Trying to find a loophole - any sonographers on MN?

[Crackerscheesescabbyknees]

I've got my 20 week scan next week.

My partner can't come for the obvious reasons.

If there's an opportunity to find out gender it's something that he wants to do. But he wants to do it together. He's very sentimental and he wants us both to find out at the same time.

There's no video to be taken or video calls to be had in the room and the sonogropher will not write down a gender.

So I was thinking I could ask for a crotch shot and then ask a different sonogropher to assess it and email us the gender.

Unless anyone has any other suggestions? :)

Just wait until it’s born and you can find out together.

Some total miserable buggers on here, as per usual! Of course he is allowed to want whatever he wants, it's his baby! And she obviously wants this too. It's a hard time for pregnant people so stop being so cruel and finding issues where there are non. OP they may have said no to writing down but I think on the actual day they may do it. I found with requests usually whoever is on the phone has no clue and just answer like a robot but there's always room for discretion in reality

I'm a radiographer and I'm not sure why they wouldn't allow phone calls. Surely the no phones rule is so you don't get a patient chit chatting away loudly and distracting the sono. Or worse, a patient on the phone chatting and asks you to wait while they finish their call before starting the scan (this has happened to me). If you literally just wanted to call and have DH on the line briefly during that part, I don't see how they could object.

If they say it's because the phone affects the equipment, thats a lie. Sometimes my patients ask to use their phones to listen to music during the scan to pass the time and that's fine with me.

Wheeyyyy OP!

@mamasiz called your husband a baby!

You can join my “strangers insulting your husband for no reason” club now x

The best way to find out together is when the baby is born!

@mamasiz
Not wishing to make this about me
I don't know why you would make it about you. It's not about you. At all.

but there are worse things happening during 20 week scans
Dear oh dear. Does that mean OP can't have any joy? Should we all have sombre births too because some women are horrendously unlucky enough to not get that far? What about birthdays and Christmases? Cancelled because there's too much strife in the world, as there is on any given day?

Stop pissing on everyone's chips. People are allowed to have wants and disappointments and spend time trying to make things special for the people they love. You're allowed to insult OP's partner for no reason at all. Most of us can see which is worse.

Some people on here are absolutely horrible, vile, nasty excuses of human beings. The op is asking a genuine question, her partner is in no way shape or form being a 'baby' or selfish, he simply wants them to find out the gender together, wtf is wrong with that?

Honestly in a time where 'be kind' was a message to everyone there's a good few on here who could do with some lessons in it. Disgusting.

To the OP I'm surprised they won't write it down it's not an unreasonable request imo, hope you figure out a way and it's lovely and special. I was a bit gutted at my 20 week one that I couldn't record it for my mum to see as she couldn't come in, IMO it wouldn't have distracted the sonographer I simply would've held my phone out to one side whilst they were scanning but I had lots of additional scans due to being high risk and found out I was able to record them.

I'd consider the private scan, the place will be much smaller, there's lots of precautions you can take to avoid infection, wait in the car til they're ready for u etc and they tend to be incredibly clean. Good luck and ignore the nasty cows on here 😁👶🤰🏼

Just seen that you don't want to risk a private scan which I understand, is previously stopped reading as I was getting angry on your behalf at the poison some of these people are spewing

Ah fair enough re private scan. I feel the same. I think the phone call would be even worse for me personally.

The only other thing is the restrictions may lift and you could have another private scan at say 28 weeks and find out then?

Good grief, some people really have their knickers in a twist and it's not the OP!

OP, I would make a (small) wager that actually your sonographer would write down their best guess on a folded piece of paper for you even if they had to write a disclaimer at the top! If you ask nicely and make it clear that you know it's never guaranteed I can't see why they wouldn't. There's no greater liability attached to writing something down than verbalising it unless they're planning to deny they ever told you in person!

If not, and you'd rather risk neither of you knowing until the birth than just you find out by yourself, buy your sonogram pics and hope you have a decent clear shot of the necessary for someone else to interpret, as you say.

Afraid I don't really have any brighter ideas than that but the pasting you've got on here from some posters for a perfectly reasonable query is absurd.

Please don't ask NHS staff to do anything unnecessarily extra during this time.

Just wait until you give birth, I mean seriously all this “he’s sentimental” if he’s that sentimental just wait!!

I seem to be in the minority these days never finding out the sex before the birth, you really don’t need to find out before.

unfortunately they may not be allowed to handle the paper to write it down. I know it sounds mad, but I'm having twice weekly scans and have previously been given a printed report each time. When I went a few days ago I didn't get a report and was told that this was a new guideline at my trust as a result of coronavirus

OP, I received an update from my trust today (King’s in London) and they’re now allowing partners to be FaceTimed during appointments, so you might find your trust has also issued some guidelines. I apologise for my previous response being a bit shirty on reflection - I think I found the reference to looking for a loophole a bit off-putting because it read to me like you were trying to find a way round the letter of the requirements that have been put in place to protect all of us, which I’m sure wasn’t your intention. Hopefully you will find the “no phones” position has been changed by the time you go for you scan.

Sorry, OP - but unless your hospital is willing to relax the usual rules on phone use then I don't think there is a way around the problem. You and your partner need to decide whether it is more important to you to be able to prepare for a baby of a particular sex, in which case you will have to find out alone, or to learn your baby's sex together, in which case you will have to wait until the birth.

The best way to find out together is when the baby is born!

Exactly. This is by far the easiest solution to what is a non-problem in the first place.

OP I feel sorry for you at how judgey people are being. It's an extremely difficult time for us pregnant mothers, unfortunately we don't get the privilege a lot of other people would have had. I had a private gender scan at 14 weeks to find out gender and my hospital allowed partner in at the scan at 20 weeks, but I can't imagine how hard it must be to go in alone especially as a first time mother when everything is so overwhelming. Hopefully you can find a way to still make it special together ❤️❤️