3 binge occasions early pregnancy

[Mrsdt15655]

I know this topic has been posted on before but I'm going out of my mind with worry. I have anxiety anyway but it's getting much much worse in the last week. I found out I was pregnant but before that I had three occasions when I drank a huge amount of wine (no other drinking besides that). My distress is such that I have booked a termination for tomorrow. This was a wanted child and I am so distraught that I have messed this up so badly. I drank heavily at 3+4 weeks, 4+4 and 4+5 weeks. I am desperate to hear from anyone who has done this. The other complication is that I have a fatty liver and therefore my body doesn't metabolise alcohol very well - a reason I haven't been drinking but I assumed I couldn't get pregnant as have been trying for a year.

My son is 4 months old and I week before I found out I was pregnant my partner and I had been away for a romantic getaway. I spent a week off my tits on gin, smoking like a chimney in a hot tub and petting goats/sheep! All the bad things.

My son is perfect, no issues!

@Kim82 Could I please ask how pregnant you were when you found out? Thanks.

I found out I was pregnant at 11 weeks at the age of 34... In the 4 weeks before, I went to 2 weddings where I drank at least a bottle of wine, a bottle of Prosecco and a lot of port at each.
I now have a very healthy, active, wilful but absolute delightful 16 month old
If you already suffer from anxiety you already know that you fret over silly things... this is one of them.
Please don’t terminate a much wanted baby because of your unstable mental health... I can pretty much guarantee you will regret it. And in the end that will make you worse.
I have lived with an anxiety disorder for nearly 20 years and I know at the time whatever you’re thinking makes perfect sense but when you look back you realise you were completely irrational.
Please go back to your gp, midwife or anyone else that could possibly help and make a rational, informed decision based on what you want, not what you are scared of.

@Mrsdt15655 I'm so sorry your so anxious but your doctor will have told you they cant guarentee there won' be any issues because they can't whether you drank or not ! Any person at any age can have a child with disabilities etc just do what you can to have a healthy pregnancy from now on take your vitamins etc and you can't really do anymore than that

I think I was around 5 weeks pregnant when I found out (I got the positive test 6 weeks after my last period but they weren’t always regular). I’d done a test the day before we went away just in case but as it was negative and it was our first month of trying we assumed that meant I wasn’t pregnant so enjoyed our child free holiday. I got home and around 5 days later did another test as I’d still had no period. That one was positive. I was very worried when I found out but the midwives said not to be and dd is absolutely fine.

I just spoke to a different consultant over the telephone and he said that I should completely put the drinking out of mind. He said to “blank it out”, look after myself and enjoy the pregnancy. He also said the risk is incredibly low. I have to try to move past it and handle my anxiety. I am looking for reassurance and now I have it. From mumsnet. From others, including this consultant. I don’t know why it’s still there at the back of my mind.

@Mrsdt15655 because your thinking like a mum already 😅 now go and do something relaxing ! All the best x

Before I knew I was pregnant I went on a UK city break weekend to celebrate a friends bday and drank both the fri night and all day Saturday.... the following weekend i went to a wedding a drank all day. Also had random pints of cider through the week as I was on annual leave and going out for pub lunches with my husband. Obviously I've not touched alcohol since the positive test but I've not worried about it due to how common this is... please try not to worry!!

My first son was, throughout the entire 9 months of pregnancy exposed to heroin, cocaine and marijuana and I cannot imagine BM turned down a few tins on top of this. He is six and completely fine and the utter love of my life (well, one of them!) My second son was likewise exposed to cocaine, marijuana and alcohol. He is stroppy, bossy, demanding and a complete emotional rollercoaster I.e. a completely normal nearly three year old. He is also very sweet and loving. I think your baby will be fine x

@mrsdt15655 please don't beat yourself up about it.
A friend of mine didn't know she was pregnant until she was 5 months pregnant (something to do with her plancenta meaning she still had periods) and she went on a girls holiday, drunk all day long, passed out once night from drinking too much wine and she went on to have a perfectly healthy little girl who turns 2 this year.
People so early on, when you said you were drinking, don't even know they are pregnant. So don't worry about it. You can't put your life on hold while trying for a baby, so can still drink and then when you find out you're pregnant, that's the time to stop. You've done nothing wrong. Don't terminate a pregnancy for this reason. You will only hold more guilt later on down the line. I'm sure you'll be an amazing mum.

Any guilt, regret and anxiety you may feel now would be multiplied tenfold if you were to terminate this wanted pregnancy.

Please listen to the other posters and get some professional help. And most importantly, congratulations!!

I keep rereading these messages. Every time I feel the panic rise I calm myself by reading your responses. Thanks so much. I spoke to a counsellor and she thinks it is my anxiety making the decisions for me. I’m going to try to get a good night’s sleep tonight.

I had a reasonable night's sleep last night and feeling a bit better. I spoke to a midwife at my local hospital this morning and she was incredibly reassuring. She said she has never seen a baby with FAS from early binges. She did say though that I need mental health support. I spoke to a counsellor last night and she kept speaking about potential "damage" to the baby and said I need to decide for once and for all if I want a termination. These are not the things I want to talk about. I want support and reassurance. Not BS but plain-speaking reassurance and even the consultant I spoke to yesterday said not to use the word "damage" and to avoid any sort of thinking like that.

I also had terrible anxiety until 12 weeks and considered termination because of it and the fear that I had harmed the baby somehow. What got me through was talking to my doctor and midwives and mumsnet...I think many women drink to varying degrees before they find out they are pregnant and are fine. Hope you are ok, Mx

OP I had a short bleed which I thought was a period in early pregnancy- so seeing my ' period' I didn't think I was pregnant. I went on holiday to Egypt and drank every night and even had one or 2 goes on a sisha pipe!
You know what I'm going to say dont you....ds is fine!
I even had a glass of champagne at a friends wedding 5 months pregnant and no harm done .

I'm a really anxious person and I had a massive binge and was smoking as well and then found out I was pregnant the next day and felt terrible panicking about the baby. I'm now 17 weeks and everything has been perfect so far. The baby isn't connected to your blood stream straight away so it is fine. Pregnancy can affect your mental health as in the first 12 weeks I struggled with going up and down with panic, so make sure you talk to your midwife to get the reassurance and support you need. They will look after you and so will everyone on mumsnet, it's helped me with my anxieties on here!

Thank you so much for your replies and reassurance. @Daisysandviolets, your story sounds similar to mine. It sounds like you're feeling better? That is wonderful and an inspiration to me. I hope I can continue to get there. I have so much guilt and fear but I know that's not going to do any good. It didn't help that I had no idea how pregnant I was. Based on scans, I am now 6+2 so my massive binges were in the first four weeks. There was a very strong heartbeat in the last scan and everything looked perfect. It made it so much more real and I started to think my baby is a little fighter despite the early obstacles I may have put in his/her way unintentionally.

My mil was an alcoholic for years and had 5 healthy children.
I was a heavy drinker when I fell pregnant with my first. I still liked a drink when I fell pregnant with the second. Infact I had a very bad hangover the day it dawned on me that I'd missed a period and I found out I was pregnant. 2 healthy boys.
Most people have consumed a fair amount of alcohol in the first few weeks of pregnancy.
Why would that make you want to terminate a wanted pregnancy?

@Wewearpinkonwednesdays It does sound irrational, I know but I have very bad anxiety and I tend to have a lot of guilt and shame anyway about not doing things "right". I did drink a lot. Not a bottle of vodka but plenty of wine and I was more intoxicated that I have been for a very long time. This is something that keeps playing on my mind. The amount, the fact I was pregnant and the horror of thinking that a stupid night of drinking could have affected my child's life forever. I know it's catastrophising - the worst case scenario - but my fears were overwhelming and resurface every few hours. I can't say enough how much sharing on Mumsnet is helping me.

Well I could tell you many stories of people drinking and taking drugs through pregnancy, for a lot longer than a few weeks, and all having perfectly healthy babies OP.
I don't think there is anyway to know, but it's very very unlikely you have done any damage to your baby. Are you willing to terminate a wanted pregnancy on the miniscule chance there has been damage done? Really?
You must try and put that to the back of your mind, and realise how unlikely it is, and think of the positives (I know that's very difficult when you suffer from anxiety).
If you think about it, hearing of 2 stories in the USA, is absolutely miniscule when you think of how many women actually drink before they find out they are pregnant.
You are letting this take over what should be a happy time.

I agree that I’m letting this affect what should be a happy time. When I put it out of my mind, even briefly, I get a sense of happiness. It has been short lived though and then my negative thoughts take over and I start imagining that there’s no way I couldn’t have done harm etc. I desperately don’t want a termination but it keep having mental setbacks.

Well, I think the chance of any harm being done by what you have described are absolutely miniscule. Everyone worries about that to a certain extent, but it's taking over your life and leading you to make some very rash decisions. What did your dp say when you booked a termination?

My friend didn't know she was pg, split up with bf, went on a few benders, found out when she was 3 months. Baby fine.

Where is your partner in all this?

My partner is a very calm rational person and doesn’t believe any harm was done. He has been very worried about me though. The lack of sleep, not being able to eat etc. and said my mental health is his priority. The thing is though I know that my mental health will not get better with a termination. It’s just a way out of the panic and uncertainty.

No, I think a termination would do more harm to your mental health than good in this situation. I think you should try and get some help for your anxiety. It's not healthy. Your baby will be fine.