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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Trying to find a loophole - any sonographers on MN?

118 replies

Crackerscheesescabbyknees · 03/04/2020 14:34

I've got my 20 week scan next week.

My partner can't come for the obvious reasons.

If there's an opportunity to find out gender it's something that he wants to do. But he wants to do it together. He's very sentimental and he wants us both to find out at the same time.

There's no video to be taken or video calls to be had in the room and the sonogropher will not write down a gender.

So I was thinking I could ask for a crotch shot and then ask a different sonogropher to assess it and email us the gender.

Unless anyone has any other suggestions? :)

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Laurabry · 03/04/2020 17:25

Wow people are so harsh now adays. Leave this girl alone all. She was asking for advice not backlash! Don't you think there's enough going on at the moment than people hating on each other. OP.. if it's any consolation I had my 20 week scan last week and my husband wasn't allowed in (obvs) the sonographer offered to write it down due to the circumstances ... I didn't even have to ask. I was very grateful and said that would be amazing.. we even had our scan pictures for free so I popped some money in charity box instead. Hopefully you'll be able to find out together as I feel it's so important for dads to be involved too. Good luck and let us know how you get on! X

Shmabel · 03/04/2020 17:52

I haven't read it all @Crackerscheesescabbyknees. I got too annoyed at the posts biting your head off for asking a simple question. Some people are arseholes atm, but you'd expect better on the 'pregnancy' thread.

I think the sonographer will check that area anyway and you could ask for that to be one of the photos they take (as presumably you'll be having photos like everyone else anyway - this really isn't extra work to do). Then you could have someone knowledgable look at it for you. Alternatively, like others have said, you may be able to go private.

I had mine a few weeks ago and didn't need to be told. I was fortunate that my partner was there but as soon I saw it I said, "it's a boy," and the sonographer confirmed, so you might know before him anyway.

I think it's perfectly normal that you and your partner want this special moment together. I think the people who need to grow up are those judging and spreading undeserved misery for no good reason! It's sad enough that you aren't able to have the scan together. Is it the most important thing in the world right now? No, but you're still allowed to want a little joy.

Hope you find a decent work-around

Shmabel · 03/04/2020 17:55

Also, as @Laurabry said, worth asking for it to be written down. My sonographer was so lovely and unless they've been told they absolutely can't, they probably will

MrsRose2018 · 03/04/2020 18:17

Cracking when self righteous bitchy women tell you and your husband to “grow up” isn’t it!

Let me know when a poster calls you or DH and “Div” or “impaired” and then you can join my club!

A) private scan - pall mall medical job manchester do them for 130. I’d resist going for ultrasound direct as you can’t guarantee the footfall but may also be an option
B) ask again for the to write it down
C) not a bad shout about the potty shot. If you go down that route post it to Instagram as well. You wouldn’t believe the community on there

mrssunshinexxx · 03/04/2020 19:21

Hey op it's rubbish that your partner can't come to the scan and enjoy it with you but I do think if you get a pic of potty shot you will see straight away if it's a boy or a girl x

Original poster

Crackerscheesescabbyknees · 03/04/2020 19:21

Thank you @LH1987, @Laurabry, @Shmabel and @MrsRose2018 for not being dicks. Also, anyone else who's said something kind or helpful :)

OP posts:

Pentium85 · 03/04/2020 19:25

Jesus OP, quite harsh replies on here.

You might find that whilst it says whatever on paper, your sonography may still write it down.

Alternatively, I don't see any reason why a private scan wouldn't be an option. I had them and they were MUCH MUCH better than NHS

Secondsop · 03/04/2020 19:41

I went for my anomaly scan recently, on my own as my husband was looking after our other children. When I got to the hospital I had to stand back at reception and confirm I had no coronavirus symptoms. There was hand sanitiser at every turn. The midwife appointment I had before it in a specialist clinic was conducted by newly-redeployed doctors who were learning the electronic system as they went along because the usual midwives were on self-isolation. During my scan itself the sonographer received 2 messages from a colleague about aspects of the examination that were no longer being offered because of the need to keep appointments shorter owing to the strain on NHS services. With that being the environment, you might find that any medically-unnecessary request goes out of your head completely as you focus on keeping yourself and the staff safe, or that it feels inappropriate to ask, or that it isn’t well-received if you do. I’m really not trying to spook you, but please read the room when you get in there.

London91 · 03/04/2020 20:57

@Crackerscheesescabbyknees I know private scans aren't essential but they are taking extra precautions at the place I go to. Asking that it is limited to one additional person and no more (you can usually have up to something like 8 guests) and you're asked to attend just before your appointment.

Johnson10 · 03/04/2020 21:38

Some pretty harsh comments on here!
I work as front line NHS myself, yes it’s stretched & bigger issues going on but bloody hell, she only asked how she could make the gender reveal special with her husband. I think under the current circumstances the excitement has been taken out of a lot aspects of pregnancy. I was fortunate my partner was at all my scans. It’s nice to have dads involved ...
I can’t see why they can’t write it down for you so could open it together! I hope you manage to make as special as it can be!

FirstTimeBumps · 03/04/2020 21:56

Oh my. There's absolutely no need for some of the self righteousness in this thread. I'm sure being on MN you've all at some point in the past or at present been pregnant and hormonal. I know if people had gone off on one like that to me I'd feel pretty rubbish, gutted, and close to tears being torn apart. You should be ashamed and check how you treat other people before looking down your perfect noses at others!

OP, all you can do is ask. You may get lucky and the sonographer agrees. Alternatively, and this is a bit sneaky, but if that's not a possibility could you find out, and then write in funny handwriting on a piece of paper to humour your husband (you'd have to take the secret to the grave with you mind). Alternatively an additional scan as others have said is a possibility or failing all that you could wait until the birth. With #1 I wanted to find out and assumed my OH would too but he didn't. He told me to find out if I wanted but not tell him, but I wanted to do it together so I went along with the suprise option and honestly I thought the suspense would kill me but once past the saying no at the scan I didn't really give it much more thought.

Hope you figure something out either way

Thekindyoufindinasecondhand · 03/04/2020 22:09

Haha wow you've taken a hammering here. Read the first few comments then gave up with the nastiness so forgive me if it's already been said. I had my 20 week scan last week and yes you're right absolutely no phones allowed at all. We had previously found the gender at a private clinic as like you my husband wanted to find out together (which is absolutely NORMAL!!)
So you could either book a private scan or my sonographer noted down the sex of baby anyway so you could do it that way and just say don't tell me OR you could just find out alone and think of a really great way to surprise him!!
It is so exciting, enjoy! Hope scan goes well

squee123 · 03/04/2020 23:20

are you sure all aspects of the letter have been updated for current circumstances? I only ask because at my trust it's normally absolutely no phones but they're currently chilled about video calls for scans because partners can't be there in person. None of this is in the letter though I only know because my sonographer asked if I wanted to dial my husband in

womanfromvenus · 03/04/2020 23:34

I’d definitely consider waiting until the birth if there’s no way to find out together beforehand. I never had an issue with shopping for ‘unisex’ clothes- mainly lots of bright and multi-coloured bits and pieces on top of the usual greys, whites, yellow. Atm shops are shut anyway so you could save a proper shopping trip for after the baby is born?
I also found the anticipation that little bit more exciting and it was such a lovely moment at the birth to look and see what our a baby was... so just maybe try and put a positive spin on the good things about not finding out if the option isn’t there for you.

JoExotic · 03/04/2020 23:41

What trust are you at squee123?

Shmabel · 04/04/2020 00:04

Alternatively, and this is a bit sneaky, but if that's not a possibility could you find out, and then write in funny handwriting on a piece of paper to humour your husband

Haha, I must admit, this thought crossed my devious mind! But ultimately I wouldn't. It's not special if you have to pretend. Always good to have a back up though!

kittykat7210 · 04/04/2020 00:53

Get them to take a potty shot without telling you, 9/10 it’s obvious if you’re looking at a boy or a girl, but if you struggle or want more confirmation there are several Facebook groups that have sonographers on them (they’re normally admin) and will be able to confirm what you’re looking at!

packetandtripe · 04/04/2020 01:44

does it really matter who tells who? You find out and ring him straightaway, so you will know 5 minutes longer than he does, why is that such a problem?

WomanIsTaken · 04/04/2020 02:08

Congratulations, OP!
If all else fails, may I take this opportunity to reassure you that finding out the baby's sex (can we stop 'gendering' babies, everyone) at birth is also absolutely magical We debated long and hard about this with DC1 and are both so glad we waited until birth to find out. It probably sounds corny, but it felt brilliantly old school and 'as nature intended', like we hadn't peeked at our present before Christmas Day, kind of thing. Subsequent DC's sex also 'revealed' at birth.

starfishmummy · 04/04/2020 02:21

a crotch shot

MamaMama20 · 04/04/2020 05:42

Wow! What a bunch of bitches there are on MN.. and this was supposed to be a place to get friendly advice.

She's come on here asking for advice and she is getting abuse for it... being told her partner needs to 'grow up' are you for real!? Its his baby too, I can understand that he is going to be upset about the fact he cant be there at the same time to find out the sex of HIS child. My husband would have been devastated.

The only advice I can offer you OP is when all this blows over which will hopefully be not to long 🤞 to book in for a private gender scan unless there are any open in your area.
Good luck!

packetandtripe · 04/04/2020 05:53

The only advice I can offer you OP (original post/poster) is when all this blows over which will hopefully be not to long 🤞 to book in for a private gender scan unless there are any open in your area.

on what planet do you think this will be over in time for op to have a private gender scan, So it is not ideal for a first time father to not have that experience, he does need to accept that of if it matter so much, keep the surprise for birth.

NChangeForNoReason · 04/04/2020 06:47

They may relax the rules on mobile phones as partners aren't allowed.

ChipsAreLife · 04/04/2020 07:28

Just ask when you get there? There's too many variables.

If there's no way around it get a private scan and find out the sex there.

Just to say where I am our maternity services are really stretched and the staff are overwhelmed so they may think it's trivial and not care.

mrssunshinexxx · 04/04/2020 07:36

@NChangeForNoReason sadly they won't there's various reasons they don't allow that that won't change x

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