though.

OP you’ll want to see the screen. Don’t miss out yourself just because you can’t do it together. But definitely go for the early private scan and take your partner to that

Be fierce and go. I'm going to my 20 week scan alone next week and I'm dreading it as I had a missed miscarriage last year.

Get your partner to wait in the car maybe.

To echo the others on here, it would be foolish not to go. Be brave.

It's not nice not having your partner there, mine couldn't come for our 20 week scan, but for me baby comes before me or my partner so I would never not go. I had a MMC which was picked up at my 12 weeks scan I needed medical intervention so I would urge you to go and not put yourself at risk.
Your partner may not be a risk of taking anything into the hospital if he's stayed at home, assuming you have had no contact with anyone for shopping etc, but it means double the risk of people picking something up in the hospital and taking it outside.

I wouldn't recommend missing either the 12 or 20 week scan.

I'm a FTM too and, yes, it sucks that we're pregnant in the middle of a global pandemic but there is nothing we can do about it unfortunately.

We just have to do what we can to keep ourselves and our little ones healthy and part of that is having the scans to check they are growing ok and there are no obvious issues.

It's a shame our partners can't be there with us but it really isn't the end of the world....we're all big girls and we're all in the same boat. Years ago partners didn't go to things like this anyway!

A private scan could be a good compromise but it's not a substitute for your nhs scan and it would be such a shame if you were to not look at the screen just because you're attending alone. This is your baby inside of you!

If it makes you feel better OP my partner missed our 12 week scan. Not because of Covid-19... but because he couldn't find anywhere to park!

Having a private scan is a good compromise. You'll feel much better once it's done, but it's really important you have the NHS scans. Once the baby is here, all of this will be a distant memory.

I really recommend you have the combined test to check for chromosomal abnormalities. It's completely non invasive and carries no risks. Even if you wouldn't terminate in the case of an abnormality, why would you not want yourself and the medical team supporting you to be fully informed about your baby's medical needs prior to the birth? Your baby may be at higher risk of needing assistance breathing at birth for example, which could alter your choice of birth location and which medical professionals are present.

I had my 12 week scan today, my partner wasn't allowed in and I admit I was nervous to go alone but it really isn't that bad. The place was empty and everybody I saw was really friendly and helpful. I felt very safe since I was the only person there in my areas. I felt it was important to see everything was okay and have the necessary checks, my partner is a bit gutted that he didn't get to see the baby move like I did but he would rather us both be safe and checked. I had my bloods taken and blood pressure checked whilst there.

It's definitely an unusual and strange time for us 2020 mamas to be. I think what you're feeling is natural, everyone's feeling disappointed about partners missing out on scans. I have my 20 week scan in May and it's looking like I'll find out the gender alone. My partner has been good about it tho saying as long as me and baby r well he can still see the pics and I can tell him the news.

The tests are definitely worth doing to keep your mind at ease. In my area they do all the blood testing etc at the same time as the scans so I got to know about my vitamin levels, safe from any infections and general ills, the chances of downs etc. I think it's better to pick up things as early as u can than wait until later on, touch wood, everything will hopefully be all good anyway.

Very important and has a lasting effect on the whole pregnancy as it’s the most accurate time to date the pregnancy so will affect things like due date, induction dates, screening dates, growth centile dates etc. Plus depending on what they find it could severely affect the management of the rest of your pregnancy, you could be carrying twins for all you know and without a scan to find this wouldn’t be receiving the extra care required.

You can turn down all appointments and all scans. But they are there for a reason x

Hi everyone, having read everyone's views I feel mentally more ready for my 12 week scan tomorrow. I was feeling confused about my husband not being there but I realize its not just me. I feel braver than before which is a step in the right direction. And let's face it ladies, the stress cant be good for the new life growing inside us all. Its miraculous and beautiful so let's pass on positive vibes! These times are uncertain but 'let's enjoy what we can and endure what we must'! Sending hugs to all. Xxxx