3 binge occasions early pregnancy

[Mrsdt15655]

I know this topic has been posted on before but I'm going out of my mind with worry. I have anxiety anyway but it's getting much much worse in the last week. I found out I was pregnant but before that I had three occasions when I drank a huge amount of wine (no other drinking besides that). My distress is such that I have booked a termination for tomorrow. This was a wanted child and I am so distraught that I have messed this up so badly. I drank heavily at 3+4 weeks, 4+4 and 4+5 weeks. I am desperate to hear from anyone who has done this. The other complication is that I have a fatty liver and therefore my body doesn't metabolise alcohol very well - a reason I haven't been drinking but I assumed I couldn't get pregnant as have been trying for a year.

I'm 39 with 2 DS ages 16 and 18. I've been TTC for 4 years, the first 2 years I had no luck then I had 3 MC in a row over the next year and a half. I actually went back to college to further my career and decided to stop TTC as I couldn't take much more, iv had 8 MC in total since the age of 18 (5 MC before I had my sons)! My oldest DS had his 18th on the 29th Nov, he had friends over from ireland staying for 2 weeks and I'd say his 18th continued until the 12th of Dec (on and off) and I consumed a lot of alcohol (probably the most in my life) not every night I would like to add!! ..but I drank the most I ever have in my life within a 2 week period! I then went to spend xmas with my family and again I had lot to drink on xmas night! I had missed AF on and off for a few months so when it didnt arrive I didnt think too much of it, boxing day I felt terrible but put it down to a hangover. The 27th I still felt the same so I bought a test for asda before it closed and took it with my first urine on the 28th and I was pregnant! I was like you, I panicked so much! I beat myself up about all the alcohol from my sons extended 18th to the xmas festivities. I immediately booked a private scan for the 3rd of Jan, the 1st day the clinic opened after the xmas break and I saw his tiny little heart beating. Again ..I still couldn't settle, it played in the back of mind and i was convinced something was going to go wrong. I had another scan at 8 weeks, 12 weeks, 16 weeks, 20 weeks and hes absolutely perfect still. I wouldnt let your intake of the acohol effect your decision, i think the majority of woman will probably have been under the influence of alcohol in the first month maybe even 2nd month of pregnancy and go on to have healthy babies.

@WeeDinah, thanks for your message. I'm so glad your pregnancy is progressing well. It is scary isn't it when you don't know you're pregnant and have drunk alcohol. I've been having good days and bad days. Today isn't a great day! How far along were you when you found out?

@Mrsdt15655 just read your last post. Sorry you're having a bad day with this.
I understand how it feels in a way because I suffer from anxiety myself. Not over pregnancy but, would you believe, dental matters!
The only way I can manage it is to consciously decide to not think about what worries me. Acknowledge the feeling then banish it.
I wish there was a way to give you 100% reassurance. Please keep re-reading all these positive posts. I would bet money on the fact that all will be fine. Your little bean is so lucky to have a mum who cares about them so much.
Anyway, just wanted to drop by and give you some support.

Hi there OP, after reading your thread I wish so much that I could give you a hug. I think the fact you are so worried shows just how considered this pregnancy is and I'm glad you have not chosen to terminate at this point. Obviously there are risks involved in pregnancy, but I just wanted to give some reassurance. I don't want to specify my job due to anonymity but I can tell you that on a daily basis I interview people who drink, smoke and take drugs throughout their pregnancies, in much higher quantities than you have, and I am yet to see a baby born with any kind of abnormalities or disabilities. I myself am 22 weeks pregnant and before I found out I had 4 extremely drunken weekends including a 15 hour pub crawl for my birthday and a free bar at the Christmas party, as yet baby isn't born but I've had 4 scans that have shown a perfectly formed baby ❤️

Op please don't terminate a baby you want because of this. My first baby, I didn't find out til 18 weeks. I had been drinking a lot and smoking the whole time (I was 20 at the time and going out a lot). He is absolutely fine! I think the issue is if you are drinking spirits or something daily throughout the pregnancy. You really do not need to worry!

In a panic this morning and called UCLH. They asked me to come in. Spoke to a lovely gynaecologist who was very reassuring and super kind but just before I was due to leave she said she needed to speak to the consultant. When she came back a few minutes later, she said that he recommended that I have additional scans to check for “fetal abnormalities” At 12 and 20 weeks. I was so close to feeling better and that just crushed me. When I asked her why, she was a bit evasive and used the well-worn line “there are no guarantees”. I met my partner, got home in a daze. Spent two hours crying and called NUPAS. I’m convinced I’ve hurt my baby. I can’t get any consistent advice.

You haven't. Please stop. Get some help for your mental health.

@Mrsdt15655, regarding the scans, remember everyone is offered a scan at 12 and 20 weeks, and part of the reason for both scans is always to detect abnormalities. You'd be offered these scans if you had always been teetotal!

It will have been suggested upthread, but have you thought of getting a non-invasive prenatal test like Harmony, if you can afford to do so? Although this won't be able to rule out Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, I hope it might give you peace of mind about all the conditions your baby (hopefully) does not have.

You are going through such a tough time and I hope you can access good support. Try to find a new counsellor and, if you can, explain to them from the start that it is not helpful to be using the word "damage" with reference to your baby, as per your consultant's advice, and that you are looking for gentle support rather than ultimatums.

I didn't find out I was pregnant til 14 weeks. I had had some colossal nights out, and drank every weekend. I stopped as soon as I found out. My little boy is as bright as a button. Please try not to worry.

Scans for foetal abnormalities are absolutely normal at 12 and 20 weeks. What you’re being offered is the standard for everyone.

I understand about the scans being standard procedure but they said they will take an extra look and spend a bit longer to check for abnormalities at those points. When I asked her what she/the consultant meant, she just replied that it’s not her area and that was the end of the conversation. She made it clear the consultant was concerned and thought there was a possibility of issues with my baby.

I haven't read the whole thread but I wouldn't let this get to you at all! I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant in May last year after celebrating my birthday at the end of April and going to a wedding at the beginning of May so you can imagine I drank quite a lot of alcohol. I now have a perfect 3 month old little boy and I wouldn't change it for the world. I told my midwife at my first appointment that I had recently been drinking and she didn't seem concerned at all and my pregnancy went smoothly. I know others have said this but you need to enjoy your pregnancy and stop thinking about what could have happened and focus on your little miracle. All this stress will not help ☺️

Your consultant doesn't think there's anything wrong, I think your anxiety is making you jump on every small thing said.

The consultant has tried to offer you reassurance by saying they will look in extra detail at the scans ... in reality the consultant won't be at all concerned that you've harmed your baby because you haven't.... and everyone's scan is looked at in complete detail to check for any problems, just as yours will be.

I understand anxiety is making this impossible to for you to believe. You sound like you are really struggling and making yourself quite unwell and that is a far bigger risk to you and your baby than a few bottles of wine!

Ps I got pregnant with my 1st on 1st December and went to 7 Christmas parties where I drank moderately - excessively each time, my daughter is 100% fine. Your baby will be fine too!

OP I mean this in the kindest way possible.... if you were my sister I'd give you a slap and a shake.
These scans are given to every pregnant woman.
Your medical professionals are saying things like 'there are no guarantees' because there aren't. Whether you are an avid yoga practicing free range vegan or a chain smoking junkie.
Also, they will know about your history of miscarriage.
They can't dismiss the alcohol intake issue because of official guidelines... your baby was a bunch of cells when you drank this way.
I got pregnant late November with my DD. Drank copious amounts of alcohol that Christmas and smoked also when I was drunk. Obvs I stopped the minute I found out I was preg and guess what.. my baby was fine. She is now a big smart beautiful lump of a 9 year old and excels in everything she does.
The majority of people in the world will have been born to mothers who will have drank in the early stages of pregnancy.

Please. Stop. Worrying.

I suffer anxiety and depression, I take medication daily for it so I completely understand where you are coming from. You need to let this go. Easier said than done I know but you will drive yourself insane if you don't xx

She was trying to reassure you. It’s not possible to look in more detail at those scans because they look at everything for everyone. Your anxiety is out of control. Have you had a referral to a specialist mental health midwife?

Embrace these scans. Everyone has them anyway. If they are looking more closely at things then that's brilliant! It will give you some much-needed reassurance.
I had an nipt test at 10 weeks to check for Downs etc. Both pregnancies. I was worried sick because of my age...I am 42 and will have just turned 43 when I have this baby. I had to go to hospital at 7 weeks because of bad norovirus and the Dr there was horrible about me being pregnant...he asked if it was an assisted conception (nope) and said that the nipt was a good idea because the chances of something being wrong were high. None of this had anything to do with the reason I was actually in hospital! Some of them are just really pessimistic.

@Mrsdt15655 - I'm so sorry. You are so anxious I know. It's difficult when you're not getting consistant advive and you can't see a clear path. I honestly believe though that you won't have harmed your baby, your mental health is the priority now. Anxiety is an absolute nightmare I know. Have you considered booking in to see a counsellor for some CBT?
I also want to say I drank before I knew about DS2. It was over Christmas, literally the only time of year I ever drink, and I got smashed several times to point of not being able to stand up before getting morning sickness and a positive test 3 days later. I worried too but he's a lovely bright boy and nearly 6 years old now. The risk at such an early stage is so so tiny, you'd have more risk from crossing a busy road.
My friend didn't know she was pregnant until she was 6 months gone - no bump, still getting 'periods', the lot. Anyway she had no kids so she'd drink and party every weekend. When she realised they rushed her in for a scan to get her dates and the sonographer commented on how much her DD was moving on screen. My friend's OH piped up 'That'll be because she's had no gin for the last 3 days!' So a regular and big drinker. Her DD was completely fine and is 4 now.
Finally a friend of DH's came into work one day saying his GF was staying off sick due to stomach pains and diarrhea. He got a phone call at lunch to say it wasn't diarrhea it was labour and get to the hospital. They had no idea she was even pregnant. Again no kids at that point so out drinking and snorting every night and they have a healthy 5 year old boy now.

I just had a call from a "safe guarding" midwife at UCLH. No idea why they asked her to call me - probably because I've expressed so much worry about my pre-test drinking. She spent 10 minutes lecturing me on drinking during pregnancy telling me that I should not drink at all during pregnancy and that even one glass of wine a week could be dangerous. I told her that I get it and that isn't my concern but she still went on. I asked about my specific concern and she said that she can't tell me what to do and that it's up to me if I have a termination. I'm starting to get p*ssed off (sorry about language). It seems that their whole thing is to drive women to complete despair and anxiety about something that they didn't even know would be harmful. I had to end the conversation as she was upsetting me so much. She conceded that she's never seen a baby born with structural abnormalities but said that I'll need to keep an eye out for ADHD and autism. I then said to her that those disorders are largely due to genetic issues (I know this due to my own work) and she then said that alcohol can also cause them. I just need support and reassurance. I have sought help and then I get this. Unbelievable. Sorry about the rant.

What nonsense from her! She clearly hadn't read your notes because it seems that she thinks you are a problem habitual drinker.
Please try to put that conversation out of your mind.
Everything will be ok. Your baby will be absolutely fine. I really feel for you and I wish I could make you a decaf coffee and give you a big hug!

@Mrsdt15655 - Absolutely useless and so upsetting! My mum's retired now but she worked as a midwife for over 30 years in what is considered a very 'deprived' area of Lancashire. Her ward had extremely high rates of drug and alcohol usage through pregnancy and she also never saw a birth where the baby had fetal alcohol syndrome. Now I'm not for a moment suggesting it's great to go out drinking and using all throughout pregnancy but it does go to show just how rare it is. A few binges before your test is obviously making you really anxious but they should be reassuring you and talking through tests not lecturing you! You can complain and you can ask for another midwife or transfer your care to another hospital if you wish.
I also know the study that the safeguarding midwife is referring to, it was publised in 2018 and the results were that 'light to moderate drinking' throughout pregnancy was not in any way linked to ASD. Only 'sustained, heavy drinking' throughout pregnancy was found to have a link.

Thanks for all your replies. This is very reassuring - though I am still anxious. I can't get the amount I drank out of mind, the dates that I drank and the idea that my baby's brain has been affected. I have an appointment with a therapist in the morning. I'm hoping that that will help. Thanks so much again. It really does help.

I'm so glad you have got an appointment.
The reality is that your baby didn't have a brain when you were drunk! Please please stop worrying and beating yourself up.
Your wee chick will be fine!

Hi @Mrsdt15655 have you read Expecting Better by Emily Ostler? It basically looks at all the stats and studies behind pregnancy advice (she’s an economist) and cuts through the crap. There’s a bit about drinking in the early stages (before you get a positive test) and basically if you drink loads it can go one of two ways: it’s either so severe it causes a miscarriage OR it hasn’t affected your baby at all. It’s literally all or nothing. Because the baby is so tiny and no connected to your blood supply at that stage. So if you’ve seen your baby on a scan and all looks good then the alcohol won’t have had ANY impact. Hope that makes you feel a bit better. That midwife sounds awful!

OP I'm so sorry that you're feeling so anxious about this! I'm also a sufferer of anxiety and totally get how it can send your mind into the most wild thoughts. I was also worried about drinking before I found out (a whole bottle of gin across Easter weekend! then found out days later at 4+4), but this thread has made me realise that it happens to a lot of us! I hope that you don't still feel like you need to get a termination, and that getting help for your mental health is important right now. One of the things that has helped me most so far is not trying to research things other than on the nhs website, if you can do this it has really been a massive help x

What @HarrietM87 says - that's what I said upthread - seriously OP, read it. At that stage you either nuke the pregnancy completely, or it's all fine. If you damage a cell or two, they die and get replaced with healthy cells. Honestly the doctors aren't allowed to tell you everything will be OK but in all reality it will. You'll probably have a super healthy and bright baby because you will be so on top of what you eat and rink going forwards. Unlike my poor baby who has enjoyed the odd glass, a rare steak and plenty of soft blue cheese this pregnancy because I've been so relaxed.