Trying to find a loophole - any sonographers on MN?

[Crackerscheesescabbyknees]

I've got my 20 week scan next week.

My partner can't come for the obvious reasons.

If there's an opportunity to find out gender it's something that he wants to do. But he wants to do it together. He's very sentimental and he wants us both to find out at the same time.

There's no video to be taken or video calls to be had in the room and the sonogropher will not write down a gender.

So I was thinking I could ask for a crotch shot and then ask a different sonogropher to assess it and email us the gender.

Unless anyone has any other suggestions? :)

The letter I've received from the hospital stated that the sonogropher will not write the gender down. I am assuming this is in case it's wrong.

I assumed that all private scans would be unavailable as they aren't essential.

Waiting until birth is the next plan, if we can't find a way around it. It would just be nice to be able to plan for a boy or girl.

Just to clarify, I'm not looking to get anything extra from the NHS here, guys. Just to keep this as special as it can be in difficult circumstances.

For the few saying that there's a lot about what my partner wants and that he needs to grow up:
It's his baby too, I'm getting all the movements and everything. I want him to be as included as possible. We are restricted by difficult times and, as I said previously, I want to keep it as special as possible.
He's a great and very caring partner, constantly putting me first. He's also a very excited first time dad.

For the people who have mentioned the medical report:
Thank you! I had no idea about this. I'll definitely ask if it's something they can do :).

I'm not hoping for anything extra, as I said. And I know the primary purpose of the scan is to find anomalies. If there's an opportunity to find out though, I would love to do it in a way that is inclusive for us both.

Thanks for your helpful replies :)

Unless I misread you say no video calls but would a regular phone call be allowed,? He could hear it that way and see pictures later.

All of my notes have listed twin A (xy) and twin B (xx). Not sure if this is normal practice but it might mention it on your scan report?

No use of mobile phones to be allowed, according to the letter.

Wait until the birth. Best feeling ever 😃

‘Crotch shot’ grim.

I would just tell him after the scan if he wants to know, it's not ideal, but otherwise wait until the birth.

Private scans def still available - some people in this country aren’t eligible for NHS

Plan for a girl or boy? How exactly does one do that then? This I have to hear. 🙄

That's good to know. We will consider booking in privately, though it really is non essential. Don't want to take any more risks than we have to.

@SuperSange generally buy cutesy little girl outfits and accessories for a girl and cutesy little boy outfits and accessories for a boy.

Because that is what we would like to do.

In our Trust we recently decided that we could write it on a slip of paper, so you could both look at it together later. We don't record sex in the notes, and absolutely would not provide a 'crotch' photo. We also wouldn't allow any videoing or calls during the scan. Every Trust has slightly different rules, so I am not sure what will be allowed when you have yours - just ask if they can help
I know that lots of people want to know the baby's sex and that it is a very exciting time, but please don't forget it is a medical scan with a serious purpose - to look for abnormalities. Filming etc is just too much of a distraction.

For clarification: when I say crotch shot, I just mean an angle that would make identification of gender possible.

Thank you for your reply @overwork. The trust has been very specific about what isn't allowed, and I know it's not a gender scan which is why I'm looking to get the gender identified afterwards, by someone else.

Have him on loudspeaker when she says it’s a boy or girl? Doesn’t need to be a video call

Does your DH not want to know if everything is well with the baby??
That's the purpose of the scan. It's sex is secondary. Just buy gender neutral clothes OP.

Priorities....

Would they be able to text you their 'thought' on the gender later in the day when you are home? Or email?

This has to be a joke? You really think an NHS sonographer has time to go and bring up a patients file, recall baby’s sex (out of all the scans they did that day) find their number or email and send them “I think it’s a boy/girl”?

Really? On which planet?

@sleepyquest agreed

As someone that was told the wrong sex, you are best buying neutral clothing and sex specific after birth

I would either wait till birth or not find out at 20 week and then book a private one together when they open again.

Has the hospital given recent guidance that they won't write it down etc? I went in for a growth scan recently and obviously had to go alone. The machine where you pay for your photos was out of use for infection control purposes so they were giving every one two free photos.

They may be very busy if there short staffed, so don't get your hopes up, but you can always ask them to write it down. I found all the staff at my antenatal clinic to be as lovely and friendly as usual despite the pressures they're likely working under.

@OurChristmasMiracle There's absolutely no phone to be used during the examination.

@Soontobe60 he absolutely cares about the fact he's not going to be there to hear about any potential issues with the baby. But that's a lot of information that we absolutely can't get around me being told first hand.
Gender is a trivial fun bit that we may or may not have been lucky enough to find out together.

@Mynotsoperfectlittlefamily ooh that's unfortunate. I would always see it as a potential rather than a confirmation. I was sure my DS7 was going to come out a girl, even after the gender scan. But it just made shopping a little more fun than white white beige beige.

@mynameisntlouise yeah we have had a letter outlining what isn't allowed at the scan. And it's all understandable.

Ultimately if the baby is okay, everything is okay. But it would just be nice to know.

If you see a crotch shot at the scan I'm pretty sure you will know the sex

People are bit judgey on this thread, the OP just asked for advice if there was any way to easily do what she wanted. She didn't march into the hospital and demand it. I think its nice she and her husband would like to find out together.