Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Trying to find a loophole - any sonographers on MN?

118 replies

Crackerscheesescabbyknees · 03/04/2020 14:34

I've got my 20 week scan next week.

My partner can't come for the obvious reasons.

If there's an opportunity to find out gender it's something that he wants to do. But he wants to do it together. He's very sentimental and he wants us both to find out at the same time.

There's no video to be taken or video calls to be had in the room and the sonogropher will not write down a gender.

So I was thinking I could ask for a crotch shot and then ask a different sonogropher to assess it and email us the gender.

Unless anyone has any other suggestions? :)

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

NChangeForNoReason · 04/04/2020 07:39

@mrssunshinexxx my SIL is 34w and has been told she can video the scan for her partner. She's based in cheshire.

mrssunshinexxx · 04/04/2020 07:44

@NChangeForNoReason that's brilliant for her but I'm very shocked due to the reasons my hospital gave I thought it would of been a general rule

stairgates · 04/04/2020 07:47

OP, did you have any guesses off of your 12-13 week scan, any nub guesses? I was hoping there would be a scan to guess from, there seems to he so few atm.

mamasiz · 04/04/2020 07:49

Oh come on. Your partner will realise in a few months time that his request was totally needless. He can find out when the baby is born, or you can tell him. I had my 20 week scan yesterday and went alone. My husband was fine with me telling him what we are having because he’s not a giant baby.

mrssunshinexxx · 04/04/2020 07:54

Is there honestly any need ? @mamasiz does it make you feel good coming in and leaving a comment like that ?!

mrssunshinexxx · 04/04/2020 07:54

Sick to death of people treating the dad as if they aren't important when in fact they should be involved exactly the same because you know .. it's their baby!!!!

Marieo · 04/04/2020 07:58

Sick to death of people treating the dad as if they aren't important when in fact they should be involved exactly the same because you know .. it's their baby!!!!

Yes it is, but we are in the middle of a global pandemic, services are rightly prioritising the health and welfare of ladies, their babies and staff. So unfortunately what man wants he doesn't get in this situation, if he cannot stand the thought of his partner being told at an anomaly scan and telling him straight after, then he can wait for the birth. And no, they shouldn't be treated exactly the same from a healthcare and appointment perspective as they aren't carrying the baby.

Gastonimo · 04/04/2020 08:00

I'm in a similar situation in a couple of weeks so I completely understand. I already have a DS who we didn't find out gender till birth, this time we want to know so we can clear out lots of boy clothes.
I don't understand why people are being so harsh! Couldn't read everyone's replies because they were too judgy. Isn't there a blood test you can get which tells you? I'm sure a lady at work had this and was emailed the gender.

eatanazurecrayon · 04/04/2020 08:05

Private places corruptly closed but hopefully reopen soon ... we did a sneakpeek test which takes about a week to give you the gender.

mrssunshinexxx · 04/04/2020 08:07

@Marieo but to come on and tell the op her husband is acting like a giant baby just isn't necessary full stop

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 04/04/2020 08:10

With DD2, DH was in Afghanistan pretty much the whole pregnancy (and the birth). I had to do a lot of stuff couples do together alone. After my 20 week scan, she (as in foetus DD2) 'wrote' him a letter telling him about it... Including the fact she had been too busy doing somersaults to let the sonographer see her sex.

Not knowing DD2 was definitely a girl (sonographer said there was a higher chance she was a girl, but couldn't confirm) didn't end up effecting our planning at all. I had already chosen a red elephant sleepsuit as the first outfit. I got some more yellow and blue stuff as we had received lots of pink for DD1 and it was rather monotonous. And then as she got older the brighter colour stuff was more fun anyway.

Marieo · 04/04/2020 08:13

@mrssunshinexxx meh he sort of is. It's lovely and understandable that he wants to be as involved as possible and share all of the experiences, but unfortunately for the safety of others that isn't possible at the moment. He needs to redirect his caring for his partner and his baby into thinking what is best, unfortunately that is following the rules that the hospital have set. They won't have done it lightly, they want to be as inclusive as possible, but the rules are there for a reason at the moment. So yes he kind of is by not accepting it and putting extra pressure on the OP to try and come up for a way for him to get what he wants.

BeMorePacific · 04/04/2020 08:18

Such unnecessarily rude responses.
Of course you want to find out together!
I know my trust won’t tell us, and currently all private scans aren’t available.
Apparently “window to the womb” is still open. So have a look at them if you have one nearby.
I hope you get the lovely reveal you both deserve x

CleanAndPaidFor · 04/04/2020 08:21

Hello OP- I totally understand why you wanted to make it special and it is a shame that under the circumstances your other half can't be there with you- but honestly you won't care about this one bit a year down the line. There are so many special times to come.

ElfAndSafety1 · 04/04/2020 09:10

My gosh I do hope none of you leaving nasty comments work in healthcare.
Kindness and compassion is so important to the role, especially at times like these when mental health is already taking a bashing.

Our trust will definitely write it on a piece of paper and write a comment in your notes to say they've done so and have explained this may not be 100% accurate. Takes less than a minute.

If they won't you could try and get a harmony test, they can tell the sex although depending where you live they cost circa. £400.

I hope you're well, OP and everything goes as smoothly as possible for you.

mamasiz · 04/04/2020 09:30

Not wishing to make this about me, but there are worse things happening during 20 week scans. Not being there to find out the sex of the baby is the least of those problems.

Original poster

Crackerscheesescabbyknees · 04/04/2020 09:38

@Marieo at what point have I suggested or said that my partner isn't respecting the rules or looking after the safety of everyone using the NHS services right now?

As far as I can see, I haven't at all. He's not being a cry baby, he's not throwing a tantrum and I am not trying to add any pressure to the NHS in any way, shape or form.

I will be buying scan pictures, as most people do when they have a scan. I am respectful of the rules that my trust have put in place in order to manage both infection control and data protection.

What I am asking here is what I can do to get around my partner and I not finding out together. Get off your pissing high horse and stop looking for a problem or a villain where there isn't one.

I understand everyone has an opinion but Jesus Christ, give it a full and proper read and actually understand what a person is saying before being an arsehat.

Yes the NHS is stretched atm, that's why I'm not troubling them with my desire. But I am at home doing pretty much sweet FA so I don't mind taking some time to find a solution to a minor problem.

For those saying I will be able to tell right away, I literally had the sonogropher point to my son's winky, years ago... I still had no idea what I was looking at 😂

OP posts:

BrutusMcDogface · 04/04/2020 09:41

God, how ridiculous.

CherryPavlova · 04/04/2020 09:46

A few private imaging places still open but most are closed and the rest will be told to close quite shortly. Probably next week certainly by week after.

Marieo · 04/04/2020 09:49

Haha I don't care enough about the situation to be on a high horse, I'm just bored like everyone else so replying to threads on a messageboard, it's just my opinion.

If there's an opportunity to find out gender it's something that he wants to do. But he wants to do it together. He's very sentimental and he wants us both to find out at the same time.

Why can't you just tell him afterwards? If he was accepting of that then you wouldn't be wasting time trying to figure out how to find out together via private sonographers or whatever.

Original poster

Crackerscheesescabbyknees · 04/04/2020 09:50

I really don't want to go for a private scan. We are talking social distancing seriously and won't be making an unnecessary trip for this.
We had an amazing private scan at 11 weeks and would 100% go back to them again in different circumstances.

OP posts:

DonutMuffin · 04/04/2020 09:53

This is the info given to women in Northern Ireland, seems silly there's one rule in place and another where you are, can understand if it's something more serious but I can't see the issue with FaceTime

Trying to find a loophole - any sonographers on MN?

Original poster

Crackerscheesescabbyknees · 04/04/2020 10:10

@Marieo bEcAuSe We WaNt To FiNd OuT ToGeThEr.

I don't know how much more clear I can be on this. It is something that we want to do.
I don't see it as a waste of time given that I have time to spare right now.

OP posts:

Original poster

Crackerscheesescabbyknees · 04/04/2020 10:13

@DonutMuffin I'm in Wales. My trust have been very clear that they will not allow any mobile phone use during the scan, or during any appointment due to data protection. There are many other people's information in the room and it becomes at risk if you are recording, this was explained to me during my 12 week scan.

It has since been reiterated on a second appointment letter that I have received, for updates due to covid19.

OP posts:

Isadora2007 · 04/04/2020 10:28

It’s really sad that they can’t be a little more flexible at this time and allow a small part of the scan to be videoed. There absolutely should NOT be anyone else’s information in that room accessible to you- that’s complete and utter bollocks. There is no reason that a standard procedure cannot be videoed by phone in this day and age. I agree that the start would not be idea and obviously any abnormality is being looked for- but then a portion of the scan could easily be videoed by the mum with no disruption to the procedure.
And why they won’t write down what they consider the baby’s gender to be is beyond me as well- they can write “it appears from the scan to be a boy however this is not 100% accurate” if they really want to cover their backs.
A little bit of give at this time especially would be good as so many pregnant women are missing out on a lot too and it doesn’t “take” anything from the NHS or the covid patients to do this for antenatal scans.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread