How important is the 12 week scan?

[SarahS89]

Hi, I’m currently 9 weeks pregnant. It’s my first pregnancy so everything is completely new. I got my BFP just 6 days before lockdown was announced and although I’ve been able to talk to a midwife on the phone it’s just not the same. The community midwife based at my GP sounded really friendly but the midwife where I have my scan booked sounded quite formal, not horrible or anything, just too formal for me. I never feel at ease if I find someone formal and being just on the phone didn’t help.

I have my 12-week scan booked in for 15th May. I’ve been told I have to go on my own. I really, really, really don’t want to go on my own. I understand why but I just can’t bare the thought of it.

Like I said, this is my first pregnancy and I really don’t want to do the first scan without my husband there. It’s a massive deal to me, seeing our baby for the first time isn’t something we can have a second chance at.

I do understand why but it feels so unfair, especially as we’ve both been able to stay at home for the last month. I don’t feel like having both of us from the same household that hasn’t been anywhere is going to add any risk.

Anyway, what I wanted to ask to those of you who have been through pregnancy before is ... **how important is the 12 week scan? I don’t want to do it by myself if I don’t have to.

If I didn’t go would it make a difference? As far as I’m aware of the baby is healthy then it’s healthy and if it’s not then it’s not and there’s nothing a scan can do to change that.

I’m looking into getting a private scan to see if there’s somewhere I can go where my husband can go to. If I can just have a scan with him there then I’ll feel better but if not then I’d rather just wait, providing delaying having a scan means I’m not putting myself or the baby at risk. I have no medical history or anything like that that puts me at obvious risk so if I can avoid the distress of a solo scan then I’d like to hold out for the coronavirus pandemic to simmer down, even if it means waiting until the 20 week scan.

I know it’s far from ideal, and not how you pictures it, but it really is important.
They are dating it, checking if there is more than 1! But mostly looking at the heartbeat and any obvious medical conditions. I know a few people (including myself) who found out there was mo heartbeat at a scan with no signs of anything wrong before, full of pregnancy symptoms still etc. I have another friend who although their baby had a heartbeat the babies neck was covered in a growth/cyst and they had to make the decision to terminate the pregnancy as there would be no chance of survival after birth, a decision I can only imagine would be a lot harder if made further down the line/later in pregnancy.
I know it’s not the same to not have your husband there, but please go.
Many women are facing the possibility of giving birth alone (me being one) and that is a far scarier thought, and one we can’t avoid.
You’ll be pleased you went xxx

As PPs have said it's not just the scan, it's tests for you as well the baby and arranging further appointments or support you need. For example the RH test, if you need treatment for that it's very important to get it.

It's unlikely the restrictions will be lifted by your 20 week scan and would you decline that too if your dh can't attend? Will you also decline a hospital birth if he can't be there? What if you need to attend hospital for another reason and he can't go, will you also refuse? It's a much bigger picture than simply wanting your dh to 'see the baby' if you are intending to receive NHS services for your pregnancy and birth.

Re the midwife being formal- you'll have to get over yourself there I'm afraid, they are doing a job and have to be professionals IME all midwives and nurses are lovely and will support mums in any way they can, but they have to keep that line clear that the are HCPs.

Covid-19 and the lockdown has dramatically changed the pregnancy and baby experiences, everyone pregnant or with a new baby is in the same position and as shit as it is we all just have to make the best of it. Share the scan pictures, post bump photos or whatever you need to do.

OP, it's shit, and I sympathise, but I hope you will go for all the reasons given by PPs. It's not just the scan, which is very important, but it's also the "booking in" blood tests which are currently being done at the same appointment as the scan. All sorts of things are checked in those bloods and they might show an issue which requires medication or other treatment.

Most PPs have mentioned the possibility of bad news identified at the scan, a MMC or life threatening condition. The flip side of this is that if it's good news at the scan, all normal and no concerns, it will be a relief and something positive for you and your DH to focus on. Personally I felt so much better and less anxious after both my 12 week scans.

Assuming that you'll be driving to the hospital, I suggest that your DH goes with you and waits in the car - then at least you can see him immediately afterwards and tell him about it.

I have my 20 week scan today and I'm feeling sad that DH can't come. He won't be able to come with me in the car, either, because we have a 3yo DS who would get really bored waiting, so they're both staying at home. (DS should have been at nursery but obviously isn't atm.) I'm just praying it's not bad news and I won't have to drive myself home in floods of tears

I have reported QueenOfPain's post, btw, which was unfair and cruel. I hope it's removed before you see it but if not please just ignore it.

I agree with everyone above, you absolutely do not miss this.

But to add - I’m having an early private scan at 10 weeks today (partly because I’ve had a miscarriage before and I’m nervous) but they’ve said DH can come with me. So though I’ll still be at my 12 weeks alone (assuming everything is ok) he will still have been at the first one with me.

As far as I’m aware of the baby is healthy then it’s healthy and if it’s not then it’s not and there’s nothing a scan can do to change that.

Well no a scan won't change your baby but it can help you make choices if there is something wrong, even if it is awful news like the previous poster who's baby had sadly died.

I have a relative who found out at her 12 week scan her baby had no brain and if carried to term would live hours at the most.

If it means so much to you to see your baby with your dh then you could not look and not have the photo.

I know it's shit to not have your dh there but he is a risk and the hospital can't have any unnecessary risks.

I gave the 12 week scan a miss. Perhaps it checks for more now, but primary purpose (12 yes so) was to measure nuchal fold to assess risk of Downs... so you could be referred for amnio and potentially abort. No way I was having an amnio or aborting so saw no point in scan.
As for dating: don't most people know when they conceived? I was more than capable of working out my due date without a scan.

Sorry op, I know it feels unfair but you need to go. It's very important for all the reasons pp have said.
It's a medical requirement, not just a chance to see the baby.

It's really important that you go for all the reasons already laid out. Becoming a parent is about putting your child first and this is your first chance to do this. It's not about your partner or you. It's about your child and what they need. I'm sorry it's hard.

If it would make you feel better perhaps you could look into getting a private scan at 16 weeks if your DH would be allowed to attend that one?

We did that (just before lockdown) and it was nice to see the baby and find out the sex together (of course you don't have to find out if you don't want to).

@Mlou32 the tests are offered to all women, but you don't have to opt in (you still have a scan to determine heartbeat, location, due date, single/multiple pregnancy etc. though). It's a blood test combined with a measurement of fluid at the back of the baby's neck on the scan. They give you the chance level that your baby has Down's Syndrome, Edward's Syndrome and Patau's Syndrome e.g. 1 in 10, 1 in 50, 1 in 2000. If you have a higher risk level you can choose to have further testing. Search for the 'combined test' for more info.

OP I understand your nerves - I'll be going to my 20 week scan alone and it terrifies me that I could find out some terrible news about the baby's health on my own, but I would never contemplate not going. There are so many reasons why the 12 week scan is essential, regardless of whether you opt into the genetic testing or not. What if you've had a missed miscarriage or your pregnancy is ectopic and you require surgery? What if you are carrying twins or triplets and your pregnancy is therefore high risk and requires greater monitoring? You really don't want to find out any of these things later down the line.

Interestingly, when I was pregnant with my first DC 12 years ago, they didn't offer a 12 nhs week scan in our area, just a 20 week scan. When I asked my GP "what if I had a MMC?", he said, well you aren't bleeding, and if it has stopped growing a scan won't help. Needless to say, we got a private scan.
By the time I had DC 2 a couple of years later, the 12 week scan was being offered, so they obviously decided it was important after all! It is a bit rubbish going along by yourself, but it is best to just go. There are lots of things about a pregnancy that don't go the way we imagine (even without covid), and the best approach is to be practical and do what is best for you and baby.

Please do go, don’t let the lady in the phone put you off. The midwives/sonographers will know everyone is on their own - they’ll be friendly. The likelihood is that everything will be fine with your baby, but if it’s not it’s much better to know sooner rather than later. The thought might seem daunting, but you’ll be fine once you’re there.

I haven't read all other responses OP but why don't you have the scan but say you don't want to see the baby? Then, at your next scan, you'll both be seeing the baby for the first time together.

To be fair the 12 week scan isn't that fluffy at the best of times. It's just to check it has a heartbeat, take measurements for dating and chromosome testing and see if it looks normal with a head, spine and 4 limbs. It's brief and most people I know don't bother bringing partners anyway.

Unless you are worried about chromosomal testing I think the 20 weeks scan is the important one.
The 12 week scan is the dating scan, and I personally wish I hadn’t had it as they always date my pregnancies wrongly and then pressure me for inductions that I don’t need.
I had the harmony blood test for chromosomal abnormalities though, it is not done with a scan.

It’s so important - you must go. In my last 2 pregnancies I found out my baby had died at the scan. I’m terrified of going to my 12 week scan alone this time because of this. Part of me just wants to forget about it and not go if my partner can’t be with me to support me, but I know how important it is for the health of my baby.

Bee

It is disappointing, especially if it’s your first baby but keep positive that hopefully by the later stages of your pregnancy we might be back to some sort of normality and you can have your partner there at further scans and the restrictions will have lifted for the birth. I went to my 36 week scan alone yesterday, it was far more organised than usual and got seen on time which was very unusual! The staff are lovely and are making extra effort to make you feel at ease in these circumstances. Many hospitals are allowing you to film or take photos of the scan and they will try their best to give you photos to take away. As everyone has already said, the 12 week scan is important to screen for genetic disorders. They don’t scan you for no reason. In my position at the moment, facing my husband having to leave me as soon as I give birth, I would much rather go to a scan alone x

@sashh If sadly you find out at the scan your baby has died of course it isn't going to change that. I had a missed mc so it's happened to me.

But had I not known sadly my risk of infection woukd have been far greater as the baby had passed sometime between having an 8-week and 12-week scan. As it happened the consultant got me in for surgery the next day as he was keen to avoid such complications.

I fell pregnant again about two months after the op so I'm grateful I had my scan. Have since had two lovely boys (now 10 and 12.5) and currently 34 weeks' pregnant with a little girl.

My best friends at their 12 week scan discovered that their baby had anencephaly, a very rare condition which is incompatible with life. They had a TMFR, which would have undoubtedly have been more traumatic had it been discovered later on in pregnancy.

There’s also the much likelier possibility of discovering you’re having twins, something I personally would want to know sooner rather than later.

Being a mum involves doing all manner of things you don’t want to do. In the interests of my baby, I’d go alone

As others have said it's so important. I'm 12 weeks pregnant and have my scan next Monday. At 6 weeks I had to have a scan as there were concerns whether I was having an ectopic pregnancy and I was also bleeding. Fortunately things were ok at the 6 weeks scan. Since then I've had a few bleeds where I've been told to monitor. I'm nervous about going for this scan because I'm worried for my baby but I will 100 percent go alone. My husband is understandably gutted but would insist I go if I made any suggestion of not going without him because he wants to know his child is ok and for me to have the chromosome screening. What has your husband said? Does he want you to go or not?

It's tough times for everyone but I think you should go. Also, dont get sucked into "firsts", there'll be times your husband does something as a first with your baby, the grandparents probably will... you'll drive yourself potty if you think like this.

You need to attend your 12 weeks scan, some people aren't as fortunate as us to get a free nhs scan, please attend, I had to attend my 20 week scan without my partner and was heartbroken but everyone's in the same position right now unfortunately, they're very good with you in the hospital getting you in and out, x

I like the idea from some other posters that you could just have the ultrasonographer look at the screen and do what they need to do, and then you and DH can still see the baby for the first time together next time fingers crossed. At mine the other day she had the screen facing her for the first few minutes concentrating, and then (I guess when she knew baby was basically ok), she turned it round for me to see and did the rest of the measurements, so sure that would be an option for you to say not to turn the screen round